Bangaphezu kuka-88% abantu abasha abakholelwa ukuthi banomphefumulo womuntu endaweni ethile ebalindile, ngokusho kocwaningo olwenziwe yiNational Marriage Project eRutgers University. Ngokusobala, umbono womlingani womphefumulo usabalele ... kepha ingabe ungokoqobo? Leli gama laqhamuka kuphi futhi? Ingabe kuyingozi ukubeka ukholo oluningi emcabangweni okungenakwenzeka ukufakazela?
Kwabaningi, umqondo wokushada nomphefumulo ugxile ekudalelweni, intando kaNkulunkulu, noma ukuphindukuzalwa kothando lwangaphambili. Abanye abanakho ukuqonda okucacile kokuthi kungani bekholelwa emcabangweni womlingani womphefumulo kepha basazizwa ngokuqinile ukuthi badalelwe ukuba babe nomuntu oyedwa othize kulomhlaba.
Umqondo womlingani womphefumulo uyakhohlisa — umcabango wokuthi umuntu oyedwa angawuqedela ngokuphelele, noma okungenani usisize, uheha ngendlela emangalisayo. Uma futhi sithola umlingani wethu womphefumulo weqiniso, amaphutha ethu ngeke abaluleke ngempela ngoba umphefumulo womlingani wethu uzokuhlomela ngokuphelele ukuphatha nokulinganisela la maphutha.
Lapho izikhathi zimnandi, kulula ukukholelwa ukuthi umuntu onaye angaba ngumphefumulo wakho. Kepha lapho izinto ziba nzima, ukuzethemba okufanayo kungazanyazanyiswa kalula. Ubungathini uma ngabe ubungalungile — kuthiwani ukube lo muntu ubengeyena umphefumulo wakho ngempela? Impela, umlingani wakho womphefumulo weqiniso akasoze akuphoxa, akasoze akuqonda kabi, futhi angakulimazi. Mhlawumbe umlingani wakho womphefumulo wangempela usekhona lapho kwenye indawo, ekulindile.
Ngenkathi umqondo womlingani womphefumulo ungeke ufakazelwe ngokuqinisekile, futhi awunakuphikiswa. Ngakho-ke yikuphi ukulimala okungavela ngokukholelwa kubalingani bomphefumulo, noma okungenani ithemba ngomunye? Inkinga kungaba ukuthi umqondo wethu wabalingani bomphefumulo ungasibangela ukuthi sibe nokulindela okungenangqondo ngothando futhi kusishukumisele ukuba sishiye ubudlelwano empeleni obunekusasa elihle.
Ithi usuthole umuntu okhethekile, ongaba ngumlingani womlingani womphefumulo. Ngeshwa, akuvamile ukuthi amazulu avuleke futhi anikeze uphawu olucacile lokuthi umuntu onaye empeleni “nguye.” Ngaphandle kobufakazi obunjalo, kulula ukuthethelela "ukuthenga izimpahla" okuncane ngomzuzu lapho uthando lwenu luqala ukulahlekelwa injabulo khona.
Ucwaningo lweminyaka engama-20 olwenziwe nguPaul Amato, Ph.D., ePenn State, lubonisa ukuthi amaphesenti angama-55 kuya kwangama-60 emibhangqwana ehlukanisayo ilahle izinyunyana ngamandla angokoqobo. Abaningi balaba bantu babelokhu bethi basabathanda abalingani babo kepha babenesithukuthezi noma bezwa ukuthi ubudlelwane abuzange bufinyelele kulokho abakulindele.
Ubudlelwano obusebenzayo buvame ukukhishwa, hhayi ngenxa yezinkinga ezingalungiseki, kepha ngoba umlingani wethu akazange ahambisane nezinjongo zothando esasinazo ekhanda lethu. Ikakhulu ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside, obuzinikele noma emshadweni, ukuqeda ubudlelwano obuqinile ngoba nje awusekho ku-100% uyaqiniseka ukuthi umlingani wakho umphefumulo wakho ubonakala ungenanhlonipho.
Lokho akusho ukuthi kufanele sihlale ebudlelwaneni obungenampilo, kepha kunalokho, ukuthi kufanele silinganise ukufaneleka kobudlelwano ngokufanele. Njengoba kuchazwa ngqo ukuthi yini efanele umuntu ukuba abe ngumphefumulo wakho kunzima kakhulu, zama ukuhlola ubudlelwano bakho esikhundleni sezisekelo ezifana nothando, inhlonipho nokuhambisana. Akungabazeki ukuthi eminye imidlalo ilingana kangcono kuneminye. Kepha ukulingana kahle akusho ukuthi udinga ukuhlanganyela zonke izici zobuntu noma intshisekelo njengomlingani wakho.
Abalingani bomphefumulo bangaba khona kahle ... mhlawumbe unenhlanhla yokuthi usuthole owakho vele. Ekugcineni okubalulekile akulona ikhono lomlingani wethu lokuphasa isivivinyo esithile somlingani ongaziwa. Okubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi sizethembele emandleni ethu okuqhubeka nokuthola ubuhle, amandla, yebo, uthando lweqiniso, ebudlelwaneni bethu nomuntu esinaye.