-Delile
UDkt. UJohn noJulie Gottman baxoxa ngombono wencazelo eyabiwe emshadweni. Incazelo eyabiwe yilokho okwenziwa umbhangqwana ndawonye, futhi njengayo yonke incazelo, kuncike kwizimpawu. Izibonelo zezimpawu zifaka phakathi ekhaya, isiko, futhi isidlo sakusihlwa, kanye nencazelo yophawu oluwusizo kungatholakala ngombuzo othi, “Lisho ukuthini ngempela ikhaya kuwe?” Impela, ikhaya lingaphezulu kakhulu kwezindonga nophahla lwendlu; ikhaya liqukethe futhi likhulise wonke amathemba ethu okuxhumana, ukuphepha, ukuphepha nothando. Futhi kuyisizinda somsebenzi womndeni, kungaba umbhangqwana noma umndeni onabantwana.
Ukufaka incazelo ehlukile ezimpawu ezibalulekile kungadala ukungqubuzana nokungaqondi emshadweni, ikakhulukazi ngoba incazelo yawo imvamisa ayaziwa noma izwakaliswa. Cabanga ngomyeni okhulele efulethini elingaphakathi edolobheni njengewukuphela kwengane yomama ongayedwa. Ikhaya lakhe bekuyindawo yokulala, yokugeza neyokushintsha izingubo, futhi imisebenzi eminingi yezenhlalo neyomndeni, kufaka phakathi ukudla nomsebenzi wesikole, yenzeke ngaphandle kwekhaya. Le ndoda ishada nonkosikazi okhulele emndenini omkhulu obekudla kwakusihlwa ndawonye ekhaya, obevame ukulandelwa ngomdlalo wamakhadi noma ingxoxo emnandi ngemicimbi yosuku. Lapho beshada, enye yezinkinga zokuqala abahlangabezana nazo yisifiso sabo esihlukile sokuhlala ekhaya kusihlwa.
Isibonelo: Ukuthatha uhambo
Ukuhambahamba into ebengilokhu ngiyithanda njalo. Ngikuthanda kakhulu ukuhamba ebusuku kakhulu, lapho kungekho zimoto ezihamba ngesivinini esikhulu emgwaqweni wethu omatasa, futhi akudingeki ngiphephe izinja ezihanjwayo noma omakhelwane abafuna ukuxoxa. Angihlali nabantu, kodwa ngijabulela ukuhamba njengesikhathi sami sokuthula sokuzindla. Kimi, ukusondelana kobumnyama nokuthula kuyisimemo esinamandla sokuxhumana nami futhi. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, umyeni wami ungumuntu othambekele kakhulu ongakujabuleli ukuzicabangela futhi othola ukuhamba kancane kakhulu. Uyakuzonda ukuhamba!
Ekuqaleni komshado wethu ngazithola ngithukuthele futhi nginomunyu wokuthi angahambi nami. Lapho ngikwazi ukumbeka icala lokuhamba nami, okwakwenzekile kwakungemnandi ngoba wayengafuni ukuba lapho futhi ukuhamba kwethu kwakuvame ukuphenduka izingxabano. Ngabona ukuthi akulungile ukumcela ukuba ahambe nami, ngayeka ukwenza kanjalo. Ngiphinde ngabheka nokuthi kungani ukuhamba kwakhe nami kubaluleke kangaka. Ngithole ukuthi ukuhlanganyela leso siqephu esincane sesikhathi esisondelene nendawo nendawo ekupheleni kwezinsuku zethu kwakuwuphawu olubalulekile kimi — uphawu lokuxhuma. Lapho umyeni wami ekhetha ukungahambi nami, ngikutolika njengokulahla ukuxhumana mina, futhi kwangithukuthelisa. Lapho sengike ngathola ukuthi ukungafisi kwakhe ukuhamba nami akuhlangene nokwenqatshwa kwami noma umshado wethu, ngazinakekela ekuhambeni kwami ngedwa.
Ngokujabulisayo, manje njengoba ngingasamduduzi, umyeni wami ungijoyina kusihlwa kakhulu lapho sihamba. Kuyena, limele ukuzivocavoca nethuba lokuxoxa nami, kepha kimi, liphendula ukulangazelela kwami ukuxhumana nomyeni wami. Njengoba sesixoxe ngakho, sakhe umqondo omusha, owabiwe wokuhamba kwethu — isikhathi lapho sazi ukuthi singathembela komunye nomunye njengokulalelana, ukusekelana, futhi “lapho” komunye nomunye.
Ukudla okudlela endlini
Imibhangqwana kumele ihlolisise okushiwo yizimpawu zayo ngemibuzo embalwa elula: “Iyini indaba yokuthi kungani lokhu kubaluleke kangaka? Lokhu kube naliphi iqhaza eminyakeni yakho yokukhula? ” Yini oyifisa kakhulu ngalokhu? ” Kusetshenziswa ingxoxo yemibhangqwana, imibhangqwana ingafunda kabanzi ngomunye nomunye nokuthi ingahlangabezana kanjani nezidingo zomunye nomunye. Leli thuluzi lisiza kakhulu ekubuyiseleni umuzwa wobungani kanye "nobuqotho," okuyisisekelo somshado oqinile.