-Delile
- Kwenzekani lapho ukuhlanganiswa kungahambi kahle kangako
- 1. Izingane zakho ezizalayo ziza kuqala
- 2. Yiba nengxoxo ejulile nomlingani wakho
- 3. Isitayela esingaguquguquki sokuba ngumzali
- 4. Umzali ophilayo kufanele abe nezwi lokugcina ezinqumweni zokuba ngumzali
- 5. Ukwelashwa komndeni komndeni ophelele ohlanganisiwe
"Hlanganisa, hlanganisa, hlanganisa". Nakhu okushiwo yigal kimi ebikwenza ukwakheka kwami. Wayenechashazi lesisekelo ebusweni bami bonke wabe esethatha isiponji wasigcoba ebusweni bami ukuze ungasiboni. Wabe esenamahloni ezihlathini zami wathi, “hlanganisa, hlanganisa, hlanganisa”, aqaphele ukuthi kwakuyindlela ebalulekile yokwenza ukwakheka ukuze kubonakale kungokwemvelo futhi kubushelelezi ebusweni bami. Umqondo ngukuthi ukuxubana kuhlanganiswe yonke le mibala yezimonyo ukuze ubuso bami bubukeke buhlangene futhi bungokwemvelo. Awukho umbala owavela sengathi wawungewona owami ubuso. Into efanayo iya emindenini ehlangana. Inhloso ukuthi alikho ilunga lomndeni elizizwa lingekho endaweni futhi ngokusobala kukhona ubushelelezi nobungokwemvelo esakhiweni somndeni esisha.
Ngokwe- dictionary.com, igama elithi blend lisho ukuxubana ngokushelela nangokungahlukaniseki ndawonye; ukuxuba noma ukuxubana ngokushelelayo nangokungahlukaniseki. Nge-Merriam Webster, incazelo yomhlanganiso isho ukuhlanganisa ihlanganiswe ngokuphelele; ukukhiqiza umphumela ohambisanayo. Inhloso yalesi sihloko ukusiza imindeni “ukuhlanganisa, ukuhlanganisa, ukuhlanganisa” futhi ube namasu athile okusiza leyo nqubo.
Kwenzekani lapho ukuhlanganiswa kungahambi kahle kangako
Muva nje, ngibe negagasi lemindeni ehlanganisiwe eza ukuzosiza umkhuba wami. Kube ngabazali bemindeni ehlanganisiwe abafuna izeluleko nokuholwa endleleni yokulungisa umonakalo osuwenzile kusukela ukuhlanganiswa akuhambanga kahle kangako. Engikubona njengenkinga ejwayelekile enqubweni yokuxubana kuyisiyalo sezinyathelo zezingane nokuthi abashadile bazizwe sengathi izingane zabo ziphathwa ngendlela ehlukile futhi engafanele esakhiweni esisha somndeni. Kuyiqiniso ukuthi abazali bazosabela ngendlela ehlukile ezinganeni zabo uma kuqhathaniswa nendlela abasabela ngayo ezinganeni asebengabazali bazo. Umeluleki wezobudlelwano nodokotela wezocansi uPeter Saddington uyavuma ukuthi abazali benza izibonelelo ezahlukahlukene zezingane ezizezabo.
Nazi ezinye izibalo ezibalulekile okufanele uzicabangele:
Ngokusho kweMSN.Com (2014) kanye ne-Family Law Attorneys, uWilkinson noFinkbeiner, ama-41% wabaphenduli babika ukungabi namalungiselelo emishado yabo futhi abahlelanga kahle ngokwanele kulokho ababekungena, ekugcineni baba nomthelela ekuhlukaniseni kwabo. Izingqinamba zokuba ngumzali kanye nezimpikiswano zibalwa kwizizathu ezi-5 eziphezulu zesehlukaniso ocwaningweni olwenziwe yi-Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) ngo-2013. Amaphesenti angama-50 ayo yonke imishado agcina ngesehlukaniso, ama-41% emishado yokuqala kanye nama-60% emishado yesibili (uWilkinson no Finkbeiner). Ngokumangazayo, uma nobabili nobabili nike nashada phambilini, ninamathuba angama-90% okuba nihlukanise kunokuba ngabe bekungumshado wakho wokuqala (uWilkinson noFinkbeiner). Ingxenye yazo zonke izingane e-United States izobona ukuphela komshado womzali. Kulesi sigamu, cishe ama-50% azophinde abone ukuhlukana komshado wesibili womzali (uWilkinson noFinkbeiner). I-athikili ebhalwe ngu-Elizabeth Arthur ku-Lovepanky.com ithi ukungabi bikho kokuxhumana kanye nokulindela okungashiwo kunomthelela ekuhlukaniseni u-45%.
