-Delile
- 1. Ngokuqwashisa kuza ukuqonda
- 2. Yiba nozwelo
- 3. Ungabi umsizi noma umelaphi wabo
- 4. Funa usizo lochwepheshe
- 5. Ungakhohlwa ukuzinakekela
Ukuthi ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo kubuthinta kanjani ubudlelwano kungathatha isibalo hhayi kuphela ekusebenzeni kobuhlobo bakho kepha nakuwe uqobo. Ezinye izinsuku zinhle. Ezinye zimbi.
Kwezinye izinsuku kumane kuzwakale sengathi ukuphela kobuhlobo bakho nomuntu omthanda kakhulu futhi ofunge isifungo sokuthanda nokubambelela ekuguleni nasempilweni.
Yize lungekho ucwaningo oluningi lokuthi ukugula kwengqondo kubuthinta kanjani ubudlelwano, ikakhulukazi kumongo womshado, ungabheka i-intanethi, futhi uzothola izindaba eziningi zomuntu siqu zokuthi kufanele uzizwe kanjani njengokuhlala nomlingani ogula ngengqondo kepha okubaluleke kakhulu, izindlela zokubhekana nazo.
1. Ngokuqwashisa kuza ukuqonda
Ukuqala kwesigaba ngasinye sobudlelwano kuzohluka futhi kuzodinga ukulungiswa okuhlukile futhi. Lokhu kuyiqiniso nakulokho umphakathi okuchaza njengobudlelwano "obujwayelekile".
Ngaphambi kokungena emshadweni, impilo yengqondo yomlingani wakho kungenzeka yayilethwe obala. Kungenzeka ukuthi ube nesandla ekululameni kwabo, kepha emishadweni lapho kuvela khona ukugula kwengqondo lapho ushada (okungukuthi, ukucindezeleka kwangemva kokubeletha), kunconywa kakhulu ukuthi ufunde ngokutholakala koshade naye.
Uma ufunda ngokuxilongwa komuntu oshade naye, uzihlomisa ukuze ukwazi ukuqonda kangcono oshade naye.
Lokhu kuzokuvumela ukuthi wenze zombili izimo zakho zokuphila kube ngcono futhi kuzokuvumela ukuthi ubone umlingani wakho ngokukhanya okuhlukile okungenacala ekwahlulelweni. Ngemuva kwakho konke, ukuthanda oshade naye kuza nokubathanda ngokuqonda okujulile ngaphandle kwanoma yiziphi izahlulelo ezivalekile.
Kubalulekile futhi ukuthi wazi ukuthi uma uqala ukufunda ngezimpawu nokuxilongwa, kungahle kukulahle ekuqaleni.
Ezinye zezimpawu zingavela “njengesimo esingesihle” nje. Hlala uvule inhliziyo nengqondo yakho.
Qaphela lokho okufundayo futhi ugcine engqondweni ukuthi inhloso yokufunda kwakho ukuqonda umlingani wakho, hhayi ukuwafaka encazelweni noma kwelebula.
Qaphela noma kunjalo; kunezinsiza ezingenakubalwa kwi-intanethi, kufanele ukhethe ezithembekile ukugwema ukudideka okuqhubekayo.
Ukufunda ngokuthi ukugula kwengqondo kubuthinta kanjani ubudlelwano kungaba yisiqalo esihle.
2. Yiba nozwelo
Uma uthanda umuntu, uzwelana naye.
Umehluko phakathi kokuzwelana nokuzwela ukuthi ngozwela, "uzama ukuhamba ezicathulweni zabo" futhi ujule kunalokho; unokuqonda okujulile ngokwenzekayo.
Uma unikeza uzwela, uxhuma nemizwa yomuntu ebuhlungu. Unika amandla imizwa yakho ukufiphaza ukwahlulela kwakho okuthikameza amandla akho okusiza lowo muntu ngokungakhethi. Kepha ngozwela, kuyicala elihluke ngokuphelele.
Uma usebenzisa indlela enozwela, unikeza usizo kusuka endaweni yokuqonda.
