-Delile
- UDennis Paget
- UMarc Sadoff - MSW, BCD
- U-Angela Skurtu, M.Ed., LMFT
- UDkt Deb Hirschhorn, Ph.D.
- UDkt Rae Mazzei, Psy.D., CADC, BCB.
- UJustin Tobin, uLCSW
- UMoushumi Ghose, MFT
- I-Agnes Oh, PsyD, LMFT
- ULyndsey Fraser, MA, LMFT, CST
- URoseann Adams, uLCSW
- UFarah Hussain Baig, LCSW
- U-Edward Riddick-CAMS-2, MDD., MA, ThM
Gcina Umshado Wakho Esehlukanisweni
Izinga lezehlukaniso likhuphuka kakhulu e-United States of America. Njengamanje, cishe imishado engamaphesenti angama-40 kuye kwangama-50 lapho iphela ngesehlukaniso.
Isikhungo somshado sesifikile onqenqemeni oluyingozi lapho kuphela uhhafu wemishado isiyonke esinda impilo yabo yonke, futhi yonke eminye icindezelwa endleleni yesehlukaniso.
Kunezizathu eziningi zokuthi kungani amanani edivosi ekhuphuka. Esinye sezizathu ezibalulekile zokungakugwema isehlukaniso ukuthi abantu abayifaki imizamo eyenele yokulungisa imishado yabo echitheke kancane.
Isehlukaniso asiseyona inkinga, futhi imishado ehlulekayo ayisabhekani nanoma yiluphi uhlobo lwezingcindezi zenhlalo noma usongo lokuhlukaniswa. Yize lokhu kuyisinyathelo esihle kakhulu emphakathini, sekwenze isehlukaniso saba yinto ejwayelekile kakhulu.
Iningi labantu likuthola kulula ukuthola isehlukaniso futhi kulula kakhulu kunokulungisa umshado nokuzama ukuvimbela isehlukaniso ngokuxazulula izinkinga zabo zobudlelwano.
Lapho abantu bengena ebudlelwaneni, ikakhulukazi emshadweni, batshala isikhathi sabo esiningi, amandla nemizwa kubo.
Eminyakeni edlule, bonke ubudlelwano budlula ezikhathini ezinzima futhi budale ubuhlungu nokulimaza abantu abathintekayo. Kepha kuwukuhlakanipha yini ukudedela ubudlelwano ngokuphelele ngenxa yalokho?
Akunjalo neze! Isikhathi siyadlula, futhi ngalokho, bonke ubunzima nabo buyanyamalala, kepha kunjalo kubalulekile ukuvikela umshado wakho Ngaleso sikhathi.
Ukungalungisi umshado noma ukumisa isehlukaniso sakho kuyisixazululo sokungezwani okukhulu phakathi kwabalingani, hhayi ngemizabalazo yobudlelwano besikhashana.
Uma uthola izikhathi ezinzima nezinkinga zomshado ezicindezela ubuhlobo bakho emaphethelweni, nazi izeluleko zokusiza emshadweni ukugwema isehlukaniso nokuthi ungawulungisa kanjani umshado ochithekile.
Buka futhi:
Kulesi sihloko, ochwepheshe be-12 bezobudlelwano baphakamisa izindlela ezinhle kakhulu zokuthi ungamisa kanjani isehlukaniso noma ukuthi ungasinqanda kanjani isehlukaniso nokuthi ungawusindisa kanjani umshado wakho:
1) Ungagxili ekuhlukaniseni ngaphandle kokwenza umsebenzi womshado wakho kuqala Tweet lokhu
UDennis Paget
Umeluleki Wezokwelapha Obhalisiwe
Thatha umthwalo wemfanelo ngendlela oziphatha ngayo emshadweni wakho. Ngabe usebenzisa ochwepheshe bezobudlelwano futhi usebenzise izeluleko zabo?
Ngabe unakekela ikhaya futhi uxhuma nomlingani wakho ushiya futhi ungena ebudlelwaneni? Ingabe uzinika isikhathi sokuxoxa? Ingabe uzinika isikhathi sokusondelana?
