-Delile
- Ubufakazi besayensi
- Izinzuzo ezinhlanu zothando olude
- 1. Ukuxhumana okuthuthukisiwe
- 2. Ukwanda kogqozi nesifiso
- 3. Ukucindezeleka okuncane
- 4. Isikhathi esiningi 'wena'
- 5. Ukuzinikela okujulile
- Bangazuza kanjani labo abangekho ebudlelwaneni obude
Uthando lwebanga elide luvame ukubonwa ngokungahambi kahle uma empeleni lunezinzuzo zalo. Uma ucabanga ngendlela esihlangana ngayo nabantu, kukangaki sithanda ukuhlangana nabantu abafanayo nangendlela esisabela ngayo lapho umuntu onjengesivakashi sasendlini eyekela ukwamukelwa kwakhe, akunzima ukukuqonda. Siyabathanda abantu ezimpilweni zethu kepha lolo thando alusho ukuthi siyabafuna ngasosonke isikhathi. Ngothando olude, unaleso sikhala esidingekayo. Labo abasebudlelwaneni bebanga elide bangaheha ngokweqile kumlingani wabo, bethandane ngokuphelele, bakwazi ukuxhuma ezingeni lobuhlakani futhi bajabulele ukuthanda okungaphakathi kophahla nezinkulungwane zamamayela phakathi kwabo.
Ubufakazi besayensi
Ngokocwaningo olwenziwe yithimba locwaningo eliholwa ngudokotela wezengqondo waseQueen's University u-Emma Dargie, abantu abangashadile ebudlelwaneni bamabanga amade (LDRs) abanalo ikhwalithi yobudlelwano ephansi kunaleyo engekho ebudlelwaneni bebanga elide. Ucwaningo oluthinta abesifazane abangama-474 nabesilisa abangama-243 ebudlelwaneni bamabanga amade kanye nabesifazane abangama-314 nabesilisa abayi-111 abahlala eduze komlingani wabo bathole ukuthi bobabili benza ngokulinganayo. Okuthakazelisa nakakhulu ukuthi imibhangqwana emide ebihlala kude komunye nomunye yayenza kangcono ngokuxhumana, ukusondelana nokweneliseka okuphelele. Uma lokho kungebona ubufakazi obenele, ucwaningo olushicilelwe kufayela le- Ijenali Yezokuxhumana ngoJuni ka-2013 kutholakale ukuthi ngaphandle kwezinkolelo ezithandwayo, uthando lwebanga elide lunganelisa kakhulu. Isikhathi sekhwalithi siphethe inani elingaphezu kwenani.
Izinzuzo ezinhlanu zothando olude
1. Ukuxhumana okuthuthukisiwe
Ukuxhumana kuyinkinga yokuqala ebuhlotsheni kepha lokhu akuyona inkinga enamabanga amade. Isizathu ikakhulu singenxa yokuthi bobabili abathintekayo benza umzamo wokuxhumana njalo ngoba lokhu kungumthombo wabo omkhulu wokubopha ngenkathi bengekho. Noma ngabe ukuxhumana kwenziwa ngekholi yezwi, umbhalo, i-imeyili noma i-Skype, bobabili abalingani bathambekele kakhulu ekuxhumaneni ngempumelelo ngoba,
1. Ibanga ngokwendawo,
2. Labo ebudlelwaneni bebanga elide banokuxhumana okumbalwa kwansuku zonke nomuntu wabo okhethekile, futhi
3. Bafuna ukubeka izimpilo zabo etafuleni ukugcina abalingani babo bevuselelwa futhi begcina ubudlelwane obunempilo, obuvulekile nobuthembekile.
Kanye nokuxhumana okuthuthukile, ukuxhumana kunengqondo ngokwengeziwe. Imibhangqwana ebudlelwaneni bebanga elide ivame ukuba nezingxoxo ezizwakalayo ezinomthelela ekugcineni isibopho esiqinile. Okungcono futhi, bafunda indlela yokuveza imizwa yabo nokulalela. Labo abaku-LDR basebenzisa ukuxhumana ukuze babelane ngemizwa yabo ezingeni elijulile ngoba kukhona igebe lendawo futhi bathole ukuqonda okuphakeme omunye nomunye ngenxa yalokho.
