-Delile
- 1. Ukulwa kuyibika
- 2. Uma kufanele usebenze kanzima, ubudlelwano bakho buyadonsa
- 3. Ukukhuluma nabangani noma nomndeni ngobudlelwano bakho kubalulekile
- 4. Njalo khetha izimpi zakho
- 5. Shada noma ube nengane
- 6. Kumele ushintshe umaqondana wakho uma umthanda
- 7. Uma ulahlekelwa yinhlansi, ubuhlobo buphelile
- 8. Bangase bangabi yibo uma bengakuqondi
- 9. “Uma bekufanele kube njalo, kuzoba njalo”
- 10. Uma udinga ukwelashwa kwemibhangqwana, sekwephuze kakhulu ukugcina ubuhlobo bakho
Uhlelo esilusebenzisela ukuzulazula ebudlelwaneni bethu lwenziwe yilokho esikufunde kubazali bethu, kwabezindaba, lokho abantu abakhetha ukusikhombisa ezinkundleni zokuxhumana nakokuhlangenwe nakho kwethu kwangaphambilini. Le mithombo yakha umbono wethu wokuthi ubuhlobo “obuhle” bubukeka kanjani, iqondisa izenzo zethu, futhi isungule okulindelwe ngumlingani wethu kanye nobudlelwano bethu. Kwesinye isikhathi, sicabanga ukuthi eziningi zalezi zinto zijwayelekile, okwenza kube nzima ukuphuma ebudlelwaneni obungenampilo.
Ngize nohlu lwezinkolelo eziyishumi ezivamile ezizoba nobudlelwano bakho ngamafindo; kodwa ungakhathazeki, ngishiya amagugu ambalwa ukuze ngixhumanise lelo findo!
1. Ukulwa kuyibika
Ngitshela imibhangqwana yami emisebenzini yami yangasese ngaso sonke isikhathi, ukulwa kulungile, kodwa yindlela enilwa ngayo. Kholwa noma cha kukhona indlela enempilo yokulwa ngokugcina ingxoxo ithembekile hhayi ngokuhlasela ngamazwi. Khumbula ukuthi awukwazi ukubuyisa amagama noma ukuthi umenze kanjani umuntu azizwe. Lokhu kuzodala inkinga yokwethembana ngokuzayo futhi bobabili abalingani bazokwakha izindonga njengoba bezivikela komunye nomunye. Hlala wazi ukuthi nobabili nisethimbeni elilodwa. Sebenzisa ngokombono wokuthi "thina-ke" hhayi "mina-ness". Ubudlelwano obukhulu, ucwaningo lukaDkt John Gottman lukhombisile ukuthi ikhefu elilula lemizuzu engama-20 ngesikhathi sokulwa lingakusiza wehlise umoya. Phinda usebenzise amandla akho ngokwenza okuthile okuphumuzayo njengokuthatha uhambo.
2. Uma kufanele usebenze kanzima, ubudlelwano bakho buyadonsa
Akunakwenzeka ukukhipha umsebenzi onzima ebudlelwaneni. Uma ungasebenzi ekukhulumisaneni okusebenzayo, kuyisikhathi nje kuphela lapho ubudlelwano buzocekela phansi khona. Bonke ubudlelwano obujabulisayo bufuna umsebenzi.
3. Ukukhuluma nabangani noma nomndeni ngobudlelwano bakho kubalulekile
Uma ukhononda emcimbini wangaphandle ngobudlelwano bakho, kwakha isethi entsha yezinkinga. Cabanga ngomthelela walokho obatshela khona - ikakhulukazi uma lokhu okutshelayo kungagculanga ukuze uthole ukuqinisekiswa noma uzizwe kamnandi ngawe. Abangani bakho noma umndeni wakho ngeke babusekele ubudlelwano bakho. Okubi kakhulu, kungaholela nasekukhohliseni.
4. Njalo khetha izimpi zakho
Kufanele uzizwe uvikelekile ngokomoya ukuveza ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngokuthile futhi akudingeki ukhethe futhi ukhethe ukuthi uzothini. Uma kunokuthile okwenzekile okukwenze wazizwa [gcwalisa okungenalutho], kuveze lokho. Uma umlingani wakho ezwa ukuthi imizwa yakhe ayinandaba, mancane amathuba okuthi bangakhuthazeka ukuvula noma ukuzwa uhlangothi lwakho lwendaba. Umlingo wenzeka lapho bobabili abalingani bezizwa beqondana omunye nomunye ukuthi bangaqala ukusebenza ndawonye ukuthola indawo abavumelana ngayo. Khumbula: kukho konke ukungavumelani kuhlale kunemibono emibili futhi yomibili isebenza. Ziba amaqiniso kunalokho gxila ekuqondeni indlela umlingani wakho azizwa ngayo.
5. Shada noma ube nengane
Lokho kuzokwenza izinkinga ebudlelwaneni bakho ziphele. Lokhu kungenza ngihleke futhi ngiqine njalo lapho ngizwa. Njengokwakha indlu, isisekelo sakho kufanele siqine ngaphambi kokuthi uqale ukucabanga ukuthi yimuphi umbala ozopenda izindonga. Izinto eziyisisekelo zobudlelwano ziqukethe izinto ezinjengokwethembana, inhlonipho, kanye nezinga ozizwa ngalo ukuthi umlingani wakho uyakwazi ukuhlangabezana nezidingo zakho. Uma lezi zinto zintengantenga, ngethembe, awukho umshado noma ingane engakulungisa lokho. Izikhathi eziningi, izikhathi zenguquko (isb.ukuzalwa kwengane noma umsebenzi omusha) zenza ubuhlobo bakho bube sengozini kakhulu.
