-Delile
- 1. Zinike isikhathi sokuba nosizi
- 2. Zimisele ukuthethelela
- 3. Bheka umeluleki wemishado
- 4. Ungavali
- 5. Susa izinsongo etafuleni
Lapho owesilisa nowesifazane bema phambi komndeni wabo nabangane ukumemezela uthando lwabo omunye komunye, phakathi kwezifungo zabo zomshado, kujwayelekile kakhulu ukubezwa bethi “Ngizobashiya bonke abanye ngithembeke kuwe kuphela uma nje ngisaphila . ”
Kodwa-ke ngeshwa, noma ngabe lawo mazwi akhulunywa ngezinhloso ezinhle kakhulu, izindaba zingenzeka. Kungahle kube ngenxa yezinkinga zokuxhumana, izingqinamba zokusondelana noma oyedwa noma bobabili abantu bazizwe sengathi banezidingo ezingokomzwelo ezingatholakali nje ngabalingani babo.
Kodwa-ke, noma ngabe icala lingaba yini, uma kukhona into eyodwa abeluleki abaningi bemishado abavumelana ngayo, iqiniso ukuthi akuvamile ukuthi kube yindaba yomuntu lowo indoda noma inkosikazi ehlanganyele nayo. Cishe njalo, kumayelana nokuwohloka komshado uqobo.
Okulandelayo ngemuva komshado lapho bobabili umlingani esala ezibuza ukuthi angawusindisa kanjani umshado ngemuva kokuqomisana. Ukubuyisa ukungathembeki noma sukuhlangana ndawonye emva kokungathembeki kudinga ukubekezela okukhulu, ukuxazulula, nokuzibophezela.
Noma kunezindlela eziningi zokusindisa umshado wakho ngemuva kokungathembeki, akuzona zonke izithandani ezinokudinga ukuba nomshado ophumelelayo ngemuva kokungathembeki.
Ngakho-ke uma ungumuntu osanda kuzwana nothile emshadweni wakho womshado, okhathaza inhliziyo ngendlela okwenzeka ngayo, likhona ithemba. Njengoba kunzima ukukholwa njengamanje, kukhona amathiphu okusindisa umshado ngemuva kokungathembeki kwenzeka. Nazi ezinhlanu zazo:
1. Zinike isikhathi sokuba nosizi
Lokhu empeleni kusebenza kumuntu obenobudlelwano nomlingani oyisisulu salokho. Uma kunento eyodwa noma yimuphi umuntu owake wahlangana nomuntu angakutshela yona, ukuthi umshado wakho awusoze wafana. Ikakhulukazi esimweni sokungathembeki okuphindaphindiwe emshadweni.
Kwesinye isikhathi, kungagcina sekungcono (ngoba ukusebenza ngendaba kudala uhlobo olwehluke kakhulu lwesibopho), kepha akufani.
Ngakho-ke, nobabili nidinga isikhathi ukucubungula okwenzekile, ukuzizwa kabi ngalokhu okwenzekile futhi yebo, ukudabuka lokho okwake kwaba khona, ukulungiselela lokho okuzobe “sekujwayelekile kokujwayelekile” kwakho.
Ukwazi ungakuthola kanjani ukungathembeki kuqala ngokuqonda okwenziwe nokuthi kungaba yini izizathu zalokho. Imvamisa, kuthatha imibhangqwana isikhathi esithile ukuqonda ngokuphelele ubukhulu bezinhlungu ezidalwa yizenzo zomlingani wazo.
2. Zimisele ukuthethelela
Ngumuntu ohlakaniphe kakhulu owake wathi umshado uqukethe abathetheleli ababili abakhulu. Ngisho izifungo zomshado zenza izithandani zizinikele komunye nomunye ngokuhle noma ngokubi.
Yize ukungathembeki kuwela esigabeni esithi "kubi kakhulu" sezifungo zomshado, kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi wonke umuntu unamaphutha futhi abantu ababili abathandanayo akusho ukuthi lokho ngeke kwenzeke (uma kungenjalo ngokwenyama, kunokuba mhlawumbe ngokomzwelo).
