-Delile
- Ukuchazwa kokuxhomekeka
- Uyini umsuka wembangela yokuxhomekeka kwekhodi?
- Ukuba ngumzali nokuncika kwikhodi
- Umzali ovikela ngokweqile
- Umzali ongaphansi kokuvikela
- Izinto eziguquguqukayo zomndeni ezibangela ukuxhomekeka kwekhodi
- Ngabe budlelwane obuxhomeke kubunye buqala kanjani?
- Ungazi kanjani ukuthi ngabe uthembekile?
- Ubudlelwano bokuzimela kusukela ebuntwaneni kuye ebudaleni
- Ungabhekana kanjani nokubhekelela kwe-codependency?
- Okusemqoka
Abaningi bethu bakhule benomqondo ongathandeki wothando owenziwa amahlaya othando, ngisho nomphakathi.
Umqondo wokuba yingxenye ephelele yakho uyinkinga njengoba kuqinisa inkolelo yokuthi asiphelele ngaphandle kokuthi size sibe nomlingani. Isiko le-Pop lisenze sakholwa ukuthi ozakwethu badinga ukuba yikho konke kube ukuphela kwethu konke.
Kepha ngabe lokho kukhuphule ukuthembela ebudlelwaneni?
Ukuqonda ukuthi yini ebangela ukuxhomekeka kwekhodi, kubalulekile ukuthi uyiqale uyichaze futhi ukwazi ukuyibona. Nakhu konke odinga ukukwazi mayelana nokuxhomekeka kwekhodi nokuthi kubonakala kanjani ebudlelwaneni.
Ukuchazwa kokuxhomekeka
Ngaphambi kokuthi sithole ukuthi yini ebanga ukuxhomekeka, kubalulekile ukuthi siqale sibheke ukuthi yini ukuxhomekeka.
UJohn noSara base bethandane iminyaka emihlanu. Ngenkathi bethandana kakhulu, babengajabule neze ngezici ezithile zobudlelwano babo. Bobabili benza konke ndawonye futhi bazizwa bekhathazekile uma futhi bekude nini.
Abangani babo babevame ukuhlekisa ngokuthi bobabili babehlangene esinqeni futhi "bethenga eyodwa thola isivumelwano esisodwa." USarah wayengumdwebi wemidwebo owayesebenza ekhaya futhi engenabo abangane abaningi.
Uzochitha usuku lonke ekhaya esebenza futhi futhi ephethe i- imisebenzi yasendlini. Kusihlwa, wayelinda ukuthi uJohn abuye ekhaya ukuze benze okuthile okujabulisayo noma imisebenzi efana nokuthenga ezitolo ndawonye. Wayezizwa ekhathazekile e-oda ukudla yedwa ngaphandle kwemvume kaJohn.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uJohn wayezimele kakhulu futhi esebenza njengenhloko yezokukhangisa enkampanini yamazwe omhlaba. Wayenezinto zokuzilibazisa nezintshisekelo ezahlukahlukene neqembu elikhulu labangane. Waphila ngokuzimela futhi waphila impilo enhle elinganiselayo.
Ngenkathi enezinto eziningi azenzela zona, impilo yakhe yazizwa ingenalutho ngaphandle kukaSarah kuyo. Uyithandile indlela amdinga ngayo futhi wazizwa esebenziseka futhi ephelele lapha.
Ukuncika ngokubambisana kungahle kubonakale kwehlukile kubantu abahlukile, njengoba indaba engenhla igqamisa.
Isibonakaliso se-telltale sokuxhomekeka kwekhodi ebudlelwaneni phakathi kwabantu abadala ababili lapho omunye wabo enezidingo ezinkulu zomzimba nezingokomzwelo. Omunye umlingani uchitha isikhathi esiningi ezama ukufeza lezo zidingo.
Endabeni kaSarah noJohn, uSara nguye onezidingo, kanti uJohn ngumfana ozama ukuhlangabezana nazo.
Gcina ukhumbula ukuthi ukuncika ngokubambisana akukhawulelwe ebudlelwaneni bezothando! Noma yibuphi ubudlelwano bungaba bodwa bokuthembela.
Ake sibheke ukuthi yini ebanga ukuxhomekeka kwekhodi.
Uyini umsuka wembangela yokuxhomekeka kwekhodi?
Ngakho-ke, yini ebangela ukuxhomekeka kwekhodi?
Iningi lokuziphatha kwethu okunenkathazo, njengokuncika kokunye, ukuthola izimbangela zalo ebuntwaneni bethu. Ngomqondo othile, ubuntwana bakho buthola izindlela zokuthonya ukukhula kwakho futhi kungaba esinye sezimbangela zokuxhomekeka.
Yini ebangela ukuthembela kubantu abadala? Imvamisa abantu abadala abazimele sebenesikhathi eside beyingxenye yalo mjikelezo njengoba babelana ngokunamathiselwe okungavikelekile nezibalo zabazali babo, ezaba yinto ejwayelekile kubo.
