-Delile
- Kungani abazali bephika imiphumela emibi yesehlukaniso ezinganeni
- Imiphumela yesehlukaniso empilweni yengqondo yengane
- Uyisindisa kanjani impilo yengqondo nengokomzwelo yengane yakho
- 1. Xoxa ngokubambisana njengomzali nowawushade naye
- 2. Ungamenzi kabi umlingane wakho wangaphambili phambi kwezingane zakho
- 3. Gwema ukubeka ingane yakho phakathi
- 4. Musa ukuqamba amanga ezinganeni zakho
- Imizwa yengane yakho ibalulekile
Ukubeka udonga lokuphika, ukudideka okuphelele, intukuthelo ekudla ngaphakathi, uzibeke icala, ukuzibophezela, ukungathembeki, umzabalazo wansuku zonke wokungabi ngabazali bakho.
Le eminye yemiphumela yengqondo yesehlukaniso ezinganeni, ngemuva kokuba abazali behlukene.
Ukuphela kwento ukuthi lezo zingane sezivele zikhule zaba ngabantu abadala, abasalwa nemiphumela yesehlukaniso somzali wabo.
Umyalezo omkhulu wale vidiyo ukungazilahli izingane njengezisulu zesehlukaniso futhi unake kakhulu imiphumela yesikhathi eside yesehlukaniso empilweni yengqondo yezingane.
Kodwa-ke, abazali abaningi bayayiphika imiphumela emibi yesehlukaniso empilweni yengqondo yengane yabo, ikakhulukazi lapho kubonakala ngathi "kuncane kakhulu" ukuthi bangatshala imali ngokwehlukana komzali wabo.
Ngokudabukisayo, iqiniso lethonya lesehlukaniso ezinganeni lihlukile.
Kungani abazali bephika imiphumela emibi yesehlukaniso ezinganeni
Cishe eminyakeni eyi-8 eyedlule, iTelegraph ikhombe ucwaningo oluchaza ukuthi kungani abazali behlala bephika ngemiphumela emibi yesehlukaniso empilweni yengqondo yengane yabo.
Abaphenyi abasebenza kulolu cwaningo baxoxisana bobabili abazali nezingane zabo.
Kubikwa ukuthi izingane zibone abazali bazo belwa izikhathi eziningi kunalokho okwakucatshangwa ngabazali, kanti abazali abane kwabahlanu bathi bakholelwa ukuthi izingane zabo "zikwazi ukubhekana kahle nesehlukaniso".
Ngasikhathi sinye, ngokusho kocwaningo:
- yisihlanu kuphela sezingane okwaxoxwa nazo ezazisho ukuthi zijabule ngokuthi abazali bazo bahlukanisa,
- owesithathu wabaphendulile uthe bazizwe bedangele
- iningi lezingane ezihlolwe lathi liyayifihla imizwa yalo ngesehlukaniso sabazali.
Ababhali bocwaningo bethukile lapho bebona igebe elikhulu phakathi kwezimpendulo abazitholile kubazali abahlukanisile nasezinganeni zabo.
Lokhu okutholakele kubenze bakholwa ukuthi abazali, abadivosa, abakuphiki lokho kepha abazi ukuthi abanye, ababandakanyeka ezimpilweni zabo, kubandakanya nezingane zabo, babhekana kanjani nalokhu kwehlukana.
Kuyiqiniso ukuthi kwezinye izimo isehlukaniso singasindisa impilo yengqondo yezingane zakho, ikakhulukazi uma usebudlelwaneni obuhlukumezayo noshade naye.
Zonke izimo zehlukile, kepha umphumela wempilo yengqondo yengane yakho cishe uzoba mibi kakhulu.
Ngakho-ke, noma ngabe likuphi icala lakho, uma uliphatha kabi futhi ulahla imiphumela emibi yesehlukaniso empilweni yengqondo yengane yakho, bangahle bahlupheke ngezinkinga ezikhathaza impilo yengqondo.
Imiphumela yesehlukaniso empilweni yengqondo yengane
Ucwaningo oluningi eminyakeni edlule luye lwafakazela ukuthi abukho ubudala obufanele lapho ingane “ivikelekile” emiphumeleni emibi yesehlukaniso.
Ucwaningo, olushicilelwe ephephabhukwini lePaediatr Child Health emuva ngonyaka ka-2000, lwahlanganisa isihloko abazali abaningi ababexoxa ngaso ngezikhathi zokwelashwa kokuthi izingane zingavikeleka yini ekuhlukaneni nabazali.
