-Delile
- Ubudlelwano bokuzimela abufanelanga noma ngubani
- 1. Unesidingo esinamandla sokufuna 'ukulungisa' umlingani wakho
- 2. Uqala ukugcwalisa izikhala njengoba umlingani wakho ehlehla
- 3. Udela futhi ulahlekelwe yimingcele yakho yonke
- 4. Uhlala njalo udinga ukucela ukuvunyelwa cishe yonke into encane
Uthando luyinto enhle. Kumnandi futhi kuyakhazimula ikakhulukazi lapho abantu ababili abathandana ngokweqiniso behlangana ebunyeni. Kodwa-ke, kunezimo lapho lolu thando luhlukunyezwa futhi luqedwa izimfuno ezingenakwenzeka nhlobo.
Cabanga ngendaba yabantu ababili abanezici zobuntu ezingasebenzi kahle abakha umshado. Okufika emqondweni kungenzeka kube yisiphithiphithi. Kepha, kungahle kungabi yiziyaluyalu ngqo. Bulethwa kanjalo-ke ubudlelwano bokuncika.
Kwenzekani ekuthembekeni kwekhodi kuyindaba yomuntu oyedwa noma umlingani odela okuningi ukuze asekele ubudlelwano kunomunye.
Futhi, ezimweni eziningi kubandakanya ubudlelwano bezothando, umlingani oyedwa ufuna ukunakwa ngokweqile nokwesekwa kwengqondo, okungenzeka kuhambisane nokugula okukhona noma ukulutha umlutha okubhebhethekisa ukuncika.
Ubudlelwano bokuzimela abufanelanga noma ngubani
Imibhangqwana ingena kuwo ngoba oyedwa noma bobabili banesici sobuntu esingasebenzi kahle ekugcineni esenza izimpilo zombili zibe zimbi kakhulu.
Isibonelo sakudala sobudlelwano bokuncika ezimweni ezithile ngabantu ababandakanyeka kuma-narcissists. Abantu abanjalo bazozikhandla ngokunikela nokupha, okungaze kuvuthwe ngokweneliseka ngoba omunye umlingani uqhubeka nokushintsha izinhloso futhi enze izimfuno ezingenangqondo.
Umphumela wokugcina ukuthi isisulu sishiswe ngokuphelele.
Ubudlelwano obunempilo buhlinzeka icala lapho kukhona ukulingana phakathi kwekhono lokuzimela komlingani ngamunye kanye nesidingo sokusizana.
Isikhathi lapho ibhalansi isusiwe, izinto ziyaxaka. Ngakho-ke, yini engasikisela ukuba khona kobudlelwano obuncikile?
Ngezansi kunezimpawu zethu eziphezulu ezi-4 zokutshela ukuthi ungahle usebenze ngokuvumelana ngamakhodi:
1. Unesidingo esinamandla sokufuna 'ukulungisa' umlingani wakho
Ukuphela kwendlela yokwazi noma yokuhlola uma lokhu kwenzeka kuwe ukuqaphela okulandelayo:
- Wenza konke ukuzidela ukuxhasa umlingani wakho
- Unomuzwa oqinile wokuthi uzilahlekele futhi udinga ukwamukelwa ngumlingani wakho ukuze uzizwe uphelele.
Lapho ubona okungenhla sekuyimpilo yakho yansuku zonke, kufanele kukhale insimbi engqondweni yakho ngokuya ngokuvumelana.
Ubudlelwano obunempilo bukhula ngokwethembana, ukuhloniphana nokwethembeka phakathi kwabalingani enyunyaneni.
Esimweni sokuncika kokunye, umlingani noma bobabili banobuntu obubashayela ukuba bathokozise abantu. Bazizwa bejabule kuphela ngokusiza abanye noma kwesinye isikhathi behlobisa imicabango yokuthi bangalungisa abanye.
Ukuzimela ngokweqile kuzothuthukisa umuntu okweqisayo kokungakwazi ukuzinakekela futhi esikhundleni salokho anakekele abanye, noma, kubakholise ukuthi ukuzithemba kwabo kuboshelwe kubo ukuthi bayadingeka.
