-Delile
- Ukuhambisana kwezocansi kubaluleke kakhulu
- Ngakho-ke kungani singakubeki phambili ukuhambisana kwezocansi?
- Ukuthola umlingani ohambelana nezocansi kuyinkimbinkimbi ngezinye izinto
- Ukuxhumana akubalulekile kuphela, kuyisisekelo
Umbhali wephephandaba nomeluleki we-podcaster uDan Savage uthi "amathuna obudlelwano agcwele amatshe amathuna athi 'konke kwakukuhle ... ngaphandle kobulili'".
Ukuthola umlingani ohambelana nezocansi kubaluleke ngazo zonke izindlela, uma kungabalulekile, kunezinye izici zobudlelwano esigxila kuzo. Abantu bazohlupheka ngokuthola umlingani onemibono efanayo yezepolitiki, yezenkolo, neyomndeni. Uma ufuna izingane ngokuphelele futhi umuntu ozoba umlingani wakhe akwenzi lokho, lokho kuvame ukuba yinto elula futhi engenacala yokuhlukumeza abantu abaningi. Ngakho-ke kungani ukuthi uma unesifiso sokuya ocansini oluphakeme futhi umlingani wakho ongaba naye enesezingeni eliphansi kakhulu, abantu abaningi banqikaza ukubheka lokho njengokwephula isivumelwano?
Ukuhambisana kwezocansi kubaluleke kakhulu
Cishe yonke imibhangqwana enginikeza yona ekusebenzeni kwami inezinga elithile lokungasebenzi kahle ngokocansi. Ngitshela bonke abashadikazi ukuthi ucansi "yi-canary ku-coalmine" ebudlelwaneni: lapho ucansi lubi, cishe njalo kuyisibonakaliso sokunye okungahambi kahle ebudlelwaneni.
Ngamanye amagama, ucansi olubi luyisibonakaliso, hhayi isifo. Futhi cishe ngokungenakugwenywa, lapho ubudlelwano buthuthukiswa khona-ke ubulili "ngomlingo" buyathuthuka futhi. Kepha kuthiwani uma ucansi lungahambi “kabi”, kepha belulokhu lubi njalo?
Imibhangqwana eshadile ivame ukuhlukanisa ngenxa yokungahambisani ngokocansi.
Ukuhambisana kwezocansi kubaluleke kakhulu enhlalakahleni yobudlelwano kunalokho kunikezwa isikweletu ngakho. Abantu badinga ucansi, ucansi lubalulekile enjabulweni yethu yomzimba. Lapho imibhangqwana ingakwazi ukufeza izidingo nezifiso zomunye nomunye zocansi, ukungeneliseki emshadweni kungumphumela osobala impela. Kepha umphakathi wethu wenze ucansi lube yinto engekho futhi imibhangqwana ithola ukuthi ukungahambelani ngokocansi kuyisizathu sesehlukaniso sabo, kuyaphoxa.
Kuyinto enesizotha ukutshela abanye (nalabo abathatha inhlolovo) ukuthi ibiphelile "imali" noma "bebefuna izinto ezihlukile" (obekuvame ukuba ubulili obuthe xaxa noma obungcono) noma enye into evamile. Kepha kokuhlangenwe nakho kwami, angikaze ngihlangabezane nezithandani ebezihlukanisa ngokoqobo ngenxa yemali, ngokujwayelekile zihlukanisa ngenxa yokungahambisani ngokomzimba
Ngakho-ke kungani singakubeki phambili ukuhambisana kwezocansi?
Okuningi kwakho kuyisiko. IMelika yasungulwa ngamaPuritan, futhi izinkolo eziningi zisabahlazisa futhi zibabeke amabala ocansini, ngaphakathi nangaphandle komshado. Abazali abaningi bahlazisa izingane ngezintshisekelo zocansi nokushaya indlwabu. Ukusetshenziswa kwezithombe zobulili ezingcolile kuvame ukubhekwa njengokukhubazeka komlingiswa, noma iningi labantu abadala lisebenzisa izithombe zocansi ngezikhathi ezithile, uma kungenjalo njalo. Izimpikiswano zamanje zezepolitiki ngokuthile okuqondile njengokulawulwa kokuzalwa kukhombisa ukuthi iMelika ilwela ukukhululeka ngezinhlangothi zethu zocansi. Ukumane uthi “ucansi” kwanele ukwenza abantu abadala asebekhulile babe namahloni noma bagudluke kahle ezihlalweni zabo.