Ukuthethelela othile akusho ukuthi ukushaya indiva okwenzekayo.
Okushoyo ukuthi uzimisele ukulungisa lolu daba ngoba umshado wakho ubaluleke kakhulu kuwe kunaleso senzo. Kwirekhodi, kubalulekile kumuntu obebandakanyeka kulokho kucela ukuthethelelwa kowakwakhe nokuthi naye azixolele.
Enye yezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu amathiphu okuthola ngaphezu kokungathembeki futhi nihlale ndawonye ukuqonda ingqikithi yokuthethelelwa emshadweni wakho.
3. Bheka umeluleki wemishado
Ingabe ukwelulekwa ngomshado kuyasebenza ngemuva kokungathembeki? Yebo, kuneminye imibhangqwana ekwaziyo ukusinda ngokuthandana ngaphandle kosizo lomeluleki wezemishado, kepha labo bantu abenza okuhlukile hhayi umthetho.
Iqiniso ngukuthi uma kukhulunywa ngokusindisa umshado wakho ngemuva kokungathembeki, ekubeni ukuthandana kuwukwephula ukwethembana okukhulu, udinga uchwepheshe ozokusiza ekutheni ungalalelana kanjani, nixolelane futhi nibe nohlelo lokuthi Shona phambili.
Ukwelulekwa ngemishado kunikeza isethi yamathuluzi angenza ukuthi abashadile bangene ukuhlala ushadile ngemuva kokungathembeki kepha kuzocela ukuzibophezela ngokweqile nokubekezela kubo bobabili abalingani.
4. Ungavali
Uma kunguwe owenze le ndaba, kungenzeka ukuthi uzizwele zonke izinhlobo zemizwa kusuka emahlazweni nasekwesabeni ukudideka nokukhathazeka. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma ungumlingani ezwa ngale ndaba, kungenzeka ukuthi uzwe konke kusuka entukuthelweni nasosizini ukukhathazeka nokungazethembi.
Yonke le mizwa izokwenza umbhangqwana ufune ukuvala shaqa, wakhe udonga bese uqhela komunye nomunye uma empeleni lokho kungukugcina into lokho kudinga ukwenzeka maqondana nokonga umshado ngemuva kokuqomisana.
Uma kukhona “ulwelwesi lwesiliva” olungaqhamuka othandweni, ukuthi abantu ababili manje basesimweni sokuba sengozini ngamaphesenti ayi-100, okwenza kube nokwenzeka ukuthi bafunde futhi bafunde omunye nomunye ngendlela ehluke kakhulu .
Futhi lokhu, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ekugcineni kungakhuthaza izinga elisha ngokuphelele lokusondelana. Sukuhlangana ndawonye ngemuva kokukopela kuqala ngokukhuluma ngobuthakathaka bakho nomlingani wakho hhayi ukugoqa kube lusizi, ukuzizwa unecala, nokuphoxeka.
5. Susa izinsongo etafuleni
Uma usohlelweni lokusindisa umshado wakho ekungathembekini, kubalulekile ukuthi izinsongo zingakhulunywa.
Lokhu kufaka phakathi ukusabisa ngokushiya, ukusabisa ngokufaka isehlukaniso futhi, uma kunguwe owenze le nto, usabisa ngokuya kumuntu okhohlise oshade naye.
Ukubuya ebuhlotsheni kudinga ukuthi bobabili abashadikazi bazimisele ukubeka konke ababhekane nakho nemizamo yabo ekwakheni umshado, bangaqhubeki nokuwuchitha ngemicabango yokushiya ubudlelwano.
Ukulondoloza umshado ngemuva kokungathembeki akulula, kepha ngalezi zeluleko kanye nesikhathi esithile, kungenzeka impela. Hlala uvulekile. Hlala uzimisele. Futhi hlala ufisa ukwenza umshado wakho uphile — futhi.