-Delile
- Ukuzazisa kwethu kungasivimba othandweni esilufunayo
- Ukuxhumana ebudlelwaneni
- Izinkinga ze-Ego ebudlelwaneni
- Sebenzisa ukuzazisa ebuhlotsheni benguquko
- Ukuzibeka engcupheni kunomvuzo
Ngabe ubudlelwano bakho nobunzima bukushayela ukuze uthole uthando olwengeziwe
Lapho izibalo zamanje zesehlukaniso ezinjengalezi ezilandelayo zixoxa indaba ebuhlungu lapho sibhekene nezinkinga zobudlelwano bethu, kungaba nzima ukubona enye indlela ngaphandle kokwehlukana:
- Cishe i-50% yayo yonke imishado e-USA izophela ngesehlukaniso noma ngokwehlukana.
- Ama-60% emishado yesibili agcina ngesehlukaniso.
- Ama-73% ayo yonke imishado yesithathu agcina ngesehlukaniso.
Kodwa-ke, yize okuningi kwalokhu kwehlukana kungahle kube ngcono, ngiyakholelwa kakhulu ukuthi ubudlelwano obunzima lapho kungekho phawu lokuhlukumezeka buhlala bubizela bobabili abalingani ezingeni labo elilandelayo lothando nokukhula kwabo.
Bheka futhi: imicabango eyi-10 engonakalisa ubuhlobo
Ukuzazisa kwethu kungasivimba othandweni esilufunayo
Amaklayenti ami amaningi eza kimi ecabanga ukuthi asezingeni lokuhlukana kodwa ngokushesha aqala ukubona ukuthi umzabalazo wabo ususelwa ekwesabeni ukulimala, futhi lokhu, empeleni, kubavimbela ekudaleni uthando abalufuna ngempela .
"Ukuzazisa kwethu kuyesaba ukuzizwa sithanda abanye futhi ngenxa yalokho sizosebenzisa amaqhinga amaningi okusivimba ukuthi singazivuleli ezingeni elilandelayo nozakwethu."
Ukuxhumana ebudlelwaneni
Ngeshwa, akekho kithi ofundiswe ukuxhumana ngendlela yokuthi kusiza ubudlelwano ukuba bukhule futhi bukhule esikhathini eside esizayo.
Esikhundleni salokho, sithole imilayezo eminingi kakhulu ekhuthaza imibono ethandekayo yezothando, efaka inkolelo yokuthi umlingani wethu ukhona ukusisindisa noma 'ukusiqedela'.
Ngenxa yalokhu, sihlala sifaka ingcindezi enkulu kozakwethu ukuthi abe yindoda noma owesifazane ophelele, njengakumabhayisikobho. Sibenza babhekane nendlela esizizwa ngayo futhi, ngokwenza njalo, sibambe isibhamu esingokomfanekiso emakhanda abo, esithi, 'UNGENZE ngazizwa kanjena.'
"Ngenkathi umlingani wethu engasisusa ngezindlela eziningi, kodwa ekugcineni sibhekene nenhlalakahle yethu."
Lapho singathathi umthwalo ophelele wemizwa yethu, indlela esiziphatha ngayo, nezimpendulo zethu futhi sigxeka njalo noma sigxeke umlingani wethu, empeleni sivumela ukuzazisa ebudlelwaneni ukuba 'kusebenze umbukiso.'
Ukwehluleka kwethu ukudedela i-ego ebudlelwaneni kungaba nemiphumela eminingi emibi futhi imvamisa kuyindlela yokungajabuli okukhulu.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma uzikhulule ngokwakho ku-ego yakho futhi uthathe umthwalo ophelele futhi ukhetha ukuvela ngobuqotho, ukwethembeka, nokuvuleleka ekuxhumaneni kwakho, uvula indlela yalokho engikubiza ngokuthi ubuhlobo 'bangempela'.
Kulolu hlobo lobambiswano, sizizwa samukelekile ngalokho esiyikho, futhi akudingeki sicashe ngenxa yokwesaba. Ukuzwa le nkululeko enkulu othandweni kuyakhulula ngempela!
Izinkinga ze-Ego ebudlelwaneni
Ukuzazisa kwethu ebudlelwaneni imvamisa yizwi elisekhanda lethu elithanda ukusitshela izindaba zembubhiso nobumnyama.
Isibonelo, kungakutshela ukuthi umlingani wakho akenele ngokwanele; ukuthi udinga ukuba nentshisekelo enkulu noma abe namandla kakhulu; ukuthi ulawula kakhulu noma unegethivu.
I-ego ebudlelwaneni iyathanda ukukhuluma ngokuphelele futhi ayicabangi ukugxila ezicini ezincomekayo zobuntu bomlingani wakho.
Ucwaningo luhlaziye idatha evela kubantu abangu-3,279, abathathe i-Relationship Attachment Style Test yabo futhi bakhombisa ukuthi imaski yethu ye-ego entekenteke isifiso sethu sokuzizwa saziswa futhi sithandwa.
Uma ungaqapheli, le ego ebudlelwaneni kungekudala ingaqala ukukukholisa ukuthi ungathola omunye umuntu ongaba ngumdlalo othokozisa kakhulu!
Ngenxa yalokhu, kuvame ukuba lula ukweqa umkhumbi kusuka ebudlelwaneni bakho kunokuhlala ubhekane nokwesaba kwakho lapho kuvuleka khona uthando oluningi nokunqoba ukuzazisa.
I-ego yingxenye yethu yokuqala ehlala ngokwesaba. Umlutha wokucabanga okusekelwe kokwesaba futhi awazi ukuthi ungaphila kanjani ngenye indlela.