Okusenza sikholwe yizo zonke lezi zibalo ukuthi ukulungiselela, ukuxhumana kanjalo neziphakamiso ezingezansi, kudinga ukubhekelwa ukuze kushintshwe izinga lokuphumelela kwemindeni exubile ngendlela efanele. Cishe ama-75% wabantu abayizigidi eziyi-1.2 abadivosa unyaka nonyaka bazogcina beshada futhi. Iningi linezingane futhi inqubo yokuxuba ingaba yinselelo enkulu kwabaningi. Yiba nesibindi, kungathatha iminyaka eyi-2-5 ukuhlala futhi nomndeni omusha ukusungula indlela yokusebenza kwawo kahle. Uma ukulesosikhathi futhi ufunda le ndatshana, ngethemba ukuthi kuzoba khona iziphakamiso ezibalulekile ezingasiza ukubhebhethekisa eminye yemiphetho emibi. Uma ungaphezu kwalesosikhathi futhi uzizwa uthanda ukuphonsa ithawula, sicela uzame lezi ziphakamiso kuqala ukuze ubone ukuthi umshado nomndeni ungasindiswa yini. Usizo lochwepheshe luhlala luyindlela enhle futhi.
1. Izingane zakho ezizalayo ziza kuqala
Emshadweni wokuqala ojwayelekile nezingane, oshade naye kufanele eze kuqala. Ukusekelana nokuba yimbumba ebumbene nezingane kubaluleke kakhulu. Kodwa-ke, ezimweni zesehlukaniso nemindeni ehlanganisiwe, izingane eziphilayo kufanele zize kuqala (ngokwesizathu, yebo) bese kuthi oshade naye abe ngowesibili. Ngicabanga ukuthi ukusabela kwalesi sitatimende kunemiphumela embalwa evela kwabanye babafundi. Ake ngichaze. Izingane zesehlukaniso azange zibuze isehlukaniso. Abazange bacele umama noma ubaba omusha futhi ngokuqinisekile akubona ababezokhetha oshade naye omusha. Abazange bacele umndeni omusha noma ezinye izingane zakubo. Kusazobaluleka ukuthi ubumbane nomlingani wakho omusha: izingane engizozichaza, kepha izingane eziphilayo zidinga ukwazi ukuthi yizona eziseqhulwini futhi zibalulekile enqubeni yokuhlanganisa imindeni emisha emi-2 ndawonye.
Ukuba nobumbano njengabantu abashadile kuhlale kubalulekile. Ngakho-ke, enkambisweni yokuxuba, evame ukwenziwa kangcono ngaphambi kokuba umshado omusha wenzeke, kusho ukuthi kudingeka kube nokuxhumana okuningi nokuxoxisana.
Nayi eminye imibuzo ebalulekile ongayibuza:
- Sizobambisana kanjani nomzali?
- Yini imigomo yethu njengabazali?
- Yini esifuna ukuyifundisa izingane zethu?
- Yini okulindelwe ingane ngayinye kuya ngeminyaka yayo?
- Ngabe umzali ongokwemvelo ufuna ngibe umzali / ngikhuze kanjani izingane ezizalwa?
- Iyini imithetho yasekhaya?
- Yimiphi imingcele efanelekile ngamunye wethu emndenini?