Ngabe uzijabulisa nomlingani wakho? Ingabe udala indawo yomuntu ngamunye nobuhlobo ukuze uthando lukhule?
Kuze kube wenze umsebenzi onzima wokuzindla kwangaphakathi nokwakha umshado omusha, akusona isikhathi, futhi kufanele umise isehlukaniso sakho.
2) Landela imigomo eyi-7 ukuxazulula izingxabano nokuvimbela isehlukaniso: Tweet lokhu
UMarc Sadoff - MSW, BCD
Udokotela wezifo zengqondo
- Thatha isikhathi ukuphuma futhi ubuye kungakapheli ihora
- Iba ngowokuqala ukuthi, “Ngiyaxolisa.”
- ‘Amagama akho okuqala’ achaza okushilo noma okwenzile okwenza ukuthi kube kubi kakhulu
- Funa kuqala ukuqonda umlingani wakho, ngaphambi kokuzifunela ukuqonda
- Gxila ekubhekeleni ububele, kunokulungisa
- Funa usizo uma ungakwazi ukulawula imizwa noma indlela oziphatha ngayo
- Khumbula njalo ukuthi uyamthanda umlingani wakho
3) Cabanga, ngabe wenze konke ukusindisa umshado wakho? Tweet lokhu
U-Angela Skurtu, M.Ed., LMFT
Umelaphi Onelayisense Womshado Nomndeni
Enye indlela yokulondoloza ubuhlobo nokugcina umshado esehlukanisweni: Ngabe ubona sengathi wenze konke okusemandleni ukusindisa lo mshado? Uma kungenjalo, khona-ke kufanele uye ekwelulekeni bese ubona.
Imishado eminingi iphela nje yingoba abantu bebengazi ukuthi bangenzani ukulungisa isimo. Akekho onazo zonke izimpendulo. Kungaba usizo ukukhuluma neqembu langaphandle elizama nje ukusiza.
Uma lokho kushiwo, empeleni, abantu bebengathanda funa ukwelulekwa ngokwengqondo isikhathi eside ngaphambi kokucabanga ngesehlukaniso.
Lolu hlobo lwezokwelapha lunzima ngendlela eyisimanga, futhi kungaba nzima kakhulu ukuthi imibhangqwana isebenze ngezinhlobo zentukuthelo eza nokucabanga ngesehlukaniso.
Ngingathanda ukubona abantu kusenesikhathi ukuze ngibasize bathuthukise isimo.
4) Yiba sengozini, khuluma ngokusuka enhliziyweni Tweet lokhu
UDkt Deb Hirschhorn, Ph.D.
Umuthi Wezokwelapha Nomshado
Lapho ubudlelwano buphola, sizizwa sengozini ngoba asisakwazi "ukwazi" lo omunye umuntu; ngamunye wethu ucashile ngemuva kokuzivikela.
Kepha lapho sizizwa sisengozini ngokwengeziwe, kulapho sihlehla khona ngokwengeziwe ngokomzwelo - okuqeda ubudlelwano phambili.
Ukwazi ukuthi ungawonga kanjani umshado onqenqemeni lwehlukaniso, kufanele siyeke ukuhlasela njengendlela yokuzivikela futhi sizithande ngokwanele ukuthi sikulungele ukuba sengozini, okungukuthi, sibe ngokoqobo komunye nomunye.
Ukukhuluma ngokusuka enhliziyweni kungavula kabusha umnyango kwehle izivikelo.
5) Ngezikhathi zezingxabano, khumbula ukuthi yini ekuhlanganisile Tweet lokhu
UDkt Rae Mazzei, Psy.D., CADC, BCB.
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emtholampilo
Ngaphambi kokwenza isinqumo sesehlukaniso, imibhangqwana iyakhuthazwa ukuthi icabange ukuthi kungani yaqala ukuzibophezela komunye nomunye.
Enye yezindlela zokusindisa umshado esahlukanisweni uku-recall imizwa ebikulethe ndawonye.
Cabanga ngomuntu omuhle obukade umthanda futhi umthanda ekuqaleni. Uma ungaqala ukuthola imizwa emihle nezinkumbulo obukade unazo kumlingani wakho, uzoba nethuba lokubuyekeza isinqumo sakho sokuhlukanisa.
