-Delile
- Inkinga "yabangane abangalungile"
- Inkinga yokukholwa okuphikisanayo
- Ukuthola abangane abasha
- Akukaze kwephuze kakhulu
Kuphephile ukusho ukuthi umshado mhlawumbe ungobunye bobudlelwano obubaluleke kakhulu iningi lethu elinabo ezimpilweni zethu. Kokunye kokuhlangenwe nakho okukhulu kunakho konke nenselelo esibhekana nakho empilweni, phakathi kwabashadile naphakathi kwakho nabangani bakho nomndeni wakho. Kepha uma uthola ukuthi umshado wakho uthinta ubudlelwano bakho ngendlela engafanele, musa ukuxhumana ngokushesha nabameli besahlukaniso! Esikhundleni salokho, udinga ukuthola ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nayo njenganoma iyiphi enye inkinga.
Ake sidlule kokunye ukukhathazeka okuvamile nezingxabano ezingenzeka lapho sibopha ifindo likasofasilahlane. Ungakhathazeki, lokhu ngeke kube isiqubulo esidumazayo! Sethemba ukuthi uzophuma uhlome ngolwazi olungeziwe nje kuphela, kodwa nokuzethemba ebuhlotsheni bakho nokuqina kwalo.
Inkinga "yabangane abangalungile"
Ngemuva komshado, kungenzeka ukuthi uqaphele ukuthi awuhlali nabangane bakho abangashadile njengakuqala. Kulungile futhi kuyaqondakala ngokuphelele! Bekungeke kube okulungile ukusho ukuthi banomona, kepha into owawufana nabo - ukungashadi - akusekho. Lokhu kungenza kube nzima ukuqondana; ngenkathi izindaba zabo zezinsuku ezimbi zokudla kwakusihlwa zinokuhlukahluka okuningi, izindaba zakho zingabandakanya umuntu oshade naye.
Kungaba nzima futhi kubangani bakho abangabodwa ukuthi bahlanganyele nawe kanye nengxenye yakho ebalulekile, uzizwe njengesondo lesithathu noma okubi kakhulu, uzizwe sengathi uphumelele entweni abasazoyifeza- ukuthola uthando. Oshade naye naye angaba nenkinga yokuthi uzihlalela nabangani bakho abangashadile noma izintombi ngaphandle kwabo ngoba kubo kungazizwa sengathi uzama ukubaleka empilweni yakho entsha.
Manje ubhekana kanjani nalokhu? Ingabe uyabuvumela lobo bungane buye banciphe? Ngenkathi lokho kwenzeka impela, akudingeki ukuthi kwenzeke. Ukuvikela inkinga yesondo lesithathu noma inkinga yomlingani ongazethembi, udinga ukuthola indlela yokuqhubeka nokuxhumana nabo ngaphandle komshado wakho ube yithambo lombango.
Emshadweni wami uqobo, ngenza umzamo wokujabulisa abangane ngokwengeziwe. Eminyakeni edlule, ngibe nephathi yamadili edina, ubusuku bomdlalo webhodi, ukuphuma kweqembu kuma-movie. Njengomndeni wokholo, mina nomyeni wami sakhulisa ukuzibandakanya kwethu nesonto lethu lasendaweni - into esamelana nayo ngenkathi sisebancane kepha sakuthola kusiza ngokumangazayo ekwakheni inethiwekhi yethu yabangane nokusigcina sihilelekile emphakathini wethu ngezindlela zobumnandi nezingalindelekile.
Inkinga yokukholwa okuphikisanayo
Muva nje, umngani wami ushadile. Wakhula engumKatolika futhi isinqandamathe sakhe sakhuliswa njengomProthestani. Yize kwakudala lokho kungqubuzana, kusengakhuphula ithuba lokuxabana phakathi kwale mindeni emibili. Babezowugubha kanjani uKhisimusi? Noma iphasika? Noma kukhona izinsizakalo zalolo daba? Kwakungekho ukuthukuthela, kodwa umngane wami nomyeni wakhe babenenkinga engaba khona.
