-Delile
- 1. Buza imibuzo ukuthola - hhayi ukuqinisekisa
- 2. Yiba nesibindi kodwa uvikeleke
- 3. Khombisa ukwazisa
- 4. Chithani isikhathi ndawonye
Ngemuva kosuku olubi ehhovisi nokuhamba ngesihogo, awusakwazi ukulinda ukuze ufike ekhaya kusihlwa sokuphumula nomndeni wakho. Kodwa uma uvula umnyango bese umemeza uthi, “Sengifikile!” akekho obonakalayo. Indlu iyinhlekelele, izingane ziyagijima, netafula lasekhishini ligqitshwe ngaphansi kwenqwaba yomsebenzi wesikole kanye nezitsha ezingcolile. Kubukeka sengathi uphuthelwe isidlo sakusihlwa futhi.
Oshade naye ubhulasha esidlule ngomgqumo, amehlo nezithupha ezinamathele ku-smartphone, endleleni eya endlini yangasese. “Nami ngiyajabula ukukubona,” uphendula, kodwa ukubhuqa kwakho kuhlangatshezwa umnyango oxegayo. Ucasukile, ulahla izinto zakho, uye efrijini, bese uzenzela isemishi, uzama ukungazinaki iziyaluyalu ezikuzungezile. Ngemuva komzamo wenhliziyo encane enkulumweni encane nezingane, uya phezulu bese uzivalela ekamelweni lakho ngokunambitheka okubi emlonyeni wakho. Njengoba ufinyelela irimothi ye-TV, ngokungazelelwe ufikelwa umcabango odabukisayo, ukuvimbe endleleni yakho: “Umlingani wami akasangithandi. Kwenzeke kanjani lokhu? ”
Uma lesi simo sizwakala sijwayelekile, awuwedwa. Njengomphathi wezithandani, ngizwe izinhlobo eziningi zale ndaba zivela kumakhasimende ami kule minyaka edlule.Bavame ukungitshela ukuthi “sebephelelwe uthando,” kodwa akusikho okwenzekayo ngempela lokho. Imibhangqwana ayi “weli ”ngokungazelele ngenxa yothando. Esikhundleni salokho, zivame ukwehlukana kancane kancane ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Lokhu kwenzeka njengomphumela wamathuba amaningi aphuthelwe wokuxhumana. Ekuqaleni, lokhu kuxhumana okuphuthelwe kungahle kube ngezikhathi ezithile, kepha kancane kancane kube umkhuba, futhi ekugcineni kube yinto ejwayelekile.
Lapho ibanga lingena ebudlelwaneni, abalingani bangazizwa benesizungu, belahliwe, benqanyuliwe, futhi benomunyu. Babhajwe kule mindset engemihle, bangayeka ukuzama ukuxhuma ngokuphelele. Kepha konke akulahlekile. It kungenzeka ukuthi izithandani ziphinde zixhumane. Ukhiye ngukuthi bobabili abalingani balawule isimo, bathathe izinyathelo eziholela ekuxhumaneni okunengqondo esikhundleni sokuhoxa kusibonakaliso sokuqala sokunqamula.
Enkambisweni yami, ngivame ukweluleka imibhangqwana ukuthi ithathe izenzo ezine eziqondile lokho kungabasiza baphinde baxhumane.
1. Buza imibuzo ukuthola - hhayi ukuqinisekisa
Ukubonisa intshisekelo yoqobo kumlingani wakho kuyisinyathelo sokuqala esibalulekile sokuxhuma kabusha. Ukubuza ngosuku lomlingani wakho — noma ngabe izinselelo abalwela ukubhekana nazo noma izinto ezihamba kahle — kungasiza kakhulu ekusizeni uphinde uxhumane. Izithandani esezihlale isikhathi eside ndawonye ziyeka ukuba nalezi zingxoxo, zicabanga ukuthi sezivele zazi konke okumele kwaziwe. Kepha lokhu ukuxhumana okungekho. Yenza umzamo oqondile wokwakha ngesikhathi sale mibuzo (phezu kwekhofi ekuseni, ngokusebenzisa imibhalo noma ama-imeyili emini, noma yini ekusebenzelayo) futhi ukwenze kucace ukuthi ufuna ngempela ukwazi — awuceli nje ukuqinisekisa lokho ocabanga ukuthi usuvele uyakwazi.
2. Yiba nesibindi kodwa uvikeleke
Lapho unezinkinga ngobuhlobo bakho, ukuvulela umlingani wakho ngalezi zinto ezikhathazayo kungaba nzima. Kuthiwani uma kuholela ekulweni — noma okubi nakakhulu, ekwahlukaneni? Akungcono yini ukugwema ukuzamazamisa isikebhe? Ngamafuphi, cha. Ukugodla ukukhathazeka kwakho ukuxhuma okungathi sína okungalimaza ubuhlobo bakho. Ukwabelana ngezinto ezikukhathazayo kudinga isibindi ngoba kubeka ubudlelwano bakho engcupheni, kepha kubalulekile ukuvula uma ufuna ukuxhumana kabusha nomlingani wakho.
