-Delile
Lapho wena nomlingani wakho niguqa ngamadolo engxoxweni ebangelwe ukungqubuzana (noma, njengoba sithanda ukuthi “ukulwa”), kulula ukubaphazamisa ngezitatimende zokuzivikela ezinjengokuthi “Lokho akulona iqiniso ngokuphelele!” noma "Awuqondi ukuthi ngangisho ukuthini ngalokhu!" Ngeshwa, le kuyindlela enhle yokwandisa ingxoxo ibe yimpikiswano eshubile, kunokuyisa ezinqumweni ezivumelanayo.
Ukukhulumisana okuhle emshadweni ngesikhathi sezingxabano yikho okugcina ubuhlobo buhlangene. Ukulalela okungazivikeli kuyikhono elihle ongalisebenzisa ezimeni ezinjengalezi ngoba kuvumela ingxoxo ukuthi iqhubeke ngendlela evumela ukuthi izinhlangothi zombili zizizwe zizwakala futhi ziqondakala. Futhi lapho lokho kwenzeka, kusebenza ngempumelelo ekukuqondiseni kunhloso yakho: ukubhekana nodaba lwakho ngendlela enempilo.
Kuyini ukulalela okungazivikeli?
Kalula nje, ukulalela okungavikeli kuyizindlela ezimbili zokuzwa umlingani wakho ngokweqiniso nokwakha umzila ongcono wokuxhumana emshadweni. Okokuqala, kuvumela umlingani wakho ukuthi aziveze ngaphandle kokuthi uziphonse futhi uzinqume. Okwesibili, likufundisa ukuthi ungamphendula kanjani umlingani wakho ngendlela ebahloniphayo, ngaphandle kwemizwa emibi noma ukusolwa. Zombili lezi zindlela zizonifaka lapho nifuna ukuba khona: ukuqonda udaba, nokusebenza kulo ukuze nobabili seneliseke ngomphumela.
Masidilize izinto zokulalela okungavikeli futhi sifunde ukuthi singalifaka kanjani leli thuluzi ukuze sikwazi ukulikhipha ngokuzayo lapho lidingeka.
Ukuqonda ukuthi kumayelana nani ukulalela okungazivikeli, ake sibheke amanye amasu asetshenzisiwe ukuzivikela ukulalela:
“Ulalele” ngokuzivikela uma:
- I-Stonewall umlingani wakho ("Yeka ukukhuluma ngalokhu. Ngikhathele ukukuzwa !!!")
- Phendula umlingani wakho ngokuthula noma uphume egumbini (Ukungabi bikho kokuxhumana)
- Yenqaba indlela umlingani wakho abona ngayo izinto (“Awuqondi !!!”)
Uma uke wazijwayeza ukulalela ngokuzivikela (sonke esinakho, ngakho ungazizwa kabi ngalokhu), uyazi ukuthi akukuyisi ndawo.
Ukulalela okungavikeli kumayelana nokugxila ekuxhumaneni nomlingani wakho nokuthola ukucaciseleka nokuqonda ngodaba abaluletha etafuleni. Imayelana nokuphendula, hhayi ukusabela.
Ungalalela kanjani ngaphandle kokuzivikela
1. Ungaphazamisi
Lokhu kuthatha umkhuba othile ukuze uphelelise — sonke sinomkhuba wokufuna ukungena lapho singavumelani nalokho esikuzwayo. Noma ngabe sicabanga ukuthi lokhu esikuzwayo kuyasangana, akulona iqiniso ngokuphelele, noma kukude nomkhondo - vumela umlingani wakho aqede. Uzoba nesikhathi sakho sokuphendula lapho sebeqedile.
Uma uphazamisa othile okhulumayo, ubenza bazizwe bekhungathekile futhi bengazwakali. Basala bezizwa bengavunyelwe futhi sengathi imicabango yabo ayinandaba nawe.