6) Khumbula izinkumbulo ezinhle Tweet lokhu
UJustin Tobin, uLCSW
Udokotela
Ungawusindisa kanjani umshado wakho esehlukanisweni? Dala kabusha ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo nomlingani wakho ngokubonisa usuku lwakho lomshado.
Phinda uhlole izifungo zakho, khuluma nokusekelwa okuzwile kulabo abakhona, kanye namagama othando (nezingxenye ezihlazisayo) zezinkulumo nazo zonke izingxenye eziphakathi.
Futhi ungashiyi izinkumbulo njengalapho umalume wakho uBob ekhombisa ngemidanso yakhe!
7) Ukwamukelwa ngobungani Tweet lokhu
UMoushumi Ghose, MFT
Ohlinzeka Ngocansi
Ithiphu eyodwa engiyincoma ngokuqinile emibhangqwaneni yokuthi ingonga futhi ilungise kanjani umshado esahlukanisweni Ukwamukelwa ngobungani.
Ukufunda ukwamukela umlingani wethu ukuthi bangobani, ukungazami njalo ukushintsha ukuthi bangaba ngubani ukhiye wokusindisa ubudlelwano. Kukho konke ukuphila kwethu, siyashintsha, siyakhula, siyaguquka. Lokhu akunakugwenywa.
Kodwa-ke, lokhu kungasongela isimo salobu budlelwano. Sibambelela ngokuqinile kozakwethu, esicini esithile sobudlelwano bethu, amandla ashukumisayo, futhi noma yiluphi uhlobo lokushintsha luyethusa.
Uma sisabela, futhi sivimba umlingani wethu ukuthi angakhuli, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi lokhu kungakhubaza futhi kukhubaze umlingani wethu kanye nobudlelwano, ekugcineni kuholele esahlukanisweni.
Ngokubona nokubona umlingani wethu njengomngani, umuntu esimfunela okungcono kakhulu, umuntu esifuna ukumbona ejabule futhi ephumelela futhi ngokubona ukuthi ngokunikeza abalingani bethu amaphiko, nathi sizophapha kungaba isipiliyoni esikhulula kakhulu.
8) Phinda uhlole umlando owudale ndawonye Tweet lokhu
I-Agnes Oh, PsyD, LMFT
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emtholampilo
Umshado uyisivumelwano esingcwele phakathi kwabantu ababili, uzibophezela ebudlelwaneni obuhlala njalo.
Eqinisweni, noma kunjalo, imibhangqwana ihlangana njalo nezikhathi ezithile eziyinselele emizamweni yazo eqhubekayo yokugcina isibambiso esisondelene.
Uma kufanele futhi kubhekwe ukuchitheka komshado, kungathathwa njengophawu lokwehlukana, okudala ubuhlungu obukhulu obuthola ebudlelwaneni.
Lapho ubhekene nalezi zikhathi ezibucayi, kuzobaluleka ukuthi uzindle ngokuphulukiswa nokululama kuqala kunakho konke ngaphambi kokwenza izinqumo ezinkulu.
Ngakho-ke ungamisa kanjani isehlukaniso futhi ugcine umshado wakho?
Ngingakhuthaza noma imiphi imibhangqwana ebhekene nenkinga enjalo uphinde uhlole umlando abawudale ngokuhlanganyela, babelana ngawo, futhi baxoxisana phakathi nohambo lwabo ndawonye.
Umshado wukwenza umlando, futhi umbhangqwana ngamunye unethuba elihlukile lokwenza lokho. Lapho inqubo enjalo ihlukaniswa ngenxa yanoma yiziphi izizathu, kungabaluleka ukuthi imibhangqwana iqale ilusizi ngokulahlekelwa iphinde ilulame kuyo.
Ngaleso sikhathi, umnyango omusha ungavuleleka ukuze kutholakale futhi kutholakale nencazelo ebalulekile ebhekiswe kuma-akhawunti abo ahlukile.
Noma ngabe yisiphi isinqumo ngemuva kwalokho, yonke imibhangqwana ifanelwe isikhathi esanele sokulandisa futhi ibungaze impumelelo yayo eyingqayizivele abayizuzile ndawonye ukuze bathole isixazululo esinengqondo kunazo zonke.