Ucwaningo lukhombisile lokho izingane zeminyaka yonke zizwela ngokwehlukana kwabazali, futhi ukusabela kwazo kuvezwa ngendlela ehambisana nesigaba sazo sokukhula.
Ucwaningo luphinde futhi lwahlanganisa izindlela ezahlukahlukene zokuziphatha ezinganeni ezithinteka ngokwahlukana kwabazali:
- ukuhlehla
- ukukhathazeka
- izimpawu ezicindezelayo
- ukucasuka okuphezulu
- ukungathobeli
Ukuziphatha okukhulunywe ngenhla akugcini nje ngokuthinta ubudlelwano bengane nabazali, kepha nobunye ubudlelwane bezenhlalo kanye nokusebenza kwezemfundo.
Ngokuqaphelekayo, abazali ababambe iqhaza kulolu cwaningo bathi bebengakulungele ukushintsha indlela yokuziphatha kwezingane zabo futhi abazi ukuthi bazoyivikela kanjani impilo yengqondo yengane yabo ngesikhathi sehlukaniso.
Uyisindisa kanjani impilo yengqondo nengokomzwelo yengane yakho
Akunakwenzeka ukuvimbela ngokuphelele imiphumela emibi yesehlukaniso empilweni yengqondo yengane yakho.
Kodwa-ke, kunezinto ezimbalwa ongazenza ukunciphisa le miphumela emibi futhi uxhase impilo yengqondo yengane yakho ngesikhathi sehlukaniso.
1. Xoxa ngokubambisana njengomzali nowawushade naye
Ngokwengxenye, isehlukaniso singaba yinto yobugovu. Kodwa-ke, ayikho indawo yobugovu, uma kukhulunywa ngokukhulisa ingane yakho ngemuva kwesehlukaniso, ikakhulukazi uma ucabanga ngemiphumela engemihle yezempilo yengqondo engalandela ukwehlukana kwabazali.
Ukukhulisa ngokubambisana kuzuzisa kanjani impilo yengqondo yengane yakho?
I-Institute for Family Study ibuyekeze izifundo ezingama-54 ngemiphumela ehlukene yokuba ngumzali wedwa nokuba ngumzali ngokubambisana, okukhombise ukuthi:
- Zonke izifundo ezingama-54 zithole ukuthi izingane ezivela emindenini yokuba ngumzali ngokubambisana zinemiphumela engcono kunezingane ezivela emindenini yokuba ngumzali wedwa ngokomzimba ngokuphumelela kwezemfundo, impilo yezemizwa, izinkinga zokuziphatha, kanye nezifo ezihlobene nengcindezi.
- Lapho kufakwa izinto ezahlukahlukene zokuxineka, njengokuxabana kwabazali nemali engenayo yomndeni, izingane ezivela emindenini yokuba ngumzali ngokubambisana zisenemiphumela engcono.
- Izingane ezivela emindenini enomzali oyedwa kungenzeka ukuthi zibe nobudlelwano obukude nomunye wabazali, okuthinta nobunye ubudlelwane bezenhlalo.
Kubalulekile ukuveza ukuthi iningi labazali abahlukanisile alivumelananga ngazimbili noma ngokuzithandela kuhlelo lobuzali ngokubambisana ekuhlukaneni kwabo.
Kubalulekile ukuthi bobabili abazali baxoxe ngokubambisana njengomzali ngaphambi kokuba isehlukaniso siphele, hhayi ngemuva kokuhlukana noshade naye. Kungani?
Lapho utshela ingane yakho ngokuthatha isinqumo sokuhlukanisa, uzohlushwa imibuzo eminingi ngokuthi iqiniso lizoshintsha kanjani kubo nokuthi bazokwazi kanjani ukuchitha isikhathi nobabili.
Ukushiya le mibuzo ingaphenduliwe kuzoshiya ingane yakho ididekile, idale ukuthi ibuze uthando lwakho futhi ibaphoqe ukuthi bazisole ngokwahlukanisa.
Kufanele ukhulume ngokubambisana ngokubambisana nenhlalakahle yengane yakho.
Ingane yakho ifanelwe ukwazi lokhu, futhi lapho uzoba nemininingwane ethe xaxa mayelana nohlelo lwakho lokuba ngumzali ngokubambisana, kuzoba ngcono. Kufanele bazi, ukuthi iyiphi inqubo abazoyilandela, futhi udinga ukubenza bazizwe bejwayelekile ngayo.
