-Delile
- Ukufika endaweni ejulile yencazelo nokusondelana kusho umsebenzi owengeziwe
- Hlola izindawo zobuntwana bakho ukuze uphenye izinkinga zakho zobudlelwano
- Sibona umhlaba nge-lens yezimo ngokususelwa ebuntwaneni bethu
- Qonda izitayela zakho zokunamathisela ukuze uqale ukutakula
Ubudlelwano bunesimo semvelo sokuheha nomphumela, okuqhathaniswa nokwenzeka komuthi, ezicini zawo zokulutha nokuhoxa. Ekuqaleni, kuyinto entsha esekela ukugqugquzela nesifiso sokuchitha isikhathi esiningi ngangokunokwenzeka nalo muntu, sinake imininingwane futhi sifunde esingakwazi, sijwayelane nabo, umzimba, ingqondo nomphefumulo. Izinga nokulindelwa kwempilo ebudlelwaneni bethu bamanje kusekelwe empilweni yalokho esikholelwa ukuthi sikufanele nalokho esikwesabayo noma esikuthembayo kwabanye. Ukuba nomshado oqinile noma ukuzibophezela kwesikhathi eside kuzodinga ukuthi sazi ukuthi siyiphatha kanjani impilo yethu engokomzwelo kanye nozakwethu.
Ukufika endaweni ejulile yencazelo nokusondelana kusho umsebenzi owengeziwe
Okuhlangenwe nakho kokuqala kobudlelwano obusha kuba namandla futhi into esiqhubeka siyifuna futhi siyilangazelela ngenxa yokuthi ijabulisa kanjani. Sizwa ukuxhumana kanye nomuzwa wobungqabavu ebusheni bomuntu esinaye. Asikwazi ukuthola okwanele kubo. Luthando, ukuluthwa ngamakhemikhali ngokuphelele, yimizimba yethu exhuma nomunye umuntu. Kodwa-ke akukho ukuxhumana emhlabeni okungamelana nalesi sikhathi sokuqala senjabulo nenjabulo. Ngesinye isikhathi, okungenakugwemeka kuyenzeka. Ukuze “sikhuphuke” kufanele sengozini, futhi lapho kuqala ubumnandi.
Kulinganiselwa ukuthi endaweni ethile phakathi kwenyanga engu-12-18 ebuhlotsheni, siqala ukujwayelana. Asinantambo njengamakhemikhali njengakuqala. Sithatha amaphethini wokuziphatha. Siqala ukwakha izindaba ngomuntu ngokuya ngomlando wethu kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho okwabiwe. Inoveli inciphile futhi asisabhekani nokujaha okufanayo nathi esake sakuthola. Ukufika endaweni ejulile yencazelo nokusondelana kusho umsebenzi owengeziwe, futhi okubaluleke kakhulu kulokhu isidingo sokwandisa ukuba sengozini kwethu. Futhi ukuba sengozini kusho ubungozi. Ngokuya ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwethu kwangaphambilini sizobona ubudlelwane ngeso lethu lokwesaba okufundiwe noma ukwethemba okuthembayo. Ukuzimisela kwalokho engikulindele nokuthi ngiyidlala kanjani indima yami emdansweni osondelene kuqala ngesipiliyoni sami sokuqala sothando nokusondelana, ubuntwana bami. (Faka umqulu wamehlo lapha).
Hlola izindawo zobuntwana bakho ukuze uphenye izinkinga zakho zobudlelwano
Siphithizela ezimpilweni zethu, ingxenye enkulu, singazi ukuthi kungani siphendula futhi sifaka imiyalezo ngaphakathi ngendlela esenza ngayo. Sonke sehlukile futhi siqhuba izimpilo zethu ngezifanekiso zethu zokubhekisa futhi ireferensi yethu yilokho esikufunde ngenkathi sisebancane.
