-Delile
- 1. Umama wakho ufuna ukuba umngane wakho omkhulu
- 2. Yonke ingxoxo iphetha ngokuzizwa uthukuthele noma unecala
- 3. Uyabona ukuthi uhlale uxolisa
- 4. Uhlala egxeka konke okwenzayo
- 5. Impumelelo yakho ayimjabulisi neze
- Amaphuzu ebhonasi
Ubuthi buyacindezela kungakhathalekile ukuthi buqhamuka kubani. Akukubambeli nje kuphela kepha futhi kulimaza ubudlelwane, ikakhulukazi uma buvela kubazali. Ukuba nomama noma ubaba onobuthi kungonakalisa impilo yakho futhi kunganciphisa ukuzethemba kwakho.
Kodwa-ke, ababaningi abantu ababona ukuthi banabazali abanobuthi. Komama abanobuthi, ubuthi bungaba ngenxa yokushiyeka kwabo noma ngenxa yenkinga yezempilo yengqondo njengokuphazamiseka kobuntu kwe-narcissistic noma kwemingcele.
Kwezinye izimo, lobu buthi bungadalwa nawukungavuthwa kukamama okuholela esimweni lapho ingane ivuthwe kakhulu futhi ikhathazwa ukuthambekela kukamama kobuntwana.
Ngokuvumelana neURacine R. Henry, Ph.D., Lesi simo lapho ingane ivuthwe kakhulu kunomzali okuholela ebudlelwaneni obunobuthi sichazwa kangcono kakhulu ngokuthi “ukukhulisa umzali” kwengane.
Ubuthi bungena lapho ingane ebikade idlala imisebenzi engokomzimba / engokomzwelo / engokwengqondo ebingalindeleka kumzali, ngokuzumayo iyakhathala ngabo bese ishiya izindima.
Ukungqubuzana bese kuvela lapho umzali engathandi ukushintsha futhi athathe indawo yabo yemvelo ebudlelwaneni.
Uma usola ukuthi umama wakho unobuthi, ngezansi ezinye zezimpawu ezishaqisayo ongafuna ukuzibheka nokuthi yini okufanele uyenze uma kwenzeka kuba yiqiniso.
1. Umama wakho ufuna ukuba umngane wakho omkhulu
Ungakuqondi lokhu ebusweni. Uma uke wabuka Asho Amantombazane ngu-Amy Poehler, khona-ke kufanele ukuthi ubonile umlingiswa "womama opholile". Leso yisibonelo sakudala somama onobuthi.
Ngokuqinisekile kuzwakala kumnandi futhi kuqabula ukuba nomama onothando ekhaya futhi kwanelise ngokwengeziwe uma ekwazi ukuba umngane wakho omkhulu. Kodwa-ke, lokhu kushukumiseka futhi kungadala isimo esingenampilo uma kuthathwe kude kakhulu.
Izikhathi eziningi laba 'mama abapholile' bazophendukela ezinganeni zabo njengoba kungenza umngani onobuthi.
Lokhu bakwenza ngokwakha ukuncintisana nezingane zabo ngokungadingekile nangokuzibandakanya kukho konke okuzokona ukuzethemba kwabo.
Ifulegi elibomvu kule nto 'yomama opholile' kufanele lisuswe lapho uhlala uzizwa uncintisana nomama wakho esikhundleni sothando nokusekelwa. Ngokusho kukaDebbie Mandel, umbhali nongoti kwezokulawulwa kwengcindezi, into enhle kakhulu ongayenza kuleli cala ukudala ibanga phakathi kwenu nobabili futhi nibeke imingcele.
2. Yonke ingxoxo iphetha ngokuzizwa uthukuthele noma unecala
Yonke ingane ingathanda ukuthi ibe nabazali engaphendukela kubo lapho ishaya phansi noma izizwe iphansi futhi iphumile. Omama abanobuthi abaqondi nje lo mqondo olula.
Bahlale behlose ukuguqula yonke ingxoxo nenkinga ukuthi ibe mayelana nabo, benze izingane zabo zigcine zizizwa zithukuthele, zinecala noma zingabonakali.
Omama abanobuthi ngeke bakuvumele ukuthi uthinte okungahambanga kahle, bahlala bekuguqula bakwenze ube mubi ekugcineni kwakho.