Izizathu zokuxhomekeka kwe-codific zingafaka izindlela zokukhulisa izingane. Abantu abadala abazethembayo bavame ukuba nomzali ozivikela ngokweqile noma umzali ongavikeli kakhulu. Ngakho-ke, lokhu kusho ukuthi abantu bathola ukuzimela okukhulu kakhulu ngenkathi bekhula noma bengenayo nhlobo inkululeko.
Ngabe i-codependency iqala kanjani? Yiziphi izimbangela zokuziphatha ngokuzimela?
Sidinga ukuhlola ubuntwana bethu ukuze siqonde ukuthi yini ebangela ukuthembela kokunye. Ungabiza ukuxhomekeka kwekhodi ukusabela kuzitayela ezithile zobuzali.
Ake sihlole kabanzi ngalokhu kulesi sigaba.
Abazali abavikela ngokweqile babandakanyeka ngokweqile ezimpilweni zengane yabo futhi bayazivikela ngokweqile.
Abalokothi banikeze ingane ithuba lokukhulisa umuzwa wokuzimela nokuzimela njengoba zihlala zikhona ngabo-kangangoba ingane ingaba nezinkinga ekuthatheni izinqumo zosuku nosuku, njengokudla, ngaphandle kokubandakanyeka kwabo.
Ukuziphatha oku-coddling okungapheli nokuzivikela ngokweqile yikhona okubangela ukuxhomekeka, ngoba ingane ayikaze inikwe ithuba lokukhulisa ukuzimela.
Abazali abangaphansi kokuvikela abavumi. Azihlangabezani nezidingo ezingokomzwelo zengane noma ziyazisekela. Ngakho-ke, ingane iqala ukuzimela njengendlela yokubhekana nalokhu kunganakwa.
Ngaphansi kwabazali abavikelayo bangahle banganaki noma babe matasa ngokweqile futhi bangabi nesikhathi sokuxhumana nengane yabo. Lokhu kuziphatha yikhona okubangela ukuxhomekeka kwekhodi njengoba ingane ifunda ukuthi angathembela kuye kuphela hhayi komunye umuntu.
Imindeni engasebenzi kahle iyindawo ephelele yokuzalanisa ubuntu obuncikile.
Ukuxhomekeka kwe-Codependency kungaba yimpendulo ezindaweni ezilandelayo zomndeni lapho ukhula:
- Abazali abangasekeli
- Izimo ezingaphephile nezesabekayo
- Ihlazo
- Sola
- Ukuphathwa
- Ukunganakwa ngokomzwelo noma ngokomzimba
- Indawo engalindelekile nenesiphithiphithi
- Ukulindelwa okungenangqondo kwabazali ezinganeni
- Isimo sokwahlulela
- Abazali abanakile
- Ukuhlukumeza nolimi olunokhahlo ngokweqile
- Ukuphika ukuthi izinto azilungile
Ngakho-ke, yini ebangela ukuxhomekeka kwekhodi?
Ubudlelwano bokuthembela komzali nengane bungaba yimbangela yokuxhomekeka kwabantu abadala.
Isibonelo, ukube abazali bakho bakuphatha njengomuntu omdala noma umngane wakho futhi babelana nawe ngezinto okungafanele babe nazo, njengezidingo zabo ezingokomzwelo, izinkinga, ukukhathazeka, njll. kuncike kuwe ukufeza lezi zidingo.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukube abazali bakho babenezinkinga zempilo yengqondo noma zokusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa, wawungenza njengomzali kulobo budlelwano futhi uzizwe unesibopho ngabo.
Ngabe budlelwane obuxhomeke kubunye buqala kanjani?
Manje njengoba sesazi ukuthi yini ebangela ukuxhomekeka kwegama elilodwa, sekuyisikhathi sokuphendula lo mbuzo, "Kwenzeka kanjani ukuthi i-codependency ikhule?"
Iningi labantu ebudlelwaneni bokuzimela lizithola seliphila la maphethini kusukela ebuntwaneni. Ngakho-ke, ubudlelwano bokuzimela yincazelo ejwayelekile kubo.
Ukuxhomekeka kwe-Codependence kuyakhula ebudlelwaneni, kepha kuqala ebuntwaneni ngabalingani.
Uma uzithole ususebudlelwaneni obuncikile, amathuba okuba nobabili benithembele ngisho nangaphambi kosuku lwenu lokuqala. Uyabona, ubudlelwano bokubambisana buqala lapho abantu abadala ababili – omunye engenzi lutho kanti omunye ovelele kakhulu bahlangana.
Njengoba isikhathi sihamba futhi isibopho esingokomzwelo phakathi kwalokhu kukhula kukabili, baqala ukudingana ngokwengeziwe.
