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-Delile
- Ukuthola uthando olusheshayo
- Ukuthatha kusuka othandweni olusheshayo
- Izeluleko zobudlelwano besikhathi eside
Ngemuva kwamasonto angapheli okukhosela endaweni, umlingani wakho uqala ukukhukhumala emaphethelweni. Akasashefi. Akasayigqokile ibra.
Umqondo wothando oluhlala njalo uzizwa ulahlekile kudala, futhi mhlawumbe awusaluzwa uthando olusheshayo kanye nomlingani wakho.
Akekho noyedwa kini ogeze ngezinsuku, futhi nobabili nicabanga ngokungathi sína ukuthi nizame yini ukusebenzisa i- “No Poo Method” ye-ditching shampoo ngokuphelele bese niyigeza ngenye indlela emnene, njenge-apple cider viniga noma i-baking soda.
Ukuthola uthando olusheshayo
Amehlo akho aphikisiwe ohambweni lwakho lwansuku zonke, futhi, usebenzisa isilulumagama se-coronavirus, unquma "ibanga lomphakathi" ngokuhamba maphakathi nomgwaqo, izinyawo eziyisithupha ngaphandle kwalabo abadlula ngendlela. Amaqhubu esibhakela, amaqhubu ezinqe, kanye nama-hug-hug angaphandle kombuzo!
Umlingani wakho ekhaya "uphephile," kepha umqondo wokubanga ulahlekile. Esikhundleni salokho, ingqondo yakho iphendukela ko-cashier esitolo sokuthenga ukuze uthole uthando olusheshayo.
Ukulindela indiza eya eJamaica ndawonye, lapho ukungaqiniseki kwe-COVID-19 sekuphelile, ngokuzumayo kubukeka njengomqondo othokozisayo. Kodwa, linda umzuzu. Ogcina imali esitolo?
Yini anayo yokuthi umlingani wakho ekhaya uyantula? Kuthiwani ngomqondo wothando lwempilo yonke kanye nesithembiso sobudlelwano obuhlala isikhathi eside obenze nomlingani wakho?
Ukuthatha kusuka othandweni olusheshayo
Uthando olusheshayo nomuntu ophethe imali lungasifundisani ngothando oluhlala njalo? Into yokuqala umphathi we-cashier ayenzayo lapho ikhasimende lisondela ukwenza lokho ‘Qaphela.’
Ukumomotheka nokuthintana kwamehlo okubhekiswe kuwe kunganele ukubanga ukukhanga. Abantu ngokwemvelo bayenhlalo; siyathanda ukubonwa. Ukusebenzisana nabanye “yilokho nje esakhelwe ukukwenza, futhi sikwenza ngaphandle kokuzama ukukwenza ...” (Mitchell, 2002, ikhasi 66).
Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo ezicwaninga ngobudlelwano isikhathi eside ziye zabona ukuthi izingane zingakhululeka kanjani lapho abazali begodla inzalo ngokuzigqolozela ngamehlo "ngobuso obunganyakazi" (UTronick, 2009).
Buka le vidiyo ngesilingo sobuso obumile:
Ngakho-ke, lapho ungena emnyango uhamba ngezinyawo, musa ukumemeza uthi “Ngisekhaya!” bese ugijimela kwikhompyutha yakho. Qaphelani umlingani wakho. Zithole, zibheke emehlweni, bese umamatheka!
Njenge "loop evundlile engajwayelekile" (Mitchell, p. 76), lapho okuhlangenwe nakho kwethu kwangaphakathi nangaphandle kuhlale kulolongwa kabusha komunye nomunye, lapho umomotheka nomlingani wakho, ngeke nje bezwe ukuxhumana.
Eqinisweni, lapho nabo bemomotheka, uzozizwa, futhi.
Into elandelayo ozokwenziwa umphathi wakho wemali ‘khuluma ' kuwe. Ngokuqondile, uzoba buza umbuzo. “Ucabangani ngaleli hlaza elibabayo?” noma "Uhlala kanjani uphilile phakathi ne-COVID-19?"
Njengokunaka, ukubuza imibuzo kuyindlela elula yokuzizwa uxhumekile. Ochwepheshe bezokwelashwa kwezithandani uJulie noJohn Gottman bakhulisa umqondo wokuthi “Amamephu Wothando.”
Ucwaningo lwamaGottmans luveze ukuthi imibhangqwana ekwaziyo ukuqina “yenza ibalazwe” lobudlelwano bayo nomlando wayo - ohlanganisa ukukhathazeka komuntu ngamunye, lokho akuthandayo, okuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe neqiniso lakhe. ” (UGottman noGottman, 2019).
Banqume ukwenza umsebenzi lapho imibhangqwana ibuza imibuzo evulekile. Isibonelo, iyiphi inkathi oyithandayo? Yini ofisa ukuyizuza eminyakeni eyishumi ezayo?
Yini isikhundla sakho osithandayo sokwenza uthando? Ngakho-ke, ngemuva kokuvuma umlingani wakho ngokumomotheka, babuze umbuzo noma emibili. Bese ubabhekisisa bese ulalela impendulo yabo.
Ukumomotheka nokubuza imibuzo kungakutholela uhambo lwenganekwane oluya eJamaica nomphathi wakho wemali onobungane, kepha mhlawumbe ngeke kwanele ukugcina uthando impilo yakho yonke.
Izeluleko zobudlelwano besikhathi eside
Ukuthola uthando lweqiniso kulula kakhulu uma kuqhathaniswa nokugcina ubudlelwane bempilo yonke. Ngakho-ke, yini eyenza ubudlelwano buhlale isikhathi eside?
Ubudlelwano bezothando obuhlala njalo buyachuma lapho kunokuhlangana okungokomzwelo phakathi kwabalingani.
Ukuqonda kanye ukukhathalelana ezingeni lomzwelo kuqinisa ubudlelwano. Ukubona imizwa yakho, ukwazi ukwazi ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngaphandle kokukunqoba amandla, nokwabelana ngalokho ozizwa nomunye umuntu kuyinto esondelene nayo.
Ukukwazi "ukwazi ukuthi umuntu uzizwa kanjani nokuphila nemiphumela" kuyithemba abanye abelaphi bezengqondo abakubheka njengenhloso yokwelashwa kwengqondo (Jurist, 2018, p. x). Ukwaziwa kungasisiza sizizwe siphephile futhi sivikelekile ebudlelwaneni bezothando.
Ngakho-ke, qhubeka, bese ususa ukugxila kwakho kuthando olusheshayo uye othandweni oluhlala njalo.
Ngemuva kokumamatheka bese ubuza umlingani wakho imibuzo embalwa ebandakanyekayo, inqobo nje uma bengekho bodwa abahlukanisayo, babange ngokukhulu ukuzotha.
Uthando olusheshayo lwe-cashier enobungani lungakhanga namuhla, kepha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, umzamo owenziwe othandweni oluhlala njalo unomvuzo omkhulu kakhulu.
Isethenjwa: I-Jurist, E. (2018) Imizwelo Yokugweba- Ukuhlakulela Ukusebenza Kwezengqondo ku-Psychotherapy. I-New York; UGilford Press