-Delile
- Ubudlelwano buyathinteka ngokukhuliswa kozakwethu
- Lo mbhangqwana ubenezindlela ezahlukahlukene zokuveza imizwa
- Manje iyiphi indlela elungile?
- Ukwakha ukuqwashisa ngokuziphatha komlingani ngamunye
- Amanxeba engane athinta ubuhlobo bakho
Ngenkathi ngazi amaklayenti amasha, ngithatha isihlahla somndeni ngaphakathi kwezikhathi ezintathu zokuqala. Lokhu ngikwenza nakanjani ngoba umlando womndeni ungenye yezindlela ezinembe kakhulu zokuqonda amandla wobudlelwano.
Sonke sibhalwe izindlela imindeni yethu ezibandakanya ngayo nomhlaba. Umndeni ngamunye unesiko elihlukile elikhona kwenye indawo. Ngenxa yalokhu, imithetho yomndeni engashiwongo ivame ukuphazamisa ukusebenza kombhangqwana.
Umdlandla wokuhlala ku- “homeostasis” - igama esilisebenzisela ukugcina izinto zifana, unamandla kangangokuba noma singafunga phansi naphansi ukuthi ngeke siphinde amaphutha abazali bethu sibophekile ukuthi sikwenze noma kunjalo.
Isifiso sethu sokugcina izinto ngokufanayo sivela ekukhetheni ozakwethu, ngesitayela sokungqubuzana komuntu siqu, endleleni esiphatha ngayo ukukhathazeka, nakwifilosofi yethu yomndeni.
Ungathi "angisoze ngaba ngumama wami" kodwa bonke abanye abantu bayabona ukuthi ufana nonyoko ncamashi.
Ubudlelwano buyathinteka ngokukhuliswa kozakwethu
Omunye wemibuzo ebaluleke kakhulu engiyibuza imibhangqwana uthi “Ngabe ubudlelwano bakho buthinteka kanjani ekukhulisweni ngumlingani wakho?” Uma ngibuza lo mbuzo kuyacaca ukuthi izingqinamba zokuxhumana azibangelwa yinoma isiphi iphutha elingaphakathi kumlingani, kepha zivela emikhakheni ehlukene yomndeni nokulindelwe ukuthi nazo zizofana emshadweni wazo.
Kwesinye isikhathi, izingqinamba zibangelwa ukukhuliswa okuhlukumezayo noma okunganakwa. Isibonelo, umlingani obenomzali ongumlutha wotshwala kungenzeka angaqiniseki ukuthi angabeka kanjani imingcele efanelekile nomlingani wakhe. Ungabona nobunzima bokuveza imizwa, umzabalazo wokuthola induduzo ebudlelwaneni bezocansi, noma intukuthelo eqhumayo. '
Ngezinye izikhathi, izingxabano zethu zingadalwa ngisho nangokukhula okujabulisa kakhulu.
Ngihlangane nezithandani, uSarah no-Andrew *, behlangabezana nenkinga evamile - Isikhalazo sikaSarah ukuthi wayefuna okuningi kumyeni wakhe ngokomzwelo. Ubezwa ukuthi lapho bexabana bese ethula kusho ukuthi akanandaba. Wayekholelwa ukuthi ukuthula kwakhe nokugwema kwakhe kwakudelela, kungacabangi, kunganantshisekelo.
Ube nomuzwa wokuthi ngesikhathi bexabana ushaye ngezansi kwebhande nokuthi bekungafanele. Wayekholelwa ukuthi ukulwa nayo akulethanga lutho ngaphandle kwengxabano. Ukholelwe ukuthi kufanele akhethe izimpi zakhe.
Ngemuva kokuhlola imibono yabo yokungqubuzana, ngithole ukuthi akekho noyedwa wabo owenza noma yini "ngaphansi kwebhande" noma "ongenabulungisa" ngokwemvelo. Abekade bekwenza balindele ukuthi umlingani wabo aphathe ukungqubuzana ngendlela ebizwakala ingokwemvelo kulowo nalowo kubo.
Ngicele u-Andrew ukuthi angitshele ukuthi ukholelwa kanjani ukuthi umndeni wakhe uhlala ebudlelwaneni babo. U-Andrew uphendule wathi akaqinisekile.
Wayekholelwa ukuthi babengenamthelela omkhulu nokuthi yena noSara babengafani neze nabazali bakhe.
Lapho ngibuza ukuthi u-Andrew wayekholelwa kanjani ukuthi ukukhuliswa kukaSarah nempilo yomndeni kuphila ebudlelwaneni babo waphendula ngokushesha ngokuhlaziywa okujulile.
Ngithole ukuthi lokhu kuyiqiniso esikhathini esiningi, siba nokuqwashisa okukhulu kokuthi kungani umlingani wethu eziphatha abazenzayo kanye nokwazisa ukuthi kungani senza lokhu esikwenzayo.
U-Andrew uphendule ukuthi uSarah ukhulele emndenini onomsindo omkhulu wase-Italy nodadewabo abane. Odade nomama "babethinteke kakhulu ngokomzwelo". Bathe “Ngiyakuthanda”, bahleke ndawonye, bakhala ndawonye, kwathi uma belwa uzipho kwaphuma.
