-Delile
- Uthando alulingani nobulili
- Ngakho kuyini ukusondelana?
- Luyini ucansi ke?
- Izinkinga zokusondelana nobulili
“Ucansi lungaba ukubonakaliswa kothando okusondele kakhulu futhi okuhle, kepha siyazikhohlisa nje lapho senza sengathi ucansi luwubufakazi bothando. Baningi kakhulu abesilisa abafuna ucansi njengobufakazi bothando; baningi kakhulu abesifazane abanikeze ucansi ngethemba lothando. Siphila ezweni labasebenzisi lapho sihlukumezana khona ukudambisa izinhlungu zokuba wedwa. Sonke silangazelela ukusondelana, futhi ukuthintana ngokomzimba kungavela njengokusondelana, okungenani okwesikhashana. ” (McManus, Erwin; Ukulangazelela Umphefumulo, 2008)
Abaningi bakuthathe ngesandla ukubhala ngalokhu okungenhla. Bengingeke ngibe nesibindi sokubukela phansi inani elikhulu lomsebenzi wezincwadi (oqanjiwe nongesilo iqiniso) endabeni yothando, ukusondelana noma ucansi. Kwanele ukusho, le ndatshana ibhalelwe ukukusiza ukuthi uthole ukuqonda okucacile kwalezi zinkulumo ngokwazo. Ngizozama incazelo emfushane yothando, ukusondelana, nobulili. Ngizokushiya wenze isinqumo mayelana nokuthi yiziphi izidingo zakho. Kodwa okokuqala, ukukhanya kwezindaba! Akudingeki uthande umuntu ukuthi ulale naye futhi futhi awudingi ukusondelana nothile ngaphambi kokulala naye. Okudingayo ukucacisa ngokusobala nokukhomba yilokho okufunayo noma okudingayo ebudlelwaneni. Udinga ukuba nomqondo ocacile uya ebudlelwaneni bomuntu siqu obuseduze. Ngikholelwa ebudlelwaneni obuqhutshwa yizinhloso.
Uthando alulingani nobulili
Uthando, ngokuphambene nalokho abantu abaningi abakukholelwayo, alulinganisi ucansi nothando. Lokhu kudukisa ngazo zonke izindlela. Uthando umane ubeke umhlatshelo owenzela omunye umuntu. Kwirekhodi, asikhulumi nge-erotica (inguqulo yeHollywood) yothando. Sikhuluma ngokunakekela, ukukhulisa, ukunikela nokwamukela okunikezwe abantu iminyaka eminingi.
Ngakho kuyini ukusondelana?
Ngenhloso yethu, ake sichaze ukusondelana njengesimo 'sokuba' ebudlelwaneni. Uyabona, ukusondelana kuyisenzo (into esiyenzayo): "ukwazisa". Ngakho-ke, ukusondelana kuyinto yokwakha kancane kancane lapho abantu ababili bezivumela ngamabomu ukuthi babe sengozini komunye nomunye. Banikezana ukufinyelela ezingxenyeni ezibucayi zokuqonda nezisebenzayo zazo ebezingagcinwa zifihlakele abanye. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, laba bantu bayabelana futhi bazazisane ngezingxoxo nangezingxoxo ngamaphupho abo, ukwesaba, amathemba nezifiso zabo. Ngomuntu ngamunye ebuhlotsheni obubuyisanayo ngaleyo ndlela bakhe ukufihlana nokwakha izibopho zokusondelana. Bathuthukisa ukusondelana futhi babelana ngomuzwa wokuba yilungu. Basungule futhi bakhe isithangami lapho ngamunye wabo ezizwa ephephile futhi evikelekile ngokwanele ukuthi aziveze, anikeze futhi amukele, athembe futhi azizwe egunyaziwe. Ukusondelana kuyinqubo eyenzekayo futhi eyakha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Iyamanzi futhi ayimile ndawo.
Luyini ucansi ke?
Ubulili? Ubulili, ngakolunye uhlangothi, bubukeka busika buhle buqonde ngqo futhi bomile. Kodwa ingabe kunjalo? Ngendlela emnene, ubulili kumane nje kuyindlela yokudinga isidingo sethu sokwanelisa ukufisa kwethu isilwane ngenhloso yokuthola i-orgasm kwabesilisa nabesifazane. Ngenkathi abantu abaningi belinganisa ubulili nabantu ababili abalele ndawonye, ucansi empeleni lungenziwa ngumuntu oyedwa njengoba kwenziwa ngesenzo sokushaya indlwabu. Kubalulekile ukuhlukanisa ubulili bomuntu nokushayela kwesilwane kuphela ukuze sigxume komunye nomunye kusuka ekwenzeni uthando, isenzo esinenhloso futhi esibucayi sokuba nesenzo somuntu siqu nesijabulisayo sokuhlangana. Ngokwami, njengendoda, ngicabanga ukuthi kuyilungelo lapho umlingani wakho ekuvumela ungene kusizinda sabo somzimba. Ngiyabona ngokulinganayo ukuthi abantu abaningi baya ocansini, kwezocansi. Ngokusobala, lokho kukushiya unganelisekile futhi unganelisekile.
Izinkinga zokusondelana nobulili
Kuyo yonke iminyaka yami yokwelusa futhi kamuva ngisebenza njengomelaphi, enye yezingqinamba ezivelele ezibhekene nekhasimende lami yizinkinga zokusondelana nobulili. Ngokuyinhloko, imibhangqwana eminingi idida omunye komunye futhi lokhu kuba elinye lamafindo anzima kakhulu ukuwaqaqa. Amafindo ngoba inqobo nje uma zombili izithako eziyisisekelo zobudlelwano obunenjongo nokuzibophezela zingacacisiwe kahle, lo mbhangqwana uzithola udonsa kanzima. Umphumela uvame kakhulu ukungathembeki.
Ngokubona ukuthi kuthatha isikhathi nomzamo oqondile ukwethemba omunye umuntu ngazo zonke izidalwa zethu, kuba yinselelo lapho sithola ukuthi imizamo yethu ayibuyiswanga ngokwanele namathemba ethu akhashelwe. Ngakho-ke, ubuhlungu obungokomzwelo nokucindezeleka okuba ukungathembeki. Ukungathembeki, kumane kubekwe lapho iqembu elilodwa likhukhuleka noma liphambuka ezindleleni zobudlelwano okungenzeka ukuthi bujabulile futhi buzinzile. Abaningi bethu sebeze bakhomba ukungathembeki esimweni sokuya ocansini ngaphandle kobudlelwano obubonakala buzinikele. Kukhona futhi, ubulili; Kuyathakazelisa ukuthi asivamile ukubheka umnyombo wokungathembeki kunokuba siziphonse olakeni njalo lapho kwenzeka.