-Delile
- Kusho ukuthini ukuzikhipha kothile ngokomzwelo?
- Kungani ukuqina ngokomzwelo kubalulekile?
- Izizathu ze-4 zokuthi kungani udinga ukuzikhipha kumlingani othandana naye ngokomzwelo
- 1. Ungahle ungakwazi ukuzithanda ngokweqiniso (futhi) uze usuke kulobo buhlobo obunobuthi
- 2.Ukuzibandakanya ngokomzwelo kuzokufundisa ukuthi ungazimela kanjani
- 3.Uthola impilo yakho yengqondo
- 4.Ukuzihlukanisa ngokomzwelo nomuntu omthandayo kukusiza ukuba ube okwamanje futhi wenze izinqumo ezingcono ngekusasa lakho
- Izindlela eziyi-15 zokuzihlukanisa ngokomzwelo nothile
- 1.Linganisa ubuhlobo bakho nabo kuze kube manje
- 2.Buza yonke imibuzo ebucayi
- 3.Nquma ukuthi okulindele kumlingani wakho kunengqondo yini
- 4.Chaza izidingo zakho ezingokomzwelo futhi uzibophezele ekwaneliseni wena
- 5.Dala uhlelo lokuphuma
- 6.Funa usizo lochwepheshe
- 7.Yenza umkhuba ukucabanga
- 8.Vumela okulindele phezulu
- 9.Chaza imingcele emisha eya phambili
- 10.Beka ebangeni elithile lomzimba
- 11.Bavimbe ezinkundleni zokuxhumana noma uthathe ikhefu uma kunesidingo salokho
- 12.Vumela ukudabuka
- 13.Thululela isifuba sakho kothandekayo
- 14. Yinike isikhathi
- 15.Zibophezele ekungabuyeli emuva
- Isiphetho
Lapho usebenze nomlingani othandana naye isikhashana, kungokwemvelo ukuthi uqale ukukhulisa imizwa ejulile ngabo.
Kulesi sikhathi, ubeka phambili injabulo yabo nokwaneliseka kwabo, ufuna ukuba nabo, futhi ungazithola ufisa nokuba nekusasa nabo.
Yize le mizwa ivusa amadlingozi, elinye lamaphupho amabi abantu abaningi abangabhekana nalo ukufika ezingeni lokuthi kube sengathi basebudlelwaneni bendlela eyodwa.
Lapha, ubudlelwano buzwa buhlungiwe futhi bunobuthi. Noma kungakulimaza kakhulu, kuzodingeka ufunde ukuthi ungazihlukanisa kanjani nomuntu omthandayo ngempilo yakho nangokusangana kwengqondo.
Isizathu salokhu silula. Uma ungazi ukuthi ungazihlukanisa kanjani ngokomzwelo nalowo muntu omthandayo, uzozithola ukhalela lokho obekungahle kube; isimo esingokwengqondo nesomzimba esingelampilo kunoma ngubani, ikakhulukazi hhayi wena.
Kuleli qophelo, kuyadingeka ukuthi usho ukuthi lokhu okuthunyelwe kuhlose ukungakufundisi ukuthi ungaba kanjani ozondayo noma onamahlombe abandayo kumlingani wakho.
Kodwa-ke, lokhu okuthunyelwe kuhloselwe ukukunikeza ngamasu namathiphu asondele kakhulu ekuqapheni inhliziyo yakho nemizwelo yakho njengoba kuba sobala ukuthi ungadinga ukubeka ibanga elingokomzwelo / elingokomzimba phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho (noma owake waba ngumlingani).
Zama okusemandleni akho ukusebenzisa imininingwane equkethwe kulokhu okuthunyelwe lapho ukholwa ukuthi isikhathi silungile.
Kusho ukuthini ukuzikhipha kothile ngokomzwelo?
Igama elithi "ukuhlukaniswa ngokomzwelo" lisetshenziswe ngokuyinhloko ekukhanyeni kwalo okungekuhle. Kulo mongo, ukuzibandakanya ngokomzwelo kusho ukuthi kufanele uboshwe ngamabanda futhi ube kude nomuntu.