Kufaka phakathi ukuqonda ngokucacile lokho omunye umuntu abhekene nakho, noma ukucela ukuthi lowo muntu, (noma abantu besithathu uma bengakwazi ukuxhumana kahle) bakusize uqonde imingcele nobunzima ababhekana nabo.
Ngale ndlela, ukhuthaza ukucabanga okubucayi komunye umuntu.
Ukuba ngumlingani oqondayo kusho ukuthi awuzweli kuphela kulokho abazizwa ngakho.Kusho nokuthi ukuqonda kwakho kwangempela kuqhamuka ekwazini lokho ababhekene nakho, okuxhumene nephuzu lethu lokuqala - ukuzihlomisa ngolwazi.
3. Ungabi umsizi noma umelaphi wabo
Imiphumela yempilo yengqondo ebudlelwaneni ukuthi kulula kakhulu ukuba umsizi noma umelaphi. Uma uthanda umuntu ngokujulile ukuthi uzomenzela noma yini othandekayo wakho, futhi lokhu kufaka, kepha kungenzi ngamabomu, ukuba umsizi wabo.
Ukunika amandla umuntu onesifo sengqondo kusho ukuthi ukhombisa izindlela zokuziphatha okuthi, nakuba zingezinonya, zingasizi ngokuphelele. Uqinisa indlela yokuziphatha engemihle yingakho igama, 'ukunika amandla.'
Isibonelo, ukuba sebudlelwaneni nomuntu otholwe eneNarcissistic Personality Disorder kusho ukuthi oshade naye unombono ovelele futhi owedlulele ngokwabo.
Ukuthi lolu hlobo lokugula kwengqondo lubuthinta kanjani ubudlelwano lungafaniswa ne-leech emunca igazi kwizisulu. Lapho ujabulisa kakhulu ukubabeka eqhulwini, kulapho unika amandla khona ukuphazamiseka kwabo.
Abantu abanezinkinga zobuntu ezi-narcissistic bavame ukuzibheka njengesikhungo sendawo yonke. Laba bantu abasebenzisa izidakamizwa bazobona izidingo zabo njengesidingo kuphela esidinga ukugcwaliseka. Ukushada nabo kungasho ukuthi izidingo zakho zizogcina zifakwa kusishisi sangemuva. Ukwenza kanjalo kuzobenza bakwazi ukuqhubeka.
Enye into eyingozi okungenzeka ukuthi uyenza njengomlingani osekelayo ukuba ngumelaphi wabo.
Ngaphandle kokuzihlomisa ngezindlela ezinekhono kakhulu zokusiza umlingani wakho wokuphila, akusona isibopho sakho ukuba ngumelaphi wabo. Lokhu ngeke kusebenze ekuhambeni okude nobabili noma nganoma yini esele yomndeni wakho.
Lokhu akulungile noma ngabe ukulungele ngokwengqondo. Cela ukwesekwa ngochwepheshe abangaphandle komshado wakho ukuze benze imisebenzi yabo yokwelapha yokwelapha oshade naye. Indima yakho ukunikeza uthando, ukusekela, ukuzwelana, kanye nozwela koshade naye phakathi kwemizamo yabo yokululama.
4. Funa usizo lochwepheshe
Ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe kuhlale kuyinto ehamba phambili uma kuziwa ekubhekaneni nanoma yikuphi ukugula.
Ukugula kwengqondo komlingani wakho kuzobuthinta kanjani ubudlelwano bakho noma umshado wakho kuzobuthinta impela ubudlelwano uqobo ngakho-ke kuyalulekwa kakhulu ukuthi ufune usizo lochwepheshe ngendlela yezikhathi zokwelulekwa.
Ukuya ngezikhathi zokwelashwa nokwelulekwa nabelaphi abangochwepheshe kuzophakamisa ezinye zezinkinga zokucubungula imizwa yenu ndawonye njengezithandani.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, lokhu kuzokusiza ekutholeni ulwazi mayelana nezindlela zokubhekana nezokuxhumana ukuze uthuthukise ubudlelwano bakho noshade naye.
