-Delile
- 1. Ushintsho alunakugwemeka - ungazami ukumisa
- 2. Lapho sehluleka ukunikeza oshade naye imvume yokushintsha
- 3. Ukuntuleka kokubona izinto ezithikameza ukukhula
- 4. Asizithandi ezinye zezinguquko
- 5. Vumela oshade naye ukuba aguquke abe ngumuntu abakhetha ukuba yibo
- Bhekana nobungozi obungahle bube khona kanye nokwakha uhlelo lokusebenza
“Ushintshile!” - Ekwelashweni, ngizwa imibhangqwana eminingi ithi oshade nabo bashintshile selokhu beshadile.
Ngilalela ngokucophelela lapho bechaza futhi bexoxa ngoshade nabo abakholelwa ukuthi akayena lowo muntu ngosuku ayethe ngalo: "Ngiyakholelwa!" Ngemuva kokusolwa ngokushintsha, umsolwa uvame ukusho okufana nokuthi, “Cha angikashintshi. Ngingumuntu ofanayo! ” Kwesinye isikhathi baze bahlehlise ukusolwa futhi basole abalingani babo ngecala elifanayo ngenkathi bethi, “Nguwe oshintshiwe!” Iqiniso ukuthi oshade naye kungenzeka ukuthi ushintshile, nawe ngokunjalo ushintshile. Lokhu kuhle! Uma usushade isikhathi esingaphezu kweminyaka embalwa futhi alukaze lube khona ushintsho lokhu ngokuqinisekile kuyinkinga ngezizathu eziningana.
1. Ushintsho alunakugwemeka - ungazami ukumisa
Akukho okuhlala kufana, ikakhulukazi uma kukhulunywa ngohlanga lwesintu. Kusukela ngosuku esikhulelwe ngalo siguquka nsuku zonke. Sishintsha kusuka embungwini, bese kuba umbungu, bese kuba usana, ingane encane, ingane encane, ngaphambi kokuthomba, intsha, umuntu osemdala, njalonjalo. Ubuchopho bethu buyashintsha, imizimba yethu iyashintsha, ulwazi lwethu luyashintsha, izisekelo zamakhono ethu ziyashintsha, esikuthandayo nesingakuthandi kuyashintsha, nemikhuba yethu iyashintsha.
Lolu hlu lwezinguquko eziqhubekayo lungaqhubeka ngamakhasi.Ngokusho kombono ka-Erik Erikson hhayi nje kuphela ukuthi siguqula ngokwebhayoloji, kepha ukukhathazeka kwethu, izinselelo zempilo, nezinto eziseqhulwini nakho kuyashintsha esikhathini ngasinye noma esigabeni sempilo. Uma sishintsha njalo kusukela ekukhulelweni, kungani lokho kungamisa ngokungazelelwe usuku esishada ngalo?
Ngasizathu simbe, silindele ukuthi ushintsho lume uma umlingani wethu ethatha isinqumo sokuthi bafuna ukuchitha zonke izinsuku zabo nathi. Sifuna bahlale beyilo muntu abayilona mhla sathandana nabo unomphela sengathi asikwazi ukubathanda ngenye indlela.
2. Lapho sehluleka ukunikeza oshade naye imvume yokushintsha
Ukungabi noshintsho emshadweni kuyinkinga ngoba ushintsho luvame ukukhomba ukukhula. Ngicabanga ukuthi sonke singavuma ukuthi uma sithi asikashintshi, empeleni sithi bekungekho ukukhula. Uma sehluleka ukunikeza oshade naye imvume yokushintsha sibatshela ukuthi abavunyelwe ukukhula, ukuguquka, noma ukuthuthuka.
Ngiyavuma ukuthi lonke ushintsho alulona ushintsho oluhle noma olunempilo, noma kunjalo, nalokhu kuyingxenye yempilo. Konke ngeke kube njengoba besilindele noma besikufisa.
Ngokwami, ngineminyaka engu-19 ngishadile, futhi ngiyabonga ukuthi akekho kithi ofanayo njengoba besinjalo lapho senza izithembiso eminyakeni yethu yokuqala yama-20. Sasingabantu abakhulu ngaleso sikhathi njengoba sinjalo manje, noma kunjalo, sasingenakho okuhlangenwe nakho futhi kuningi esasikufunda.
3. Ukuntuleka kokubona izinto ezithikameza ukukhula
Izimo ezahlukahlukene zempilo yengqondo kanye / noma izinkinga ezingokomzwelo, ukuncika kumakhemikhali, noma ukuvezwa ukuhlukumezeka kungavimbela ukukhula nokushintsha. Umtholampilo onelayisense angahlola futhi ahlolisise ukuthola ukuthi ngabe kukhona yini inkinga yomtholampilo edinga ukwelashwa.
