-Delile
- Umzekeliso wokuxhawulana
- Lapho ukwethembana kuphuka
- Kusuka ekwethembeni kuye ekuncomeni
- Ukuvamile
- Isikhathi sekhwalithi
- Ukususa
Umshado uqukethe ubudlelwane obuningana:
- Ubungani
- Ukubambisana kwezothando (uthando lwe-Eros)
- Ukubambisana kwezebhizinisi
- Ama-co-habitants (okunye okwaziwa njengama-room-mates)
- Co-parents (uma lo mbhangqwana unezingane)
Ubungani ubudlelwano obuyisisekelo obususelwe kubo bonke obunye ubuhlobo obubhalwe ngenhla. Lokhu kwenza ubungani bungabi obubaluleke kakhulu kepha bubaluleke kakhulu kunakho konke okungenhla.
Kepha ukuqonda ngokugcwele ubungani, maqondana nomshado, kufanele sihlole enye yezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu; amandla okwethembana kwabantu. Ukwethenjwa kungumgogodla wakho konke ukuxhumana kwabantu. Kubaluleke kakhulu ngaphakathi kobungani bomshado.
Umzekeliso wokuxhawulana
Izazi ze-anthropologists zithi ukuhwebelana okuvamile phakathi kwabaningi ezindaweni ezehlukene ezingahlelekile, okunye okwaziwa ngokuthi "ukuxhawulana" kubuyela emuva emuva lapho kutholakala khona okhokho bethu. Inhloso yokuxhawulana ihluke kakhulu kunalokho manje.
Ekuqaleni, bekuyindlela yabantu ababili ngabanye ukuqinisekisa ukuthi akekho ophethe isikhali abangalimaza ngaso omunye. Ngomuntu oyedwa welula isandla sakhe esingenalutho, wenza isenzo sokuthi uze ngokuthula. Ngalo omunye umuntu wajoyina isandla sakhe esivulekile, wayekhombisa ukuthi naye ubengaqondile okubi.
Ngalesi umfanekiso wokuxhawulana, singabona ukubonakaliswa kwesisekelo esiyisisekelo sobudlelwano babantu bokuthembana. Ukuqonda okuyisisekelo phakathi kwabantu ababili ukuthi akekho noyedwa ohlose omunye umonakalo ngamabomu.
Lapho ukwethembana kuphuka
Kokuhlangenwe nakho kwami kobuchwepheshe, ngisize imibhangqwana eminingi ukuba ilulame ekungathembekini. Ukubona ama-shockwaves avela ekuwohlokeni kokuthembana lapho umlingani engathembekile kukhombisa ukubaluleka kwakho.
It empeleni akunakwenzeka ukusiza umbhangqwana ukuba ululame ekungathembekini uma ukwethembana kwawo kungenakwenzeka. Ngiyazi ukuthi kumele uzibuze, "Kungenzeka kanjani ukuthi umbhangqwana uphinde uthole ukwethembana ngemuva kokuba into ethile iwuphulile?"
Akukhona ukuthi ukwethembana umbhangqwana owawukade unakho kubuyiselwa ngobusuku obubodwa. Kuyinkqubo eqala kancane futhi yakhele entuthukweni ngayinye kuze kube yilapho kugcinwa kakhulu izinga lokuqala lokwethembana. Kodwa-ke, lonke ukholo lokuqala alusoze lwagcinwa. Uma lokhu kuyinjongo yanoma yimiphi imibhangqwana engisebenza nayo, ngiyaqiniseka ukuthi ngikufinyelela okulindelwe ngokushesha.
Umnyombo wokwakha kabusha ukwethembana yikhono lomlingani othembekile lokwelula umbono wakhe ukuze akuqonde ngandlela thile, umkhohlisi akenzanga ngendlela yokulimaza ngamabomu.
Lokhu kuhlangana emuva nomfanekiso wokuxhawulana.
Manje, lokhu akusho ukuthi ngikhuthaza iziguli zami ukuthi zibandakanye ekukhohlisweni ngamabomu. Ngokuphambene nalokho, lapho sihlola izinhloso zalowo okopelayo, siyabona ukuthi babekwenza ukulondoloza ubudlelwano.
Ngamanye amagama, ubudlelwano babungabekezeleleki kangangoba babebhekene ne-conundrum yokubuqeda ngokuphelele noma ukufinyelela komunye futhi ngaleyo ndlela bagweme ukuhlukana. Kepha ake ngicacise ngalelo phuzu lokugcina. Lokhu akukaze kufaka umuntu okopelayo ngoba unenkinga yokulutha ngokocansi noma esinye isimo esikhetheke ngokuphelele futhi esingagxilile nganoma iyiphi indlela ebudlelwaneni.