Ngokululekwa, uhlonyiswa ngombono ohlukile, umbono omusha, nokuzwana esimweni okungaba nzima ukubhekana naso.
Ukushada nomuntu onesifo sengqondo, maningi amathuba okuthi udlule ebangeni lemizwa eshaqisayo ngakuye noma ngomlingani wakho okungadala ukuthi uzizwe unecala lokuzizwela - umbuthano ononya!
Isibonelo, ungahle uzondeke, ukhungatheke, ungagculiseki noma uzondwe ngophathina wakho yize wazi ukuthi ngeke bakwazi ukusiza isimo.
Ukutubeka akumangalisi.
Imizwa enjalo ebuhlungu ingaphenywa ngokunenzuzo ngosizo lokwelulekwa nokwelashwa.
Ngokwelapha, imibhangqwana ingathola ukuthi ingayakha kanjani imingcele eqinile futhi iveze kahle umbono wayo ebudlelwaneni yize okwamanje, kanti ngenkathi oshade naye egula ngengqondo, kuzogxilwa ekubhekaneni nokubhekana nesimo (umlingani ongazinzile ngokwengqondo ngeke abe ukwazi ukutshala imali ebudlelwaneni njengamanje) ukwelashwa kuzonisiza nobabili ukubhekana nalokho.
5. Ungakhohlwa ukuzinakekela
Akukaze kube nobugovu ukuzinakekela; kuyisidingo lapho ushade nomlingani onesifo sengqondo. Uma ulahlekelwa umbono wokuzinakekela, uzibeka engozini yokugula nokugula ngengqondo okuzobeka nengozi emshadweni wakho.
Ukuzinakekela akusho ama-spa kanokusho noma izindawo zokugeza ezibizayo; ungavele uzijwayeze ukuzinakekela ngokuqiniseka ukuthi udla ukudla okunomsoco, ukulala ngokwanele, ukuzivocavoca umzimba noma ukuzama nje ukufunda noma ufunde umdlalo wokuzilibazisa owuthanda kakhulu.
Le mikhuba ingabonakala ibaluleke kakhulu ekusizeni ukuphatha ukutubeka.
Ukunakekela umlingani onesifo sengqondo kungakhombisa ukuthi kuyakucindezela yingakho kufanele uzinakekele kangcono.
Ungakhohlwa ukuthatha usizo nosizo olunikezwa izinhlangano zosizo kanye nezinsizakalo zokusekela (noma okufanele) osebenza nazo ukuthola usizo nokwesekwa koshade naye. Bazi kangcono kunezinselelo eziningi zokuba nowakwakho onesifo sengqondo futhi imvamisa banikezela ngezinsizakalo ezibalulekile zokukusiza futhi bakusekele nawe njengengxenye yephakethe labo lokunakekelwa.
Impilo izokuphonsela izinselelo ezahlukahlukene njengabantu abashadile, kufaka phakathi impilo yengqondo yomuntu oshade naye. Ukugula kwengqondo kubuthinta kanjani ubudlelwano kungahlukahluka ngokuya ngesifo nokuqina kwaso. Njengomlingani onothando, kubalulekile ukusekela kepha ngasikhathi sinye uhlale uphilile emzimbeni nasengqondweni, ukuze ukwazi ukunakekela owakwakho ogula ngokwengqondo. Lokhu okungenhla kunezindlela ezahlukahlukene zokubhekana nawe ukuze ukwazi ukwenza lokho.
Ukubambisana okuqinile futhi okunempilo kuzobona ukuthi ukugula kwengqondo kungenye yezithiyo ezingalawulwa futhi zinqotshwe. Umshado ubambiswano, futhi lokhu kusho ukuthi ukunakekela ubudlelwano ngesikhathi sokugula kungumthwalo wakho womabili. Ngokubambisana nothando, umshado wakho uzomelana nezikhathi ezinzima kakhulu.