-Delile
- Thatha ikhefu phakathi kobudlelwano
- Dedela okwedlule
- Funda ukuthi ungajola kanjani ngempumelelo
- Ukuhlanganisa i-logic nemizwa
Ngabe uyindoda efuna uthando?
Izigidi zamadoda njengamanje, emhlabeni wonke zifuna uthando.
Bafuna lowo "mlingani ophelele," abanye baze babize lokho ngokuthi "umphefumulo wabo. "
Kepha ama-90% ethu enza okungafanele uma kukhulunywa ngokuthola intombazane efanele.
Ngakho-ke senzani, sikhetha kanjani umlingani wokuphila osifanele?
Eminyakeni engama-30 edlule, umbhali, umeluleki, kanye nongqongqoshe wokuqala othengisa kakhulu uDavid Essel bebelokhu besiza abesilisa ukuqonda uthando, amandla othando, nokuthi bangamfuna kanjani umlingani ofanele.
Ngezansi, uDavid ukhuluma ngesidingo sokwehlisa ijubane futhi alandele indlela yakhe nezimfundiso zakhe ukuze ekugcineni amadoda akwazi ukudala uhlobo lothando abalufisayo.
“Ngoba abesilisa babukwa kakhulu emvelweni, sihlala siqhubeka nokugxila ezicini zomuntu ongaba umlingani wethu ngokuqhathanisa nanoma yini enye.
Senza amaphutha afanayo kaninginingi ekufuneni kwethu ukukhetha okulungile.
Empeleni, njengomeluleki, nginamakhasimende ami wesilisa afuna uthando lokwenza umsebenzi esizibiza ngokuthi yisibonelo sobudlelwano obudlule.
Kulula impela; konke abakwenzayo ukubhala mayelana nawo wonke umuntu abebethandana naye, ukuthi yiziphi izinselele ebudlelwaneni, nokuthi yiziphi izibopho zabo ekungasebenzi kahle kwalowo mzamo wezomthetho.
Ngingu-99% wesikhathi; okutholwa amaklayenti ami ukuthi bebelokhu bejaha into engalungile sonke isikhathi.
Abakajulanga ngokwanele, noma mhlawumbe abathathanga isikhathi esanele phakathi kobudlelwano, noma mhlawumbe basaphila ezweni lamaphupho lokuthi umuntu ophelele uzongena lapho ekhona futhi enze konke kulunge.
Amaklayenti ami amaningi esilisa awaboni ukuthi ayengumsindisi, umkhonto omhlophe ogibele ihhashi, efuna abesifazane abazotakula, efuna abesifazane abadinga usizo ngokwezimali noma ngokukhulisa izingane noma ngomsebenzi wabo.
Futhi amadoda amaningi angena ku-vortex efanayo, ubuso obuhlukile, namagama ahlukene kepha ubuhlobo obufanayo bokuhlanya obungasasebenzi obugcwele izinxushunxushu nedrama ababenayo impilo yabo yonke.
Ngakho-ke ungamkhetha kanjani umlingani ngokuhlakanipha?
Lokhu okulandelayo kunamathiphu wokukusiza ugweme amaphutha awenziwa abesilisa ebudlelwaneni futhi ukhethe umlingani wokuphila okulungele.
Thatha ikhefu phakathi kobudlelwano
Ekupheleni kobudlelwano, hlela ukuthatha ikhefu lezinyanga eziyisithupha ubuncane.
Lokho kusho ukuthi akukho ukuphola; uma uzimisele ngothando olujulile, kusho ukusebenza nomeluleki oqeqeshiwe, ungqongqoshe, noma umqeqeshi wezobudlelwano, ukuthola ukuthi ngabelana ngani kule ndatshana.
Iyini indima yethu ekungasebenzi kahle okuqhubekayo kothando lobudlelwano?
Dedela okwedlule
Ngemuva kokuthola ukuthi yini indima yakho ukuthi uqhubeke uqhubekele phambili.
Ingabe unolaka nje, ingabe uyabusa emvelweni, ingabe uyafisa ukuhamba futhi uya nganoma yisiphi isiqondiso umlingani wakho afuna ukungena kuso.
Ngemuva kokuthola konke lokho, kumele thethelela wonke umlingani esibe nabo esikhathini esedlule uma siphele kabi.
Lokhu kubalulekile! Uma ungahambisani nenqubo yokuthethelela (akukho lutho olwenza ukuthi uhlangane nabalingani bakho bakudala) futhi udedele noma yikuphi ukucasuka onakho, uzophatha i-mindset efiphele ebudlelwaneni bakho obulandelayo, obungasebenzi kahle kakhulu.
Buka le nkulumo enamandla yokuthi ungaqhubeka kanjani, uyeke futhi ushiye okwedlule esikhathini esedlule.
Funda ukuthi ungajola kanjani ngempumelelo
Encwadini yethu ethengisa kakhulu, "Izimfihlo zothando nobudlelwano. Ukuthi wonke umuntu udinga ukwazi!
Ngalokhu kuvivinya umzimba, nginamadoda abhale phansi lokho akubheka “njengababulali bama-deal” abo ngothando.
Futhi uhlu lungaba lude impela, kepha sizama ukulunciphisa lube phakathi kwezici eziyisithupha kuya kweziyishumi owaziyo ukuthi azikaze zisebenze esikhathini esedlule lapho bezama ukukhetha umuntu ozohlala naye.
