-Delile
- Kusayina ukuthi umyeni wakho akakunaki
- Izizathu ezenza indoda ingamnaki umkayo
- Ukusola umlingani wakho kungalimaza umshado wakho
- Izinto ezi-5 okufanele uzenze lapho umyeni wakho ekuziba
- 1. Qiniseka ukuthi unaka ngokugcwele umlingani wakho
- 2. Yehlisa ijubane ubuze umbuzo ovulekile
- 3. Misa umdlalo wokusola
- 4.Uma umlingani wakho ebonakala egcwele amanzi, hamba kodwa hhayi ngentukuthelo noma ngecala
- 5. Hlela “izingxoxo ezinciphisa ukucindezeleka” nsuku zonke
- Encwadini yokugcina
Isikhalazo esijwayelekile semibhangqwana ehlangana nami ukuze ngithole ukwelulekwa ithi “Umyeni wami akanginaki” noma ukuthi bayaqhela ngenxa yokuthi omunye umlingani uhoxile noma akasondelene ngokomzwelo kanti omunye umuntu uzizwa enganakiwe.
Ucwaningo lukhombisa ukuthi uma lokhu kuguquka kuvame ukuholela kuphethini lokulandela-i-distancer elingaba yingozi enkulu ebudlelwaneni.
Ngesikhathi sesikhathi sokululekwa kwezithandani muva nje, uClaire, 38, ukhale ngokuthi uRick, 44, ubesehlale isikhathi eside engamnaki futhi ezizwa ehlukaniswe naye ngokuphelele. Babelala embhedeni owodwa kepha babengavamile ukuya ocansini, futhi uClaire wathi ukhathele ukuzama ukunaka yena.
UClaire ukubeka kanjena: “Umyeni wami akanginaki. Ngiyamthanda uRick, kodwa angithandani naye. Ingqondo nemizwelo yami kunwetshiwe ngoba nginengcindezi enkulu, futhi akanginaki. Lapho nginokuthile okubalulekile engikushoyo, uvamise ukumunana nocingo lwakhe, noma ulalele umculo futhi angixoxele. ”
Kusayina ukuthi umyeni wakho akakunaki
Ngabe uvame ukuzizwa “Umyeni wami akanginaki. Ingabe kukhona engikwenzayo okungalungile? Ngingakulungisa kanjani lokhu? ”
Uma ubhekene nalesi simo somyeni wami-ungiziba kodwa ungazi ukuthi sisekhanda lakho noma senzeka ngempela, hlola lezi zimpawu zokungazi ukuze uqiniseke:
- Uyeka ukuqala izingxoxo nawe.
- Uqala ukuchitha isikhathi esiningi efonini yakhe.
- “Uyathula” noma ahoxe - echitha isikhathi esiningi kude nawe.
- Ubonakala “esezweni lakhe” futhi eyeka ukuhlanganyela izinto nawe.
- Ukhombisa ukwazisa okuncane noma cha ngamazwi noma ngezenzo zakhe.
- Lapho oshade naye ekhuluma izinto ezibuhlungu.
- Umyeni wakho ubukeka ekude.
- Uzizwa uthi, “Umyeni wami akanendaba nezidingo zami.”
Izizathu ezenza indoda ingamnaki umkayo
Abafazi bavame ukukhononda, “Umyeni wami akanginaki.”
Kungokwemvelo yini ukuthi indoda ingamnaki umkayo? Kungani le patheni yobudlelwano ivame kakhulu?
UDkt.John Gottman uchaza ukuthi ukuthambekela komuntu oyedwa ukulandela bese kuthi omunye abe kude kuxhunywe emzimbeni wethu nokuthi abesilisa bavame ukuhoxa nabesifazane bavame ukulandela lapho besebudlelwaneni obuseduze.
- Emibhalweni yakhe yakudala ye- "Love Lab", uGottman uqaphele ukuthi le ndlela yokuqhelana nokulandela, edala ukuthi abesifazane bazizwe benganakwa ngabayeni babo, ibambe iqhaza elikhulu ekuchithekeni komshado.
Ubuye futhi axwayise ngokuthi uma kungashintshwa, kuyimbangela ehamba phambili yesehlukaniso ngoba abesifazane bayakhathala ukulinda abalingani babo baxhumane ngokomzwelo, futhi abesilisa bavame ukuhlehla ngaphandle kokuqaphela inani elithathayo emshadweni wabo.
