-Delile
Ingxoxo ngokuhlukaniswa empeleni ngeyodwa ebangeni ebudlelwaneni; zombili maqondana nebanga lomzimba nebanga elingokomzwelo. Ngezinhloso zale ndatshana, sizobe sixoxa ngokusetshenziswa kokuqhelelana ngokomzimba ngenkathi sigcina ukusondelana ngokomzwelo emzameni wokuthola izinzuzo eziphelele ebudlelwaneni. Ngakho-ke, isithende se-Achilles kunoma yikuphi ukuhlukaniswa kwebanga elingokomzimba ukugcina, ukulondoloza futhi ekugcineni kukhulise / kuthuthukise ukusondelana okungokomzwelo phakathi kwabantu ababili abazinikele.
I-caveat
Mangisho ukuthi umqondo wokwehlukanisa ngaphakathi komongo ongenhla awuketshezi. Kungaba kusuka encazelweni yendabuko yokwehlukanisa iye ekuphumeni okulula kwendlu phakathi kwengxabano evuthayo ukuze "uzipholise" phansi. Uma noma imuphi umshado uzophumelela, kufanele ukwazi ukusebenzisa ukwahlukana / ibanga ngezikhathi ezifanele kakhulu njengokusondelana nokusondelana.
Umbhangqwana okwazi ukusebenzisa ibanga ebuhlotsheni bawo usungule ithuluzi elizuzisa ngokwengeziwe lokuphila isikhathi eside komshado wabo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, umbhangqwana ongakwazi ukubekezelela ibanga lezikhathi ezithile lomzimba komunye nomunye cishe ngaso sonke isikhathi ubophekile ukubhujiswa.
Omunye umkhawulo walokhu futhi ukwazi nokuzwa lapho izikhathi ezingcono kakhulu ukusebenzisa inqubo yokuqhela / ukwahlukanisa ngokomzimba. Amasiko athile omshado lapho uMlobokazi noMyeni belala ezindaweni ezihlukene ngobusuku obandulela umshado futhi ababonani kuze kuqale umkhosi; uyisibonelo esiphelele salesi simiso esisebenzayo. Ukubuyela emuva kuwe ngaphambi kokubandakanya kungenzeka kube ngesinye sezimo ezishintsha kakhulu impilo ngaphakathi kwendawo yomuntu. Lokhu kudingekile futhi kuyazuzisa enqubweni yomshado neyomshado iyonke. Ngalesi sikhathi ukucabanga, ukucabangisisa okujulile nokuqinisekiswa ukuthi abasanda kushada benza isinqumo "esifanele" kuyigugu elibalulekile lokuqhubekela phambili nokuzibophezela impilo yonke.
Ngaphandle kwezakhi zokuqhelelana ngokomzimba ukufeza ukusondelana okukhulu ngokomzwelo njengoba kuchaziwe ezigabeni ezedlule, yonke le ndatshana ibhekane kakhulu nomqondo wendabuko wokwehlukana komshado. Ukuthi lokhu kwehlukaniswa kuchazwa kanjani kuketshezi kepha kufanele kusungulwe izinto ezimbalwa ezidingekayo ukusiza ingxoxo yethu.
Ukwehlukaniswa komshado esibhekene nakho lapha njalo kufaka:
- Uhlobo oluthile lokuqhelelana ngokomzimba futhi
- Isikhathi esilinganiselwe futhi esivunyelwene ngaso esizobekezelelwa.
Ukuqhelelana ngokomzimba kungenzeka ngezindlela eziningi ezahlukahlukene kusuka kokulala emibhedeni ehlukene nokuhlala ezinhlangothini ezehlukene zendlu kuye kokuya endaweni ehlukile ngokuphelele. Isikhathi okuvunyelwene ngaso singasuka enkathini yesikhathi sokulandelana kuye kolunye uketshezi "esizokwazi lapho sifika lapho".
