-Delile
- Kumele uqale uzithande ngaphambi kokuthanda abanye
- Unesibopho senjabulo yakho
- Yiba namaqiniso ngokulindela kobudlelwano bakho
- Shada nomuntu omthandayo
- Kuthatha ababili ukuthanda
- Uthando kufanele luzizwe sengathi lushayela ngamabhuleki
- Phishekela izintshisekelo zakho
- Lapho ekukhombisa ukuthi ungubani, mkholelwe
- Okuphikisanayo kungakhanga
- Amahlaya abalulekile
- Awudingi ukuba ndawonye 24/7
Bekungeke yini kube kuhle ukuhlala phansi neqembu labashadikazi abajabule emshadweni, imibhangqwana ebigubha zonke izikhumbuzo zomshado ezibalulekile (funda iminyaka engama-30, 40 kanye neminyaka engama-50 yobumnandi bomshado) futhi ube nethuba lokubabuza izeluleko zothando? Ukukwazi ukuthola izeluleko kubantu abakwazi ukucabanga ngeminyaka yemishado ephumelelayo ejabulisayo? Qagela? Sikwenzele wena! Nanka amanye amaphuzu avelele avela kuleyo ngxoxo; amazwi okuhlakanipha ongazindla ngawo, kusuka ngqo kokuhlangenwe nakho kwempilo "kwabadala abahlakaniphile." Lungela ukufunda kokuhlangenwe nakho!
Kumele uqale uzithande ngaphambi kokuthanda abanye
URita, oneminyaka engama-55, uchaza ukuthi kungani ukuzithanda kuyisithako esiyisisekelo kubambiswano oluyimpumelelo. “Abantu abangazizwa befanelekile bathambekele ekuheheni abalingani abazongena kuleyo nkolelo. Ngakho-ke babhangqa nabalingani ababasolayo noma ababaphathe kabi noma abasizakala ngabo. Abacabangi ukuthi bafanelwe okuthile okungcono ngoba abakakufundi ukuzizwa benesizotha. ” Uma unezinkinga zokuzethemba noma uvela ngemuva lapho uhlangabezane nokuhlukunyezwa noma ukunganakwa, kuwumqondo omuhle ukusebenza kulezi zindawo eziyinkinga nomeluleki. Ukwakha umuzwa oqinile wokufaneleka kwakho okungokwemvelo kuyadingeka ukuze uhehe abantu abaphilile, abajabulayo empilweni yakho.
Unesibopho senjabulo yakho
Ukwenza umlingani wakho abe ukuphela komthombo wenjabulo kuyindlela yenhlekelele. UMark, 48, ukhumbula lapho eseneminyaka engamashumi amabili ubudala futhi wayevutha ebudlelwaneni ngokushesha okukhulu. “Bengilokhu ngilindele ukuthi owesifazane ebengithandana naye uzosusa ukudangala kwami futhi enze impilo yami ijabule. Futhi lapho bengakwenzi, ngangidlulela kowesifazane olandelayo. Engingakuqondi ukuthi bekufanele ngizakhele eyami injabulo. Ukuba nowesifazane empilweni yami kungaba yinjabulo eyengeziwe, kodwa hhayi ukuphela komthombo wakho. ” Lapho nje uMark ekubonile lokhu, waqala ukugxila ekwenzeni izinto ezazimjabulisa. Uqale ukugijima nokuncintisana emijahweni yendawo; uthathe amakilasi okupheka wafunda nokuhlanganisa ndawonye amadina amahle kakhulu. Uchithe iminyaka embalwa eyedwa, akha ubuntu obuyisisekelo obujabulisayo, ejabulela ukuzithuthukisa. Lapho ekugcineni ehlangana nonkosikazi wakhe (ngeqembu lakhe eligijimayo), wadonswa ubuntu bakhe obubobotheka nokumamatheka okukhulu, ingasaphathwa eyokupheka kwakhe okumnandi.