2. Gxila kulokho okushiwo umlingani wakho
Lokhu kunzima ngoba sinomkhuba wokungena futhi siphendule ikakhulukazi lapho singavumelani nalokho abakushoyo. Ukuze uhlale ugxile, zijwayeze izindlela zokuzithambisa. Ngenkathi ulalele, naka ukuphefumula kwakho, ukuvumele ukuthi kuhlale kuzinzile futhi kuzolile. Ungazithambisa futhi ngokuthatha incwajana bese ubhala phansi amaphuzu ongathanda ukuwakhuluma lapho sekuyisikhathi sakho sokukhuluma. Ungahle ufune ukwenza i-doodle kancane ukukusiza ukuthi uhlale usesimweni esidambisayo. Tshela umlingani wakho ukuthi ulalele ngokugcwele kulokho abakushoyo, ngakho-ke abacabangi ukuthi umane nje uhlukanisa izindawo ngenkathi wenza i-doodling.
Lapho sekuyithuba lakho lokuphendula, sebenzisa isitatimende sempendulo esikhombisa umlingani wakho ukuthi uyakuqonda abakukhulumayo, kunokuhumusha kwakho lokho ocabanga ukuthi bakushilo.
Uma udinga isikhathi sokucabanga ngempendulo yakho, yazisa umlingani wakho ukuthi ukuthula kwakho akusilo ithuluzi lokukhombisa ulaka lwakho, kepha kuyindlela yokuthi wakhe imicabango eqhubeka ekhanda lakho. Lokhu ukuthula okucabangayo, hhayi ukuthula okuziphindiselayo, ngakho-ke mabazise ukuthi ukuthula kwakho kumane kukunikeza isikhathi sokucabanga, hhayi ukuvalela ngaphandle.
3. Hlala uzwela
Ukulalela ngozwela kusho ukuthi uyaqonda ukuthi umlingani wakho angaba nombono ohlukile odabeni. Uyaqonda ukuthi iqiniso labo kungenzeka ukuthi akulona iqiniso lakho, kodwa lisebenza ngokulinganayo. Ukulalela ngozwela kusho ukuthi uyakugwema ukukhipha isahlulelo kulokho okuzwayo, nokuthi uyawazi umuzwa osemazwini abo. Ukuzibeka ezicathulweni zomlingani wakho ukuze ubone kangcono ukuthi kungani bebona izinto ngendlela ethile. “Ngiyakuqonda ukuthi kungani ubona izinto ezinjalo, futhi kunengqondo” yindlela enozwela yokuphendula lapho sekuyisikhathi sakho sokukhuluma. Ukwenza izimpendulo zokuzwelana kuyindlela enhle yokuvimbela izingqinamba zobudlelwano ukuthi zingakhuli.
4. Ukulalela kube sengathi uyaqala ukuhlangana nalo muntu
Lokhu kunzima, ikakhulukazi uma unomlando omude nomlingani wakho. Ukulalela okungazivikeli kudinga ukuthi uhlangane nale ngxoxo kusha, ngaphandle kokuhambisa noma yimiphi imibono yangaphambi kokukhulelwa kazakwenu. Isibonelo, uma umlingani wakho ebengathembeki ngaphambili nawe, ungahle ulingeke ukuthi ube nalokhu ngemuva kwengqondo yakho lapho umlalela. Kungenzeka ukuthi uzwa yonke into ngesikrini sokungabaza noma ufuna amanga, useshe amabinzana akhe ngezindlela ongabonisa ngazo ukuthi akathembekile. Ukulalela ngokweqiniso ungazivikeli, udinga ukubeka eceleni ukwahlulela kwakho nokuchema kwakho futhi uhlangane naye kabusha futhi ngaphandle komlando olandelayo okugcwala le ngxoxo yamanje.
5. Lalela ngenhloso yokuqonda, hhayi ukuphendula
Inhloso ebanzi yokulalela okungazivikeli ukuzwa umlingani wakho futhi umqonde. Uzoba nesikhathi sokwakha impendulo yakho, kepha lapho ekhuluma, vumela ukuthi ukungenise konke lokho futhi ungabeki impendulo yakho engqondweni yakho ngenkathi eziveza.
Ukufunda ikhono lokulalela okungavikeleki kungenye yamathuluzi amahle kakhulu ongaba nawo kuthuluzi lakho lobudlelwano futhi elizokusondeza kumlingani wakho nasezinhlosweni zakho zobudlelwano.