-Delile
- Shintsha ekubonaneni komunye nomunye
- Sithathe umqondo ojulile, ongazi lutho ngempilo yethu yothando
- Ukulindela othandekayo wethu ukufeza izifiso zethu eziningi ezingashiwongo
- Ukuguqula amatafula kusolwe
- Isingeniso sokuzizwela kwabashadikazi
- I-elixir yokuzizwela, nesayensi yayo
- Abantu abazithandayo banobudlelwano bezothando obenelisa kakhulu
- Umbuthano onobuhle nendlela entsha yokuxhumana
- Inkambu yamandla wangempela ebudlelwaneni ngokushesha iba lula
- Ukudala ukuzwelana kuzovusa ikhono lokuzifihla
Eminyakeni embalwa edlule bengingenisa amaklayenti ami emibhangqwana ngendlela yokwelashwa eqala ukubamangaza, bese kuthi manjalo ikunikeze ukukhululeka ekucindezelekeni nasosizini abakuzwayo. Lo mbhalo uzozama ukufingqa kafushane ukuthi kuyini.
Kunoma imuphi umshado kuningi ukufunda okufanele kwenziwe, futhi akufanele sizizwe sinamahloni okufuna ukwelashwa kwabashadikazi.
Shintsha ekubonaneni komunye nomunye
Ngesikhathi abashadikazi bengena ekwelashweni okuhlangene, imvamisa bekube nezililo eziningi, amagama anokhahlo akhulunywayo, amaphupho ashabalala, kanye nokubona okumangazayo ukuthi umuntu esithandana naye ngokubukeka, uzwakala, futhi ezizwa ehluke kakhulu omunye esiqale naye uhambo lwethu.
Vele, iningi lethu liyazi manje ukuthi ukuqonda kwethu ngomunye nomunye kuyashintsha ngemuva kokuqhakaza kungasekho rose, futhi kukhona ukuqiniswa kwesayensi kuleli qiniso. Ngemuva kweminyaka embalwa noma izinyanga ezimbalwa, futhi isigaba sothando sobudlelwano sesiqhubekile, ngisho namazinga e-dopamine ne-oxytocin egazini lethu awasekho ezingeni elifanayo lapho sibona abalingani bethu.
Isasasa elifanayo nenjabulo kuguqukele ekubeni ukwazisa okunesizotha ngokwengeziwe. Noma sekungene ekucindezelekeni, entukuthelweni nasekudumaleni.
Sithathe umqondo ojulile, ongazi lutho ngempilo yethu yothando
Baningi abelaphi abakubonile, noma sazi ukuthi izinto ziyashintsha, sisenomqondo ojulile, ongazi lutho ngempilo yethu yothando, okumele sidumale.
Kungamagama alula, ukuthi umlingani wethu uzosenza sizizwe singcono ngomlingo. Ngeshwa noma kunalokho, ngenhlanhla! Akekho umlingani ongasinikeza wonke umusa wothando nokuphulukiswa esikudingayo.
Ngithi ‘ngenhlanhla’ ngoba uhambo lomshado luzoletha izinzuzo ezingenakulinganiswa uma nje siyeka ukuzilindela kozakwethu.
Ukulindela othandekayo wethu ukufeza izifiso zethu eziningi ezingashiwongo
Lapho kuvela izingxabano ezingenakugwemeka, futhi ezivame ukudingeka kanye nezingxoxo zemibhangqwana yesimanje impilo, le ngqondo yokuhlukumezeka nentukuthelo iphakamisa ikhanda layo.
Silindele ukuthi othandekayo wethu agcwalise ukulangazelela kwethu okungazi lutho nokungakhulumi.Siyethemba ukuthi ngaphandle kwethemba umlingani wethu uzosixolela izikweletu zethu namaphutha, yize sikuthola kunzima ukuwaxolela.
Okwenzeka maduzane ukuthi lowo musa wokutholakala futhi oyigugu kithi uqobo ufakwa engozini. Ngempela, singazithanda kanjani uma lowo esishade naye esithukuthelela?
Lokhu kuzincisha amandla, amandla esiwadinga kakhulu, kuholela ekutheni sizizwe sivikela ngokwengeziwe. Futhi waphathwa kabi, futhi wahlulelwe, futhi ngaphezulu wacasulwa ukulwa kanzima.
Ukuguqula amatafula kusolwe
Okwelapha imibhangqwana, lokhu kubuhlungu kakhulu, njengoba sinomuzwa wokuthi laba bantu abalunge ngokuphelele abahleli phambi kwethu akumele babe lukhuni komunye nomunye.
Kwesinye isikhathi ngizizwa sengathi ngibuka izigcawu ezivela ku-Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? Emashumini eminyaka edlule, izithandani nezithandani bezizongena ehhovisi lami, zilungele ukusolana.
