-Delile
- 1. Yazi ukuthi umshado ojabulisayo uqala ngaphambi komshado wangempela
- 2. Khetha kahle, futhi usebenze kanzima
- 3. Hlalani niphilile komunye nomunye
- 4. Nquma ukuthi ngubani owenza lokho ukugcina ikhaya liqhubeka
- 5. Yenza imizamo yokuvimbela “ukufa kombhede wezitabane”
Imibhangqwana yabantu bobulili obufanayo ekugcineni ithole ilungelo lokushada futhi iningi labantu baseMelika bayawusekela umqondo wokushada kwabantu abathandana nabobulili obufanayo noma ukushada kwabantu bobulili obufanayo.
Belangazelela ukuthi ubudlelwano babo bube semthethweni futhi babhekwe njengobusemthethweni njengemibhangqwana engathandani nabobulili obuhlukile, imibhangqwana eminingi engongqingili iye yehlela ehholo ledolobha noma endaweni yabo yokukhonzela ukuze inikele komunye nomunye phambi kwabangane nomndeni.
Kepha kuthiwani "ngenjabulo njalo"?
Abashadikazi abathandana nabobulili obufanayo bangaqinisekisa kanjani ukuthi bayaqhubeka bethanda, behlonipha, behlonipha futhi — ngokubaluleke ngendlela efanayo — bajabulele umshado wabo, sekudlule isikhathi eside seliphonsiwe irayisi futhi i-honeymoon isiphelile?
Nazi ezinye izeluleko zomshado ezithandanayo. Sebenzisa lawa macebiso obudlelwano bobungqingili ukuqonda ukuthi usebenza kanjani umshado wobungqingili futhi ugcine inhlansi yomshado wakho wobungqingili iphila.
1. Yazi ukuthi umshado ojabulisayo uqala ngaphambi komshado wangempela
Ngabe imishado yabantu abathandana nabobulili obufanayo iyahlala?
Yebo, imishado yabantu abathandana nabobulili obufanayo iyahlala futhi umshado ojabulisayo wobungqingili akuyona inganekwane.
Imishado yamaLesbian ingahlala impilo yonke uma usebenza ebudlelwaneni bakho ngayo yonke inhliziyo yakho. Ngaphambi kokuthi uthi "ngiyakwenza" ufuna ukuqiniseka ukuthi lona wesifazane nguye.
Ucwaningo ngemibhangqwana engongqingili lukhombisile ukuthi abathandana nabobulili obufanayo bayashesha ukuzibophezela futhi bathatheleke kakhudlwana kunemibhangqwana engabobulili obuhlukile, lapho owesilisa engavamise ukubopha amabhuleki ukuthi enze isivumelwano ngokushesha.
Kuliqiniso ukuthi imishado yezithandani inamathuba angama-50% okuphela ngesehlukaniso kunemishado yabobulili obuhlukile. Ngakho-ke, kujwayelekile ukuthi uzibuze ukuthi ungawenza kanjani umshado wezithandani usebenze.
Ukuze uthole umshado ophumelelayo wobungqingili, cabanga ngokujulile ngaphambi kokubopha ifindo, ukuze ungadingi ukuqaqa ifindo elifanayo eminyakeni ulayini ngoba ungene ngokushesha okukhulu.
Kuhlale kunenzuzo ukwenza ukwelulekwa ngaphambi komshado ukukala wena nokuhambisana kwentombi yakho, izindinganiso, kanye nethuba lomshado ophumelelayo.
2. Khetha kahle, futhi usebenze kanzima
Lesi ngesinye sezeluleko eziyinhloko zabobulili obufanayo ebudlelwaneni, okudingeka usikhumbule ngaphambi kokufaka kunoma yikuphi ukuzibophezela.
Ukuze ujabulele umshado wakho, khetha umlingani wakho kahle. Lapho usukwazi ukuthi lo wesifazane ungowesifazane ofisa ukuchitha naye impilo yakho yonke, sebenza kanzima ukukugcina kunjalo.
