-Delile
- Ukweqa indlela evulekile
- Ukweqa indlela evaliwe
- Ukubaluleka kokulinganisela
- Ukubonisa ukunakekelwa nothando
Ekubhalweni kwami kokugcina “Indlela Engale Kwenkinga Enkulu Kakhulu Yezokuxhumana”, ngikhulume ngokubuza ngeCurious njengecebo lokuxhumana okuvame ukusetshenziswa abelaphi kodwa futhi lisetshenziswe phakathi kozakwethu. Ngichaze nobuhle bazo zombili izindlela ezivaliwe nezivuliwe zokuxhumana. Ukubuza okunelukuluku kuyaqinisekisa ngokwemvelo ngoba umuntu oveza ilukuluku ufuna ngokweqiniso ukwazi okwengeziwe ngomunye. Ngokunjalo, ukutshela umlingani wakho ukuthi ucabangani ngendlela eqondile kunganelisa ilukuluku lemvelo noma ukungafihli umbono wabo noma umbono wabo. Ngale ndlela, lezi zindlela ezimbili zingahambisana. Isibonelo, isitatimende sokufuna ukwazi ("Nginelukuluku lokwazi ukuthi abantu abaningi ngokwengeziwe babonakala kanjani ukuthi badlulile.") Singalandelwa isitatimende esivulelekile ("Ngolwazi lwakho, ngingumthumeli.")
Ukweqa indlela evulekile
Kepha, akukho ukulungiswa okulula, ngoba kuhlala kunezingibe njalo. Izindlela ezivulekile, uma zeqiwe, zingafaka ukubuza imibuzo eminingi ngaphandle kokufaka ukudalulwa okwanele komuntu siqu. Umuntu obuzwe imibuzo eminingi kakhulu yanoma yiluphi uhlobo angazizwa sengathi “usendaweni leyo” noma angazizwa ahlulelwe uma engayitholi kahle impendulo. Kungabonakala sengathi "umuntu obexoxisana naye" angaba nempendulo bese kuthi “umuntu obekuxoxwa naye” abe se-hotspot yokuqagela ukuthi iyini. Esikhundleni sokuncenga ukuzimisela kwabantu ukukhuluma ngabo (i-ego-stroking), ukweqisa imodi yezingxoxo kungaholela emizweni yokuba sengozini. Ngaphezu kwalokho, umuntu obuza imibuzo kungabonakala njengokufihla imininingwane yakhe ngemuva kwesifiso sokwazi ngokujule nangokusondelana ngaphambi kokuba umuntu obuzwayo azizwe esekulungele. Noma ngabe kuhloselwe ukuthi “ini” nokuthi “kanjani” ukuvula noma iyiphi impendulo engaba khona, uma umuntu ephendula ngokuyinhloko ngemibuzo eminingi, umlingani wengxoxo angaqala ukuzizwa sengathi umakelwe ukuzivocavoca “ekumbeni idatha”. Ukuseshwa kwemininingwane yomuntu siqu kungazizwa kuphoqelekile noma kusondele ngaphambi kwesikhathi ngaphambi kokudalulwa okwanele okwabiwe kolwazi lomuntu siqu kuzo zombili izinkomba kusetha umongo wokumema nokunikeza isifiso sokuqhubeka nokwabelana ngolwazi.
Ukweqa indlela evaliwe
Izindlela ezivaliwe, uma zeqiwe, zingabandakanya nokubuza imibuzo eminingi kakhulu enomphumela ofanayo nokuhlasela ilukuluku lokufuna ukwazi kakhulu. Umehluko obalulekile ongawudweba lapha ukuthi inhloso eyinhloko yezindlela ezivaliwe ukuqondisa ukugeleza kolwazi, kanti inhloso eyinhloko yezindlela ezivulekile ukumema ukwabiwa kolwazi ngendlela ehlonishwa ngokuhlanganyela. Ngenkathi ukumema ukwabelana ngemininingwane yomuntu siqu kungadlulisa umuzwa wokubaluleka, kungashiya umlingani ezizwa ekhishwe ngokungathi lowo ofunayo akafisi ukuphindisela ngemibono yabo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kusetshenziswe imibuzo evaliwe noma evulekile, umbuzo obuza ngokweqile, ovaliwe angabonakala engenalutho emibonweni, angavamile ukunikela ngezinto ezingavuthiwe ezanele ukufanisa ukufunwa kugcina ingxoxo ethokozisayo. Ukuthuthuka kokuthembana kunganikelwa futhi umlingani odonsa amanzi angashiya umuzwa wokuba sengozini, uphelile futhi awenelisekile.