6. Kumele ushintshe umaqondana wakho uma umthanda
Qonda ukuthi lapho singena ebudlelwaneni, kuyinqubomgomo "yokuthenga njengoba injalo". Uthola okubonayo. Ungazimiseli ukushintsha umuntu. Kufanele ufune kuphela umlingani wakho ukuthi ashintshele kokuhle, njengakubo, ebakhuthaza, ukufeza izinhloso zabo empilweni noma ukuphila impilo enempilo. Ubudlelwano bakho kufanele bube ngumthombo wesikhuthazo sokuba ngumuntu ongcono. Akulungile futhi akunangqondo ukuphoqa umlingani wakho ukuthi ashintshe.
7. Uma ulahlekelwa yinhlansi, ubuhlobo buphelile
Yize ucansi nothando kubalulekile ebudlelwaneni, kuyehla futhi kugeleze. Impilo iyenzeka, singakhathala ngalobo busuku, sicindezeleke emsebenzini, noma singazizwa sishisa kakhulu, okunganciphisa kakhulu i-libido yakho. Bobabili ophathina bazohlala njalo bengadlalwanga lapho kuziwa kulokhu. Ungacabangi ukuthi kukhona okungalungile ngawe ngoba umlingani wakho wayengekho esimeni. Ngalezi zikhathi, ungazami ukuncenga umlingani wakho ukuthi asondele futhi ungabahlazi, esikhundleni salokho, qonda okwenzekayo bese uzama ukunciphisa inkinga futhi ubekezelelane. Uma sekushiwo lokho, qonda ukuthi lokhu kuyenzeka, kepha ungavumeli ubudlelwano bakho buphathwe yizingcindezi zokuphila kwethu kwansuku zonke.
8. Bangase bangabi yibo uma bengakuqondi
Uma umlingani wakho engazi kahle ukuthi ufunani noma ukuthi uzizwa kanjani, akuyona eyiyona. Akekho umuntu ofunda ingqondo. Khulumela phezulu! Kungumsebenzi wakho ukuveza izidingo zakho kumlingani wakho ukuze babe nethuba lokuzifeza. Iphutha elenziwa abantu abaningi ukuveza indlela abafuna ukuzizwa ngayo.: "Ngifuna ungenze ngizizwe ngifunwa." Lesi sitatimende singavula ikani lezikelemu. Esikhundleni salokho, cacisa ngokusemandleni akho ngokuthi, "Ngidinga ubusuku bezinsuku zothando njalo ngempelasonto, ukunakwa kwakho okuhlukanisiwe phakathi nobusuku bethu bezinsuku, futhi ungimangaze ngezimbali amahlandla ambalwa onyakeni". Lokhu kunikeza umlingani wakho isiqondisi futhi akushiyi ndawo yokungaqondi izidingo zakho.
9. “Uma bekufanele kube njalo, kuzoba njalo”
Noma "uma umuntu ehlala ngokusebenzisa b.s. kusho ukuthi bayakuthanda ”. Masibe neqiniso, uthando alwanele ukugcina ubudlelwane obunempilo nobufezekile. Ubudlelwano buthatha umsebenzi (sengikushilo lokho kwanele?) Kanye nokutshalwa kwemali. Uma bobabili abalingani bengakakulungeli noma bengazimisele ngokuzayo, lapho-ke kungaba yisikhathi esihle sokubuyekeza indima yakho ebudlelwaneni. Ebudlelwaneni obuningi, ikakhulukazi ngemuva kokufika kwengane, ukulahleka kwabalingani kugxila ekuthandaneni futhi bayayeka ukwenza isikhathi sobulili obukhulu, ukusondelana, ukuzijabulisa nokuzilibazisa kube yinto eza kuqala. Uma ungaqapheli, ubudlelwano bunomkhuba wokuba uhlu olungenamkhawulo lwezinyosi nezingxoxo zikhawulelwe kwimithwalo yemfanelo yasendlini noma ezihlobene nengane. Ngigqugquzela abashadikazi bami ukuthi bazinikeze isikhathi sabo bodwa futhi bangalahli umqondo walokhu.
10. Uma udinga ukwelashwa kwemibhangqwana, sekwephuze kakhulu ukugcina ubuhlobo bakho
Kunezinga lesehlukaniso elingu-40-50% e-United States. Umbhangqwana ojwayelekile ulinda iminyaka engu-6 ngaphambi kokufuna ukwelashwa ngezinkinga zabo zomshado. Ukwenza izinto zibe zimbi kakhulu, uhhafu wayo yonke imishado ephelayo yenza kanjalo eminyakeni engu-7 yokuqala. Abantu abaningi banesimo sengqondo sokuthi “uma kungaphuliwe, ungayilungisi. Futhi uma seyonakele, ungakhulumi nokuncipha ngoba angihlanyi. ” Ukwelashwa kwezithandani kuyasebenza kakhulu futhi ukungenelela kwangaphambi kwesikhathi kungcono kakhulu (futhi awufuni ukuba yingxenye yalabo bantu abangama-50% abahlukanisile kulo nyaka).
Ubudlelwano ngabunye buhlukile futhi bunezinkinga zabo, izinselelo, nempumelelo. Emkhubeni wami wokwelapha ngisiza amaklayenti aqonde ukuthi akulutho ukuqhathanisa ubudlelwane bawo nalokho acabanga ukuthi obunye ubudlelwano buyikho, okungukuthi ngoba awazi ngempela ukuthi kwenzekani ngemuva kweminyango evaliwe. Okusebenzela ubudlelwano obunye, kungahle kungasebenzeli obunye. Gxila kubambiswano lwakho bese ukhomba izinselelo namandla, bese uqala ukusebenza wakhe isisekelo esizwakalayo.