Naka oshade naye, kodwa futhi uziqaphele nawe. Zenzele ubuwena, izintshisekelo, kanye nezinto ozithandayo, uma ubheke phambili ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside besifazane.
Awufuni ukuba nesithukuthezi noma ungabi nalutho ozokhuluma ngalo uma uhleli ngaphesheya komunye nomunye etafuleni lesidlo.
Sebenza kanzima ukugcina isisekelo sothando somshado wakho: bonisa ukuboniswa kothando, kokubili okuncane — inothi elincane lothando elishiyelwe ekhawunteni umlingani wakho angalithola ngemuva kokuya emsebenzini — kuya kokukhulu — uhambo olungeyona impoqo lokuya ngempelasonto oluya indawo yakho yokucasha oyithandayo.
Ofuna ukukugwema ukuthathelana phezulu. Leyo yindlela eqinisekile yokukhipha injabulo ebudlelwaneni.
3. Hlalani niphilile komunye nomunye
Abantu abaphilile basesimweni sokujabulela imishado yabo manje nasesikhathini esizayo. Ezingeni lomzimba, lokhu kusho ukudla okunempilo ukukhulisa amasosha akho omzimba nokugwema ukugula.
Ukuzivocavoca nsuku zonke ukuze wandise amahomoni akho "omuhle" kubalulekile futhi .. Ezingeni likamoya, ukuzijwayeza ukucabanga, kungaba ngenkolo esemthethweni, noma uhlobo oluthile lokuzindla kuzokusiza ukuthi uhlale ulinganisela.
Ukugcina umzimba nomqondo ophilile kunomthelela ekupheleleni kwengqondo jikelele, nakho lokho okufaka isandla ezingeni eliphezulu lokuzijabulisa emshadweni wakho.
4. Nquma ukuthi ngubani owenza lokho ukugcina ikhaya liqhubeka
Emishadweni yobungqingili, izindima zobulili azichazwa kangako uma kuqhathaniswa nomshado wobungqingili.
Ucwaningo lukhombisa ukuthi imibhangqwana yobulili obufanayo inezimo ezikhululekile ngokwengeziwe ngezindima zobulili uma kuqhathaniswa nemibhangqwana engabobulili obuhlukile.
Ngakho-ke kumane nje kungindaba yenu nobabili ukuxhumana ukuthi nifuna ukuhlukanisa kanjani imisebenzi yokuphathwa kwekhaya ngendlela engcono kakhulu.
Ingabe omunye wenu ungcono kwimisebenzi ye-DIY, njengokuvula isinki enesipele noma izithombe ezilenga? Ingabe omunye wenu ungcono ekhishini, ujabulela ukuhlelwa kwemenyu futhi adale ukudla okumnandi?
Ukugcina umshado wakho ungabi muncu, uzofuna ukulwela ukuqiniseka ukuthi imisebenzi yasendlini yabiwa ngokulinganayo nokuthi nobabili ninomthelela ekuqhubekeni kahle kwempilo yasekhaya.
Intukuthelo ingakhula uma ngabe oyedwa kini enza konke ukuthenga, ukupheka, ukuhlanza KANYE nokulungisa ikhaya. Uma unesabelomali sayo, cabanga ngokukhokhela izinsizakalo zangaphandle (umuntu ohlanzayo, umuntu owenza ngesandla) uma kungekho noyedwa kini ozimisele ukwenza imisebenzi ethile.
Ukukhipha eminye yemithwalo engemnandi yokushada kungakongela usizi oluningi.
5. Yenza imizamo yokuvimbela “ukufa kombhede wezitabane”
Ngokusho kwesazi sezocansi saseMelika uPepper Schwartz efundisa eNyuvesi yaseWashington, emshadweni wezithandani, ubulili buvame ukuhlala esihlalweni esiseduze kungekudala ebudlelwaneni - ngokushesha kunemibhangqwana engqingili nabesilisa abathandanayo. Lesi simo saziwa njengokufa kombhede wezithandani.