- Ngaphezu kwalokho, esinye sezithiyo ezivamile zokuxhumana okuhle okungenza indoda ingamnaki umkayo ukuthi lokho okuzwayo kungahluka kakhulu kulokho umlingani wakhe azama ukukukhuluma.
Ku- Ukulwela Umshado Wakho, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uHoward J. Markman uchaza ukuthi sonke sinezihlungi (noma izinto ezingezona ezingokoqobo ebuchosheni bethu) ezishintsha incazelo yolwazi esiluzwayo. Lokhu kufaka phakathi iziphazamiso, izimo ezingokomzwelo, izinkolelo nokulindelwe, ukwehluka kwesitayela, nokuzivikela (noma ukungafuni ukuzenza sengozini).
Isibonelo, uma uClaire engena emnyango bese ethi, “Nginokuthile okubalulekile okufanele ngikutshele khona,” uRick angalindela ukuthi akhononde (ngakho-ke angamnaka), kanti kungenzeka ukuthi umane nje uthi kukhona okukhulu okwenzekile ehhovisi lakhe. .
Ngokunjalo, uma uRick ephazanyiswa ukubuka uhlelo lwe-TV, angahle angamphenduli uClaire. Okulandelayo ngezinye izimpawu ezinhlanu zokuthi umyeni wakho kungenzeka akakunaki.
Le vidiyo engezansi inemininingwane yokuthi kungani indoda ingamnaki unkosikazi wayo:
Ukusola umlingani wakho kungalimaza umshado wakho
Uma kukhulunywa iqiniso, ungazithola usola umlingani wakho lapho izidingo zakho zingafezeki. Ungase futhi uqaphele ukuthi ulwa okufanayo kaninginingi.
Ngemuva kwesikhashana, kungenzeka ukuthi awuyilungisi inkinga osusondele kuyo, futhi umjikelezo omubi wentukuthelo, ukukhungatheka nentukuthelo uyaqala futhi ungaze uxazululwe.
UClaire uyakhumbula, “Umyeni wami akanginaki, bese izingxabano zethu ziba nzima, futhi sithambekele ekuphawuleni okuzisolayo bese sisolana ngeziphambeko zangesikhathi esidlule ezingalungiswa. Ngifuna nje lokhu kume, kepha kungizwisa ubuhlungu kabi lapho uRick engazinaki izicelo zami zokunakwa.
Ngiyazi ukuthi ngifaka isandla ezinkingeni zethu, kodwa sobabili asibambekile. ”
Ngokusho komeluleki wezobudlelwano uKyle Benson, ukuthambekela kwabalingani kokuba nenkinga yokunaka omunye komunye kunomthelela omubi ebudlelwaneni.
Uthi iningi labantu lihlaselwa yizinto ezifana nemiyalezo, okuthunyelwe, nama-video, okuphazamisa ikhono labo lokunaka. Ngenxa yalokhu, lokhu kuphazamisa ikhono labo lokunaka abalingani babo.
Noma ngabe izithandani zizithola ziphazamisekile, zikhathele, noma zimatasa nje noma lapho umfana ekuziba ngemuva kwengxabano, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi ukuxhumana kuyindlela yomphakathi.
Kungumqondo omuhle lapho uzizwa unganakwa ngumyeni wakho ukuhlola ukuziphatha kwakho bese uzama ukuguqula indlela yakho ukuze anakwe.
Uma uzizwa ukuthi, "Umyeni wami uyangiziba," nazi ezinye izindlela zokuqinisekisa ukuthi unaka umlingani wakho futhi uvikela amandla wokuphishekela umphikisi.
Izinto ezi-5 okufanele uzenze lapho umyeni wakho ekuziba
Isimo asiphumi esandleni. Uma uzizwa ukuthi “Umyeni wami akanginaki ngokocansi noma ngokomoya” kodwa ungazi ukuthi uzokulungisa kanjani, kunezindlela ezithile ezingakusiza. Zihlole:
1. Qiniseka ukuthi unaka ngokugcwele umlingani wakho
Lokhu kusho ukuthi ungacabangi ukuthi ulalele ngoba ukhuluma nje. Esikhundleni salokho, ngena: “Ingabe lesi yisikhathi esihle sokuba nengxoxo?” Lokhu kungabonakala njengokuqonda, kepha amadoda amaningi akhononda kimi ukuthi omkabo baqala ingxoxo lapho bephazamisekile noma bengakwazi ukubanaka ngokuphelele.
