-Delile
- 1. Thola ukuthi kungani kwenzeka
- 2. Qonda okufunayo
- 3. Lungisa inkinga
- 4. Misa ngamaphethini wokuziphatha okuholela ekukhohliseni
- 5. Cabanga ukusebenza nochwepheshe
- Zishintshe ukuze ushintshe isimo
Kulula ukwahlulela abakopelayo, ikakhulukazi uma ulinyazwe ukungathembeki komlingani wakho phambilini. Noma kunjalo, abakhohlisi akubona abantu ababi, yize benze izinqumo ezaholela ekulimaleni abalingani babo. Kungenzeka bangazi ukuthi kungani bekwenzile, futhi lokhu kwenza ukuphuma komjikelezo wokukopela kube nzima kakhulu.
Ukukopela kuyinto evamile. Ucwaningo luthole ukuthi umuntu oyedwa kwabahlanu uyavuma ukuthi ukopela. Leyo nombolo mhlawumbe iphakeme ngoba abantu banganqikaza ukuvuma ukwenza isimilo esingathandeki emphakathini. Abaningi babo mhlawumbe bayazibuza, wena uqobo ufakiwe, ukuthi ungakuyeka kanjani ukukopela.
Bheka izinyathelo ezinhlanu zokuthi ungazivimba kanjani ekukhohliseni okungakusiza uyeke ukukopela umlingani wakho.
1. Thola ukuthi kungani kwenzeka
Njenganoma iyiphi inkinga empilweni, ukuqonda isizathu sokukopela kuyisinyathelo esibalulekile sokukuqeda. Zibuze, “Kungani ngilingeka ukukopela?” Yini eyandulela izindlela zokukopela? Ukumisa ukungathembeki, udinga ukuqonda ukuthi yini eholela kukho.
Uma ungaqiniseki, cabanga izindlela zokuziphatha zabakhohlisi bese ubona ukuthi uyazibona yini ukuthi ungomunye wazo. Ukukopela kungaba yindlela yoku:
- Gwema ukusondelana noma ukuncika kothile othandana naye,
- Ukujezisa umlingani wakho
- Ukubalekela ubudlelwano ongajabule ngabo, noma
- Yizwa injabulo.
2. Qonda okufunayo
Ungakuyeka kanjani ukukopela? Qonda ukuthi ukukopela kunayiphi injongo ebudlelwaneni bakho. Uma uzibuza ukuthi ungakuqeda kanjani ukuphinga emshadweni wami, hlola umshado wakho kahle.
Umbuzo onzima kunawo wonke ongawubuza akukhona ukuthi ungayeka kanjani ukukhohlisa; esikhundleni salokho
Kungani ngikhetha ukuba ngumkhohlisi?
Ngabe ukukopela kukusiza ukuthi uhlale emshadweni ongenalo uthando, noma ingabe kuyisinyathelo sokuwushiya?
Ngabe ukuluthwa ukukopela kuyindlela yokuhlala ungashintshi lutho emshadweni uqobo, noma kuyindlela yokuzibonakalisa ukuthi kuningi empilweni futhi ushiye kalula?
Ngabe wenza lokhu ukujezisa umlingani wakho ngokuthize, noma ukwenza lokhu ukuthola okuthile ocabanga ukuthi akunakufinyeleleka emshadweni?
Ungakuyeka kanjani ukukopela?
Yibhekisise kahle le mibuzo, ikakhulukazi esimweni sokungathembeki okuphindaphindiwe emshadweni. Lapho uqonda lokho okufisayo, ungazama ukukufeza ngenye indlela esikhundleni sokukopela.
3. Lungisa inkinga
Lapho uthola ukuthi yini oyifunayo ebudlelwaneni, ungaqala ukusebenzela kukho. Ukuqonda imbangela kuzoqondisa ukuthi yiziphi izinyathelo ozithatha ngokulandelayo.
Uma uthukuthele nomlingani wakho, udinga ukuxhumana futhi usebenze ngokubamba igqubu. Qala ukwaba okuningi futhi ukhulume ngezinkinga. Isifiso sakho sokujezisa umlingani wakho ngokukopela ngeke sishabalale ngaphandle kokuthi ubheke umnyombo wokuthi kungani ufuna ukujezisa yena kwasekuqaleni.
Uma ufuna ukushiya futhi ungabe usazibona ukulobudlelwano, qala ucabange ukuthi ungakhuluma kanjani nendaba. Kungani ungazange ube nesibindi kwasekuqaleni sokuqeda izinto bese ukhetha ukukhohlisa?