Yiba namaqiniso ngokulindela kobudlelwano bakho
Uthando lwangempela alubukeki njengefilimu yaseHollywood. USharon, 45, wahlukanisa nomyeni wakhe wokuqala ngemuva kweminyaka embalwa beshadile. “Ubengumuntu omkhulu kodwa benginombono wokuthi indoda kumele ifane nakumamuvi. Uyazi, ngilethelani ama-rose njalo ebusuku. Ngibhalele izinkondlo. Qasha indiza yangasese ukungiyisa ngempelasonto engimangazayo. Ngokusobala ngangikhule nginemibono engenangqondo yokuthi uthando kufanele lubukeke kanjani, futhi umshado wami wokuqala waba nenkinga yalokho. ” Ngenhlanhla, uSharon wenza ukuseshwa okujulile ngemuva kwesehlukaniso sakhe futhi wasebenza nomeluleki ukuze amsize abone ukuthi uthando lwangempela lwenziwa ngani. Lapho ehlangana nomyeni wakhe wesibili, wakwazi ukubona izimpawu zangempela zothando oluphilile, lokukhula. “Akangithengi idayimane, kodwa ungilethela ikhofi lami ngendlela engilithanda ngayo njalo ekuseni. Njalo uma ngiphuza, ngiyakhunjuzwa ukuthi nginenhlanhla kangakanani ukuthanda le ndoda nokuba nayo empilweni yami! ”
Shada nomuntu omthandayo
Wonke umuntu eqenjini wagcizelela ukubaluleka kokuthanda kokubili futhi ukuthanda umuntu ozoshada naye: “Ucansi luzofika ludlule ngesikhathi somshado wakho. Uzoba nokuningi kwakho ekuqaleni. Bese izingane, nomsebenzi, nobudala ... konke lokhu kuzothinta impilo yakho yezocansi. Kodwa uma ninobungane obuqinile, niyokwazi ukubhekana nalezo zingqinamba. ” Uma ubudlelwano bakho busekelwe ngokukhethekile ekukhangeni kocansi, kungekudala uzobhoreka. Lapho uthandana, zibuze ukuthi ungamkhetha yini lo muntu ukuthi abe umngani wakho, noma ngabe ubungeke ukwazi ukulala nabo? Uma impendulo inguyebo oqinile, qhubekela phambili ngokuzethemba. Njengoba uPat, oneminyaka engama-60, esho: “Kubukeka kufiphele. Ubuntu buzohlala bukhona. ”
Kuthatha ababili ukuthanda
UJack, 38, uyasithanda lesi seluleko esilula. “Ngathandana kaningi. Inkinga? Bekuyimi ngedwa othandweni, ”usho kanje. "Ekugcineni ngabona ukuthi akusilo uthando lwangempela ngaphandle kokuthi sobabili siluzwa ngo-100%." Ungaba nokuchotshozwa nemizwa engafuneki, kepha lobu akubona ubudlelwano futhi akufanele kubonakale kanjalo. Bona umehluko phakathi kokubambisana okuhlangothini olulodwa nobudlelwano obusekelanayo nothando. “Uma ungaboni ukuthi omunye umuntu uzizwa enothando olufanayo nolwakho, phuma. Ngeke kulunge kangcono, ”kweluleka uJack. “Ngachitha isikhathi esiningi ngizama‘ ukwenza ’abesifazane bangithande. Lapho ngihlangana nomkami, angizange ngisebenzele kulokho. Wayengithanda njengoba nganginjalo, khona lapho, khona lapho. Njengoba ngangimthanda. ”
Uthando kufanele luzizwe sengathi lushayela ngamabhuleki
UBryan, oneminyaka engama-60 ubudala: “Impela, uzoba nezinkinga okudingeka ulungise, kodwa umshado wakho akufanele neze uzizwe njengomsebenzi.” Uma uhlala nomuntu ofanele, nibhekana nezinkinga ndawonye, hhayi njengezitha kodwa njengabantu abaseqenjini elilodwa. Ukukhulumisana kwakho kunenhlonipho futhi akusizi lutho. Imibhangqwana yesikhathi eside yonke isho into efanayo: nomlingani onothando, ukuhamba kubushelelezi futhi uhambo lujabulisa. Futhi niya endaweni efanayo ndawonye.