Ngenxa yalokho, ngokubheka imiphumela yokungathembeki ebudlelwaneni, singabona ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani ukwethembana. Ukuthembela kuyona kanye ifayibha eliyibambayo ihlangene.
Kusuka ekwethembeni kuye ekuncomeni
Uma ukwethembana kuyisisekelo esidingekayo lapho bonke ubudlelwano babantu bakhelwe khona, khona-ke ukunconywa kuyizinga elilandelayo. Akunakwenzeka ukuba umngane nomuntu ongamthandi nganoma iyiphi indlela.
Kungakhathalekile ukuthi ikhwalithi itholakala iyancomeka, ukuncoma omunye nomunye kubalulekile ukuze ubudlelwano babantu ababili buqhubeke. Lokhu kubalulekile nasemshadweni. Susa ukuncoma, futhi kufana nokukhipha umoya kubhaluni lomoya oshisayo; akusizi ngalutho kumqondo naku-syntax.
Ukuvamile
Abantu ababili ebunganeni abanezinto ezifanayo nabo kubalulekile.Sonke siyasazi isisho esithi, “okuphikisanayo kuyaheha,” futhi yize lokhu kuzwakala, akusikho ukuthi abantu ababili kumele babe nakho konke okufanayo ukuze bathandane. Lokho abanakho ngokufanayo kudinga ukwanela ukwakha isisekelo lapho umehluko ongasekelwa khona.
Kusukela ngaleso sikhathi, isipiliyoni esivamile semicimbi eyabiwe kaningi sanele ukuthwala abangane, futhi ikakhulukazi imibhangqwana, ngezinguquko eziningi zobuntu eza ngokwemvelo ngeminyaka yobudala nokuhlangenwe nakho kwempilo.
Isikhathi sekhwalithi
Ungamangala ngenani lemibhangqwana engixoxisana nayo esiwombeni sokuqala ehhovisi lami, engitshela ukuthi basebenzisa isikhathi "sekhwalithi" bodwa njalo ngesonto. Imvamisa, lokhu akwenziwa ukuthi sebengasaluthandi lolu hlobo lwesikhathi, kepha kungenxa yokuntuleka kokukubeka eqhulwini esimisweni sabo esimatasa.
Esinye sezinyathelo zokuqala engibakhuthaza ukuba basithathe ukwenza lokhu buyisela isikhathi sekhwalithi ebudlelwaneni babo. Lokhu akupheli ukungimangaza ngoba lapho ngicela abaningi babo bacabange emuva ekuqaleni kobudlelwano babo. Bonke bayavuma ukuthi basebenzise isikhathi esiningi sekhwalithi kwesinye isikhathi noma kwesinye.
Ngu ngokuthatha igxathu elincane lokubuyisa isikhathi sekhwalithi, imibhangqwana ibona ukuthuthuka ngokushesha kwikhwalithi isiyonke yobudlelwano.
Kule vidiyo engezansi, uDan noJennie Lok bathi ukuveza uthando lwakho ngokusebenzisa isikhathi sekhwalithi kunikeza umuntu ukunaka kwakho okungahlukanisiwe. Yazi ukuthi ungasisebenzisa kanjani isikhathi sekhwalithi noshade naye noma umlingani wakho ngezansi:
Ukususa
Ngokwazisa ukuthi umshado wakhiwe ngezinhlaka ezahlukahlukene zobudlelwano obufanayo futhi obuhlukile, asikwazi ukukhulisa ukuqonda kwethu kuphela isikhungo ngokuphelele kepha sisize imibhangqwana ukuba ithuthukise imishado yayo. Ngokugxila esicini sobungani emshadweni, singabona imiphumela efinyelela kude kuyo. Ngokusebenzela ukuthuthukisa ubungani babashadikazi, singabona kusengaphambili ukwenziwa ngcono kwekhwalithi yokuxhumana kwabo kanye nokuhlangana komshado jikelele.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngoba izinto zobungani obunempilo zibalulekile cishe kubo bonke ubudlelwano phakathi kwabantu (umshado awufakwanga ngaphandle), kuyisici esisodwa esibaluleke kunazo zonke. Ngamanye amagama, umbhangqwana kufanele usebenzele ebunganeni bawo ukuthuthukisa imishado yawo yonke.