-Delile
Akekho owazi ngokuqinisekile ukuthi bangaki abantu abashadile abanezindaba. Izibalo ziyahlukahluka kakhulu, kusuka ku-10% kuya ngaphezu kwe-50%, futhi kusekelwe ekuzibikeni ngokwakho, okwaziwa ngokungathembeki. Kuyacaca-ke ukuthi ukukopela kwenzeka ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ngokuya ngobufakazi obusendabeni, nobuningi bemibhangqwana esehhovisi lami enenkinga yokuphinga, ngicabanga ukuthi amaphesenti aseduze nendawo ephakeme kakhulu - noma cishe isigamu sabantu ebudlelwaneni.
Uma ukukopela (okungahluka ekutheni izidingo zakho ezingokomzwelo zihlangatshezwe ngomunye umuntu, ukuba nothando lomzimba olunothando, ukudlala ngothando kakhulu nomuntu oku-inthanethi) kwenzeka lokhu kaningi, lapho-ke singacabanga ukuthi ubudlelwano buba nobunzima futhi buchitheke kaningi. Futhi uma kunikezwa ubudlelwano obonakele, ukwazi ukuthi bafike kanjani lapho kubaluleke kakhulu kunokuthatha isinqumo sokuthi bazolulama kanjani.
Ukugxila kwami njengomelaphi, ngakho-ke, kushintshile kusuka ku:
"Yini ebangele lokhu ukuthi kwenzeke?"
uku
“Bangashona kuphi laba?”
Lokhu kubeka ukugcizelela kakhulu ekusaseni labashadikazi kunangaphambilini, futhi futhi kukodwa nje, lena yindawo enethemba kakhulu. Siyabheka okwedlule - sihlola ubuntwana bomlingani ngamunye nokuthi yini ayilethe ebuhlotsheni babo ebudlelwaneni - kepha bese siqhubekela ekwamukeleni ukuthi bonke ubudlelwano bunalezi zinhlobo zezingxabano, bese sicabanga ukuthi kukhona ongakhela kukho.
Izindaba zicindezela bobabili abalingani
Lapho ukhashelwa, ungahle ube nomuzwa wokuthi yonke into obucabanga ukuthi iyiqiniso futhi inokwethenjelwa ichithakele, ikwenza ungabubangi nje lobu budlelwano kodwa nobudlelwano bonke. Imizwelo ye-ping-pong kusuka ekuthukutheleni kuya ekuphelelweni yithemba ekuphumeni nasemuva. Kungaba nzima ukucabanga ukuthi ungaze uphinde uthembe umlingani wakho futhi. Lapho usuyisiphingi, ufuna ngokuphuthumayo umlingani wakho ukuthi azi ukuthi kungani udinga ukubheka ngaphandle kobudlelwano ukuze uzizwe ufunwa futhi ubonwa. Imizwa yakho ingaqala ngokukhululeka lapho kungasadingeki ukuthi ugcine imfihlo, bese udlulela ekuphelelweni yithemba, ngokwesaba ukuthi umlingani wakho uzokujezisa unomphela. Nobabili niyolwela ukwethembana.
Ukholo alwakhiwa kabusha ngobusuku obubodwa. Kungumgwaqo omude, kwesinye isikhathi uvinjwe okwesikhashana, kwesinye isikhathi kudinga ukuchezuka ngakuhlangothini ongakaze ucabange ngalo. Ukuqala ukuqhubeka ngemuva kokungathembeki, qala ngezinyathelo ezintathu ezibalulekile.
1. Yeka ukusola
Ake sibhekane nocezu olunzima kakhulu kuqala. Kunoma yikuphi ukungqubuzana, kungokwemvelo ukuzizwa uzivikela futhi ukhombe iminwe. Futhi kwezinye izimo, izindaba ziwumphumela womlingani oyedwa (okuvame ukuba yindlala). Kaningi, noma kunjalo, ziwuphawu lobambiswano oluwile ezinhlangothini zombili.
Esikhundleni sokubheka ngaphandle nokubeka umthwalo ophelele kumlingani wakho, bheka ngaphakathi. Ngokwamukela ingxenye yakho emlandweni wobudlelwano, uthola ithuba lokungena ezimpini zakho. Mhlawumbe uzobona indlela yokuziphatha eye yahlala phezu kobudlelwano obuningana; mhlawumbe uzoqaphela ukuthi okunye ukusabela kwakho kuyefana nendlela omunye wabazali bakho enza ngayo. Ukuhlola ngempela umnikelo wakho ezinkingeni kukunika ithuba lokuzilungisa hhayi kuphela nokunye kwakho okuphawulekayo, kodwa ngaphakathi, ukuze uthole impilo yakho. Lokhu kuzosebenzela okuhle ebudlelwaneni bakho bamanje, noma kunoma ikuphi okuzayo.
Inhlekelele iletha ithuba eliyingqayizivele. Lapho izinto zibheda kakhulu, akukho okusalayo okufanele kulahlekelwe, okusho ukuthi kuyithuba lokuthembeka ngokuphelele. Konke obukade ufuna ukukusho kepha okubambe ngaphakathi manje kungamenyezelwa futhi kuhlaziywe futhi kuhlanganiswe. Kungaba inqubo ebuhlungu, kepha futhi kusho ukuthi ushintsho lwangempela nokwelashwa kungenzeka — kwesinye isikhathi okokuqala.