Ngokuphambene nalokho, lapho izindlela ezivaliwe seqiwe, ikakhulukazi ekusebenzeni ngenhloso yokunikeza umbono wakho omningi kakhulu, ingozi inombono wokuthi isikhulumi sikhombisa ebhokisini lensipho. Kunjengokungathi ukubhekelwa okufanele kokuhlolwa ngezikhathi ezithile izinga eliqhubekayo lentshisekelo kumlaleli kunganakiwe. Ngaphezu kwalokho, isikhulumi singabonakala singenakho ukuzwela okuncane ekukhulumeni komzimba okukhombisa ukungabi nalukuluku lokufuna ukwazi okuvela kumlingani womuntu. Izindlela zokukhathala, isithukuthezi, noma isifiso sokushiya ukuhlangana kungabonakala njengokunganakwa ngamabomu noma ukunganakwa ngokweqile, ukuze nje uthole iphuzu eliveza kuphela izintshisekelo zesipikha hhayi okunye. Umzamo omncane wokubambisana uboniswa yizipikha nabalaleli abanjalo abangashiywa bezizwa bengenalutho ngokuphelele, becasulwa, noma bethukutheliswa ukungabacabangeli abasanda kukubona.
Akucaci ukuthi yikuphi okubi kakhulu, ilukuluku elinomqondo ovulekile-ongenalo umbono noma umfundisi ovulekile othanda ukuzwa ukukhuluma yedwa kangangokuthi wonke umuntu ezilalelini angahamba futhi ngabe usakhuluma. Umuntu futhi akanakho nhlobo ukufaka isandla; omunye angahlomula ngokukhuluma yedwa kunanoma ngubani omunye. Akukho okwedlulele okubonakala kuthakazelisa kakhulu ekuphishekeleni ubudlelwano obusizakala.
Ukubaluleka kokulinganisela
Endaweni ethile kulayini, kufanele kulinganiswe ibhalansi ngezisusa zalokhu kukweqisa okubili. Kwesinye isikhathi, futhi kaningi kumakhasimende engiwabona ekwelashweni kwezithandani, bobabili abalingani basondele kakhulu kumfundisi, balinde kuphela ukuthola owabo umbono badlulele komunye, abalokothi babheke ukuthi ikhona yini ingxenye yombono wabo intshisekelo noma iqondwe ngisho ngumlaleli. Ukucabanga okuhambisana nalokhu ukuthi iphuzu lengxoxo akusikho ukulalela ukuqonda kepha ukuveza umbono wakho esikhaleni somoya ukuze nje kwenzeka ukuthi umlingani wakho alalele futhi akhathalele ngokwanele ukukuqonda. Ezikhulwini, ubufakazi bokunakekela kukazakwethu kulapho umlingani elalela futhi ezama ukuqonda. Ukushiyelwa kumadivayisi abo, angivamile ukufakazela isheke esicacile sokutshalwa kwezimali, noma ukuqonda. Ukugxila kaningi kakhulu ekuvezeni amaphuzu okubuka kuholela emathubeni alahlekile okuhlola ukuqonda futhi, mhlawumbe okubaluleke kakhulu, ukuvusa utshalomali ebuhlotsheni njengokubaluleke kakhulu kunanoma iliphi iphuzu lokubuka elinikezwa emoyeni. Lokhu kukhulisa amandla okuqeqesha imibhangqwana ukuthi igxile ngokucophelela nangokuphethe kulezi zici zenhloso yazo.
Ukubonisa ukunakekelwa nothando
Okubaluleke kakhulu ekuqalisweni nasekugcinweni kobuhlobo obusondelene kuyaqhubeka nokubukiswa okujwayelekile kokunakekela ubudlelwano uqobo. Lokhu kukhonjiswa kokukhathalela kuza ngazo zombili izinhlobo zomlomo nezingezona ezomlomo. Ukuthintwa kwesandla, ingalo ehlombe, isitatimende esithi “Ngiyakuthanda,” “Ngiyakukhathalela okucabangayo, noma ngingahle ngingavumi njalo,” noma “Singakudlula lokhu, noma ngabe Umgwaqo onzima impela, okhungathekisayo ”.Lezi yizimpawu ezivuma inselelo ebudlelwaneni obulethwa ubudlelwano kozakwethu ukunqoba ukungaboni ngaso linye kwabo futhi bagxile kuphrojekthi abafana ngayo, isizathu sokuthi bahlangane kwasekuqaleni, nesizathu sokuthi baphikelele ebudlelwaneni. Lezi zinkomba zibazisa ubudlelwano - kokubili ubunzima babo namandla abo. Kungakhathaleki ukuthi yini enye okushiwoyo, le yingxenye ebaluleke kakhulu yokuqinisa kuwo wonke amathuba. Ukuthi kukhona esingakufunda komunye nomunye. Ukuthi sicasula okuthile okubalulekile komunye nomunye, okunye okungenzeka kungabi mnandi kepha ekuhluphekeni kufanele sikunakekele. Futhi ngezivivinyo nemikhosi esiyibonayo njengoba siqhubeka nezimpilo zethu ngazinye, ubudlelwano bethu bufeza isidingo somunye nomunye sokunakekelwa, ukwaziswa. Uthando lolu.