Njengomelaphi, ngiqala ukuhlola lesi sifanekiso namakhasimende ami ngokubuza imibuzo. Kwakunjani ekhaya lakho ngenkathi usemncane? Kwakuyini ukushisa ngokomzwelo? Uthando belubukeka kanjani? Zazixazululwa kanjani izingxabano? Ingabe umama wakho nobaba babekhona? Ingabe babetholakala ngokomzwelo? Ingabe babethukuthele? Ingabe babenobugovu? Ingabe babekhathazekile? Ingabe babecindezelekile? Bebezwana kanjani umama nobaba? Zanakekelwa kanjani izidingo zakho? Ingabe uzizwe uthandwa, ufunwa, uvikelekile, uphephile, kuyinto ebaluleke kakhulu? Uzizwe unamahloni? Ngokuvamile sixolela izingqinamba emndenini ngoba, izinto sezihamba kahle manje, ngaleso sikhathi, bekungangithinta kanjani manje njengoba sengimdala, bahlinzeka, njll. Konke kuyiqiniso impela, kodwa akusizi uma umuntu efuna ukuqonda ngempela ukuthi kungani uzizwe futhi uziphathe ngezindlela ezithile.
Uma abantu bekulungele ukuphenya ukuthi kungani ubudlelwano babo busenkingeni nokuthi yini okudingeka bayicabange ukuze belaphe futhi bathuthuke, hhayi ebuhlotsheni kuphela kepha ngaphakathi kwabo, lapho-ke badinga ukuthola iqiniso nomuntu oziqhenqethayo kusukela ebuntwaneni bakhe nokuthi kubathinta kanjani ezimpilweni zabo. Ukuhlola, ngendlela engahluleli, yokufuna ukwazi, ukuthi sivumelane kanjani nemvelo yethu njengengane ukuqinisekisa uhlobo oluthile lokuxhumana nokuthi sikutolika kanjani ukubaluleka kwethu kokuba nezidingo kuhlangatshezwane nothando olungenamibandela nokwamukelwa.
Ngimema amaklayenti ami ukuthi asondele ohlangothini lobuntwana bawo, ukuze abone ukuthi kwenzakalani sengathi bekubuka kudlalwa kumovie bese bechaza abakubonayo. Ngiyaphinda ngiyasho, hhayi ukuthi ngisole kepha ukuqonda nokuthola amasu okulungisa ngaphambi kwesihenqo esivela ekuhlakalweni kwengane ezinyunyaneni zamanje.
Sibona umhlaba nge-lens yezimo ngokususelwa ebuntwaneni bethu
Cabanga isikhashana, ukuthi ngobubanzi bobunzima, ngamunye wethu unohlobo oluthile lokuthuthuka kokunamathiselwe kokuthuthuka okungena kuzo zonke izici zempilo yethu. Njengezingane, sihlanganisa lokho abanakekeli bethu abayinhloko abayimodeli futhi sizazise ngokwethu ngokususelwa endleleni esaphathwa futhi sakhuliswa ngayo. Sikwimodi yokusinda njengezingane. Ukushayela kwethu ukugcina ukuxhumana nabanakekeli bethu, futhi asiboni ukuthi isimilo esisebenza okwesikhashana njengezingane singaba yimikhuba engagugi njengabantu abadala. Ngaphezu kwalokho, sibona umhlaba ngeso lezimo ngokususelwa kulokho ubuntwana bethu obusiyalile ukuthi sikulungiselele. Amamephu wethu okusinda akhiwa futhi adala ukulindela okungazi lutho ukuthi indaba esayijwayela sisengabantwana yizo eziyoqhubeka nokuvela ezimpilweni zethu.
Uma ngikhula nginomnakekeli ozinzile ngokomzwelo, ongacindezelekile, ongaguquguquki ekunakekeleni izidingo zami futhi onokuqonda okunempilo kwemizwa, lapho-ke ngikwazi ukulondeka ngokwengeziwe ebudlelwaneni bami. Izingxabano nezilingo kuzoba nakho kepha ukulungiswa kuyenzeka ngoba ngifunde kumnakekeli wami ukuthi ngikuzulazula kanjani lokhu futhi ngingakwesabi. Lokhu kungeza ekuqineni kwami nasekulawuleni imizwa, ngazi ukuthi kungenzeka ukulungiswa futhi ngiyakwazi ukubhekana nosizi ngaphandle kokuphendula kabi. Ngizokhula ngibe nokuzethemba, ukuzethemba okunempilo, imingcele enempilo, ukulawulwa ngokomzwelo kanye nobudlelwano obunempilo.
