-Delile
- 1. Umkhohlisi kumele avele obala
- 2. Ukwethembeka yisimo esiqhubekayo futhi esihlala njalo
- 3. Udinga ukubudabukisa ubuhlobo obucabanga ukuthi unabo, futhi lokho kujwayelekile
- 4. Uma ungumkhohlisi, xolisa kumlingani wakho
- 5. Bheka iqhaza lakho kukho konke lokhu
- 6. Yazi ukuthi ubudlelwano ngemuva kokukopela abugcini lapho
Ngabe ubuza ukuthi ungaqhubekela kanjani phambili ebudlelwaneni bakho obuyinhloko ngemuva kokuthi uthole ukuthi umlingani wakho ukukhohlisile? Ngabe ufuna ukuhlenga lobu budlelwano obubalulekile, kepha awazi ukuthi uzoqala ngaphi? Futhi uma uthatha isinqumo sokuhlala ndawonye, ubuhlobo benu buzoba njani? Ingabe kungaze kufane?
Uma ufana nabantu abaningi abaye babhekana nokukhashelwa ebudlelwaneni babo, usale unomuzwa wokungathembi okujulile. Uyakungabaza ukwethembeka komlingani wakho, hhayi nje kuphela njengokukhathazeka ngezinto ezingaba khona ngaphandle komshado kepha kuzo zonke izici zempilo yakhe.
Ngemuva kwakho konke, ucabanga ukuthi, uma engaqamba amanga ngalokhu, lokho kusho ukuthi uqamba amanga nangezinye izinto, futhi.
Ngakho-ke, into yokuqala oyofuna ukuqala ukuyilungisa ebudlelwaneni bakho ngemuva kokukopela ukuthembana. Futhi ukwenza lokhu, kuhle njalo ukusebenza nomeluleki wabashadikazi.
Umeluleki wabashadikazi ukubone konke, futhi akukho ongakusho ekusithekeni kwehhovisi labo okuzobamangaza noma kubanqume. Bazokuqondisa kulezi zinsuku eziyingozi kakhulu futhi bakusize uqonde ukuthi lokhu okuzwayo kujwayelekile futhi, kaningi, kuyabuyiselwa uma nobabili nifisa ukusindisa ubuhlobo benu.
Ake sicabange ukuthi uyakwenza. Ngakho-ke ake siqale ngokwakha ukwethembana kabusha - ukwethemba okulahlekile lapho umlingani wakho ethatha isinqumo sokuthi kuhle ukuzibandakanya ekuziphatheni okungeyona eyomuntu oyedwa.
1. Umkhohlisi kumele avele obala
Lokhu kusho ukuthi kufanele athembeke ngokucophelela kuwe. Kumele aphendule noma imuphi umbuzo omphonsa wona, futhi kufanele aphendule ngokuthembeka okungu-100%. Uthole ilungelo lokwazi konke nokwazi konke kuzo zonke izici zempilo yakhe.
Ukuze akhe kabusha ukwethembana, ongakholwayo kufanele avume ukuthi, athi, adlulisele amaphasiwedi ocingweni lakhe, i-imeyili yakhe, nawo wonke ama-akhawunti akhe ezokuxhumana aku-inthanethi, uma ufisa ukubhekana nalokhu.
Ngeke ukwazi. Ungathola ukuthi ukwembula ukuholela ekukopeleni kungalimaza kakhulu kunalokhu, imiphumela yokukhohlisa. Kepha ukuthembeka ngokuphelele kuyingxenye yokwakhiwa kabusha kokwethembana, futhi lowo owephule ukwethenjwa kufanele ayiqonde le mfuneko.
2. Ukwethembeka yisimo esiqhubekayo futhi esihlala njalo
Umqambimanga ngeke avuleke futhi athembeke ngokukhashelwa. Kumele bazinikele ngokuphila impilo ethembekile ngokungaguquki kuzo zonke izindawo, kungagcini ngokulinganiselwa ebudlelwaneni bakho.