Ukusiza amaklayenti ami athathe lesi sinyathelo esibalulekile, ngincoma inqubo ebizwa nge-Soften Startup, eyasungulwa nguDkt John Gottman, umsunguli we-Gottman Method Couples Therapy. Ukuthambisa ukuqala kuyisu lokuvula ingxoxo enzima ngendlela evikela ukugxeka noma ukusola umlingani wakho. Ivula ngesitatimende esichazayo, okuthile okuhambisana nokuthi “Bengikhathazekile kamuva nje, noma“ Ngibe nesizungu futhi ngikukhumbule kamuva nje, ”noma“ Ngizizwa ngicindezeleke kancane njengamanje. ” Okulandelayo, uchaza isimo, ugxile kokudala imizwa yakho — kepha HHAYI ngendlela ebeka icala kumlingani wakho. Isibonelo, umuntu engimchaze esenzakalweni sokuqala angasho into enjengokuthi, “Lapho ngifika ekhaya, ngangikhathele ngempela futhi ngicindezelekile ngenxa yomsebenzi. Ngesikhathi ngibona izingane zigijimela ekhaya nokuthi isimo simapeketwane kanjani endlini, kuvele kwenze izinto zibe zimbi kakhulu. ” Isinyathelo sokugcina ukukhuluma ngalokho okudingayo noma okufunayo: “Engangikulangazelele kakhulu kwakuwukuhlwa okuphumuzekile nawe.” Umqondo lapha akukhona ukufaka uhlu lwezenzo ezithile ozidingayo kumlingani wakho (beka izingane embhedeni, hlanza izitsha, njll.). Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi umlingani wakho azi ukuthi yini oyifunayo empeleni-ukuxhumana okubalulekile okugejelwa kaningi kunokucabanga kwakho.
3. Khombisa ukwazisa
Lapho sithola ukwazisa kozakwethu njalo, sivame ukuba nesandla esivulekile ekubuyiseleni. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, lapho sizizwa singathandwa, sithambekele ekubeni ngongqongqo kakhulu ekuboniseni ukwazisa kwethu.
Uma ubudlelwano bakho buwele esimeni sokubonga, zama lokhu: Vala amehlo akho bese ucabanga ngesonto eledlule nomlingani wakho. Bambelela kuzo zonke izikhathi umlingani wakho abekhona lapho ezenzela khona, akwenzele okuthile okuhle, noma asho okuthile okukwenza umomotheke. Manje zibuze ukuthi ngabe uzwakalise ukubonga kwakho kumlingani wakho ngalezi zikhathi. Uma kungenjalo, lokhu ukuxhumana okungekho ongakulungisa kalula ngokwenza imizamo yokubonga.
Ngithanda ukwaba isibonelo esivela emshadweni wami uqobo. Umyeni wami uhamba ekuseni kakhulu aye emsebenzini njalo ekuseni. Lapho enza ikhofi lakhe, uhlala engenzela okwanele ngakho-ke kunenkomishi eshisayo engilindayo lapho ngivuka. Kuyisenzo esincane, kepha kushefa imizuzu embalwa eyigugu ekusukeni kwami kwasekuseni futhi kwenza usuku lwami luhlanye kancane kancane; okubaluleke kakhulu, kungikhombisa ukuthi uyangicabanga futhi uyangazisa. Ngakho-ke njalo ekuseni ngizwakalisa ukubonga kwami ngaye ngokumthumelela umyalezo wokumbonga ngenkomishi yekhofi.
4. Chithani isikhathi ndawonye
Kungabonakala sengathi uchitha isikhathi esiningi nomlingani wakho ngoba nje umbona nsuku zonke. Kepha singakanani lesi sikhathi esisetshenziswe ngokunenzuzo ukuxhumana nomlingani wakho? Imibhangqwana eminingi ilwela ukuthola isikhathi sokutholana ngoba ivumela ezinye izibopho zesikhathi ukuba zize kuqala. Enkambisweni yami, ngivame ukucela imibhangqwana ukuthi ilandelele isikhathi abasichitha bexhumana nomunye isonto ngalinye. Sivame ukuqala ngamasekhondi, bese sisebenzela imizuzu, futhi ekugcineni sifike kumahora. Uma sesifikile emahoreni, imvamisa yezikhathi zethu zokwelulekwa iqala ukwehla. UDkt. Gottman uncoma ukuthi abalingani bachithe "amaHora amaMilingo ama-5" wesikhathi ndawonye isonto ngalinye. Lokhu kungazwakala kukuningi ekuqaleni, kepha kuyindlela enhle yokuxhuma kabusha nomlingani wakho.