"Uma ungajabule, angijabule."
Ingabe le nkulumo izwakala ijwayelekile? Ngeshwa, imibhangqwana eminingi emshadweni owethembekile ihlobene komunye nomunye kusukela kulokhu kucabanga noma ngisho nokuthembisa.
Ingabe usemshadweni noma ebudlelwaneni obuzimele?
Emshadweni wokuzimela akuvamile ukuthi kube nokuziphatha okungenampilo, okuluthayo okudlalayo ebudlelwaneni.
Ingabe lokhu kuyinkinga?
Ingabe injabulo yomunye nomunye nokuhlupheka okwabiwe akukhona okuyisisekelo sothando lweqiniso?
Ngokusobala, abantu abaningi bakholelwa ukuthi kunjalo. Ngenxa yalokho, indlela yabo yokukhombisa uthando ukwenza
thatha imizwa yomlingani wakho, ikakhulukazi imizwa emibi yomlingani. Imvamisa, le mizwa isezingeni lokucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka nokudangala.
Izibalo zalokhu zicacile: uma zombili izinhlangothi zithatha imizwa emibi yomlingani wazo, bobabili abalingani abajabule isikhathi esiningi, noma okungenani isikhathi esiningi kunaleso abebezobe bebodwa ngaso.
Ngakho-ke, uma kunezici zokuncika kobuhlobo ebudlelwaneni bakho, hlala nathi, njengoba sikunikeza imininingwane ewusizo yokuqonda ubudlelwano obungenampilo, obungenakuzibophezela kanye nezeluleko ezisebenzayo zendlela yokunqoba ukuthembela emshadweni noma ebudlelwaneni obunemigomo.
Ngokuya ngeWikipedia, iCodependency yisimo sokuziphatha ebudlelwaneni lapho umuntu oyedwa wenza umlutha womunye umuntu, impilo yengqondo ebuthaka, ukungavuthwa, ukunganaki, noma ukungenzi kahle.
Phakathi kwezimpawu eziyinhloko zokuxhomekeka kwe-codependence kungukuthi ukuthembela ngokweqile kwabanye abantu ukuze bavunyelwe futhi bazizwe bengobani.
Igama elithi Codependency kungenzeka lisetshenziswe ngokweqile, futhi livame ukuveza amahloni ngaphezu kokusiza ekuxazululeni noma yini.
Buka futhi:
Ngithanda ukuveza ukuthi ukuthatha umuzwa ongajabulisi wozakwethu, kubenza bakwazi ukuphika imizwa yabo futhi bahlale benesimo esingesihle isikhathi eside, njengokucaphuna kwesilinganiso esivela kuWikipedia.
Enye yezinto izwela
Encwadini yakhe ethi True Love, uThick Nhat Hahn uchaza izinto ezine ezibalulekile zeqiniso
uthando. Noma ngamazwi akhe, amandla okusho okuthile okufana nokuthi: “Sithandwa, ngiyabona ukuthi uyahlupheka futhi ngikhona ngenxa yakho.” Lokho kuyasiza impela futhi kuyaphilisa, kepha akusho ukuthi iqembu elinobubele lithwala ukuhlupheka.
Kunalokho, bazimisele ukuba nezithandwa zabo ezihluphekayo, hhayi ukunyamalala ekuhluphekeni komlingani futhi uhlulwe yilokho.
Incazelo engokoqobo 'yobubele' ukuhlupheka ndawonye. Kepha njengoba kusikisela uHahn, omunye akudingeki ahlupheke ukuze akhulule ukuhlupheka komunye.
Ngokuphambene nalokho, Izinga elithile leqembu liyadingeka ukuze ubekhona ebuhlungwini bomunye.
Kubalingani / abantu abasemshadweni owethembekile, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi uma umuntu efuna ukuzama ukudambisa izinhlungu zomlingani wakhe, kudingeka ukuthi abe ngaphandle kwalo.
Prakthiza ukulingana ebuhlotsheni ukubuyisela ukuzola
Ezinye izici ezimbili ezibalulekile zothando ezishiwo kuleyo ncwadi yiJoy: Uthando lweqiniso kumele lujabule futhi lube mnandi, isikhathi esiningi.
Futhi i-Equanimity, echazwa nguHahn njengokwazi ukubona othandekayo ehlukile. Umuntu ongasondela futhi abe kude.
Umuntu umuntu ahlanganyela naye ngokujulile kwesinye isikhathi, futhi ngesikhathi esihlukile uba kude. Lokhu kuphambene ngokuphelele nokuxhomekeka, lapho abalingani kufanele bahlale besondele.
Izingane zifunda amakhono okuzula ebhalansi lokwehlukaniswa nobunye cishe eneminyaka emithathu.
Ingane ibambelele kumama, bese iya kudlala yodwa isikhashana, bese ibuyela kumama imizuzu embalwa njalonjalo.
Kancane kancane amabanga phakathi kukamama nengane ayakhula futhi izikhathi zihlukane ziyanda. Ngaleso sikhathi, ingane ifunda ikhono lokuhlobana nomunye ngomqondo wokuzihlukanisa ngokwehlukile. Ekuchazeni ngokwengqondo lokhu kubizwa ngokuthi "Ukungaguquguquki kwento."
Ingane ifunda ukwethemba ukuthi umama ukhona futhi uyatholakala ukuze axhumeke, noma engekho eduze noma engabonakali.
Iningi labantu lalingenabo ubuntwana obufanele lapho babengafunda khona lolo hlobo lokuthembana. Ngikholwa ukuthi nguMilton Erickson owathi: “Akukaze kwephuze kakhulu ukuba nobuntwana obuhle,” kodwa angikaze ngibuthole ubufakazi obenele.
