-Delile
- 1. Banokuzethemba okuphansi
- 2. Abazi ukuthi banani
- 3. Ukuphela kothando kwenza kube lula ukuduka
- Kukhona ukuhluleka ukuxhumana
- 5. Wayengakulungele ukushada
- Azisekho izaba
Q: Kungani ukuthi amadoda akhohlise omkawo ngemuva kweminyaka yobungani obunothando?
A: Bangamajezi.
Njengoba singathanda ukuqeda i-athikili lapha futhi senze njengaleso sizathu kuphela esikhona kithi, sonke siyazi ukuthi kunenkinga kakhulu kunalokho. Uma indoda ikopela, impela yenze okuthile okungalungile futhi akukho sizathu salokho. Kepha nakanjani kuningi okufanele kuxoxwe ngakho ngesihloko. Kunezendlalelo eziningi ongazicubungula futhi uzicabangele ngaphambi kokugxumela empendulweni elula kakhulu yokuthi “amadoda ayizidwaba.”
1. Banokuzethemba okuphansi
Lokhu kungabonakala njengokuphikisana. Uma othile enokuzethemba okuphansi, akunangqondo ukuthi ngabe uzobe esondela futhi axhumane nabesifazane abangahleliwe, akunjalo? Kepha yileli engela elilodwa kuphela ukubheka le nkinga yokuzethemba.
Ukuzinyeza kwabo kungabenza bazizwe bengaphansi komlingani wabo womshado. Bangabheka omkabo bese becabanga, “Ngilahlekelwe kakhulu, angikwazi nokwenza unkosikazi wami alale nami.” Lokhu kuvunguza kwemicabango emibi kungaholela ekutheni baphume bayobheka ukuthi ngabe “basakutholile” yini. Bangafuna ukunakwa kwabanye besifazane ukuzama ukuzenza bazizwe bengcono ngokushoda kothando ekhaya.
2. Abazi ukuthi banani
Ngemuva kweminyaka yobudlelwano, umfana angakhohlwa kalula lokho anakho ekhaya. Wayeqonda kahle ukuthi umkakhe uyathandeka, uhlakaniphile, futhi uyahlekisa, kepha isikhathi esidlulile sithambekele ekukhanyeni okwakungaphezulu phezulu kwengqondo yakhe.
Lapho owesifazane omusha eqashwa emsebenzini noma uma kungena umakhelwane omusha omuhle, ubusha bokuba khona kwakhe kungamenza akhumbule ukuthi kungani umkakhe emuhle kangaka. Ngaphambi kokuthi wazi, kungenzeka ukuthi uconsa amathe kumuntu omusha ngenkathi umkakhe kusengowokungqongqoza owashada naye.
Lapho eza ku-― ukuthi uyaphuma noma cha ― futhi akhumbule ukuthi kungani umkakhe emkhulu kangaka kwasekuqaleni, uzozizwa kubi. Kepha kungahle kube sekwephuzile kwabanye, njengoba bebona ukuthi umshado wabo wawumuhle kanjani kwasekuqaleni.
3. Ukuphela kothando kwenza kube lula ukuduka
Isikhathi esithe xaxa lapho usebudlelwaneni obuzibophezele, kufanele ube nezinto eziningi ngokwengeziwe ngokuzigcina ziqinile futhi ziphila. Enye yezinto evame ukuncipha wuthando, olungaholela ezinkingeni eziningi emendweni wokuphila oshadile marriage kubandakanya ukukopela.
Lapho umlilo ovuthayo owake wabhonga wehla uye kulokoza nje, abafana bangaqala ukufuna kwenye indawo lolo hlobo lokuxhumana. Into mayelana nothando ukuthi ingatholakala kalula. Izikhathi zobusuku obubodwa futhi izindaba zinganikeza umuntu isilinganiso asilangazelele ngenxa yokuthi sisha, sisha futhi ekugcineni siyingozi kangakanani. Uma izinto ekhaya zisemadwaleni, kuzokwenza kube lula kakhulu ukuthethelela ukulingwa. Inhliziyo yakhe izogijima futhi ngaphambi kokuthi azi, uzolahleka ngomzuzu ozoholela ekuchithekeni komshado wakhe.