Kusetshenziswe ezimweni ezahlukahlukene zobudlelwano njengobudlelwano babazali nezingane futhi okuphambene nalokho, ubudlelwano phakathi kwabangane, kanye nobudlelwano phakathi kozakwabo bezinkampani.
Kodwa-ke, kubalulekile ukuzibuza ukuthi ngabe lukhona yini olunye uhlangothi kulesi sibalo. Lokhu kuzosiza ukusetha ijubane lengxoxo esizoba nayo kule ndatshana.
Ngenxa yalesi sihloko, ngabe sihlola "amandla okomoya" maqondana nobudlelwano bezothando.
Ngakho-ke, ukuhlukaniswa ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni kuyinqubo lapho uzikhipha khona kumlingani othandana naye ezingeni elingokomzwelo. Imvamisa, lokhu kwenziwa njengesenzo sokuzivikela, ikakhulukazi lapho uqala ukubona ukwehla kobudlelwano (kobuhlobo obuningi).
Uma kungenzeka ukuthi ubuzibuza ukuthi ngabe lokhu kuyinto ethile yini, iMedicineNet ixoxa ukuthi ukuhlukunyezwa kwabantu obathandana nabo kuyinkinga ebalulekile yezempilo yomphakathi ethinte abesifazane abangaphezu kwezigidi ezi-2 nabesilisa abangama-800,00, okudala ukungabi namakhaya, izigidigidi zamaRandi ezindlekweni zezempilo, futhi ukufa ezimweni ezimbi kakhulu.
Kungani ukuqina ngokomzwelo kubalulekile?
Ukufunda ukuthi ungahlukaniswa kanjani nothile kungaba ngumsebenzi onzima. Kodwa-ke, imivuzo ifinyelela kude ngoba uma isetshenziswe kahle, leli khono lingakusiza uvikele inhliziyo / okuthandayo futhi lingakusiza ukuthi usuke ebudlelwaneni obunobuthi ngaphambi kokuthi izinto ziye eningizimu.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukuqonda ukuhlukaniswa ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni kukusiza wazi kahle ukuthi lokhu kubukeka kanjani.
Lapho uhlonyiswe ngolwazi, ungaqonda ukuthi yini okufanele uyibheke maqondana nobudlelwano bethu nomlingani wakho.
Ngale ndlela, ungatshela lapho ukuxhumana kufanele ukulwela nokuthi kufanele usike nini ukulahlekelwa kwakho.
Okokugcina, ukuhlala emuva ebudlelwaneni obunobuthi nomlingani ongakubeki eqhulwini wena, kaningi kunalokho, kungakulimaza ngokomzwelo nangokwengqondo.
Ucwaningo olwenziwe lwabhalwa yiNational Center for Biotechnology Information ibika ukuthi cishe abantu abangama-70% abahlala emuva ebudlelwaneni obunobuthi esikhathini eside baphuma nezinselelo ezinzima zempilo yengqondo njengokucindezeleka (39%) nePTSD (31%).
Njengoba la maphuzu esesendleleni, ake sibheke ngokushesha ukuthi kungani udinga ukuzihlukanisa ngokwasemoyeni nomuntu omthandayo uma isidingo sikhona.
Izizathu ze-4 zokuthi kungani udinga ukuzikhipha kumlingani othandana naye ngokomzwelo
Ukwazi ukuthi ungazihlukanisa kanjani ngokomzwelo nomuntu omthandayo lapho kuphakama isidingo kuyadingeka ngezizathu eziningana.
Nazi izizathu ezi-4 eziyinhloko zalokhu.
1. Ungahle ungakwazi ukuzithanda ngokweqiniso (futhi) uze usuke kulobo buhlobo obunobuthi
Enye yezinto eyenzekayo uma usebudlelwaneni obunobuthi ukuthi intukuthelo, ukufutheka, intukuthelo, neminye imizwa engemihle oyizwayo (ngesikhathi esithile) ingaqala ukufiphalisa umuzwa wakho wokwahlulela / wokuzethemba.
