-Delile
- Ukusabela "Indiza"
- Izingxabano ezenzeka phakathi nenqubo yokuvikela "ukuzazi"
- Kwenzekeni nje?
- Bekungahluka kanjani lokhu?
- Yiba namaphutha akho kuqala
Ngisebenze nemibhangqwana iminyaka engama-30 nangaphezulu futhi sengishade cishe isikhathi eside. Ngaleso sikhathi, sengibonile enye yezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu ezidingekayo ukuze umshado usebenze kahle. Lesi sithako sibalulekile emshadweni hhayi kuphela ukuze uphile kodwa futhi ukhule. Ngifuna ukuwabelana nawe, hhayi ngoba kuyisambulo esibuhlungu kodwa ngoba kufanele sikhunjuzwe ngaleli "qiniso" kaningi. Uyabona, "i-amygdala" yethu esebenzayo ebuchosheni bethu obuphakathi ngokomzwelo (aka uhlelo lwe-limbic) ibiyohlala isenza sikhohlwe lomgomo olula kepha ojulile. Umgomo: Yiba Nezinto zakho.
Ukusabela "Indiza"
Kunobukhulu obuthathu bezwe lobudlelwano: Amandla, inhliziyo nokwazi. Ekubonisweni ngakunye okungekuhle kobukhulu obuthathu, sithola umbono wakudala wezinto eziphilayo wokuthi izinto eziphilayo zizivikela ngenye yezindlela ezintathu: Ukulwa, Indiza kanye neFreeze / Appease. Esimweni ngasinye, i-amygdala esebenzayo iyangena. Noma kungashiwo okuningi ngokuthinteka kwezitho zomzimba ezindizeni nasemshadweni, ngifuna ukugxila namhlanje ekuphenduleni kwe- “Fight”. Lokhu ukusabela kwamahloni nokusola kwe-limbic. Ukusabela ngoba kaningi sikwenza ngokuzenzekelayo — ngaphandle kokucabanga — futhi ngokuqinisekile ngaphandle kothando noma uzwela ngomunye. Lokhu ukuphendula ngokweqile nokujwayelekileyo kwe-Ego-reaction ukuvikela "ukuzazi" komuntu ngaphandle kokubheka inqubo eyiqiniso, ethembekile nedingekayo yokusebenzisana.
Izingxabano ezenzeka phakathi nenqubo yokuvikela "ukuzazi"
Ake nginike isibonelo esilula. Endleleni ebuya edilini lasebusuku, uTrina utshela umyeni wakhe ukuthi unamahloni ngento ayisho phambi kwawo wonke umuntu. Ukusabela kukaTerry kuyashesha: Njengomshayi-sibhakela okhokhelwayo uphimisela, “ngathi wenza konke kahle ngaso sonke isikhathi. Futhi ngaphandle kwalokho, ngangisho iqiniso, unolaka kakhulu uma kukhulunywa ngomama. ” Ngokushesha uTrina "uvimba isibhakela," echaza (futhi futhi) ukuthi kungani wephuzile. Angahle aphonse ngisho uzakwabo ngokuthi yena unenkinga kanjani nomama wakhe oyisilima. Vumela umdlalo wesibhakela we-limbic uqale. Ingxabano iyanda njengoba beshintshana ngezibhakela zezitho kuze kube yilapho bekhathele futhi begcwele intukuthelo (umdlavuza wanoma yibuphi ubuhlobo).
Kwenzekeni nje?
Kulokhu, uTerry wezwa ukuthi uthini kuye njengosongo-mhlawumbe ku-ego yakhe, noma mhlawumbe kusebenze umama ogxekayo amthwele ekhanda lakhe. Ngokwemvelo wasabela ngokumhlasela sengathi wayehlaselwa (ngakho-ke kuthiwani uma ehlaselwa?). UTina ube esemphendula futhi kwenzeka ukuxhumana okulimazayo. Uma lolu hlobo lokuxhumana lwenzeka kaningi ngokwanele, ikhwalithi yomshado izokwehliswa kakhulu.
Bekungahluka kanjani lokhu?
Ukube i-cortex yangaphambi kokufika kukaTerry ifike endaweni yesehlakalo ngesikhathi, ngabe "wayivalela" i-amygdala yakhe evuswe isikhathi eside ngokwanele ukumcela ukuthi amtshele kabanzi. Futhi uma elalela ngokucophelela, angahle abone ukuthi ukhulume into ebuhlungu. Ngemuva kwalokho kungenzeka ukuthi wayenokuthobeka (kanye nesibindi) ngaleso sikhathi ukuvuma ukuthi wayenephutha lokuxoxa ngezindaba zomuntu siqu nokucela uxolo. UTrina ubengazizwa eqondwa futhi eziswa. Ngenye indlela, mhlawumbe uTina kungenzeka abe ngowokuqala ukuqala ingxoxo ngokucabangisisa. Akudingeki ukuthi avikele kepha kunalokho bekufanele abone ukuthi uTerry ubephendula ngokuzwela ekudaluleni kwakhe. Umphumela ovela ekusebenzisaneni okucatshangelwe kakhudlwana (okungasebenzi kancane) kuzohluka kakhulu kunesimo sangaphambilini.
Yiba namaphutha akho kuqala
Isimiso silula (kepha kunzima kakhulu lapho kuvuswa i-amygdala kanye / noma i-Ego). Yiba nezakho izinto. Kusukela ekuqaleni kwengxoxo uma ungakwazi, kodwa ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka nganoma yisiphi isilinganiso. Ngendlela, lokhu akusho ukuvuma amacala ongawenzanga. Esikhundleni salokho, vele uvulele ingxenye yakho kunoma isiphi isithiyo — futhi cishe ngaso sonke isikhathi kuthatha ama-tango amabili. Umshado onabalingani ababili abenza lokhu ngokuqhubekayo unethuba (elingelona) lokulwa emshadweni okhulayo nowanelisayo. Kodwa-ke, uma umshado unomlingani oyedwa ongakaze avume iqhaza labo kunoma iyiphi inkinga, umlingani ohlakaniphe ngokomzwelo kuyodingeka enze izinqumo ezinzima ngobudlelwano. Futhi uma kungekho muntu kumbhangqwana ongakwazi "ukuba nezinto zakhe,". . . kahle, sikufisela inhlanhla.