Kepha ukuqinisa ubudlelwano bothando besikhathi eside ngaphandle kobuhlobo bomzimba kungaba yinselele. Emshadweni wezithandani, ucansi lubaluleke njengoba lusemshadweni wezitabane noma emshadweni wobungqingili.
Ngakho-ke, imibhangqwana engqingili kumele yenze imizamo ngokungaguquguquki ukugcina impilo yabo yezocansi iheha. Lesi seluleko somshado wezithandani sibaluleke kakhulu ngoba ukufa kombhede wezithandani kungenye yezizathu ezivame kakhulu zokuthi bahlukane ngokushesha kunemibhangqwana engqingili neyabesilisa abesilisa nabesifazane.
Ngakho-ke, izeluleko ezibalulekile zobulili besithandana ukuzama inqubo ejwayelekile yezocansi bese uzama izinto ezintsha ukusiza ukugcina idrayivu yezocansi isikhathi eside.
- Khumbula amandla wokuthinta
Ezinsukwini zokuqala zokuthandana kwenu, kungenzeka ukuthi nithintane kaningi. Kepha manje njengoba usemshadweni osunguliwe, ungakhohlwa ukuthi isikhumba sithintana kangakanani nesikhumba.
Thatha isandla soshade naye lapho uphuma futhi uzungeza; hlikihla amahlombe abo ngenkathi ubukele ithelevishini. Ukuthintana ngokomzimba kunamandla wokukhipha i-hormone ezizwa kahle njenge-oxytocin ekusiza uzizwe uxhumekile komunye nomunye.
Qiniseka ukuthi uyathinta, ngisho nangendlela engeyona eyezocansi, okungenani kanye ngosuku. Kuyisikhumbuzo esihle sokuthi nithanda kangakanani. Lesi esinye iseluleko sobudlelwano bobungqingili okufanele sisikhumbule!
- Ngena komunye nomunye kaningi
Bekela eceleni isikhathi sokwenza ukungena "kwezempilo nenhlalakahle yomshado". Le ngxoxo ingaba ngeviki noma ngenyanga.
Qala ngombuzo onjengokuthi "Yini engingayenza ukuze wenze impilo yakho ibe lula / ibe mnandi kakhulu?" Lokhu kuvula ingxoxo ngendlela eyakhayo, kukhombisa ukuthi ufuna ukuzwa ukuthi ungameseka kanjani oshade naye.
Inhloso yalokhu kungena ukuvikela izingxabano ezincane ukuthi zingakhuli futhi mhlawumbe zingalawuleki.
Futhi kuyindlela enhle yokuthatha izinga lokushisa lomshado wakho futhi uqiniseke ukuthi nobabili niqhubeka nokuthola izinzuzo zomshado wenu.
- Ungasinaki isidingo sokuba wedwa ngezikhathi ezithile
I-adage ethi "ukungabikho kwenza inhliziyo ikhule kahle" iyiqiniso kubo bonke ubudlelwano, i-hetero nobungqingili. Ukushada akusho ukuhlanganiswa ndawonye ngaso sonke isikhathi.
Yakhani ngesikhathi kude komunye nomunye kumashejuli enu. Kungaba impelasonto eyedwa e-spa, noma kusihlwa nabazali bakho, uwedwa wedwa.
Yonke imibhangqwana yesikhathi eside izokutshela ukuthi kubalulekile ukuchitha isikhathi ngokuhlukana, uma kuphela ukuhlangana okumnandi okwenzeka lapho usubuyele ekhaya.
Lezi yizicucu ezibalulekile zezeluleko zobungqingili ebudlelwaneni. Into ebaluleke kakhulu okufanele uyikhumbule emshadweni wezithandani ukuthi ungathathi umlingani wakho phansi futhi niqhubeke nithandana ngayo yonke inhliziyo yenu.