Enye yezindlela zayo zokuziphatha ezilimazayo kakhulu ukuqhubekisela phambili ubuthakathaka noma amaphutha ethu kozakwethu.
Lokhu kusivumela ukuthi sizivikele ekulahlweni noma emizweni yokushiywa ngokuqhubeka nokusola noma ngokufuna amaphutha ngaphandle kwethu. Lokhu ngokuqinisekile akudali imvelo evumela ubudlelwano obunempilo, obuxhumene nothando.
Ukubeka ukusetshenziswa kwe-ego okungenzeka kube yingozi ekusebenziseni kahle, noma kunjalo, kungathatha ubudlelwane obukade bubonakala bumiselwe ukwehluleka, bufinyelela ezingeni elisha lokuxhumana nothando.
Sebenzisa ukuzazisa ebuhlotsheni benguquko
- Buyisa ukubonakala kwakho
Nomaphi lapho ucabanga khona, ngifisa sengathi umlingani wami ubengaphezulu kokuncane; leli yithuba lokuzibuza umbuzo ofanayo ngakho-ke buyisela emuva ukuqagela kwakho.
Isibonelo, uma ucabanga ukuthi, 'Ngifisa sengathi umlingani wami ubenothando olukhulu,' zibuze ukuthi 'kuphi empilweni yami lapho ngingaba nentshisekelo noma ukuthakazelisa kakhulu?'
Ukubuyisela emuva ukuqagela kwethu akusho ukuthi alikho iqiniso kulokho okushiwo yi-ego ebudlelwaneni, kepha kusho ukuthi akufanele sisheshe ukukhomba umunwe wecala.
- Kwazise okuhle kozakwenu
Ukuzazisa kwethu ebudlelwaneni kuvame ukugxila kokungasebenzi noma lapho umlingani wakho engahlangabezani nezidingo zakho.
Leli kungaba yithuba lokuqala ukwazisa izici ezinhle zobudlelwano bakho nazo zonke izinto ongajwayela ukuzithatha kalula.
- Ziveze
Uma uzizwa ungathandwa noma ungezwa noma ungabonwa ngumlingani wakho, lokhu kungaba yithuba elihle lokukhuluma imizwa yakho noma ukucela okufunayo.
Vele, lokhu kusho ukuthi kungadingeka ukuthi sibeke engcupheni yokuveza imizwa yethu, futhi lokhu kuyethusa ku-ego, kepha kulapho ubudlelwano bethu bunikezwa khona ithuba lokukhula.
Imvamisa ngikhuthaza amaklayenti ami ukuthi 'azwe ukwesaba futhi akusho noma kunjalo' esikhundleni sobunikazi obugcwele. Lapho sikwazi kakhulu ukwenza lokhu, kulapho sithola khona ukuthi singaba yiphi iqiniso nomlingani wethu. Le yinkululeko yokugcina kunoma yibuphi ubuhlobo.
- Zinikeze ukunaka nothando
Uma unokuthambekela kokuzizwa ulimele noma ungathandwa umlingani wakho, lokhu kuhlale kuyithuba lokususa ukunaka kwakho kubo nokuthi benzani noma abenzani futhi uzinikeze uthando nokunakekela okufunayo.
- Ukuzinikela 'ngokungazi'
Okokugcina, noma yikuphi lapho 'ulinde' ukuthi umlingani wakho akhuphuke kukhombisa ukuthi unokunamathisela kubo lapho usebenza ngendlela ethile.
Le yindawo enhle yokuqala ukuzinikela ngokungazi ukuthi uzophendula nini, kanjani, noma nini.
Futhi, lokhu kuyethusa ku-ego yethu ebudlelwaneni, ngoba ayikuthandi okungaziwa, kepha kuyasiza ukunika ubuhlobo bakho isikhala sokuphefumula.
Kokuhlangenwe nakho kwami, lokhu futhi kunikeza umlingani wakho isikhala sokuvela ngendlela yakhe ehlukile, okungaba isimanga esihle.
Ukuzibeka engcupheni kunomvuzo
Kokuhlangenwe nakho kwami ​​siqu nangomsebenzi wami namakhasimende, sonke sinamandla okunikela nokwamukela uthando oluningi kakhulu.
Vele, ukuzivula thina kulokhu kusho ukuthi sibeka engcupheni futhi okungenzeka kungasebenzi uma umlingani wethu engakhombisi izimpawu zokufuna ukuhlangana nathi lapho sifuna ukuya khona.
Kodwa-ke, konke lokhu kwehlela kulokho okufuna ngempela ebudlelwaneni bakho.
Ngabe ungathanda ukuthandwa ngomuntu onguye bese uzibophezela ekuhloleni ukuthi ngabe likhona yini ithuba lothando olukhulu, noma ungathanda ukucasha, uthule noma ubeke icala ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho ubhekene nokungezwani ebudlelwaneni bakho?
Kuhlala kufanelekile ukukhumbula ukuthi izici zobudlelwano bethu esingakwazi ukuzilungisa esimweni sethu samanje zizovezwa futhi ebudlelwaneni bethu obulandelayo.
Ukuzibophezela ekusebenzeni ezinkingeni futhi ukulungele ukwenza amaphutha noma yini umphumela ozohlala njalo usibeka endleleni yothando oluningi.
Ukuzibeka engcupheni ngokuvela emshadweni wami kungisizile ukwakha ubudlelwano 'bangempela', futhi lokhu kungaba yinto enhle. Ubudlelwano buyigugu, futhi ngiyakukhuthaza ukuthi ume ngombono wakho wokuthi ufunani ngothando.