Akunandaba ukuthi yikuphi ukungenelela engizamile, bekubonakala sengathi abasoze baxolela, noma badedele amathemba angenakufezeka. Ngisho nalapho ngibanxusa ukuba balahle imimese yabo ebonakalayo, babelokhu bebasola futhi bekhuza. Futhi mina, njengodokotela wabo, ngangikhathala ngibona lesi sibhicongo.
Isingeniso sokuzizwela kwabashadikazi
Ekugcineni, ngabona ukuthi kungangcono ngibuyele enkambisweni yami yobuBuddha, ngibone ukuthi ngingathola yini izindlela ezinekhono zokusiza, mhlawumbe into engingakaze ngiyifunde esikoleni segrad, ukuphatha, umhlangano, indatshana, noma incwadi. Singakubiza lokhu kungenelela, 'Ukuguqula amatafula kusolwe - ukwethulwa kokuzizwela kwabashadikazi.'
Le ndlela ethile, iBuddhist ngemvelaphi, yethula izindlela ezithile ezithuthukisa ukuzizwela futhi zikhuthaze leli khono elifihlekile lokwazi.
Ngokunikeza amaklayenti ikhambi eliqondile lokusola nentukuthelo, kuyasiza ukukhuthaza isitayela sokuxhumana esingelolaka, futhi kungaphazamisa masinyane umbuthano okhulayo, ononya.
Lokhu kuyiqiniso eliphuthumayo ezweni lanamuhla, njengoba bambalwa kakhulu kithi abafundiswa imindeni yethu yendabuko, isonto, noma izikole, ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani ngandlela-thile ukuba nomusa kithina.
Ukuthola isithombe salokhu kungenelela, ake siqale ngalokho esikukhipha kumlingani wethu:
- Silindele ukuthi basithande ngaphandle kwemibandela.
- Siyabasola ngokungasiphathi kahle, noma ngokuphelele, noma ngothando.
- Silindele ukuthi bafunde izingqondo zethu.
- Noma sazi ukuthi asilungile, silindele ukuthi bonke bathethelele.
- Silindele ukuthi bathathe zonke izinkomba zobulili, ubunikazi nokungavikeleki kokusebenza.
- Silindele ukuthi basisekele ngokuphelele lapho bekhulisa izingane.
- Silindele ukuthi basiphazamise nemindeni yabo, kanye nomndeni wethu.
- Silindele ukuthi basikhuthaze ngobuciko, ngokwengqondo.
- Silindele ukuthi banikeze ukuphepha kwezezimali noma okungokomzwelo.
- Silindele ukuthi babone ukulangazelela kwethu okungokomoya okujulile futhi, njengewizadi, basisize ekufuneni kweqhawe lethu.
Qhubeka, uqhubeke.
Kuluhlu olude, olubhekene nokwazi okungazi lutho kozakwethu, futhi sibe semukelweni wokwamukela okulindelwe okuningi okungafinyeleleki.
Futhi kunzima ngendlela efanayo ukuba nazo lezo zifiso. Sonke sinesifiso esijulile, esinganakile sokunakekelwa, ukuthandwa nokuhlonishwa ngokuphelele. Kepha ngeshwa, akekho umlingani ongake asinikeze leli zinga lomusa wothando nozwela, singenza isihlobo sethu kuphela.
Lokhu okulindelwe kuba yizingxabano ngoba, empeleni, azikho ngokoqobo, umlingani wethu unezilinganiso zakhe kanye 'nama-shoulds' akhe, futhi le nqubo eningi ingukuphemba komlilo wokukhungatheka.
Bese, njengesilo esithile esinganekwane, ukusola kwethu kuzondla ngokwako. Ekusolweni kwethu okuphansi kuzwakala kukuhle, futhi kuyasinxephezela.
I-elixir yokuzizwela, nesayensi yayo
Ngamaklayenti ami, ngenza icala lokuthi konke lokhu okulindelwe, ngokwengxenye enkulu, kungumthwalo wethu uqobo, futhi sikhungathekile nje ngoba asazi ukuthi singaqala kanjani ukunakekela izidingo zethu.
Lapha kulapho kungena khona umuthi wokuzwela uzwela. 'Uphendula amatafula' ngoba kuzwakala njengamanje kuyiqiniso emimoyeni yethu, futhi kuguqule okunamandla kusuka ekubukeni ngaphandle kuya ngaphakathi:
"Hawu, usho ukuthi uma ngizithanda ngingahle ngibe ngcono kuwo wonke la makhono obudlelwano?"
“O, usho ukuthi kuyiqiniso ngempela ukuthi ngaphambi kokuba ubathande ngokweqiniso abanye, kufanele uzithande?”