2. Uqala ukugcwalisa izikhala njengoba umlingani wakho ehlehla
Kulula kakhulu ukubikezela ukuthi kukhona ukuthembela ebudlelwaneni lapho ubona umlingani wakho ezama ukuthatha umthwalo wokuxhuma nokuxhumana njalo.
Lokhu kuvame ukuziveza lapho omunye umlingani ehlehla noma ehoxisa isikhathi sakhe, umzamo nokunakekela okufanele bakunikeze, kuphoqa omunye umlingani isisulu sokuxhomekeka ukuthi ahambe ibanga elingaphezulu futhi asebenze kanzima ukugcwalisa izikhala ukuze ubudlelwano buhlale.
Ngokushesha, ubudlelwane budlulela enkombeni engenampilo okuthembela ekuvumelaneni.
3. Udela futhi ulahlekelwe yimingcele yakho yonke
Imingcele iphilile impela ukuba nayo kuyo yonke imikhakha yempilo. Kodwa-ke, kumuntu othembekile, mhlawumbe yigama elingengcwele abangakwazi ukulivumela.
Isici esisodwa esivamile kubantu abathembekile ukuthi abanayo imingcele.
Bakhathazeke ngokweqile futhi banesibopho kwabanye. Abantu abanjalo bangagqoka ubuso obuqinile, kepha inkinga ukungabi nemingcele. Balahla konke okuphathelene nabo bagqoke isicathulo somunye.
Kulungile ukuthi bangahlonishwa ngoba bayayazisa indaba yomunye kunenkambo yabo futhi bakulungele ukulahla yonke imingcele yabo. Abantu abathembele ku-Codical abanayo imingcele noma abazi ngesidingo sokuba nemingcele eqinile ngisho nakubantu ababakhathalelayo.
Uma uzithola ukuleli phakethe, nakanjani usesicupheni sokuxhomekeka.
4. Uhlala njalo udinga ukucela ukuvunyelwa cishe yonke into encane
Ngokusho kukaCatenya McHenry, umbhali we “Ushade neNarcissist,” ukuhlala unesidingo sokucela imvume noma ukuvunyelwa kumlingani wakho wobudlelwano ukwenza izinto eziyisisekelo zansuku zonke futhi ube nomuzwa oqinile wokuthi awukwazi ukwenza ngisho nesinqumo esilula ngaphandle kokubonisana nomlingani wakho, kukhombisa izimpawu eziqinisekisayo zokuvumelana.
Enye indlela yokuzihlola ukubheka ukuzethemba kwakho ngaphambi nangemva kokuba inyunyana iqale. Uma kunokungahambisani kahle futhi uthola ukuthi ugcwele ukungabaza ngawe, ukuzethemba futhi awukwazi ukwenza izinqumo, kunamathuba amakhulu obudlelwano bokuthembela emshadweni wakho.
Futhi, uma noma ngemuva kokwehlukana nomlingani olawulayo usazizwa futhi ukholwa ukuthi uyabadinga, lapho-ke uku-codependency.
Uhlu lokuhlola lwebhonasi
Lokhu okungenhla kuyizinkomba eziqinile zokuxhomekeka.
Kodwa-ke, ukuxhomekeka kwe-codific kuveza ngezindlela eziningi abanye abantu abangase bangaziboni lapho bekukodwa. Ngezansi kunohlu olungefushane lwezifundazwe okufanele zikusikisele ngobudlelwano obuncikile.
- Uzizwa ungenayo impilo yokuzimela
- Ulahlekelwe ukuxhumana nomndeni wakho noma abantu abebebaluleke kakhulu kuwe ngaphambilini futhi abangasuswa isikhathi eside
- Uhlala njalo ufuna ukuqinisekiswa kuzo zonke izici ezincane ngawe kusuka kumlingani wakho
- Umlingani wakho unemikhuba engenampilo, futhi uyijoyina noma uyijabulisa ngezizathu zakho
Codependency yisimo esibi futhi akunconyelwa noma ngubani. Ukwehlukana nakho kudinga ukuthi uqale wazi ukuthi kubonakala kanjani. Le ngenhla yindawo enhle kakhulu yokuqala ukuhlola ubudlelwano bakho.
Ama-Adios nobudlelwano obujabulisayo.