-Delile
- Kuyini ukwethembana?
- Ngakho-ke yini okufanele sonke siyibuze
- Ukungathembani kukhula kanjani
- Umphumela wokungathembani
- Okubalulekile ukwakha ukwethembana
Izithandani zihlala ziqala ngethemba. Bathembana ngokuphelele futhi kaningi kakhulu lokhu kuthembana kuqala ukonakala njengoba izinyanga neminyaka zivame ukudlula ngokwakha umgodi ongenalutho wothando.
Emgodini wothando, bazithola bebheke ekuhlukanisweni nesizungu. Ngenkathi ukungathembani kungafani neze nokwethembana kepha ukungathembeki kubeka isigaba sokungathembi. Lapho uzithola ungathembi futhi unesizungu, uba sengozini emangalisayo, futhi le mibandela ibekelwe ukukhashelwa.
Kuyini ukwethembana?
Encwadini entsha kaJohn Gottman, iSayensi Of Trust, uzama ukuguqula umbono wethu mayelana nokwethembana nendlela esikubheka ngayo. Abaningi bethu babheka ukwethenjwa njengombono noma inkolelo, kepha uGottman unika ithemba inencazelo entsha futhi ayichaze kabusha njengesenzo; hhayi isenzo esenziwe nguwe kepha isenzo sozakwenu.
UGottman ukholelwa ukuthi sithemba ngokwalokho umlingani wethu akwenzayo.
Ukwethenjwa kuyakhula endleleni ophatha ngayo umlingani wakho esimweni ngasinye lapho izidingo zakho zingqubuzana nabalingani bakho.
Akunandaba ukuthi zinkulu noma zincane kangakanani, uzokwenza ngokuthanda kwakho noma ngentshisekelo yomunye wakho obalulekile. Ukwethenjwa kwenzeka kusukela ekukhetheni okwenzayo ukunakekela omunye wakho obalulekile, lokho futhi ngezindleko zakho.
Isibonelo, ubuyela ekhaya ngemuva kosuku olude nolukhuni lomsebenzi futhi ufuna ukuxhuma. Kodwa-ke, umlingani wakho ube nosuku olunzima ngokulinganayo; utshela umlingani wakho ngokuba nosuku olunzima.
Ngokusho lokhu nje, wenza ibhidi yokunakwa ngoshade naye. Ukuthembana kuzokwakha lapho umlingani wakho ethatha isinqumo sokungaphikisani nebhidi yakho kepha kunalokho wamukele isidingo sakho ngezindleko zabo.
Ungase uzwe bethi, "Nami bengikwenzile kodwa ngitshele ukuthi wenzeni osukwini lwakho." Uma lokhu kwenzeka kaninginingi, ngamunye wenu enikeza omunye umuntu ngezindleko zakhe, ukwethembana kuzoqala ukukhula.
Ngakho-ke yini okufanele sonke siyibuze
Ku-Science of Trust, uGottman unikeza imininingwane ngombuzo obaluleke kakhulu esiwubuza sonke ukuthi "Ngabe ungilungele?"
Lo mbuzo olula uhlasela zonke izinhlobo zobudlelwano; uyawuzwa lo mbuzo lapho inja yakho ihlanza phansi, lapho uhlangabezana nengozi yemoto noma lapho ingane yakho igula. Lo mbuzo ucacisa futhi uchaze ukwethemba, ngokungazi nangokuphelele.
Lo mbhali usebenzisa ne-movie ethi "Sliding Doors" ukukusiza uqonde ingxenye encane oyidlalayo ebudlelwaneni bakho. Le movie isiza ekuhloleni izinguquko empilweni yomlingiswa oyinhloko ekuphendukeni komzuzwana omncane. Futhi kuyo yonke i-movie, uzombuka eqhuba izindlela ezimbili zokuphila ngokuya ngalo mzuzu owodwa.
Uthola futhi lezi zikhathi zeminyango ezingalindelekile empilweni yakho nokwethembana kuqala ukonakala, futhi isizungu nokuhlukaniswa kuthathe indawo yakho. Uqala ukuzizwa sengathi umlingani wakho akasekho lapho kuwe.
Ukungathembani kukhula kanjani
Ukungathembani kungaba khona kalula kanye nokwethemba futhi ucwaningo lukaGottman lukhombisa nje ukuthi-
Ukungathembani akuyona into ephambene nokwethenjwa futhi kunalokho kuyisitha sakho.
Ukungathembani nakho kuyisenzo esikhundleni senkolelo. Uma wenza ubugovu ngokuhlukumeza umlingani wakho, kuzala ukungathembi.
Umphumela wokungathembani
Ngokungathembani, awugcini nje ngokuthi cha kumlingani wakho ukuthi uzokukwenzela, kodwa futhi wengeza ukuthi "ungilimazile." Ukungathembani kuvame ukudala izingxabano eziningi.
Izithandani zizithola zibambeka ezingxabanweni futhi lezi zingxabano ziyaqhubeka zikhula futhi zikhule okwenza kungabi lula ukuthi uhambe.
Njengoba lezi zingxabano zikhula, uqala ukuqhela komunye nomunye, ngakho-ke ukuhlala wedwa kuyaqhubeka kanye nokungathembani okuqhubekayo.
Ngemuva kwesikhathi esithile, abalingani babanjwa ngephethini elibi kakhulu futhi baqala ukubona izinto ngokuhlukile. Baqala ukubhala kabusha inkambo yobuhlobo babo kanye neyedlule ibe yindaba engeyinhle; babukana kabi, futhi lapho lokhu kufinyelela kuvuthondaba, isehlukaniso siyenzeka.
Okubalulekile ukwakha ukwethembana
Ukunqoba lokhu kulahleka kokwethembana, uGottman uthole ukuthi ukuhlangana komunye nomunye kudingekile kakhulu. Uchaza ukuhlangana njengokwazi izindawo ezithambile zomlingani wakho, ukuzwelana omunye nomunye nokuphendukelana komunye nomunye ngezikhathi zesidingo esingokomzwelo.
Ngezikhathi lapho wenza khona amaphutha futhi ulimaze omunye wakho obalulekile, khuluma ngakho, khuluma ngokungavumelani, khumbula ukuthi izikhathi ezibuhlungu zidinga ukunakwa futhi le mizwa ingasiza ekuqiniseni ukuxhumana kwakho futhi inikeze ukuqonda okungcono.
Qiniseka ukuthi uyaqonda futhi uyabona lapho ubudlelwano bakho busenkingeni futhi ubhekana nabo ngokufanele.