2. Ukwanda kogqozi nesifiso
Ukukhathazeka nesifiso kuhlala kuphila lapho imibhangqwana ingakwazi ukuxhumana ngokomzimba noma nini lapho ithanda. Ubudlelwano bebanga elide bukhuthaza izikhathi eziningi zokwakha ngoba abalingani balangazelela ithuba lokuxhuma ngokomzimba futhi okuholela kusihlwa esingenakulibaleka sobudlelwano. Lokhu ikakhulukazi kubangelwa ukufisa nokulindela okwakha ngenkathi kude nomunye. Lokhu kulindela kuqhuma lapho abantu ababili behlangana okugcwalisayo, okwanelisa kakhulu, nokushisa okusobala nje. Kunzima ukuthi izinhlansi ziqubuke lapho abantu ababili bengachithi isikhathi esiningi ndawonye. Ukushoda kwesikhathi kugcina okusha wonke umuntu ajabule ngakho ekuqaleni kobudlelwano.
3. Ukucindezeleka okuncane
Inzuzo engaziwa kancane yothando lwebanga elide ingaphansi kwengcindezi. Kukhona ukuxhumana okuqondile phakathi kokwaneliseka kobudlelwano nokucindezeleka. Abaphenyi ePomona College bahlole lesi sixhumanisi ngokubhekisisa, “ukonga ngokobudlelwano” noma ukusebenzisa izinkumbulo ukugcina ukuxhumana okuqinile kwemizwa lapho kunokuntuleka kobuso nobuso. Abaphenyi babeka izifundo ngochungechunge lwezivivinyo zokuxineka endaweni elawulwayo ukubona ukuthi ukulondolozwa kobudlelwano kwakuyindlela ephumelela kakhulu yokukhululeka kwengcindezi futhi bacabangele ini? Bekuyi. Ibanga likhuthaza imibhangqwana ukuthi ibhekane nemithelela emihle kanye nethemba ebudlelwaneni ngendlela engcono kakhulu ngenkathi inikela enjabulweni yabo bobabili abantu ababandakanyekayo.
4. Isikhathi esiningi 'wena'
Enye into ehlanganisiwe yothando lwebanga elide ukuba nesikhathi esithe xaxa kuwe. Ukungabi nenye into ebalulekile ngaso sonke isikhathi kunezinzuzo zayo. Ngenxa yesikhathi esengeziwe samahhala, abantu ngabanye banamahora amaningi wokufaka ukubukeka kwabo, ukuqina komzimba, nemisebenzi abathanda ukuyenza bodwa. Wonke umuntu kufanele abe nobugovu kwesinye isikhathi futhi kuma-LDRs asikho isizathu sokuzizwa kabi ngakho. Isikhathi sisodwa sinikela kakhulu enhlalakahleni nasemoyeni womuntu jikelele. Lowo mnikelo ekugcineni uzobuthuthukisa bonke ubudlelwano, both romantic and not.
5. Ukuzinikela okujulile
Ukuzibophezela kumlingani webanga elide kudinga ukuzibophezela okujulile ngomqondo othile. Abantu babhekene nezilingo, ubusuku bodwa futhi ngalezo zikhathi lapho bobabili bafisa ukuthi umlingani wabo abekhona ukuze kwabelwane ngolwazi. Kunezithiyo ebudlelwaneni bebanga elide. Yize ekuqaleni kubhekwe njengezithiyo, kuyizizathu nobudlelwano bebanga elide obukhetheke kakhulu. Ukunqoba izithiyo ezihambisana nalolu hlobo lobudlelwano ukubonisa okuhle ukuthi abantu ababili bazinikele kangakanani komunye nomunye. Lokho kuzimisela ukwenza izinto zisebenze kakhulu kwezothando futhi kuyinto esingasusa kuyo sonke. Ubudlelwano obuseduze nobude budinga umzamo kuzo zombili iziphetho.
Bangazuza kanjani labo abangekho ebudlelwaneni obude
Labo abangenabo ubudlelwane obude bangahlomula kulokhu okungenhla ngokugcina ubuntu babo. Abantu ebudlelwaneni kumele bathole indawo ejabulisayo phakathi kokuba sebudlelwaneni nokuzenzela isikhathi sabo. Chitha izinsuku ezimbalwa ngokuhlukana, hamba nohambo nabangane noma vele ubeke eceleni ubusuku obuncane ngeviki ukuze uhlale ekhaya wedwa bese ugoqa incwadi enhle. Ukuba wedwa ngokulingana nomunye wakho obalulekile kunempilo kakhulu futhi kuzokwenza uthando luhlale isikhathi eside. Wonke umuntu kumele aphile impilo yakhe. Ukwazisa phakathi kwabalingani kubaluleke kakhulu kunebanga langempela. Ukugxila kokuhle ebudlelwaneni nokwazisa ngempela umzuzu ngamunye ndawonye kugcina ukubambisana kuqina.