Phishekela izintshisekelo zakho
“Sasifana noshoki noshizi ekuqaleni, futhi sisafana noshoki noshizi eminyakeni engamashumi amane kamuva,” kusho uBridget, 59, ongumhlengikazi owazalelwa eLondon. “Engikushoyo ukuthi besingenazo izintshisekelo eziningi ngokufana ngesikhathi sihlangana. Futhi asinabo abaningi namanje. Uthanda ezemidlalo zokuncintisana ezincintisanayo, futhi angikwazanga ukukutshela imithetho yebhola laseMelika. Ngiyayithanda imfashini; wayengeke azi ukuthi ngubani uMichael Kors noma uStella McCartney. Noma kunjalo, esinakho yi-chemistry. Sihleke ndawonye kusukela ekuqaleni. Siyajabula ukuxoxa ngemicimbi yomhlaba. Siyahloniphana futhi sinikezana isikhathi nendawo yokufeza izinto esizithandayo, bese sihlala phansi sidle isidlo sakusihlwa sixoxe ngesinye sethanda ukusithanda. ”
Lapho ekukhombisa ukuthi ungubani, mkholelwe
“Into eyodwa engifisa ukuyibona ibalulekile, ukuthi awukwazi ukushintsha izinkolelo eziyisisekelo noma indlela yokuphila yomuntu,” kusho uLaurie, 58. “Bengicabanga ukuthi ngingayishintsha imizwa kaSteve ngokuba nezingane. Ubebukeka emuhle edlala nezingane zomfowethu lapho sizozivakashela. Wayenezimfanelo eziningi ezinhle. Sashada ngineminyaka engu-27, futhi ngacabanga ngemuva ukuthi wayezoshintsha umqondo ngokufuna ukuba ubaba. Wayenezimfanelo eziningi ezinhle: amahlaya amakhulu, ngokomsebenzi wayephezulu emkhakheni wakhe, futhi wangiphatha kahle — engalukhohlwa usuku olubalulekile. Kodwa-ke, ezinganeni, wayengeke nje anyakaze. Ngangineminyaka engamashumi amathathu nantathu lapho ngibona ukuthi iminyaka yami yokuba nezingane yayizophela. Ngangimthanda uSteve, kodwa ngangifuna ukuzwa ukuba ngumama. Sibe nokuthula kodwa kwaba buhlungu. Ngangazi ukuthi ngifuna ukuba ngumzali, futhi ngenza isiqiniseko sokuthi lapho ngiqala ukuphola futhi, ukuthi ozakwethu bazizwa ngendlela efanayo. Ngijabule ngokungajwayelekile manje noDylan. Izingane zethu ezintathu zenza ukuphila kwethu kokubili kube nenjongo. ”
Okuphikisanayo kungakhanga
“Uyasikhumbula lesosigqi sakudala sabantwana mayelana noJack Sprat? Uyazi, lowo mayelana nomshado wezinto eziphikisanayo? Yebo, nguBill nami lowo, kusho uCarolyn, oneminyaka engama-72. Uqhube wathi: “UBill uneminyaka eyisithupha futhi mina ngingowesihlanu ezithendeni. Ngakho-ke ngokomzimba cishe kukhona umehluko wonyawo nengxenye ekuphakameni kwethu, kepha lokho akusivimbanga ekubeni ngompetha be-ballroom yenkimbinkimbi yethu ye-condo! Iminyaka emihlanu isebenza manje! "UCarolyn waqala ukubala okunye ukungafani:" Ungumuntu osebenza kanzima, futhi uvame ukuletha umsebenzi wesikole. Mina? Uma ngiphuma ehhovisi, ngiyaphuma ehhovisi. Uthanda ukudoba okujulile kwamanzi. Angithandi ngisho nokudla izinhlanzi eziningi. Kepha uyazi ini? Ngiyakuthanda ukuthatha lezo zinhlanzi azibambile, azisakaze, aphonse iwayini elincane elimhlophe, aliqede ngokufafaza iparsley, bese ehlala phansi adle izinhlanzi azibambile naye. Futhi kunje ngathi: siyaphelelisana kunokuba sibe nezintshisekelo ezifanayo. Sisenezintshisekelo eziningi ezahlukahlukene, kepha ngo-Agasti olandelayo sizobe sesishade iminyaka engamashumi amahlanu. Ngiyazithanda izintshisekelo zakhe futhi naye uyazazisa ezami. ”