Ngemuva kwalokho, ugcina ngokukhungatheka okukhulu. Futhi uma kunjalo, kunempilo kuwe ukuguqula izinto bese uthola umuntu ongathembela kuye lapho uzizwa uphansi, njengomngane omkhulu, umelaphi noma umlingani ongeke aphendule yonke into ngaye akushiye uzizwa ubi kakhulu .
3. Uyabona ukuthi uhlale uxolisa
Ukwehluleka ukuxolisa mhlawumbe yindlela ephezulu kakhulu yokungavuthwa. Uma ubona umkhuba ukuphoqa ukuba uhlale uxolisa njalo lapho kukhona okungahambi kahle phakathi kwakho nomama wakho, lapho-ke kufanele ubheke lokhu njengefulegi elibomvu.
Abantu abanobuthi bahlala bekuthola kunzima ukuthatha umthwalo futhi bathwale imiphumela yezinqumo zabo kanye nokuziphatha.
Uma kunjalo ngomama wakho, kungenzeka ukuthi unobuthi. Ngakho-ke, kuwukuhlakanipha ukuthola ibanga phakathi kwenu nobabili kuze kuphole izinto noma nini lapho kunokungavumelani lapho angakwazi khona ukubona isidingo sakho sokuxolisa.
4. Uhlala egxeka konke okwenzayo
Ukugxekwa kubonakala kungukuphela kwento umama onobuthi (noma abazali abanobuthi ngokujwayelekile) ayaziyo. Omama abanobuthi bazohlukanisa yonke into encane ngengane yabo esikhulile bangaboni imiphumela emibi.
Uma usola ukuthi unomama onobuthi, uzobona ukuthi awukwazi ukwenza lutho kahle ngokusho kwakhe. Leli yicala lakudala lokuthi alwe nokungavuthwa.
Indlela engcono kakhulu yokuphuma noma ngabe kunzima kanjani kungenzeka ukuthi ungayinaki imibono yakhe ehlabayo bese uzama ukuthola ukuqinisekiswa nezeluleko kweminye imithombo ongayifinyelela.
5. Impumelelo yakho ayimjabulisi neze
Kujwayelekile futhi kuvame kakhulu lapho abazali bekuthola kunzima ekugcineni ukuqonda ukuthi izingane zabo sezikhulile futhi seziziqalele.
Kodwa-ke, kuyishwa ukuthi abanye abazali, ikakhulukazi umama ongavuthiwe, bazozama ukukuvimba empumelelweni.
Abafuni uphumelele uwedwa. Lokhu bakuhumusha njengokungasamdingi.
Amaphuzu ebhonasi
Umama onobuthi uzokhombisa nezimpawu ezinjengalezi:
- Ukuba nengxoxo enengqondo naye isitimela angeke nje asigibele noma nini maduzane
- Akasoze asekela ubudlelwano bakho njengamanje. Uqhubeka eshayela igebe phakathi kwakho nabathandekayo bakho. Akalona uhlobo lokukuphika lokho; ngeke nje akuvumele ukuthi ujabule nanoma ubani
- Uyakhohlisa, uzama ukukuzuza noma abe nendlela yakhe yokudala uzwela lwakho ngaso sonke isikhathi
- Uhlala ekujabhisa ngisho nangezinto ezincane kakhulu noma ezingenangqondo
- Ukuhudula ngokungapheli ukulungisa zonke izinkinga zakhe futhi ukusola lapho izinto zingahambi kahle
- Uzimisele ngokulawula wena nezingane zakini futhi ufuna ukuguqula izingane zakini, ngakho-ke akashiywanga ngaphandle futhi uzizwa edingeka ngaso sonke isikhathi
Kuzo zonke izizathu zokuthi kungani umama angaxazulula ukuba yingozi- kungaba ngenxa yokungavuthwa, izingqinamba ezingaxazululiwe zesikhathi esedlule noma ngenxa yokuphazamiseka kobuntu, ubuthi akufanele bube nendawo emndenini. Futhi akunandaba ukuthi kunzima kangakanani ukubhekana nakho, kuzodingeka ube nemingcele ethile yokukuvikela futhi usebenze ekukhuleni kwakho. Kungakhuthaza umama wakho ukuthi ashintshe.