Ngakho-ke, akumangazi ukuthi abantu bavame ukunciphisa izintshisekelo zabo zobulili kanye nezinga le-libido yabo (okusho ukuthi ufuna ubulili obungakanani). Akekho ofuna ukubonakala njengomuntu ophambene ngokocansi ngesikhathi sokuqala kokuthandana. Ngakho-ke ucansi luthathwa njengokukhathazeka kwesibili noma okusemfundo ephakeme, yize kunjalo kungenye yezizathu eziphezulu kakhulu zokungezwani emshadweni nesehlukaniso.
Ukuthola umlingani ohambelana nezocansi kuyinkimbinkimbi ngezinye izinto
Ihlazo nehlazo kusho ukuthi abantu abahlali bekhululekile njalo ukudalula izifiso zabo zocansi noma izinga lesifiso sabo. Abantu bavame ukuhamba iminyaka, noma amashumi eminyaka, ngaphandle kokudalula isibeletho esithile socansi noma "kink" kwabalingani babo, futhi bazibeke esimeni sokungeneliseki okungapheli.
Umehluko ezingeni le-libido yisikhalazo esivame kakhulu. Kepha lokhu akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi njengoba kubonakala. Kuyinkolelo yokuthi amadoda kungenzeka ukuthi ahlale efuna ucansi, nokuthi abantu besifazane kungenzeka bangabi nandaba (“babe lukhuni” njengoba kwakubizwa kanjalo). Futhi, enkambisweni yami lokho akunembile nakancane. Kukwahlukaniseka kakhulu phakathi kobulili obunemikhuba ephezulu yezocansi, futhi imvamisa lapho abashadikazi sebekhulile, maningi amathuba okuthi kube ngowesifazane ongenelisekile ngobuningi bobulili obenziwa yilabo abashadile.
Ngakho-ke yini engenziwa uma uzibandakanye ebudlelwaneni lapho kunokuhambisana okuncane kwezocansi, kepha ungafuni ukuqeda ubudlelwane?
Ukuxhumana akubalulekile kuphela, kuyisisekelo
Kufanele uzimisele ukuhlanganyela okufunayo nezifiso zakho, amakinki akho nezibilini zakho, nomlingani wakho. Isikhathi. Ayikho indlela yokuba nempilo yocansi egculisayo uma umlingani wakho engazi ukuthi yini oyifunayo ngempela futhi oyilangazelelayo, futhi wenqaba ukubazisa. Iningi labantu ebudlelwaneni obunothando lifuna ukuthi abalingani babo bagcwaliseke, bajabule, futhi baneliseke ngokocansi. Iningi lokwesaba abantu abanakho ngokudalula imininingwane yezocansi kuphenduka kube okungenangqondo. Ngibuke embhedeni wami (ngaphezu kwesisodwa) umuntu elwela ukutshela umlingani wakhe ngesifiso socansi, kuphela ukuthi umlingani abatshele ngokuqinile ukuthi bangajabula ukwenza leso sifiso, kepha ukuthi bebengazi nje ukuthi into ebifunwa.
Yiba nokholo kumlingani wakho. Bazise uma unganelisekile ngenani noma uhlobo locansi onalo. Yebo, kwesinye isikhathi othile uzobe engashukunyiswa, futhi anqabe ngqo ukuvula ama-horizons akhe noma ukushintsha i-repertoire yabo yezocansi. Kepha lokho kungukuhluka okungajwayelekile, kanye nesimo semilo okufanele ufune ukusazi ngomlingani wakho ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka.
Khulumela wena. Veza izifiso zakho. Nikeza umlingani wakho ithuba lokuhlangabezana nezidingo zakho. Uma lokho kungasebenzi, kuzobhekwa ezinye izindlela.