2. Yehlisa ijubane ubuze umbuzo ovulekile
Yini okufanele uyenze lapho umyeni wakho ekuziba?
Buza ukuthi umlingani wakho uzizwa kanjani futhi ubhekana kanjani nezingcindezi. Ukuhlala nje phansi nomlingani wakho nenkomishi yekhofi kungasiza kakhulu ekwenzeni ngcono ukuqonda, uzwela futhi ekugcineni kuthuthukise ukuxhumana ebudlelwaneni bakho.
Esikhundleni sokubuza ukuthi, “Ube nosuku oluhle,” okungakwenza uphendule ngoyebo noma cha, zama ukubuza okuthile okufana nokuthi “Ngingathanda ukuzwa ukuthi usuku lwakho luhambe kanjani.”
3. Misa umdlalo wokusola
Yini okufanele uyenze lapho umyeni wakho esho izinto ezilimazayo?
Thatha okuhle komlingani wakho.
Uma empeleni ungawamukela lo mqondo, wena nozakwenu nizozizwa senikhululekile ngokushesha. Uma uyeka ukukhombana ngeminwe futhi nigxile kakhulu ekuqondeni umbono womunye nomunye futhi nibonise uthando ngezenzo zenu, umshado wenu uzothuthuka.
4.Uma umlingani wakho ebonakala egcwele amanzi, hamba kodwa hhayi ngentukuthelo noma ngecala
Lapho umyeni wakho ekuziba, yekisa njengendlela yokubuyisa ukuzola kwakho, hhayi ukujezisa umlingani wakho. Thatha ikhefu ezingxoxweni okungenani imizuzu eyi-10-15.
Isibonelo, ukufunda umagazini kuyisiphazamiso esikhulu ngoba ungaphenya amakhasi ngaphandle kokucabanga. Zama ukuqala inkhulumomphendvulwano lapho uzizwa uvuselelekile futhi ukwazi ukukhuluma ngomoya ophansi nangokunengqondo.
5. Hlela “izingxoxo ezinciphisa ukucindezeleka” nsuku zonke
“Umyeni wami uyangigwema. Umyeni wami uyangilimaza futhi akanandaba. ”
Uma unganakwa ngumyeni wakho, thola ithuba elihleliwe elijwayelekile lokukhipha izifuba, ukuthululelana izifuba, nokulalelana ngenkathi nikhuluma ngezingcindezi zansuku zonke zempilo yenu.
Le ngxoxo ayihloselwe ukuba yisikhathi sokucwaninga ngezinkinga zobudlelwano kepha kunalokho ibambe noma ingene komunye nomunye.
Ngempela, ukucabanga nenhloso engena kulokhu kungena kwansuku zonke nakho kungalethwa ekusebenzeni okuzenzekelayo.
Yize amandla ethu okwamukela i-adventure ngokuqinisekile evinjelwe amaqiniso okuphila okumatasa, abashadile basengaluthatha lolu suku futhi bahlele okwenziwayo ndawonye okusha, okujabulisayo, nokujabulisayo.
Ukuphazamisa inkambiso yempilo yansuku zonke ngemisebenzi efana nokuhamba nsuku zonke noma nokubhalisela isigaba sokunambitha iwayini kungakusondeza nomyeni wakho.
Encwadini yokugcina
Cabanga ngezindlela ezintsha zokubonisa uthando, njengokushiyela umyeni wakho inothi lothando (ukuveza imizwa emihle) noma umphekele ukudla okumnandi.
Lezi zinto zingasiza ekubuyiseni ubuhlobo phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho futhi zikusize uzizwe usondelene. Uma uchitha isikhathi nsuku zonke engxoxweni futhi uzwakalisa uthando, uthando nokwazisa umyeni wakho, kuzokhulisa ukuxhumana okujulile futhi kuqinise ubudlelwano bakho.