Kukhona ukuhluleka ukuxhumana
Ukuba nobudlelwano bokufeza isikhala esivulekile sokushisekela isikhala esisodwa kuphela esingadinga ukugcwaliswa. Kanye nesinqumo esenziwe ngothando sokukhohlisa, indoda ingahle ikhohlise ngoba kukhona ukuphazamiseka kokuxhumana phakathi kwakhe nomkakhe.
Angazizwa engafunwa.
Angazizwa engadingeki.
Angazizwa sengathi akezwakala.
Ngalokho kusho, lokhu akumniki ithuba lokuthola owesifazane omuhle olandelayo ambonayo bese emyisa ehhotela eliseduze. Ukuxhumana kuyizindlela ezimbili. Uma ezwa sengathi akalalelwa, udinga ukukhuluma ngakho. Uma ezwa sengathi izidingo zakhe azifezeki, udinga ukuveza lowo mbono.
Ukuvumela ukungabikho kokuxhumana kwi-snowball endaweni lapho ukukopela kungumphumela wephutha lakhe njengoba nje kungokwomkakhe.
5. Wayengakulungele ukushada
Abafana abaningi babona umshado nje elinye izinga lobudlelwano.
"Sithandane iminyaka embalwa, sihlale ndawonye isikhathi esiyizinyanga eziyi-9, ngicabanga ukuthi sekuyisikhathi sokuthi sizibophezele ndawonye impilo yonke ..."
Yize kungukuqhubeka kobudlelwano obuzibophezele, umshado ubhalisela i- impilo yonke lokuba nomlingani wakho. Kuningi okufanele ucabange ngakho futhi ucabangele, futhi akukho lutho okufanele usheshe ungene kulo.
Abanye abafana kungenzeka ukuthi basebancane kakhulu lapho bethatha isinqumo sokubopha ifindo. Ushintsha kakhulu kuma-20s akho nama-30s ukuthi kube yisikhathi nje ngaphambi kokuthi kube nebanga elithile elenziwe phakathi kwakho nomkakho.
Abanye abantu kungenzeka bangaboni ukuthi babhalisela “Ngizolala nalo muntu oyedwa ngize ngife.” Ngiqonde ukuthi, akuzona izidlova, ngomqondo othile bakuthola lokho. Kepha kungenzeka bangazi ukuthi kuyiqiniso kangakanani kuze kube sekugcineni emshadweni.
Abanye besilisa bebengasho nje ukuthi “Ngiyakwenza” ngaphambi kokuba benze njalo. Uma kunjalo, isikhathi lapho yena nomakoti wakhe bemenyezelwa njengendoda nomfazi, kusethwe ibhomu lesikhathi sokuthikha futhi kuyisikhathi nje ngaphambi kwalowo obengekho ngempela ukulungele ukuhlangana kubonisa.
Azisekho izaba
Lo mbhalo awulona uhlu lwezizathu amadoda angazisebenzisa ukuthethelela ukuphinga kwazo; kumane nje kuyizibonelo zalokho okungadala ukuthi amadoda enze izinto eziwubuphukuphuku.
Abesilisa bayakopela. Abesifazane bayakopela. Akekho omsulwa. Kepha uma abantu ababili benquma ukuyikhipha isikhathi eside, kufanele bazi ukuthi babhaliselani.
Sebenzisa lolu hlu njengezimpawu ezikhombisa ukuthi ungasebenzela ebudlelwaneni bakho. Uma kunokuntuleka kothando, khanyisa umlilo. Uma kunokuntuleka kokuxhumana, hlala phansi ukhulume. Sebenzisa lolu lwazi njengesiteleka sokuzilungiselela esingahle siholele ekutheni umuntu akhohlise omunye.
Ungakudlula.