9) Gweba umjikelezo wokungqubuzana ongemuhle Tweet lokhu
ULyndsey Fraser, MA, LMFT, CST
Umelaphi Onelayisense Womshado Nomndeni
Lapho umbhangqwana usengcupheni yesehlukaniso, kujwayelekile ukuthi ubambeke emjikelezweni wokungqubuzana okuholela emizweni engemihle ngomlingani wakho.
Umjikelezo owodwa ophindayo engiwubonayo kaningi kulapho umlingani oyedwa ebucayi, kanti omunye umuntu evikela. Lapho umlingani oyedwa egxeka kakhulu, omunye umuntu uya evikela ngokwengeziwe.
Inkinga yokugxeka ukuthi uhlasela umlingani wakho ngaphakathi. Noma kunini lapho othile ezwa ukuthi isimilo sakhe siyahlaselwa, impendulo ezenzakalelayo ithi 'ukuzivikela'.
Lapho umlingani evikela, kuholela ekutheni omunye umlingani angazizwa ezwakala, okungaholela ezitatimendeni ezibucayi kakhulu. Manje lezi zithandani zisemjikelezweni ongapheli wobudedengu obudala ubutha obuningi!
Esikhundleni salokho, ngikukhuthaza ukuthi ushintshe lo mjikelezo. Nikeza isikhalazo esikhundleni salokho noma ukhethe ukungaphenduli ngokuzivikela. Isikhalazo sigxile ekuziphatheni nokuthi kukuthinte kanjani wena esikhundleni somuntu wonkana.
Esikhundleni sokuzivikela, yima, bese ubuza umlingani wakho ukuthi yikuphi ukuziphatha akuthola kunzima ebudlelwaneni nokuthi amagama abo azwakala njengokuhlasela.
Uma u yenza okuhlukile, kuphoqa ukuthi nobabili nicabange ngaphambi kokuphendula futhi lapho nicabanga ukuthi nikwazi ukuthola umphumela ohlukile.
10) Zibophezele ekuxhumaneni ngomusa Tweet lokhu
URoseann Adams, uLCSW
Udokotela wezifo zengqondo
Ucezu olulodwa engingalunikeza ngalokho okufanele ukwenze lapho oshade naye efuna isehlukaniso kungaba ukuzibophezela ekuxhumaneni ngomusa. Imvamisa lapho imibhangqwana ifika ehhovisi lodokotela womshado, basuke bebuza ngokuphelele ngekusasa lobambiswano lwabo.
Ukusebenzisana kwabo kunothe ngezincazelo eziningiliziwe zokuthi ngamunye ulimaze kanjani omunye. Izikhalazo zabo zigcwele ukugxekwa nokulahla ithemba, nokuthukuthela.
Ukuhlanganiswa kwezingxabano ezingaxazululwa eziphindaphindwayo, ukungezwani okungapheli, nokungathembani ngokuphelele kungenzeka kuqede amandla alo mbhangqwana wokuxazulula izinkinga nokubambisana.
Imisebenzi eyabiwe isibe amathuba engxabano nokudumazeka. Izinqumo ezabiwe seziyizindawo zokungavumelani. Bazizwa besengozini ngokomzwelo lapho bendawonye.
Uthando, ubumnene, ububele, nozwela seluphelile, futhi lemibhangqwana eyayikade ithandana manje isiphathana okwezizwe ezikude noma izitha ezithukuthele ngomdanso ongapheli wokuhlaselwa, ukuhoxiswa, ukuhlaselwa.
Banezinkumbulo ezimbalwa zakamuva zezikhathi zomusa okwabiwe ngazo futhi kubonakala sengathi bazilungiselela impi engaguquguquki nenkulumompikiswano. Yimaphi amandla aqondile ikhambi lobuthi obunjalo bobudlelwano? Umusa.
Umusa uchazwa ngokuthi “ikhwalithi yokuba nobungane, ukuphana nokucabangela.”