Futhi, ngenkathi wazisa izingane ngesinqumo sakho, kubalulekile ukuthi ukwenze ngokubambisana nowakwakho nangenhlonipho.
2. Ungamenzi kabi umlingane wakho wangaphambili phambi kwezingane zakho
Omunye wabaphenduli kwividiyo ye-BuzzFeed esikhulume ngayo esethulweni ulandise ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe ngesikhathi sehlukaniso sabazali bakhe esemncane.
Enye yezinkinga ebezimkhathaza kakhulu kulesi simo ngunina ehlambalaza uyise, okuyinto angakwazanga ukuyimela.
Izimo ezinjalo zivamile ngesikhathi sehlukaniso. Imizwa labo bobabili abahlangabezana nayo iluhlaza, abazali badlula ebunzimeni obukhulu nasekucindezelekeni, okwenza kube nzima ukulawula isimo sokungqubuzana nababengabangane babo.
Noma kunjalo, Ukulimaza umuntu owawushade naye phambi kwezingane zakho kungababangela bazizwe benamahloni, ingasaphathwa eyomuzwa wokudideka nokungakholwa okuzobenza bacindezeleke nakakhulu.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukuhlambalaza umuntu owawushade naye engxoxweni nengane yakho kungaba nemiphumela emibi emphumeleni wedivosi.
Abameli baxwayisa ngokuthi ukuhlambalaza umuntu oshade naye kungaholela ekuguqulweni kwelungelo lokugcina ingane, ezimweni ezimbi kakhulu, omunye wabazali angathola ngisho nesivimbelo.
E-Tennessee, ngokwesibonelo, ukwenza izitatimende ezijivazayo kungadala ukuthi ubhekwe phansi njengenkantolo, kungasaphathwa ukuthi uzophoqeleka ukuthi ukhokhe imali yesondlo ngokubanga ukukhathazeka ngokomzwelo enganeni yakho nakulowo owawushade naye.
Isehlukaniso sekuvele kuyinto ebuhlungu kuwe nakumntanakho. Musa ukubenza babe babi ngokwengeziwe ngokulahlekelwa amandla okulawula lokho okubatshela kona.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yisiphi isimo esiholele esahlukanisweni, inhlalakahle engokwengqondo nengokomzwelo yengane yakho okufanele uyibeke kuqala.
3. Gwema ukubeka ingane yakho phakathi
Yize ingane yakho ingomunye wezisulu zesehlukaniso sakho, akusho ukuthi kufanele babambe iqhaza kuzo zonke izimo ezixhumene nayo.
Abazali abaningi benza iphutha ngokubandakanya izingane zabo ezingxoxweni ezahlukene ezihlobene nesehlukaniso. Kulezi zingxoxo, izingane zisetshenziswa njengabalamuli, abazali ababakhohlisayo ukuthola umphumela abawufunayo.
Ngale ndlela abazali bafaka izingane zabo phakathi, becabanga ukuthi ngokwenza njalo bazenzela okuhle kakhulu izingane zabo. Eqinisweni, bonakalisa impilo yengqondo yengane yabo.
Kunezimo ezi-3 ezivamile lapho abazali bebeka izingane zabo phakathi ukuze zixazulule ukungezwani okuhlobene nezehlukaniso.
- Sebenzisa ingane ukwenza uhlelo lobuzali ngokubambisana. Lokhu kuvame ukuthi kusho ukuthi umzali oyedwa angazama ukuphoqa izidingo zabo zokuba ngumzali kubalingani babo bakudala ngokusebenzisa izingane zabo. Eqinisweni, noma kunjalo, ingane yakho akunakwenzeka ukuthi ibe uchwepheshe ongcono kakhulu wokuba ngumzali ngokubambisana. Uma ufuna ingane yakho ibandakanyeke ekwakheni uhlelo lokubambisana, cela umbono wabo, ungaphoqeleli umbono wakho kubo.
- Ukuxoxa ngezinqumo zomlingani wangaphambili nengane. Lokhu kuxhumene nephoyinti langaphambilini. Ngeke nifakazele lutho futhi nizongenisa nobabili umuzwa wokungathembani.