Abantu abathembekile benza ukwethembeka kuyo yonke imikhakha yempilo yabo.
Abagxili entanjeni yasesitimeleni, abakhohlisi emithethweni yabo, abayifaki ephaketheni lempahla eshisiwe abaphathiswe imali ngephutha. Qagela? Impilo yokuphila i-100% ngokuthembeka izwa kamnandi! Kungasekho ukusetha i-akhawunti ehlukile ye-imeyili yezindaba ezihlasimulisayo, kungasafuneki ukumboza amathrekhi akho lapho kwenziwa okuthile abaziyo ukuthi akufanele ngabe bakwenza.
Ukwethembeka kungukukhululeka emthunzini wecala.
3. Udinga ukubudabukisa ubuhlobo obucabanga ukuthi unabo, futhi lokho kujwayelekile
Ungazami ukusunduza isenzo esingalungile ngemuva kwakho ngomzamo wokubuyela ebuhlotsheni bakho emva kokukopela ngokushesha okukhulu. Vumela uzwe ubuhlungu balokhu kungathembeki. Umlingani wakho udinga ukubona ukuthi izenzo zakhe zicasule ukudabuka okujulile kuwe, okuzothatha isikhathi ukubuna.
Ufuna wonke umuntu acabange ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho bulungile, noma unamahloni okuvuma ukuthi "umshado wakho ophelele" ubungaphelele kangako, noma mhlawumbe ungumuntu ongakhululekile ngokuhlala nokuhlangabezana nemizwa engemnandi.
Uma uphonsa imizwa enjalo eceleni, isenzo sakho sithumela umlayezo kumlingani wakho okopelayo ukuthi empeleni lokhu bekungeyona into enkulu nokuthi mhlawumbe angaphinde aphunyuke ngokukhohlisa futhi.
4. Uma ungumkhohlisi, xolisa kumlingani wakho
Cela intethelelo. Kungase kudingeke ukuthi uxolise kaninginingi. Ungavumeli lokhu kukucasule. Kunalokho, izokuhlenga.
Uma kunguwena othandana naye okhonjiwe, kungaba nzima, kodwa xolela oshade naye ophangayo ngemuva kwenqubo efanele yokudabuka Ungabambeleli kokulimazayo kanye nasenzondo, ngoba kuzokulimaza njengoba nje kumzwisa ubuhlungu naye.
Ukumenza "akhokhe inani" ngeke kuzuze uma ufuna ngokweqiniso ukudlula kulo mzuzu onzima futhi uvuselele ubudlelwano bakho.
Ukumxolela kuyingxenye yakho enqubweni yokubuyisela esimweni.
5. Bheka iqhaza lakho kukho konke lokhu
Akuwena owaphumela ngaphandle kobudlelwano, kepha ukweleta umlingani wakho ukuthi ahlale phansi akhulume ngendima yenu kulokhu okuholele kulokhu.
Mhlawumbe wayezizwa sengathi awumazisi. Mhlawumbe wayekhathele ukwenqaba kwakho ukwenza uthando. Mhlawumbe wezwa ukuthi akasaseyona into ebaluleke kakhulu kuwe, kodwa usondla nje kuphela, futhi akaze ezwe ukuthi “ngiyabonga”.
Futhi, le yingxoxo okufanele yenziwe phambi komeluleki wabashadikazi, njengoba lezi kuyizihloko ezishisayo ezidinga ukuphathwa ngobumnene nangokuzwela okukhulu.
6. Yazi ukuthi ubudlelwano ngemuva kokukopela abugcini lapho
Imibhangqwana eminingi iye yasinda ekuthembekeni.
Eqinisweni, udokotela owaziwayo wezithandani u-Esther Perel ukhuluma ngokuthi ungaphumelela kanjani futhi ubuyisele izithandani zakho ngemuva kokukopela encwadini yakhe ethi The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity.
Thola induduzo ngokwazi ukuthi nawe, ungaqala kabusha, nangemva kokukhashelwa.