Ukuhlukana kungahlukumezeka kanjani
Isizathu sokuthi ngifuna ukuqala ngobubi bokwehlukaniswa komshado yingoba kuyisiphakamiso esinobungozi kakhulu. Kufanele isetshenziswe kuphela ngaphansi kwezimo ezimbi kakhulu. Lokho engizoxoxa ngakho kamuva. Isizathu esiyinhloko sokuthi kungani iyingozi kungenxa yezimo ezingezona ezemvelo kanye nomqondo wamanga wethemba onganikeza abashadikazi.
Kungumgomo osukela kulokho esikufundile maqondana nobudlelwano bebanga elide. Zinhle inqobo nje uma izithandani zigcina ibanga elingokomzimba nelilandelayo elingokomzwelo komunye nomunye. Kodwa-ke uma leso sikhala sesivalwe ubudlelwano obunamandla buguqulwa kakhulu. Izikhathi eziningi eziningi ezinjengalezi aziphili noma oyedwa / bobabili abalingani bakha izindlela ezi-maladaptive ngokweqile ukugcina ibanga lihlala njalo. Lezo zindlela zingahle zithathe ekuthatheni umsebenzi ohilela uhlelo lokuhamba olungenangqondo ukuya ekubeni umlutha wobudlelwano obungapheli bomshado.
Ngakho-ke izithandani ezibuya ekuhlukaneni kwesikhashana zibhekene nezinkinga ezifanayo ezingaba khona lapho izithandani zivala igebe ebudlelwaneni bebanga elide. Kodwa-ke, kulesi simo ngoba ubunzima bomshado kwandulela ukuhlukana; lapho iqiniso lezinkinga ezedlule (futhi okungenzeka ukuthi lisha ngokuya ngokuthi ukwehlukana kwaba isikhathi esingakanani) lingaqala kabusha, lingashukumisa lo mbhangqwana ukuba ube yi-nihilism ngobudlelwano. Isimo sakamuva kunzima kakhulu ukululama kuso kunalapho lezi zithandani zisebenze kakhulu ngezinkinga zaso ngenkathi zingafuni ukwehlukana.
Ukwehlukana emshadweni kubuye kube nengozi engokwemvelo yezindaba zomshado ezingeziwe ezingaba khona. Angikwazi ukukutshela umonakalo engiwubonile odalwe ngabantu kubo lapho bejikeleza njalo ngaphakathi nangaphandle kobudlelwano obukhulu ngokomzwelo bengenaso isikhathi esisodwa phakathi. Lesi sikhathi siyadingeka ukuze umuntu angakhiphi nje kuphela ubudlelwano bangaphambilini ohlelweni lwabo kepha futhi nokulungisa noma yimuphi umonakalo odalwe wubuhlobo.
Ngokwethiyori, ukuchitha isikhathi esithile uwedwa futhi ungaqomi nanoma ngubani noma ukuhlola ngenkuthalo amathuba obudlelwano obusha kuyindlela engcono yokushintshwa usuke ebudlelwaneni obulandelayo uye kobulandelayo. Kodwa-ke, ngenxa yezizathu ezahlukahlukene, umuntu ojwayelekile imvamisa akathathi isikhathi esanele phakathi kobudlelwano ukuzibuyisela ezingeni lapho enebhizinisi elithile ngokubheka ithemba lobudlelwano obusha.
Izikhathi eziningi lokhu kungenxa yesizungu. Isizungu sibophezelekile ukukhulisa ikhanda laso elibi ngandlela thile ngomunye noma bobabili bomshado abahlukene. Ngenxa yokuzibophezela kwabo ekwehlukaneni kanye nemizwa engemihle kakhulu komunye nomunye eyaholela kukho; maningi amathuba okuthi bathinte induduzo yomunye ukuze bazisuse isizungu abazizwayo. Imvamisa kuqala ngokufuna kuphela ukuthi kube khona othile ngokwenyama engekho umlingani wabo ohlukanisiwe manje kepha njengoba kwenzeka ezimweni eziningi zalesi simo, kungekudala bazonamathela kulo muntu omusha (omunye). Futhi lowo omunye umuntu usengene manje emshadweni wabo. Izithandani eziba yisisulu salesi simo sibi kakhulu ukwedlula lowo “owasikhipha” futhi ongakaze angene endaweni eyindida yokwehlukanisa kwasekuqaleni. Lesi ngesinye isizathu esenza ukwehlukana kwesinye isikhathi kungabi umqondo omuhle.