Uma ngikhula ngingaqiniseki ukuthi ngithembele kanjani kubantu, kwesinye isikhathi ngizizwa ngiphephile futhi nginobungane, kwesinye isikhathi ngineziyaluyalu noma ngihlukumeza, lapho-ke ngizojwayela ukufaka umyalezo engidinga ukuba nenkinga ukuwuxazulula ukuze abanye bazokwazi ukungisekela. Ngiyacela bantu, angikaze ngikhululeke ngokujwayelekile, ngikhathazekile. Ngizozizwa ngingavikelekile ngokuya ngokuvumelana futhi ngizobangelwa noma yiluphi ushintsho oluncane kumzwelo noma kwemizwa. Uma ukuziphatha kuguquka futhi kunokuntuleka kwemizwelo ngizofaka ngaphakathi ukulahlwa nokwenqatshwa. Lapho umuntu ebanda futhi eqhela futhi engakhulumi, lokho kufana nokufa futhi kungidalele isiphithiphithi ngokomzwelo.
Uma ngikhule nginganakiwe noma ngilahliwe ngezindlela lapho bengilindele noma yini ukuthi ibangele ubuhlungu obukhulu nosizi, khona-ke ngiyovala imizwa nokulindela phansi, ngaleyo ndlela ngilondoloze umqondo wami wokuphepha nokuthula. Ngizozizwa ngithembele kakhudlwana ngokuthembela kimi kuphela nasezenzweni ezincike ekuncikeni kwabanye kuzodala ingcindezi. Ngizobeka izithiyo ezinkulu zokuxhuma nezidingo futhi ngingathembi muntu. Imizwelo iyingozi emhlabeni wami; umuntu osondelana kakhulu usongo ngoba lapho-ke imizwa yami isengozini. Noma ngiyifuna, ngiyakwesaba. Uma umlingani wami eba nemizwa, ngizovala okuningi ukuze ngizivikele.
Umuntu ngamunye ulele endaweni ethile kulezi zigaba. Cabanga ngobubanzi lapho isethulo esivikelekile esinempilo siyiphuzu eliphakathi, futhi sikhathazekile, singazethembi ngokomzwelo kokunye ngokweqile nokugwema, ngokungazethembi okuqinile kokunye. Ukwehluleka kobudlelwano obuningi kungumphumela womuntu okhathazekile futhi ozigwemayo othandana naye futhi lapho isikhathi esanele sesidlulile, lokhu kuba sengozini kuyadalulwa futhi umuntu ngamunye uqala ukubangela omunye umjikelezo ongapheli ngoba, ingxenye enkulu, angazi lutho ngezindlela zethu zokusondelana.
Qonda izitayela zakho zokunamathisela ukuze uqale ukutakula
Ngesikhathi lapho kudingeka ukuxhumeka okujulile, amanxeba okunamathiselwe avele ngokomzimba aqale ukucasula futhi adale izinkinga. Ngaphandle kokuqwashisa, umonakalo ungalungiseka njengoba zombili izinhlangothi ziveza kalula umthwalo wezinkinga ebudlelwaneni komunye umuntu, lapho empeleni bobabili behluleka nje izindlela zokuphila ababethembele kuzo empilweni yabo yonke. Zivele zingadalulwa ngendlela umlingani osondelene naye azobadalula ngayo.
Lapho nje amaklayenti ami obambiswano eqala ukuhlola nokuqonda izitayela zawo zokunamathisela ngazinye, ayakwazi ukuqala inqubo yokululama nokuphulukiswa okuzosekela ubudlelwano obuyiqiniso obufanele nabufisayo. Ukuziphilisa kungenzeka, futhi isikhathi sokuphila sobudlelwano singathuthuka uma le nqubo yokuthola isiqalile. I-hangover kusuka ebuntwaneni bethu inayo ikhambi.