Amahlaya abalulekile
“Sivele sihleke sihleke,” kusho uBruce emamatheka kakhulu. Uqhube wathi: “Sihlangane ebangeni leshumi. Kwakusesigabeni se-algebra. ILady Luck yayingakithi. UMnu. Perkins, uthisha wethu, wenza wonke amakilasi akhe ukuthi ahlale ngokwe-alfabhethi. Isibongo sakhe kwakungu-Eason, mina nginguFratto. Kwakuyisiphetho ngesimo sikaMnu Perkins owasihlanganisa eminyakeni engamashumi amahlanu nambili edlule. Waphendukela kimi ngalolo suku lokuqala waqhulula ihlaya. Futhi besilokhu sihleka sobabili kusukela lapho! ” Impela ukuba namahlaya kuyikhwalithi ekhangayo nebalulekile. “Kungenzeka ngiphatheke kabi, futhi uGrace uzobona futhi asho ihlaya. Ngokushesha, imizwa yami iyashintsha bese ngiyamthanda futhi. ” Ngakho-ke ihlaya elihlanganyelwe liqinise lo mshado weminyaka eyishumi nanhlanu. Kumele ube nomqondo wokuhlekisa osetshenziselwe ukuba amagama avame kakhulu kumaphrofayili wokuphola, kepha muva nje kube noshintsho.
Awudingi ukuba ndawonye 24/7
"Ngiyazi ukuthi umshado wethu uzozwakala sengathi asibonani, kepha uyasisebenzela," kusho uRyan. "Ngiwumshayeli wendiza futhi ngichitha izinsuku eziphakathi kweziyishumi kuya kweziyishumi nanhlanu ngenyanga ungekho ekhaya, kanti uLizzie uyakuthanda ukuhlala ekhaya." URyan wasebenza embuthweni wezomoya, kwathi ngemuva kweminyaka engamashumi amabili, wajoyina inkampani yezindiza yamazwe omhlaba, lapho esanda kuqeda khona unyaka wakhe wamashumi amabili. “Ngihlangane noLizzie lapho kuyiwa eManila. Wayebenyezela emehlweni akhe, futhi ngangazi nje ukuthi uyena. ” ULizzie wakhuluma ngokuhlangana kwabo wathi, “Angizange ngikholelwe othandweni ekuqaleni nje, kodwa ngabheka uRyan kanye, futhi nami, ngangazi ukuthi nguye. Sashada ngemuva kwezinyanga ezimbili. Ngake ngavakashela iMelika phambilini, kodwa ngangingakaze ngicabange ukuthi ngizohlala lapha. Ngisebenza njenge-appraiser futhi sinamadodana amabili aneminyaka yobudala basekolishi. Okwenza umshado wethu usebenze kahle kakhulu ukuthi sobabili siyayijabulela imisebenzi yethu, sibe nesikhathi sethu futhi lapho uRyan esekhaya, empeleni usekhaya, futhi sichitha isikhathi eside ndawonye ndawonye. ” URyan wanezela, “Futhi inhlonipho. Ngimhlonipha kakhulu uLizzie. Ngiyazi ukuthi wenza okungaphezu kwesabelo sakhe ekukhuliseni amadodana ethu. Ushiye umndeni wakhe nabangane bayoqala ukushada e-United States. ”
Ngakho-ke lapho uya khona: Amagama okuhlakanipha avela emibhangqwaneni yethu yesikhathi eside eshadile
Imibono ehlukene, ayikho ifomula elilodwa lomlingo lenjabulo yomshado, imibono ehlukahlukene ngalokho okusebenzayo nokuthi yini okungasebenzi. Khetha bese ukhetha kulokho ochwepheshe bethu abelane ngakho, bese ucabanga ngalokho obona sengathi kuzoholela emshadweni omude futhi ojabulisayo kuwe.