Lapho ukuxhumana komshado kufinyelelwa ngokuzibophezela ekuxhumaneni ngomusa, izikhali zentukuthelo ezivikelayo kodwa ezibhubhisayo zingabekelwa eceleni bese zithathelwa indawo ukuvulelana, isibindi nokunakekelana.
Umusa uyaphilisa. Umusa ukhuthaza ukuthula, unciphisa intukuthelo, futhi wehlisa ukwesaba. Ukuzibophezela ekuxhumaneni nomusa kudala ithuba lokuvuselela kabusha izinhlansi zothando, ukukhangana kothando.
Ukwakha umlando omusha wokusebenzisana okunomusa kwenza abalingani bakwazi ukwakha ukwethembana futhi kuphinde kumise isehlukaniso.
Kubukeka kanjani ukuzibophezela ekuxhumaneni ngomusa?
- Yiba wusizo futhi usekele, noma ngabe kusho ukuphuma endleleni yakho.
- Nikela ekusombululeni izinkinga nokwenza izinto zenziwe.
- Veza ukubonga nokubonga.
- Yenza izicelo ngokubekezela ngaphandle kokufuna noma ukugxekwa.
- Yiba ngowokuqala ukunikela ngokuthinta ukuthula nokulungisa.
- Thatha umthwalo wemfanelo ngamaphutha akho, bese wenza ukulungisa kwangempela.
- Yenza okuthile ngoba kungenza umlingani wakho ajabule.
- Lalela, khumbula, futhi ubonise ukuthi unendaba nokuthi yini ebalulekile kumlingani wakho.
- Khuluma futhi wenze ngokunakekela.
- Sondela ukungqubuzana nokungavumelani ngokuzimisela ukwazisa umbono womunye.
Ukuzibophezela ekuxhumaneni ngomusa kungahle kunganeli kuzo zonke izimo ukusindisa yonke imishado, kepha ngaphandle kokuzibophezela ekuxhumaneni ngomusa akunathuba langempela lokumisa isehlukaniso.
Uthando lungabonakala lungenamsebenzi futhi lulula ekuqaleni, kepha ukugcina uthando luphilile isikhathi sokuphila kudinga ukuzibophezela kwikhwalithi engaguquguquki yokucatshangelwa okunobungane, nokuphana.
Ngegama elilodwa elinamandla, lomlingo, neliphilisayo, umusa, ukhiye wokwenza uthando luhlale.
11)Ukuzicabangela nokuziphendulela Tweet lokhu
UFarah Hussain Baig, LCSW
Umsebenzi Wezenhlalakahle Onelayisense
“Ukuzindla kabusha kanye nokuziphendulela kubalulekile ekongeni umshado osengozini yesehlukaniso.
Ukuhlolwa okungaguquguquki nokuba ngumnikazi wemicabango nokuziphatha komuntu kanye nomthelela wakho emshadweni kubalulekile ebudlelwaneni bokuphola nokukhula.
Indawo engenakho lokhu ingaholela ekukhombaneni ngeminwe, intukuthelo, nasemonakalweni ongalungiseki. ”
12) amathiphu ama-3 okuba nomshado ojabule kakhulu Tweet lokhu
U-Edward Riddick-CAMS-2, MDD., MA, ThM
Umeluleki wemishado
- Qonda umjikelezo wokuxabana osebenzayo futhi ufunde ukuthi ungawuqeda kanjani.
- Funda ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani ngempumelelo nokwehluka kwakho nezinkinga zangempela ebudlelwaneni bakho ngokuthembeka nokuhlonipha okungu-100% futhi
- Funda ukuthi ungahlakulela kanjani "umkhuba we-honeymoon" ebudlelwaneni bakho.
Ngiyazi ukuthi lowo ngumlomo impela. Ngokusobala, ngasinye salezi zifundo ezisekelwa ngamakhono kungathatha isikhathi ukuqaqa. Kepha lezi ziyalo yilokho okudingekayo ukuthuthukisa umshado ojabule kakhulu.
Ukulandela lezi zeluleko kuzomisa imibhangqwana ekutholeni isehlukaniso noma ekubambezeleni isehlukaniso ukonga umshado ngezinkinga zomshado ezingasho lutho futhi ibasize baxazulule izingxabano zabo ngendlela eyakhayo