2. Yakha ukwethembana
Ngemuva kokuhlola bobabili ubudlelwano nocezu lwakho kulo, ungaqhubekela ekubuyiseleni ukusondelana owawukuzwa ngenkathi uthandana. Yize le kuyinqubo ende futhi mhlawumbe iqhutshwa kangcono ngosizo lobungoti lomeluleki wezemishado, ingafingqwa lapha njengokubandakanya izingxenye ezimbili, engikubiza manje ngokuthi ukuzibophezela kanye nokuzibophezela kwamuva.
Manje ukuzibophezela yikhona okwenzeka ngokushesha ngemuva kwendaba, okuvame ukushiwo ngumlingani olimele, kufaka phakathi (kepha kungagcini lapho) ukukhuphuka obala kwendlela isikhathi nemali esetshenziswa ngayo, isikhathi esengeziwe sindawonye, ukuxhumana okungaguquguquki, izenzo zomusa wothando, ngaphezulu noma ukwenza ucansi okuncane, ukufinyelela izingcingo ne-imeyili, njll. Leli ithuba lokuthi umuntu ozizwa ekhashelwe abeke lokho akudingayo ukuze azizwe ephephile futhi. Lezi zindlela zokuziphatha zivulekele ukuxoxisana, kepha ziveza obala ukuthi umlingani olimele ukhathazeka kakhulu ngani: ukuzizwa usemnyameni futhi usengozini.
Uzakwethu odukile naye uzoba nohlu lwama-New Commitments, olungisa isimo esiholele kulolu daba. Lo muntu uzofuna isiqinisekiso sokuthi noma yikuphi ukubanda noma ukungabi nalutho akuzwe ngaphambi kwendaba kuzobhekelelwa. Futhi kuzodingeka futhi bazizwe benethemba, elivela kubo nakubalingani babo, lokuthi ukuxolelwa kungenzeka.
Ukuzibophezela Kamuva yilezo lapho niqinisekisa khona omunye nomunye ukuthi niyomelana nokuwela emaphethini ajwayelekile, futhi nifunde amathuluzi amasha okubhekana nemizwa yakudala yentukuthelo, isithukuthezi, noma ukuba sengozini. Lapho ukukhanya kukhanya emaphethini abhubhisayo ezithandani futhi bazibona zimangele, kuyethusa. Ukwesaba kungavela ukuthi le misebenzi yokuguquguquka kwamandla, ethathe isikhathi ukwakhiwa futhi eye yaxazululwa iminyaka, ngeke ikwazi ukuphola noma ukugwema. Ilungu ngalinye lidinga ukwazi ukuthi, noma ngabe sekudlule iminyaka emgwaqweni, elinye lizohlala likuphaphamele ukubuyela ekuvikeleni okudala.
Ekwelulekeni ngomshado, imibhangqwana iqinisekisa omunye komunye kaninginingi ukuthi izohlala ikhona komunye nomunye, nokuthi izinhloso zayo zinothando. Lokhu kuvuselelwa kabusha kunamandla, futhi kudala ukwethembana.
3. Ukulindela okuncane
Umqondo womlingani ophelele, noma ngabe yiPrince Charming noma iManic Pixie Dream Girl (igama eliqanjwe nguNathan Rabin ngemuva kokubona uKirsten Dunst ku-movie i-Elizabethtown), usilimaza kakhulu kunokuhle. Asikwazi ukuba yikho konke komunye nomunye, futhi akufanele siqondane sonke — noma ngisho kakhulu — sesikhathi. Ozakwethu bangabalingani, hhayi izingelosi eziyimfihlakalo. Sikhona ukusekela nokuhamba eceleni, sicabange ngomusa futhi sizame kanzima komunye nomunye.
Uma, esikhundleni sokufuna umlingani womphefumulo, besilangazelela umngani ozinzile, ovulekile ohlanganyela izintshisekelo ezimbalwa futhi asithole sikhanga, sizoba nomugqa oqondile wokweneliseka.
U-Alain de Botton, enkulumweni yakhe yeNew York Times Kungani Uzoshada Nomuntu Ongalungile, ithi umthamo ophilile wobukhwantalala nokuphelelwa amandla kuyadingeka emshadweni. Ufingqa ukusebenzisana ngale ndlela:
“Umuntu ofanelwe kangcono kithina akuyena umuntu ohlanganyela konke esikuthandayo (akekho), kodwa umuntu okwazi ukuxoxisana ngokuhlukahluka kokunambitheka kwakhe ngokukhalipha ... Ukuhambisana kuyimpumelelo yothando; akumele kube yisandulela sayo. ”
Azikho kulezi zinyathelo ezilula; asikho isiqinisekiso sokuphumelela ebudlelwaneni. Kepha likhona ithemba, futhi kukhona amathuba okuba nobudlelwano obunempilo nobenelisayo ngemuva kokuqomisana. Ngokubheka ucezu lwakho lwenkinga, ukwakha ukuxhumana bese uphendukela kumlingani wakho, futhi ekugcineni ngokuba nombono ongokoqobo ngekusasa, ngisho nokukhaphela okwenzakalisayo kungalulama.