Uma uthatha isinqumo sokuhlala emshadweni futhi udinga ukwazi ukuthi ungakuyeka kanjani ukukopela, sebenzela ukuqonda okushodayo ebudlelwaneni bakho. Khuluma nomlingani wakho ukuze nobabili nizinikele ekwenzeni ubuhlobo benu bube ngcono. Xazulula izinkinga onazo, sebenzela ukuxazulula izingxabano, futhi wethule injabulo eyengeziwe.
“Yenza okwenzile ekuqaleni kobudlelwano futhi ngeke kube khona ukuphela” -I-ANTHONY ROBBINS
Ukusebenza ngezinkinga zokuxhumana, izingqinamba zokusondelana, nokwethula uthando oluningi ebudlelwaneni kuyadingeka. Asisho ukuthi sizosebenza ngo-100%, kepha sinikeza umshado wakho ithuba.
4. Misa ngamaphethini wokuziphatha okuholela ekukhohliseni
Abantu abahlukene babheka ukukopela njengezinto ezahlukahlukene - ukuthumela imiyalezo, ukuthumela imiyalezo ngocansi, ukuqabulana, ucansi, njll. Ngabe wena nomlingani wakho niwudonsela kuphi umugqa? Ukwazi lokhu kungakusiza ukuthi ugweme, hhayi isenzo sokuzikhohlisa uqobo, kepha nezindlela eziholela ekukhohliseni.
Yisho ukuthi wena nomlingani wakho anicabangi ukudlala ngothando njengokukopela. Yize lokho kuyiqiniso kuwe, ngabe uke wacabanga ukuthi kudlala kanjani indima ekukopeleni? Kungakudambisa ekuphingeni ngendlela efanayo nokuthumela imiyalezo yocansi.
Ukweqa umngcele owodwa kwenza kube lula ukuwela olandelayo, futhi ngaphambi kokuthi wazi, ungahle ungazi ukuthi ungakuyeka kanjani ukukopela. Qaphela isinyathelo ngasinye osithathayo maqondana nendaba ukuze ufunde ukuthi ungakugwema kanjani ukukopela.
Buka isazi sobudlelwano esidumile u-Ester Perel enikeza imicabango yakhe enkulumweni edumile ye-Ted ukuthola eminye imibono.
5. Cabanga ukusebenza nochwepheshe
Uma ucabanga ukuthi ungumlutha wokukopela oshade naye futhi uzibuze ukuthi ungakuyeka kanjani ukukopela ebudlelwaneni bami, cabanga ngokwelashwa kwengqondo. Uchwepheshe oqeqeshiwe angakusiza ekutholeni imbangela, amaphethini okuholela emijikelezweni yokukopela futhi sikusize uthole ukuthi ungakugwema kanjani ukukopela. Noma ngabe ufuna ukuhlala ebudlelwaneni noma ubushiye, ukuba nodokotela osebenza nawe kuzokwenza le nqubo ibe lula futhi ikhiqize ngokwengeziwe.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, uma umlingani wakho azi ngalolo daba futhi efuna ukuhlala ndawonye, ukwelulekwa kwezithandani kuncanyelwa ukwelashwa ngakunye. Yize nobabili ningaba nabelaphi benu, kunjalo Kunconywa ukuthi umelaphi wezithandani akusize ubhekane nezinkinga zalolu daba ezingokomzwelo. Bangakusiza ukuphatha inkinga yokungathembeki ebangelwe yinhlekelele, bakwazi ukuxolela, baqonde izinto ezibangela ukungathembeki, futhi baqinise ukusondelana ngokuxhumana.
Zishintshe ukuze ushintshe isimo
Akunampendulo eyodwa yokuthi ungakopeli kanjani. Ukube bekulula kanjalo, akekho obezokwenza. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukufunda ukuthi ungakuyeka kanjani ukukopela kuyinqubo edinga izinyathelo nesikhathi.
Ukuqonda ukuthi kungani kwenzeka kaningi kuyisinyathelo sokuqala nesibucayi maqondana nokuma ngokukopela. Ukwazi ukuthi ufunani ebudlelwaneni nokuthi ungakuthola yini kowakho wamanje nakho kubalulekile. Yini le ndaba ekulekelelayo oyifezayo? Kufanele uhlale ulwe noma uqede umshado uqhubeke?
Uma uthatha isinqumo sokusebenzela ukuthuthukisa umshado wakho, xhumana nomlingani wakho, futhi ubandakanye nodokotela onguchwepheshe.
Azikho izixazululo ezilula, kepha uma wenza umsebenzi odingekayo, ungathola ukuthi kungani ulingeka ukukopela nokuthi ungakuyeka kanjani ukukopela manje nasesikhathini esizayo.