4. Asizithandi ezinye zezinguquko
Manje njengoba sesazi ukuthi abangane bethu bomshado bazoshintsha futhi kufanele bashintshe, ake sikhulume ngokuthi kungani ukuzivumelanisa nalezo zinguquko kungaba nzima kangaka. Kunezimpendulo eziningi kulo mbuzo, kepha impendulo eyisisekelo nebaluleke kakhulu ukuthi asizithandi ezinye zezinguquko. Kunezinguquko esizibonayo kwabalingani bethu esizishayela ihlombe futhi sizazise, futhi kukhona lezo esivele singazamukeli, sizidelele futhi sizibhekele phansi.
5. Vumela oshade naye ukuba aguquke abe ngumuntu abakhetha ukuba yibo
Ngikhuthaza bonke abantu abashadile ukuthi bavumele abalingani babo ukuba baphendukele endodeni noma kowesifazane ababehloselwe ukuba babe yibo futhi bakhethe ukuba yibo. Ukuzama ukwakha isimilo somuntu noma ubuntu bakhe ngaphandle kwemiphumela yakho kukhungathekiso, izingxabano, nobudlelwano obulimele.
Lapho umuntu omdala ezizwa sengathi angeke abe yibo uqobo, unamahloni ngoba nje nabo bekhona phambi kwabanye, futhi bazizwa benqatshiwe ngabalingani babo basengozini yokuthola izimpawu zokukhathazeka nokudangala, imizwa yokudabuka , intukuthelo, intukuthelo, nemicabango engaba khona yokungathembeki.
Ngamunye wethu ufuna ukuzizwa amukelwa ngabalingani bethu futhi azizwe sengathi balungile kulokho esiyikho kunokuba siphoxwe yilokho esiyikho.
Isibonelo esihle inkosikazi elindele ukuthi umyeni wayo abuyele ekolishi azothola iziqu zakhe ngoba efuna athole umsebenzi ongcono. Ufundile, unesiqu esihloniphekile kumqashi wakhe, futhi uhlala engacacanga kahle lapho ozakwabo bebuza ngomsebenzi womyeni wakhe.
Unamahloni ngesiqu samanje esiphethwe ngumyeni wakhe kumqashi wakhe. Uqhubeka nokuphakamisa umyeni wakhe ukuthi aqhubeke nemfundo yakhe, yize azi ukuthi akanaso isifiso sokwenza njalo futhi ujabulile ngomsebenzi wakhe awenzayo njengamanje. Lokhu kungaholela ekubeni umyeni wakhe amcasukele, azizwe sengathi unamahloni ngaye, azizwe engafaneleki, futhi kungamenza awungabaze ngokuphelele umshado wakhe.
Ukufunela okungcono kakhulu kwesigamu sakho esingcono kubalulekile emshadweni ojabulisayo.
Kwesinye isikhathi kubalulekile ukwamukela ukuthi okusemandleni akho kumlingani wakho kungenzeka kungafani nokuhle kwabo. Vumela ukuthi abe yilokho futhi abavumele bajabule. Lesi ngesinye sezizathu eziningi ezinhle zokuthi ukuxoxa ngezinjongo zomsebenzi noshade naye wesikhathi esizayo ngaphambi kokushada kubalulekile.
Lokhu kuzonikeza ithuba lokunquma ukuthi izinhloso zabo zomsebenzi ziyafana yini nezakho, uma kungenjalo, uthathe isinqumo sokuthi uzokwazi yini ukuhlala nokuhlala ndawonye ngenjabulo ngezinhloso ezahlukahlukene kanye nezincazelo ezingqubuzanayo zempumelelo.
Bhekana nobungozi obungahle bube khona kanye nokwakha uhlelo lokusebenza
Lapho kwenzeka izinguquko ezinobungozi enhlalakahleni yomuntu siqu noma ezempilo zobudlelwano, indlela ethathiwayo ibalulekile ekubhekaneni nobungozi obungahle bube khona kanye nokwakha uhlelo lokubhekana nalo kanye / noma lokulungisa. Ukusondelana nesihloko noshade naye ngothando nangokuqonda kunokuba nobubi nentukuthelo kubalulekile.
Kubalulekile futhi ukuthi zombili izinhlangothi zikwazi ukubamba iqhaza ekwakheni uhlelo lokunciphisa ukulimala okungenzeka futhi zenze izinguquko ezengeziwe ndawonye uma kudingeka.
Le ndlela izonciphisa amathuba okuthi iqembu elilodwa lizizwe sengathi izinguquko ezenzekile necebo lokuzivumelanisa nezinguquko zenziwa “kuzo” kunokuba “nazo.”