Ukuhlukana kungazuza kanjani
Isimo kuphela engicabanga ukuthi ukwahlukana kuyasiza futhi mhlawumbe kudingekile nalapho ingozi yobungozi bomzimba ikhona. Manje umuntu angazibuza; “Akufanele yini lowo mshado uqedwe uma usufinyelele eqophelweni lobudlova?” Impendulo yami ukuthi kunomehluko ocacile phakathi kwesimo esihlukumeza okungapheli nesimo esingaba yingozi. Ngaphezu kwalokho, isinqumo sokuthi ngabe abantu ababili kufanele baqhubeke bendawonye sincike kuphela kulabo abathintekayo. Kodwa-ke, uma umthetho uthathe isinqumo sokuthi abakwazi ukuba khona komunye nomunye ngenxa yomyalelo wezomthetho wokuvikelwa lokho kuyisimo esihluke ngokuphelele ngokuphelele. Ngakho-ke, ukwephulwa komthetho okungenzeka kube namandla kanye / noma izimo ezilimaza impilo; Ukwehlukaniswa lapho kungakhona khona udlame kunconywa kakhulu ukusiza ukuqeda ubudlelwano bengozi enjalo.
Esimweni esinjalo, ukwahlukana kwenzeka ngentshisekelo yezingane emqondweni wokunciphisa noma ukuqeda ukuvezwa kwabo ekuboneni udlame lomzimba. Ngesikhathi sokuhlukaniswa kwalolu hlobo kubalulekile ukuthi bobabili kanye / noma iqembu elilodwa lifune ukwelashwa kwezempilo yengqondo. Akukona ukwehlukana uqobo okwenzayo kepha ukwelashwa ngaphezu kokwehlukana. Umgomo weholide / ukuhoxa okungokomoya usebenza lapha. Ngamanye amagama, kwesinye isikhathi, ukuze umuntu ajulise ukuqonda kwakhe ngaye noma ngempilo yakhe, kwesinye isikhathi kuyadingeka ukuthi azisuse endaweni yakhe yansuku zonke ejwayelekile.
Kulesi simo ukushintsha ubuhle bendawo akuyona ukuphela kwendlela engakhuthaza ukuqwashisa okwengeziwe kepha futhi nebanga phakathi kozakwethu kanye nokweqa enkambisweni yabo engathandeki. Kodwa-ke, ngokungafani nokubuyela emuva ngokomoya kanye / noma iholide, ushintsho lwendawo / ibanga kusuka komunye nomunye luzohlala isikhathi esingaphezu kwesonto noma amabili. Isidingo esezingeni eliphansi inyanga eyodwa. Okweqile kungaba izinyanga eziyisithupha (umthetho uvumela). Okulingene futhi ngaleyo ndlela okuhle kakhulu kungaba izinyanga ezintathu. Kodwa-ke, lokhu kufanele kucaciswe, akusona isilinganiso sesikhathi esibaluleke kakhulu njengesiqu sokukhula komuntu siqu okutholwe ngalesi sikhathi esishiwo sokuhlukana. Okuhlangenwe nakho okuguqula impilo noma i-epiphany inamandla okuguqula umuntu ngomzuzwana ngaphezulu kuneminyaka yokufuna ushintsho olushiwo ngokusebenzisa izindlela ezijwayelekile zokwelapha kanye / noma izindlela zokuzisiza. Okufanayo kungenzeka ngokwahlukana. Uma abantu abahlukanisiwe bebone okuthile okuguqukayo empilweni lokho kuqala ngaphambi kwesikhathi sokulandelana.
Ukususa
Empeleni ngokusebenzisa amabanga ahlukene emshadweni, umbhangqwana ungafinyelela impumelelo enkulu nokuphila isikhathi eside ebuhlotsheni babo.