“O, usho ukuthi akudingeki ukuthi ngiqhubeke nje ngiphe abanye abantu ngokungapheli kuqala, nginike, ngiphane?”
UDkt. Kristin Neff, onguprofesa e-University of Texas, e-Austin, usanda kushicilela incwadi ehlabahlosile, ebizwa nge-Self-Compassion, The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.
Incazelo yakhe yokuzwela uzwela iphindwe kathathu, futhi idinga ukuzenzela umusa, ukuqaphela ubuntu bethu obujwayelekile, nokucabanga.
Ukholelwa ukuthi bobathathu basebenza ngokubambisana ukukhiqiza ulwazi langempela. Ngenkathi ekuboneni kokuqala kungabonakala njengokucwebezela okungenasisekelo futhi okusobala, umsebenzi wakhe manje usuveze izifundo ezingaphezu kwekhulu ngendaba yokuzizwela. Ngokusobala ososayensi bezenhlalo eNtshonalanga, kuze kube muva nje, bebengayinaki le ndaba.
Okuzitshela kukodwa. Ukuthi umphakathi wethu unciphise umusa wothando ngomuntu uqobo kukhuluma ngezahlulelo ezinzima nezinzima esinazo kithi nakwabanye.
Abantu abazithandayo banobudlelwano bezothando obenelisa kakhulu
Izincwadi zeNeff zinezigaba ezithintekayo ocwaningweni lwakhe ngobudlelwano nokuzizwela. Ubika ukuthi “abantu abanobubele, empeleni, babenobudlelwano bezothando obujabulisayo nobenelisa ukwedlula labo ababengenabo ububele.”
Uqhubeka nokubona ukuthi abantu abaziphethe kahle abahluleli kangako, bayemukela kakhudlwana, banothando olukhulu, futhi bavame ukufudumala futhi bayatholakala ukucubungula izingqinamba eziqhamuka ebudlelwaneni.
Umbuthano onobuhle nendlela entsha yokuxhumana
Lapho siqala ukuba nobubele kithina ngokwethu, lapho-ke singaba nomusa ngokwengeziwe kozakwethu, futhi lokhu, futhi, kudala indingilizi enhle.
Ngokuqala ukuba nomusa nothando kithi ngokwethu sinciphisa okulindelwe nguzakwethu bese siqala ukondla nokondla indlala ngaphakathi kithi yokuthula okuhlala njalo, ukuxolelwa nokuhlakanipha.
Inkambu yamandla wangempela ebudlelwaneni ngokushesha iba lula
Lokhu, nakho, kuyamphumuza umlingani wethu ngoba abasazizwa belindelekile ukuthi bazulise induku yomlingo ukusiphilisa. Inkambu yamandla ebudlelwaneni ngokushesha iba lula ngoba njengoba siba nomusa kithina, siqala ukuzizwa singcono, futhi siheha amandla amahle kakhulu kozakwethu.
Lapho bezwa lokhu kuncipha kwengcindezi, khona-ke nabo, bangathatha isikhashana bazibuze, ‘Kungani ungenzi okufanayo? Yini engivimba ukuthi nami ngizinike ikhefu? '
Futhi njengoba bezizwa bengcono ngabo, lapho-ke banamandla amaningi okuphulukisa abangawanika. Kuthatha lokho nje ingqondo yabaqalayo, nesinyathelo esincane.
Ukudala ukuzwelana kuzovusa ikhono lokuzifihla
Ukudala ukuzwelana kuzokwenza, njengazo zonke izindlela zokuzwela, kuholele ekuvuseleleni kabusha kwamanethiwekhi obuchopho obuchopho, futhi kuvuse amandla okuqonda angabonakali. Vele, kudinga ukuhlakanipha okuthile ukwazi ukuthi ungakugwema kanjani i-narcissism, kepha kwabanempilo ngokuyisisekelo kulula.
Iqiniso ukuthi yithi kuphela esingazithanda ngokweqiniso ngendlela esizidinga ngayo, njengoba sizazi kangcono.
Yithi kuphela esazi ngokuseduze lokho esikudingayo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, yithina esizihlukumeza kakhulu, (sishiya eceleni, okwesikhashana, izimo zokuhlukunyezwa).
Lapho sethula lokhu kuhlanganiswa kabusha kokuthi singaba kanjani ngokomzwelo, nokuthi singamisa kanjani ukuqagela nokulindelwe, futhi simane sibe nomusa kithina, kuba ngaphezu kokuphindwa kabusha, kuba yindlela entsha yokuxhumana nomlingani othandana naye. Futhi le ndlela entsha yokuxoxa, nayo, ingaba yindlela entsha yokuphila.