-Delile
- 1. Umona phezu “kwanoma ubani noma yini enye ngaphandle kwami”
- 2. Isimo "Angikaze ngilale nalowo wesifazane"
- 3. I-alpha-male engavinjelwe
- 4. Ukungathembeki ebunzimeni besikhathi sokuphila
- 5. Umlutha wezocansi
- 6. Indaba egcwele
- Umenzi wobubi kufanele ayeke
- Umenzi wobubi kufanele abhekane nentukuthelo
- Umenzi wobubi kufanele ezwe ukuphenduka kweqiniso
- Okonile kufanele aqale ukwethemba futhi
- Umuntu owoniwe kufanele avume ukuthi ubuhlobo bunamandla
Njengodokotela wezengqondo, ngisebenze iminyaka engaphezu kwamashumi amathathu nemibhangqwana. Ngokungenakugwenywa, into eyodwa engahle ilethe umbhangqwana (noma ilungu lombhangqwana) ekwelashweni ukungathembeki. Ngifuna ukwabelana nawe ngemicabango nangemibono embalwa ngokungathembeki okususelwa ekuhlangenwe nakho kwami okunzulu njengompetha wezomshado nonguchwepheshe wokulutha ngokocansi.
Ukungathembeki ngokwezinga elithile kuchazwa “ngamehlo obonayo (okonile).” Owesifazane oyedwa, engangisebenza naye wabiza ummeli wedivosi ekuseni kakhulu lapho abamba khona umyeni wakhe ebuka izithombe ezingcolile. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ngangisebenza nomunye umbhangqwana owawunomshado “ovulekile,” futhi okuwukuphela kwesikhathi lapho kwaba khona inkinga kwaba yilapho inkosikazi iqala ukubona enye yala madoda ukuze ikhofi.
Nazi ezinye zezinhlobo zezimo ezingase zihlangabezane nokuthi "ukungathembeki" yilowo owoniwe (sicela wazi: ungaba nezinhlanganisela zanoma yiziphi zalezi zimo):
1. Umona phezu “kwanoma ubani noma yini enye ngaphandle kwami”
Lesi yisimo senkosikazi ebambe umyeni wayo ebuka izithombe zobulili ezingcolile noma indoda "ehlanya" ngomona lapho unkosikazi wayo ethandana noweta.
2. Isimo "Angikaze ngilale nalowo wesifazane"
Eyaziwa nangokuthi into engokomzwelo. Kulokhu, akukho ukuxhumana ngokomzimba noma ngokocansi kepha kukhona uthando olujulile nolungapheli nokuthembela komunye umuntu.
3. I-alpha-male engavinjelwe
Lawa (ikakhulukazi kepha hhayi ngaso sonke isikhathi) amadoda "anesidingo" sezindlovukazi. Ngenxa yokuzikhethela kwabo amandla, udumo, kanye nelungelo, bananoma yiliphi inani labesifazane abahamba "eceleni." Isikhathi esiningi lezi azizenzi izindaba zothando kepha, kunalokho, zinikezela ukwanelisa inkanuko yakhe enkulu yezocansi kanye nesidingo sakhe sokufiseleka. Lawa madoda cishe ngaso sonke isikhathi anenkinga yobuntu obuthakathaka.
4. Ukungathembeki ebunzimeni besikhathi sokuphila
Ngisebenze nabantu abaningana (noma abashade nabo) abashade kusenesikhathi futhi abangakaze babe nethuba “lokudlala insimu” noma “batshale izihlahla zabo zasendle” okuthi uma beshaya maphakathi nesikhathi sempilo, bafune ukubuyela emuva baphinde bakhumbule eminyakeni engamashumi amabili yokuqala futhi. Inkinga kuphela ukuthi banomlingani nezingane ezi-3 ekhaya.
5. Umlutha wezocansi
Laba ngabantu abasebenzisa ucansi futhi bathande njengesidakamizwa. Basebenzisa ubulili (izithombe ezingcolile zobulili, izifebe, ukubhucungwa izinkanuko, amakilabhu ama-strip, ukukhetha) ukushintsha imizwa. Ubuchopho buya ngokuthembela ekukhululekeni okulethayo (kulokho okuvame ukuba yingqondo edabukisayo noma ecindezelekile) bese baba "umlutha" wokuziphatha.
6. Indaba egcwele
Yilapho umuntu kulaba abashadayo ehlangana nothile futhi "bathandana" nalowo muntu. Lokhu kuvame ukuba uhlobo olunzima kakhulu lokungathembeki.
Into ebaluleke kakhulu engingayisho (memeza ususesiqongweni sentaba uma kungenzeka) yilokhu: Izithandani azikwazi kuphela ukusinda, zingaphumelela, ngisho nangemva kokungathembeki. Kodwa-ke, kunezinto ezimbalwa ezidingekayo ukuze lokhu kwenzeke.
Umenzi wobubi kufanele ayeke
Amalungu alo mbhangqwana kufanele azibophezele enqubeni ende, ethembekile nebala. Umenzi wobubi uvame ukulungela "ukudlulela phambili" ngemuva nje kokuthi "ephendukile." Abazi ukuthi kwaboniwe kuzothatha izinyanga, iminyaka, noma amashumi eminyaka ukubhekana nobuhlungu nokungavikeleki kokukhaphela nenkohliso. Ngezindlela ezithile umphumela wokungathembeki uzoba nabo impilo yabo yonke.
Umenzi wobubi kufanele abhekane nentukuthelo
Lowo owonile kufanele afunde ukuthatha izibhakela enzondweni nasekulimaleni kwalabo aboniwe ngaphandle kokuzivikela.
Umenzi wobubi kufanele ezwe ukuphenduka kweqiniso
Umenzi wobubi kuzofanele athole bese exhumana (imvamisa) ukuzisola okujulile nokwangempela. Lokhu kudlulela ngale kokuthi “Ngiyaxolisa ukuthi lokhu kukuzwise ubuhlungu” kuye emzwelweni wozwelo wangempela wokuthi lokhu kuthinte kanjani futhi kwabathinta kanjani abathandekayo babo.
Okonile kufanele aqale ukwethemba futhi
Umuntu owoniwe kuzodingeka, ngesinye isikhathi, adedele ukwesaba, inzondo, nokungathembani ukuze aqale ukwethemba futhi avule futhi.
Umuntu owoniwe kufanele avume ukuthi ubuhlobo bunamandla
Aboniwe kuzodingeka ukuthi ngesinye isikhathi bavuleleke engxenyeni yabo ebuhlotsheni-hhayi ukungathembeki uqobo-kodwa ezinhlakeni zobudlelwano ezidingekayo ukuze babe nomshado ongcono ngaphambili ababenawo ngaphambili. Kuthatha umuntu oyedwa ongaphelele ukuthi abe nokujola; kudinga abantu ababili abathobekile abangaphelele ukuba nobudlelwano.
Uma umshado ekuqaleni ubususelwa kumdlalo omuhle wokuqala, izithandani — uma zikhetha ukwenza lo msebenzi — zingakha ubuhlobo obuhle kakhulu. Encwadini yami yokuqala, ngichaza lokho, ngokuqondene noDorothy ku Isilekeleli se-Oz, impilo kwesinye isikhathi izoletha isiphepho (njengokungathembeki) ezimpilweni zethu. Kepha uma singahlala ku-Yellow Brick Road, singathola iKansas engcono kakhulu — kulokhu, umshado oqinile — ngakolunye uhlangothi.