Kepha-ke, ngemuva kwemizuzu engama-20 babebuka i-TV kusofa ndawonye, bahleke, bamamatheke, futhi bagonane. Uchaze ubaba kaSarah ukuthi wayethule kodwa etholakala. Lapho amantombazane “esencibilikile” ubaba wayekhuluma nawo ngomoya ophansi futhi awaqinisekise. Ukuhlaziya kwakhe kwakungukuthi uSarah akazange afunde ukulawula imizwa yakhe nokuthi ngenxa yalokho wafunda ukumthethisa.
Njengo-Andrew, uSarah wakwazi kangcono ukuchaza ukuthi umndeni ka-Andrew ubuthinta kanjani ubuhlobo babo. “Abakaze bakhulume bodwa. Kubuhlungu impela ”, esho. “Bayazigwema izingqinamba futhi kusobala impela kodwa wonke umuntu wesaba kakhulu ukukhuluma. Empeleni kuyangicasula lapho ngibona ukuthi baziziba kangakanani izinkinga zomndeni. Ngenkathi u-Andrew edonsa kanzima eminyakeni embalwa eyedlule akekho owayengakuletha. Kubonakala kimi nje ukuthi alukho uthando oluningi lapho ”.
Ukuhlaziya kwakhe kwaba ukuthi u-Andrew akazange afunde ukuthanda. Ukuthi izindlela zokuthula zomndeni wakhe zenziwa ngenxa yokunganakwa ngokomzwelo.
Lo mbhangqwana ubenezindlela ezahlukahlukene zokuveza imizwa
Ungaqaphela ukuthi ukuhlolwa kwabo kwemindeni yomunye nomunye kwakubucayi.
Lapho becabanga ngezindlela imindeni yabalingani babo ebuthinte ngayo ubudlelwano babo, bobabili babenqume ukuthi umndeni womunye umuntu uyinkinga ekwakheni ukusondelana ababekufisa bobabili.
Kodwa-ke, ukuhlaziywa kwami kwakuwukuthi yomibili imindeni yabo yayithandana ngokujulile.
Babethandana ngokwehlukile.
Umndeni kaSarah wafundisa uSarah ukuthi akumele kuboshwe imizwa. Umndeni wakhe wawukholelwa ekwabelaneni ngemizwa emihle nemibi. Ngisho nolaka lwaluyithuba lokuxhumana emndenini wakhe. Akukho lutho olubi ngempela oluqhamuke ngokuthethisana, empeleni kwesinye isikhathi bekuzizwa kamnandi ngemuva kokumemeza okuhle.
Emndenini ka-Andrew, uthando lwakhonjiswa ngokwakha indawo ezolile nenokuthula. Inhlonipho ikhonjiswe ngokuvumela ubumfihlo. Ngokuvumela izingane zize kubazali uma zidinga okuthile noma zifuna ukuhlanganyela kepha zingalokothi zibuze. Ukuvikelwa kwanikezwa ngokungangeni ezingxabanweni.
Manje iyiphi indlela elungile?
Lo ngumbuzo oyinselele ukuwuphendula. Imindeni ka-Andrew noSarah yenze kahle. Bakhulisa izingane ezinempilo, ezijabule futhi eziziphathe kahle. Kodwa-ke, asikho isitayela esizolunga ngaphakathi komndeni wabo osanda kudalwa.
Ukwakha ukuqwashisa ngokuziphatha komlingani ngamunye
Kuzofanele bakhe ukuqwashisa mayelana nokuziphatha abakuthole njengefa emindenini yabo futhi banqume ngokucophelela ukuthi yini ehlala nokuthi yini eyenzekayo. Bazodinga ukujulisa ukuqonda kwabo ngophathina babo futhi babe nokuzimisela ukuyekethisa kwifilosofi yabo yomndeni.
Amanxeba engane athinta ubuhlobo bakho
Omunye umthelela wokukhuliswa komndeni ulindele ukuthi umlingani wakho akunikeze lokho owawungenakho. Sonke sinamanxeba okukhuthazeka kusukela ebuntwaneni futhi sichitha amandla angenamkhawulo ukuzama ukuwalapha.
Imvamisa asazi ngale mizamo, kepha ikhona noma kunjalo. Lapho sinenxeba elihlala njalo lokungaqondakali, sifuna ukuqinisekiswa.
Lapho salimala nabazali ababethuka ngamazwi, sifuna ubumnene. Lapho imindeni yethu ibikhala kakhulu sifuna ukuthula. Lapho silahliwe, sifuna ukuphepha. Bese sibamba ozakwethu bezinga elingafinyeleleki lokusenzela lezi zinto. Siyagxeka lapho bengakwazi. Sizizwa singathandwa futhi sidumele.
Ithemba lokuthi uzothola umphefumulo womuntu ongelapha impilo yakho eyedlule liyithemba elijwayelekile futhi ngenxa yalokho, futhi kuyadumazeka okuvamile.
Ukuzipholisa kula manxeba ukuphela kwendlela eya phambili.
Inhloso yomlingani wakho kulokhu ukukubamba ngesandla ngenkathi ukwenze. Ukusho “Ngiyabona okukuzwise ubuhlungu futhi ngilapha. Ngifuna ukulalela. Ngifuna ukukuxhasa ”.
* Indaba ixoxwa njengejwayelekile futhi ayisekelwe kunoma imuphi umbhangqwana othile engiwubonile.