Ngokufanelekile, kubalulekile ukuxoxa ngale mibuzo ngaphambi kosuku olukhulu ukuthola ukuthi ngabe usekhasini elifanayo futhi wabelana ngamanani afanayo okukhulisa abantwana. Kwesinye isikhathi lapho abashadile bethandana futhi beya phambili ekuzibophezeleni kwabo, le mibuzo ayinakwa ngenxa yokuthi bamane bajabule kakhulu futhi babe nomqondo ofanele wokuthi konke kuzolunga ngokumangalisayo. Inqubo yokuxuba ingathathwa kalula.
2. Yiba nengxoxo ejulile nomlingani wakho
Yenza uhlu lwezindinganiso zakho zobuzali nemibono ngesiyalo. Bese wabelana ngohlu nomlingani wakho njengoba nginesiqiniseko sokuthi lizoletha ingxoxo ebalulekile. Ukuze ukuhlangana kube yimpumelelo, kungcono ukuthi ube nalezi zingxoxo ngaphambi komshado kodwa ngokwethembeka, uma ukuhlangana kungahambi kahle, yiba nezingxoxo manje.
Ingxenye yezingxoxo ifika lapho kungahle kube khona umehluko wemibono ngale mibuzo engenhla. Nquma ukuthi yimaphi amagquma ozofela kuwo nokuthi yiziphi izingqinamba ezibaluleke kakhulu emndenini osebenzayo nokuthi izingane zizizwe zithandwa futhi zivikelekile.
3. Isitayela esingaguquguquki sokuba ngumzali
Imvamisa sinezitayela zethu zobuzali ezingadluliseli kahle ezinganeni zesinyathelo. Kuzoba kuwe (ngosizo uma kudingeka) ukunquma ukuthi yini ongakwazi ukuyilawula, yini ongeke ukwazi nokuthi yini okudingeka ikuyeke. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukudala ukungaguquguquki ukuze izingane zizizwe zivikelekile kuhlelo olusha. Ukuntuleka kokuvumelana kungaholela emizweni yokungazethembi nokudideka.
4. Umzali ophilayo kufanele abe nezwi lokugcina ezinqumweni zokuba ngumzali
Ekugcineni, ngincoma ukuthi umzali ophilayo abe nezwi lokugcina lokuthi ingane yakhe ikhuliswa kanjani futhi ilaywe kanjani ukuze isuse ukufutheka nentukuthelo kusuka kumzali wesinyathelo kuya enganeni nasenganeni kuya kumzali wesinyathelo. Kungaba nezikhathi lapho kufanele uvume ukungavumelani bese kuthi umzali wokuzalwa abe nezwi lokugcina uma kukhulunywa ngengane yakhe.
5. Ukwelashwa komndeni komndeni ophelele ohlanganisiwe
Lapho ukuxhumana nokuxoxisana sekusunguliwe kuba lula kakhulu ukuxhasana futhi babuyisane enkambisweni yokukhulisa izingane nokuyala. Kuyasiza futhi ukuthola ukwelashwa komndeni nawo wonke amaqembu ahlanganisiwe akhona. Inika wonke umuntu ithuba lokubamba iqhaza, abelane ngemicabango nemizwa, ukukhathazeka, njll. Futhi kwakha indawo yokukhuluma ngenqubo yenguquko.
Ngingancoma nokulandelayo:
- Qhubeka ube nesikhathi esisodwa nezingane zakho eziphilayo
- Ngaso sonke isikhathi thola okuthile okuhle ngezinyathelo zezingane futhi ukhulume lokho kubo nakoshade naye.
- Ungalokothi usho noma yini embi ngomlingani womlingani wakho phambi kwezingane. Leyo kungaba yindlela esheshayo yokuba yisitha sengane.
- Ukuxhasana kule nqubo. Kungenziwa!
- Ungasheshi inqubo yokuxuba. Akunakuphoqwa.
Thatha umoya ojulile bese uzama ezinye zeziphakamiso ezingenhla. Funa usizo lochwepheshe uma kudingeka futhi wazi ukuthi awuwedwa. Ngikholwa wukuthi uma kwenzeka isehlukaniso futhi imindeni kumele ihlukane, kunethuba lokuhlanganisa umndeni omusha futhi kungaba nokuhlengwa nenqwaba yezibusiso ezintsha ezenzekayo. Vula inqubo bese uhlanganisa, uhlanganise, uhlanganise.