Ungazi kanjani ukuthi ngabe uthembekile?
Ake sihlole ukuthembela ebudlelwaneni.
Abantu abaningi bayehluleka ukubona ukuthi bangathembela kwabanye ngoba kungenzeka bangabi nakho ukuqonda kobudlelwano obujwayelekile obufanele bufanele bube njani, yingakho belwa nobudlelwano.
Nazi ezinye izimpawu zokuxhomekeka kwabantu abadala kubantu abadala:
- Ukungakwazi ukuthola ukwaneliseka kwezinye izici zokuphila.
- Ukuxubha ukuziphatha okungenampilo komlingani wakho ngaphansi kombhoxo.
- Ukunikeza ukwesekwa kumlingani wakho ngemali yempilo yakho engokomzimba, engokomzwelo nengqondo.
- Ukuzizwa unecala ngezinto okungenzeka awuzange uzidale nokuzibanga.
- Ukungakwazi ukwethemba abantu njengoba kungenzeka bakulimaze futhi bekuhluleke kaninginingi.
- Ukungavumeli abantu bakusize.
- Ukuzibophezela ngokweqile kukho konke.
Iningi labantu licabanga ukuthi ukudinga ukuqinisekiswa ebudlelwaneni kuyisibonakaliso sokuncika kobunye ebudlelwaneni. Nokho, lokho kuwumbono oyiphutha ovamile. Kungenzeka sonke sidinge ukukhululeka kozakwethu kaninginingi, futhi akukho lutho olungalungile ngalokho.
Nazi ezinye zezimpawu zokuncika kobudlelwano ebudlelwaneni:
Ubudlelwano bokuzimela kusukela ebuntwaneni kuye ebudaleni
Izinkinga ezingaxazululiwe kusuka ebuntwaneni bakho zikulandela lapho usukhulile. Ungathola ukuthi ubuphila futhi uphila amaphethini afanayo kaninginingi kuze kube yilapho ekugcineni ukwazi ukwehlukana nawo.
Ngenkathi ungeke ukwazi ukushintsha izehlakalo zakho zobuntwana, usengakwazi ukunqoba le patheni ngomsebenzi nangosizo lochwepheshe bezempilo yengqondo.
Ukwelulekwa komuntu ngamunye nababili kungakusiza ukuthi wephule futhi unqobe la maphethini.
Ungabhekana kanjani nokubhekelela kwe-codependency?
Manje njengoba sesazi ukuthi yini ebanga ukuxhomekeka kwekhodi, sekuyisikhathi sokubheka ukubhekana nakho.
Ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe oqeqeshiwe wezempilo yengqondo kuzoba isinyathelo esihle kakhulu ongasithatha.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, ungazama futhi ukugxilisa izinguquko ezilandelayo ebuhlotsheni bakho ukuze unqobe inkinga.
Lokhu kufaka phakathi:
- Ifunda ukuthi ingahlukaniswa kanjani futhi ithathe izinyathelo ezincane zokwakha ibanga nemingcele enempilo. Ungazama ukuthatha umdlalo wokuzilibazisa ngaphandle kobuhlobo bakho, wakhe ubungani, njll.
- Ukugxilisa ukuzimela okukhulu ebudlelwaneni nasekufundeni ukuphatha izinto ngokwakho.
- Ukuthatha “isikhathi kimi” evikini lapho nobabili nizosebenzisa isikhathi nihlukene – kungaba okuphambene nobusuku bosuku.
- Ukungavumeli ukuziphatha okubi kushelele futhi kukhulume ngakho njengoba kwenzeka.
Lezi zinguquko zingabonakala zisabisa futhi zesabisa ekuqaleni kepha zizokusiza ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Uma inqubo yokwehlukanisa izwa kakhulu evusa ukukhathazeka, kungaba yisikhathi sokufuna usizo kochwepheshe bezempilo yengqondo.
Uma wesaba ukuthi uthembele kwelinye ikhodi futhi ufisa ukukushintsha, nansi incwadi ebhalwe ngabakwa-License Marriage and Family Therapist uDarlene Lancer ukukusiza ukuthi ubone izimpawu futhi ubhekane nazo.
Okusemqoka
Ngabe sikusizile ukuthi wenze konke okwakudinga ukukwazi mayelana nokuncika ebudlelwaneni ebudlelwaneni?
Ungazigwebi noma uziphathe kabi ngokweqile ngokuthi uthembele kwabanye.
Hlala wazi ukuthi wawungumntwana kuphela ngenkathi uqala ukunamathela ekuphenduleni esimweni esiyinselele. Ngenkathi i-codependency ikusebenzele isikhathi eside, ayisasebenzi futhi kungenzeka ivimbe nobudlelwano bakho.
Yiba nomusa kuwe futhi ufune usizo nokusekelwa uma ucabanga ukuthi uyaludinga.