Emshadweni ozimele, ukuthembana nokholo kuyancipha. Kodwa-ke, ebudlelwaneni obunempilo ukufunda ukwethemba umlingani ngendlela ejulile kungakhulisa kakhulu noma yikuphi ukubambisana.
Ukwethenjwa kungakhiwa kuphela kancane
Ngu ukwenza izethembiso ezincane nokuzigcina. Lezi zithembiso zincane njengokuthi “Ngizoba sekhaya lapho ngizodla khona ngehora lesikhombisa” noma “ngemuva kokugeza kwami ngingathanda ukuhlala nawe ngizwe ngosuku lwakho.”
Bobabili abalingani kudingeka benze izithembiso futhi bazibeke engcupheni yokwethemba izithembiso zabanye.
Lapho omunye umlingani engagcini isithembiso, njengoba nakanjani sizokwenzeka kwesinye isikhathi, kubalulekile ukukhuluma ngaso. Ukukhuluma ngakho kufaka phakathi ukuxolisa kokwehluleka ngakolunye uhlangothi, nokuzimisela ukukholelwa ukuthi ukwehluleka akwenzekanga ngenhloso.
Lokho kufunda ukuthethelela. Lokhu nakanjani akulula futhi kuyenzeka.
Uma ingxoxo enjalo ingenzeki, ama-akhawunti ayanqwabelana futhi ekugcineni aholele ekubandeni, ekuqhelaneni nasezinkingeni ebudlelwaneni, okwenza izinto zibe zimbi kakhulu emshadweni wokuzimela.
Uma uqaphela umlingani wakho esimweni esingesihle, isinyathelo sokuqala ukuthi uthathe umzuzwana ukwazi ngakho futhi mhlawumbe ucabange ukuthi kungaba yini impande noma imbangela.
- Ngabe abazizwa kahle emzimbeni?
- Ingabe kukhona okudumazile?
- Ngabe bacindezelekile ngomcimbi othile wesikhathi esizayo?
Noma ngabe kuyini, zama ukungakuthathi uqobo njengokujwayelekile emshadweni wokuthembela, umlingani uvame ukuphenduka abone umhubhe.
Isimo sabo akusilo iphutha lakho, noma umthwalo wakho wemfanelo
Kungaba wusizo ukwazisa kuwe ukuthi awukho esimweni esibi. Manje ungahle ukwazi ukusiza.
Tshela umlingani wakho ukuthi uqaphele ukuthi abaphilile. Buza ukuthi ngabe bafuna inkomishi yetiye noma yokuthanjiswa ngemuva noma ukukhuluma nawe. Ungaqagela ngobumnene ukuthi yini ebahluphayo: "Ingabe unekhanda?" “Ingabe ukhathazekile ngakho?”
Zama ukucacisa ukuthi lena imibuzo eyiqiniso hhayi izitatimende, ngoba ngokusobala, awazi ngempela ukuthi yini ebangela imizwa yabo. Noma ngabe yiluphi usizo olunikezayo, zama ukukwenza lokho ngokukhululeka nangokuzithandela, ukuze kungabi nentukuthelo kamuva.
Yilungele ukuzwa kokubili yebo no-cha
Esinye sezibonakaliso ezingenampilo zokuncika kokuziphatha ngendlela ethile ukucabanga ukuthi kufanele unakekele, futhi uvikele umlingani wakho 24/7.
Ukuphunyuka ejele lomshado othembekile, kuyalulekwa ukuthi umlingani ayeke ukusebenzisa wonke amandla abo ukuhlangabezana nezidingo zomlingani wakhe.
Yilungele ukwamukela ukuthi usizo lwakho lungahle lungasizi futhi lungahle luguqule imizwa yomlingani wakho.
Zama ukukhawulela ukuxhumana kwakho nemibuzo, ukubonwa okungathathi hlangothi nokunikezwa kosizo. Uma wenza isiphakamiso, gcina kulula futhi ulungele ukuma ngemuva kokuba esokuqala sinqatshiwe.
Khumbula, akuwona umsebenzi wakho “ukulungisa” isimo somphathina wakho.
Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ukwenza okunjalo kuzoletha injabulo enkulu ebudlelwaneni bakho futhi kuguqule umshado owethembekile ube ubambiswano olunempilo.
Isigqi sokusondela sihlukane singaba semvelo njengokuphefumula, futhi ukubonga kuzohambisana nesikhathi ngasinye sokuhlangana nokusondela, uzizwe unenhlanhla yokuba nalo muntu empilweni yakho.
Inkondlo kaRumi ethi Bird Wings iyincazelo enhle yalokhu kuhamba phakathi kokusondelana nebanga, ukuvuleleka nesikhathi sangasese sisodwa.
Izinyoni
Usizi lwakho ngokulahlekile luphakamisa isibuko
Lapho ubusebenza khona ngesibindi.
Ukulindela okubi kakhulu, ubukeka futhi esikhundleni salokho,
Nabu ubuso obujabule obukade ufuna ukububona.
Isandla sakho siyavula bese siyavala
Futhi ivule ivale.
Ukube bekulokhu kungokokuqala njalo
Noma ivuliwe njalo,
Ungakhubazeka.
Ubukhona bakho obujulile bukuzo zonke izinto ezincane
Ukwenza inkontileka nokwanda— Laba bobabili balinganiselwe kahle futhi bahlelekile
Njengamaphiko ezinyoni.