- Ukucela ingane yakho ukuthi ithole ngobudlelwano obusha bomlingani wakho wangaphambili. Lokhu akunangqondo ngokuphelele futhi kuyingane, kepha izimo ezinjalo azivamile. Noma ingane yakho ingakavuthwa ngokwanele ukuba iqonde ukuthi kungani uyenza, lapho isikhulile, izobona ukuthi isetshenzisiwe futhi izolahlekelwa ukwethemba kwakho.
Akunasizathu sokuthi kungani kufanele ubeke ingane yakho phakathi ukuze ixazulule noma yikuphi ukungaqondi kahle ukuthi wena nalowo owawushade naye nibhekene nakho. Bazomane bazizwe behlukaniswe kakhudlwana futhi bekhungathekile, kancane kancane bephelelwa ukwethemba bobabili abazali babo.
Buka futhi: Izizathu Eziningi Ezivamile Zesehlukaniso
4. Musa ukuqamba amanga ezinganeni zakho
Lapho behlukanisa, abazali abavamisi ukuhlanganyela yonke imininingwane yenqubo nezingane zabo, futhi kuyinto enhle. Ngale ndlela, isehlukaniso senza umonakalo omncane empilweni yengqondo yengane kunalokho ebesingakwenza ukube bebazi yonke imininingwane esabekayo ngaso.
Kodwa-ke, ukusindisa imininingwane yesehlukaniso akufani nokuqambela izingane zakho amanga ngokuthi ubudlelwano emndenini buzoshintsha kanjani ngemuva kwaso.
Cabanga ngalesi simo esilandelayo.
Ubaba uyawushiya umndeni. Umndeni unengane, intombazane eneminyaka engu-7. Intombazane ibuza uyise ukuthi uhamba yini ngenxa yakhe.
Ubaba uthi akasoze amshiya futhi uzohlangana naye ngemuva kwesikole nsuku zonke ukuze ahambe aye ekhaya, yize, ngemuva kwesehlukaniso, bagcina behlangana ngaphansi kokuphindwe kabili njalo ezinyangeni ezintathu.
Ungawabona kalula amanga amhlophe. Ubaba wayezama ukuvikela inhlalakahle yengane, kodwa-ke, wehluleka ukufeza lokho ayekulindele njengoba kusobala ukuthi wayengeke akwenze lokho akuthembisa.
Intombazane iqala ukuzisola ngokuziphatha kukayise, imenze abe nengcindezi eyengeziwe, futhi, ekugcineni, ibe nezinkinga ngengqondo yakhe nangokomzimba, ngenxa yengcindezi yakhe eqhubekayo.
Ngakho-ke, qaphela lokho okuthembisayo noma lokho oqamba amanga ngakho enganeni yakho. Lapho bebancane, maningi amathuba okuthi bathathe amazwi akho ngokoqobo.
Ukugwema ukudabuka kwenhliziyo, ingcindezi, kanye nokudangala, njengoba ingane yakho iqala ukusola ngesahlukaniso, zama ukuthembeka ngangokunokwenzeka ezingxoxweni zakho nabo.
Imizwa yengane yakho ibalulekile
Noma ngabe uhlala ngokwahlukana okunokuthula nenhlonipho, lesi kusese yisimo esicindezelayo enganeni yakho.
Ungahle ungabelani nayo yonke imininingwane yesehlukaniso nengane yakho, kepha nina nobabili niphoqelekile ukunakekela impilo engokomzwelo nengqondo yengane yakho.
Ngakho-ke, njengoba uhlukanisa, buza ingane yakho ukuthi izizwa kanjani ngokuhlukana kwakho. Yabelana ngemizwa yakho futhi, kodwa gwema ukusola oshade naye ngalesi simo.
Umsebenzi wakho ukukhuthaza ingane yakho ukuthi ihlanganyele imizwa nemizwa yayo kuyo yonke inqubo yesehlukaniso futhi ngemuva kokuphothulwa kwesahlukaniso.
Xoxani ngohlelo lokuba ngumzali ngokubambisana, hlala uhlonipha, ungafaki izingane zakho phakathi, futhi uthembeke kuzo.
Khumbula, noma kunjalo, ukuthi ngeke ukwazi ukuvikela ngokuphelele izingane zakho ekulimaleni. Izingane zivame ukubhekana nemizwa yazo buthule, ikakhulukazi uma ziseminyakeni yabo yobusha.
Kulokhu, kubalulekile ukwakha isimo sokweseka nokuqonda futhi sigweme ukwahlulela. Lokhu kuzosiza ingane yakho ukuthi idlule esahlukanisweni sakho nemiphumela emincane empilweni yengqondo yayo.