Kungakho senza konke ukubhala mayelana nobudlelwano obudlule, futhi uma kungasebenzanga, izingqinamba ezithile ngeke zisebenze ngokuzayo futhi.
Ukuhlanganisa i-logic nemizwa
Amanye amaklayenti ami wesilisa, lapho enza lo msebenzi, athola imininingwane emangazayo, iningi lawo alifuni ukuthandana nabesifazane abanezingane, kepha uma bebheka iphethini yabo yangaphambilini othandweni bahlala bethandana nabesifazane abanezingane.
Amanye amadoda azobona ukuthi adinga ukukhetha umlingani wempilo ojabulela izinto zokuzilibazisa ezifanayo azijabulelayo, hhayi zonke, kunjalo, kepha bafuna uhlobo oluthile lokufana olwenza okuthile okungaphandle kwegumbi lokulala.
Njengoba ngitshela wonke amaklayenti ami, ezinsukwini zokuqala ezingama-90 zobudlelwano, uma usebenzisa ukuqonda, njengomthetho we-3% wokuthandana, nokwazisa ngokomzwelo ukukhetha umlingani wokuphila:
"Lo muntu muhle ufika ngesikhathi, bahlala benza lokho abathi bazokwenza ... Kungenza ngizizwe ngikhethekile kubo".
Unethuba elihle impela lokuthola umlingani omuhle.
Kepha kufanele unake zingakapheli izinsuku ezingama-90 zokuqala!
Iningi lethu libambeke kakhulu ekufuneni ucansi, oludinga ucansi, ukuya ocansini ukuze lusiqinisekise njengamadoda kangangokuthi asibeki isikhathi ekubhekeni izici abantu esithandana nabo abanazo, lokho okungase kungakulungeli thina.
Ngakho-ke uma ubheka ubudlelwano bakho bangaphambilini bese ubona ukuthi uke wathandana nabesifazane abadinga usizo lwezezimali, kufanele sikuyeke lokho.
Uma uke wathandana nabesifazane esikhathini esedlule abanezingane, futhi uyazi ukuthi awufuni ukubhekana nezingane, kufanele siqede lowo mjikelezo wokuthandana ngaphambi kokuthi uqale ngisho ngomzuzu lapho sithola ukuthi banezingane.
Noma mhlawumbe uyindoda efuna umndeni, futhi phakathi nezinsuku zokuqala ezingama-90, uthola umuzwa nokuqinisekiswa kokuthi owesifazane othandana naye akafuni ukuba nezingane. Kufanele uyiqede.
Uyabona, lokhu kungukuhlanganiswa komqondo nomzwelo okuzokunikeza ithuba elihle kakhulu lokukhetha umlingani wokuphila futhi wakhe ubuhlobo obujulile, obuvulekile, obuqhubekayo.
Uma ungena kwezemidlalo, futhi kuthatha isikhathi sakho esiningi, kungaba yiseluleko esihle ukuzinika isikhathi ngaphambi kokuzibophezela ebudlelwaneni uze ukhethe umlingani wokuphila naye onentshisekelo okungenani kwezemidlalo.
Angisho ukuthi kufanele ukhethe umlingani wokuphila oyisibuko sakho, kepha kufanele ubhale phansi lezo zinto ezingakaze zisebenze esikhathini esedlule, futhi uqiniseke ukuthi ungaziphindi.
Mhlawumbe awukwazi ukuthandana nomuntu obhemayo, nokho ubheka okwedlule, futhi abesifazane ababili noma abathathu owathandana nabo babebhema, futhi ubuhlobo baphela kabi.
Ubudlelwano bakho abusoze buphela kabi uma uvulelekile, uthembekile, uyakhulumisana, futhi uyazi ukuthi yini okusebenzelayo nokungasebenzi.
Amagama wokugcina
Amadoda amaningi, akhungathekile othandweni, anganciphisa ukukhungatheka kwawo ngo-90% ngokulandela imininingwane engenhla.
Dala uhlu lwalezo zinto ezingeke zikusebenzele olubalulekile; lowo ngumthetho ka-3% wokuthandana.
Ngemuva kwalokho dala uhlu lwezinto ezivamile ongathanda ukuba nazo nothile; izintshisekelo ezifanayo zingaba kwezemidlalo, inkolo, noma umsebenzi. Kufanele ube nokuningi kunokuxhumeka kocansi kuphela.
Futhi-ke, qiniseka ukuthi ukuxhumana kocansi kufanelekile, kunembile, futhi kuyimeshi yenu nobabili.
Uthando lukhona; uma uyifuna, kuzofanele wehlise ijubane ukuze uyithole.
Umsebenzi kaDavid Essel uvunyiwe ngabantu abanjengoWayne Dyer ongasekho, kanti nosaziwayo uJenny Mccarthy uthi, "UDavid Essel ungumholi omusha wenhlangano ecabangayo."
Umsebenzi wakhe wokuba ngumeluleki nongqongqoshe uqinisekiswe yiPsychology Today, kanti iMarriage.com iqinisekise uDavid njengomunye wabeluleki bezobudlelwano nabachwepheshe abaphezulu emhlabeni.
Ukusebenza noDavid, kusuka noma yikuphi ngocingo noma nge-Skype, sicela uvakashele ku-www.davidessel.com.