Kwakungenxa yokuyekethisa nokukhulumisana lapho lokhu kungazange kube yinkinga. Bahlala phansi nemindeni yabo baxoxa ngokuthi kumele benzeni. Kuvele ukuthi abazali bomngani wami bajabulela izinkonzo zabo zikaKhisimusi ngaphezu kwezinkonzo zabo zePhasika ngenkathi okuphambene nalokho bekuyiqiniso nakubazali bomyeni wakhe. Ekugcineni bavumelana ngokuthi bazoya esontweni lomngani wami ngoKhisimusi nakumyeni wakhe ngePhasika.
Empeleni, njengoba isikhathi sasiqhubeka ngalowo nyaka wokuqala, umngani wami nomyeni wakhe bakwazi ukukholisa abazali babo ukuthi nabo baye ezinkonzweni ngezikhathi ezithile emasontweni abo. Lokhu kukhombisa ukuthi ukuxhumana kuyinto ebaluleke kunazo zonke okufanele ubambelele kuyo lapho ubheka ukuthi umshado omusha ubuthinta kanjani ubudlelwano obukhona nemindeni yakho.
Ukuthola abangane abasha
Njengoba noma ngubani onobudlelwano besikhathi eside ezonitshela, kuba nzima kini nobabili ukwenza abangane. Ngenkathi ngokuqinisekile ungabugcina ubungane bakho obudlule (njengoba kushiwo ngenhla), kwesinye isikhathi lokho akunakwenzeka. Futhi nokho sonke sidinga impilo yomphakathi; abantu izidalwa zomphakathi. Umbuzo uthi uyakwazi kanjani ukuthola abangane abasha lapho sekunzima ukukwenza lokho njengoba ukhula?
Uyakhumbula ukuthi kungani kwakulula ukwenza abangane ngenkathi usekolishi noma esikoleni esiphakeme? Akukona nje ngoba kwenzeke ukuthi uhlangane nabantu eninezinto eziningi enifana ngazo. Kwakungenxa yokuthi naphoqelelwa ndawonye, mhlawumbe ngenxa yokuthi naninezifundo ndawonye. Kungakho wena noshade naye kufanele nicabange ukuthatha ikilasi, okungcono kakhulu okunganinika nobabili ikhono elisha.
Omunye umngani wami usanda kushada futhi yena nomkakhe bahlangabezana nenkinga efanayo. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, abangane babo abangashadile, ngenkathi bebasekela ngokwanele, bebengasafani kakhulu nabo. Bakwazi ukuchitha isikhathi neminye imibhangqwana, kepha leyo mibhangqwana yayinezinhlelo zayo kanye nemithwalo yemfanelo ababezinakekela. Ekugcineni, umngani wami nomkakhe baqala ukuzwa ingcindezi yokuzihlukanisa kodwa bengazi ukuthi bangabenza kanjani abangane.
Ngikubona lokhu, ngaphakamisa kubo ukuthi bathathe ikilasi ndawonye. Kwakungenandaba ukuthi hlobo luni lwekilasi, kepha uma bekuyinto abangayifunda ndawonye nelinye iqembu labantu ezingeni elifanayo lamakhono, kungaveza umuzwa wobudlelwano obenza ubungane bube lula ukwakha. Baqale umqondo wokuthuthuka, ukudansa nge-ballroom nokudweba, kodwa ekugcineni bathatha isinqumo ngobumba. Akekho kubo owayenamakhono obumba futhi babona ukuthi kuzoba mnandi.
Impela, ngemuva kokuphela kwezifundo zamasonto ayisithupha, base bezakhele ubungane nabanye ababefunda nabo. Manje babamba ukuhlangana kwabo nalaba bangani abasha lapho bonke bedla khona isidlo sakusihlwa, bese bephuza iwayini, bese bebumba ubumba amahora ambalwa.
Akukaze kwephuze kakhulu
Lezi ngezinye zezinkinga ezivamile abantu abasha abasanda kushada ababhekana nazo. Kepha zonke lezi yizinkinga ezingalungiseka, njengezinye eziningi ezingabhekana nomndeni omusha. Umshado uyabuthinta ubudlelwano bakho nabangani nomndeni, kepha akusiyo into elahlekile njalo, ikakhulukazi uma wazi ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nezinguquko.
Leticia Summers
U-Leticia Summers ungumbhali ozimele obelokhu ebhuloga ngezinkinga zomndeni nezobudlelwano cishe iminyaka eyi-10. Usebenze njengomxhumanisi wobudlelwano kumabhizinisi amancane, kufaka phakathi amaqembu omthetho womndeni.