-Delile
- Amandla wozwela ebudlelwaneni bezothando
- Ungalukhulisa kanjani uzwela emshadweni wakho nakwezinye izingxenye zempilo
- Izindlela zokuba nozwelo kakhulu kumlingani wakho
- Ngabe abantu bangazwelana kakhulu?
- Ngabe abantu bangafunda ukuthi bangancipha kanjani?
Kunesimo esihle kumdlalo wamahlaya / idrama yothando Indaba Yethu (1999). UBen, ubaba wezingane ezimbili ohlukanisiwe, unombani onamandla wokuzwelana nomkakhe, uKatie, okumgcwala ngokuphelele aze athenge ama-rose futhi akhombise emnyango wakhe engaziswanga ukuphakamisa ukubuyisana.
Luyini uzwela? Kwehluke kanjani kuzwelo? Ingabe ingafundiswa? Ekugcineni, ingabe umuntu angaba nozwela kakhulu?
Ngokubona kwami, uzwela luyisigaba sesithathu sesitebhisi esinezitezi ezine “sokuzwela abanye.”
Ngaphansi kwesitebhisi kuyadabukisa. Usizi lusizi lokuhlupheka komunye umuntu kwesinye isikhathi kufaka phakathi nezinga elithile lokwedelelwa okususelwa embonweni wokuthi into yalolo sizi ingahle ibuthaka noma iphansi.
Okulandelayo okwehliswe emugqeni wemizwa ezwelayo uzwela.
Uzwela luzizwa lubi kumuntu othile. Ukuzwelana kuvame ukuza nalokho uBrine Brown akuchaza ngokuthi “ulwelwesi lwesiliva” lapho umuntu onozwela anikeza khona izeluleko noma umbono ophakanyisiwe oshintshayo okungukuthi “Kungaba kubi kakhulu” noma “Ingabe uke wabiza umelaphi?” Ngeshwa, ukwelulekwa okungacelwanga kuvamise ukwaliwa ngumamukeli ngoba kungahle kubonakale kululaza noma kuvikela.
Uzwela, umugqa wesithathu ukhuphuke usuka ezansi, uzizwa nothile. Umuntu onozwela uqale azibheke ngaphakathi ukuze axhumane nengxenye yakhe efanayo engalimele ngaphambi kokwabelana ngempendulo enozwelo.
Le nqubo ibavumela ukuthi bavele basho imibono enjengokuthi “Ngiyaxolisa kakhulu. Kufanele kube kubi ”kunokuba unikeze iseluleko. Uzwela luvame ukuzwa ngokujulile ngumamukeli futhi lusize ukunciphisa umuzwa wabo wokuzihlukanisa.
Ekugcineni, phezulu esitebhisini kukhona ububele. Ububele bungachazwa ngokuthi “uzwela olwenziwayo” ngokuthi umuntu onesihawu asebenzise ukuqonda kwakhe ukuze amqondise ekwenzeni okuthile. Isibonelo, udokotela onozwela angenza ngokuvumelana nozwela lwabo esigulini endaweni ehlukumeza abantu basekhaya ukuze asinike izinombolo zocingo negama lokuxhumana endaweni yokukhosela.
Amandla wozwela ebudlelwaneni bezothando
Uzwela luyinto ebalulekile yokuhlakanipha ngokomzwelo. Ngokudabukisayo, akunikeziwe ukuthi umlingani wakho othandana naye unozwela - empeleni, abantu abane-Asperger's Syndrome abanalo uzwela olungenza ukuthi kube nesilinganiso esiphakeme sezehlukaniso emishadweni enjalo. Futhi, amadoda amaningi kubonakala enenkinga yokubonisa uzwela ethambekele ngokwengeziwe ekunikezeni iseluleko kunokuba “azizwe.”
Uma oshade naye engenalo uzwela noma uzwa sengathi ukungabi naluzwela emshadweni kudla ubudlelwano bakho enjabulweni, sekuyisikhathi sokufuna ukwelulekwa ngomshado noma ukwenza inkambo yomshado njengoba lokhu kungakusiza ngamathuluzi abalulekile wokujulisa ukuxhumana nozwela ubuhlobo.
Ungalukhulisa kanjani uzwela emshadweni wakho nakwezinye izingxenye zempilo
Ingabe uvelwano lungafundwa? Yebo, ngokugqugquzela.
Ukufunda uzwela kuvame ukuqala ngokuhambisana kakhulu nemizwa yakho. Imvamisa ngincoma ukuthi amaqembu anentshisekelo afuna ukwandisa uzwela agcine umagazini wokuzwa noma asebenzise uhlelo lokusebenza ukuqala ukuloga imizwa yabo.
Uma ukwazi kangcono ukukhomba imizwa ngaphakathi kuwe, uzokwazi ukuyibona kwabanye, kufaka phakathi oshade naye, ikakhulukazi uma uthuthukisa amandla akho okubuka. Enye indlela yokwenza lokho ukubuka ubuso babantu ezixukwini bese uzama ukuthola ukuthi kungenzeka bazizwa kanjani.
Ngaphambili ekhaya, lapho uzibeka ezicathulweni zomlingani wakho, kuzoba lula kuwe ukuqonda isizathu sokwenza nezinqumo zabo.
Izindlela zokuba nozwelo kakhulu kumlingani wakho
Ungakhulisa futhi ujulise uzwela ebudlelwaneni bakho ngokufunda ukugodla ukwahlulela.
Udinga ukufunda ukukholelwa ukuthi umlingani wakho ungumuntu onobuhlakani othathe izinqumo noma osebenza ngokuziphendulela. Ukugcina ukwahlulela kwakho kubasiza bazizwe ukuthi ungumlingani ocabangelayo futhi abafisi ukubabukela phansi ngisho noma izenzo zabo zingaholeli emiphumeleni oyifunayo.
Futhi, kungaba wusizo ukufaka ukusekela emithwalweni yabo yansuku zonke bese wabelana ngeminye yemisebenzi yabo.Uzwela yikhono lobudlelwano obusezingeni eliphezulu futhi kuthatha isikhathi ukwakha, ngakho-ke ungazizwa udangele uma ungakwazi ukulufunda ngobusuku obubodwa.
Ngabe abantu bangazwelana kakhulu?
Yebo. Ngine "empaths" eziningana ekusebenzeni kwami futhi kaningi abazi ukuthi bangathi kanjani cha kwabanye futhi bazinakekele. Abazali abanozwela kakhulu bangase babe nesikhathi esinzima kakhulu sokuthi cha ezinganeni zabo.
Ngabe abantu bangafunda ukuthi bangancipha kanjani?
Yebo, uma benza lokho engikuthandayo ukukubiza ngokuthi "inhliziyo ehlakaniphile", okusho ukusebenzisa umqondo wabo ukusiza ukuphikisana nempendulo yabo ezenzakalelayo ukwenza abanye baphume ngokwesaba okungafanele kokubalimaza.
Isibonelo, ingane yakho ingabhikisha ngamandla uma ubeka imingcele ekusebenziseni kwayo umakhalekhukhwini ukuze umuntu onika amandla ngokweqile angadinga ukuzitshela ukuthi ukusetshenziswa komakhalekhukhwini okungenamkhawulo kutholakale ukuthi kuyingozi ezinganeni. Lokhu kuqonda okunengqondo kungasiza ama-empaths akhiphe ukuthambekela kwawo kwemvelo ukuthi angabangeli ukulimala ngozwela olungafanele.
Ngakho-ke, ingabe ukuzwelana kungumngane noma isitha? Empeleni, kungumngane nesitha.