-Delile
- Akuyena umuntu oyedwa odala izinkinga ebudlelwaneni
- Kubalulekile ukuqaphela okwenzayo ukudala ingxabano
- Yini oyenzayo ukufaka isandla ezindabeni zobudlelwano bakho?
- Kuthatha ukuhlola okujulile ukuqonda ukuthi yini ekuthukuthelisa kakhulu
Ekwelashweni kwezithandani, ngicela amaklayenti ukuthi aqhubekele phambili naphambili phakathi kokufuna ukushintsha abalingani babo, nokufuna ukuzishintsha. Kulula kakhulu futhi kungokwemvelo ukubona yonke into umlingani wakho entula futhi uzizwe sengathi izinkinga ebudlelwaneni ziyiphutha labo. Ukube ubengayeka ukungivalela ngaphandle, Ngingajabula, kusho umuntu oyedwa, noma Ngimdinga nje ukuthi ayeke ukumemeza sizobe sesilungile.
Vele kuhle ukukhomba bese ucela okudingayo. Kodwa lokho uhlangothi olulodwa kuphela lwesibalo — futhi akulona uhlangothi oluwusizo. Isinyathelo esiwusizo kakhulu ukuzibheka ukuze ubone ukuthi yini ongayilungisa. Uma ungashintsha noma yikuphi:
- Amaphutha owalethayo ebudlelwaneni noma
- Ukusabela kwakho emaphutheni kazakwenu, kulapho une-iresiphi yokukhula kwangempela, nethuba lokujabula kakhulu kubambiswano lwakho.
Akuyena umuntu oyedwa odala izinkinga ebudlelwaneni
Iqiniso lelo.(Yebo, kulungile, kwesinye isikhathi kuba nomlingani oyedwa owesabekayo, kepha lelo ilebula ligcinelwe abahlukumezi.) Inkinga ivame ukuba namandla phakathi kwabantu ababili, lokho uchwepheshe uSusan Johnson akubiza ngokuthi "umdanso" ezincwadini zakhe ezinhle. Lona kanye leli gama lakha isithombe sabantu ababili behla benyuka, behola futhi belandela, benethonya futhi besekelana. Akekho umuntu ku- pas deux.
Kuzwakala njengokuphikisana — uma ngingashintsha, ngizomthanda kangcono. Kepha futhi kungumthombo wamandla. Ukuhlala uzabalaza ukuze "ulungise" omunye umuntu akuvamile kusebenza. Kuyakhathaza, kuvame ukukwenza uzizwe sengathi awuzwakali noma ungaqondakali, futhi kubangele umlingani wakho azizwe egxekwa. Uma kunalokho, ubeka amandla ekuqondeni ukuthi kungani ungakuthandi ongakuthandi ngaye, nokuthi okwenzayo kukhulisa amandla, unethuba eliqine kakhulu lokwenza umehluko.
Ake sibheke zombili izinyathelo zale nqubo
Kubalulekile ukuqaphela okwenzayo ukudala ingxabano
Kwesinye isikhathi umlingani oyedwa ubukeka esolwa kakhulu. Mhlawumbe ukhohlisile, noma uthukuthele. Ngisho nakulawo macala, mhlawumbe ikakhulukazi kulawo macala, ngikhanyisa ngokulinganayo komunye umlingani, ovame ukubukeka engenzi lutho. Ukudlula emhlabeni kungaphansi kwe-radar ngoba kuthule futhi kuzolile, kepha lokho akusho ukuthi akunamandla futhi kuyalimaza. Ezinye izindlela ezivamile zokungenzi lutho zifaka phakathi ukuvala phansi nokwenqaba ukuzibandakanya, ukwenqaba ukusondelana, ukuvala umlingani wakho ngaphandle ngokomzwelo, ukwenza ukufela ukholo noma ukuthembela kakhulu kwabanye abangaphandle kobudlelwano. Noma iziphi zalezi zenzo zokuhlubuka zidudula enye ukuba izwakale kakhulu, futhi ithukuthele, noma ivalwe ukuphendula.
Yini oyenzayo ukufaka isandla ezindabeni zobudlelwano bakho?
Ngokubona kwami, bavame ukuhlobana nalokho okufunde ebuntwaneni, kungaba ngokuthi imishado isebenza kanjani noma "kufanele" ukhulume kanjani nabanye (ngokuzama ukuphelela, ngokujabulisa abanye ukuze uzilimaze wena, ngokuxhashazwa, njll. ). Ekwelashweni komuntu ngamunye noma kwemibhangqwana, ungahlola ukuthi okwedlule kukuthinta kanjani okwamanje bese unikeza lokhu njengesipho ebudlelwaneni bakho bamanje, nenjabulo yakho ejwayelekile.
Ucezu lwesibili lilele ekuqondeni ukuthi ucindezelwa kanjani izindlela zokuxhumana nomlingani wakho, nokuthi ungashintsha kanjani indlela ophendula ngayo. Kwesinye isikhathi ukuthatha nje "isikhathi sokuphuma" nokuthola ukuthula ngaphambi kokuxoxa ngezinto kungadala intuthuko enkulu, ngokunciphisa umdlalo. UJohn Gottman ufunde ngokujulile ukuthi uhlelo lwethu lwezinzwa luvuka kanjani ngokushesha lapho sizizwa sihlaselwa noma sicasukile, nokuthi lokhu kubamba kanjani umlingani othukuthele abe yimpendulo yokwesaba. Lapho nje sihlanya, ishayela lethu liyashesha, igazi ligijimela ebuchosheni, futhi asisathembisene nokulalela. Kungcono ngaleso sikhathi ukushiya phansi bese wehlisa umoya ngaphambi kokuqhubeka nengxoxo.
Kuthatha ukuhlola okujulile ukuqonda ukuthi yini ekuthukuthelisa kakhulu
Mhlawumbe lapho ecwazimula, kukukhumbuza izidingo zikanyoko zokumnaka. Noma uma esebenzisa imali eningi kakhulu ebusuku kukwenza uzizwe sengathi izidingo nezintshisekelo zakho azibalulekile. Ngemuva kokuthola ukuthi uphendula ini ngqo, ungathatha izinyathelo zokubona ukuthi ungahle weqise, noma ukhohlwe ukucela lokho okufunayo ngempela — imvamisa ukuhlonipha, noma ukuthanda. Ngemuva kwalokho ungamisa okunamandla kumathrekhi awo bese uphendulela ingxoxo kokukhiqizayo.
Yize ukwazi ukuthi ufunani kumlingani wakho kubalulekile, ukuzibheka njengomakhi oyinhloko woshintsho ebuhlotsheni bakho kuzokujabulisa futhi weneliseke ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Noma ngabe uwedwa noma ngosizo lodokotela, ukubuka ngaphakathi kuyindlela esemqoka yokuzizwa unamandla amakhulu.