Uma ungathathi zinyathelo ezithile zokuphuma ebudlelwaneni ngocezu olulodwa, ungaqala ukuzicasukela uguqulele ulaka lwakho phakathi.
Esinye sezinyathelo ezibalulekile ekuphulukisweni ukususwa ngokomzwelo kumlingani wakho onobuthi. Ukwenza lokhu kuzothatha amandla kubo, futhi lokhu kuzokusiza ukuthi uqale uhambo lwakho lokuzithanda nokuzethemba okuthuthukile.
2.Ukuzibandakanya ngokomzwelo kuzokufundisa ukuthi ungazimela kanjani
Lapho usuthole ukuthi ungakhipha kanjani kumuntu omthandayo (futhi ukwenza lokhu ngempumelelo), ngeke ube nenye indlela ngaphandle kokufunda ukuthi ungazimela kanjani.
Ngalesi sikhathi, uzozithathela izinqumo, uthathe izinyathelo / izinhlelo zokukhula, futhi uzithole uphethe kakhulu umkhondo wempilo yakho.
Ngalokhu, ukuthambekela kokuncika okungenampilo ebudlelwaneni kuyasuswa.
3.Uthola impilo yakho yengqondo
Kusuka kukho konke esesikhulume ngakho kuze kube manje, lokhu bekufanele kubonakale kuleli qophelo.
Uma usebudlelwaneni nomuntu onobuthi, ophethe ubukhosi, futhi okuhlukumeza ngokwengqondo / ngokomzimba / nangokomzwelo, ukuvimbela lobo budlelwano kuba yinto ebaluleke kakhulu, ikakhulukazi engqondweni yakho.
Ukuhlala ubazungezile lapho kubonakala ukuthi abenzi mizamo yokuba ngcono, kaningi kunalokho, kungakulimaza kakhulu - ngokomoya nangokwengqondo.
4.Ukuzihlukanisa ngokomzwelo nomuntu omthandayo kukusiza ukuba ube okwamanje futhi wenze izinqumo ezingcono ngekusasa lakho
Esinye sezizathu esenza ukuthi abantu abaningi bakuthole kunzima ukusuka ebudlelwaneni lapho kusobala ukuthi ubudlelwano abuyi ndawo kungenxa yokuthi bangabanjwa yinjabulo yokuthi 'ngabe yini.'
Ngaphansi kwalezi zimo, ungabona ubudlelwane ukuthi buyini ngempela. Bese futhi, imizwa yokuhlukaniswa ikuvumela ukuthi ubone umlingani wakho ngokukhanya okuhlukile, ngoba bangobani ngempela, hhayi umuntu uthando lwakho olubenze baba yilo (esweni lengqondo yakho).
Ngalokhu kusendaweni, ungenza izinqumo ezicacile mayelana nokuthi uphokophelephi.
Uma usuqede zonke lezi zinyathelo futhi ekugcineni usukulungele, nansi indlela yokuzihlukanisa nomuntu omthandayo.
Izindlela eziyi-15 zokuzihlukanisa ngokomzwelo nothile
Uma ufuna ukuyeka ukunamathela kothile (umlingani wakho kulokhu), nazi izinyathelo eziyi-15 okufanele uzilandele.
1.Linganisa ubuhlobo bakho nabo kuze kube manje
Manje njengoba inhloso yakho kungukuhlukaniswa ngokomzwelo nomuntu omthandayo, into yokuqala okudingeka uyenze ukuthatha isikhathi uhlaziye ubuhlobo bakho nabo kuze kube manje.
Uma wenza lokhu kahle, uzokhanyiselwa izinto eziningana, ezizokusiza ukuqinisa isinqumo sakho sokubeka ibanga phakathi kwabo nawe.
2.Buza yonke imibuzo ebucayi
Kuzofanele wenze lesi sinyathelo ngesikhathi sokuzihlola kulolu hambo. Ngenkathi uhlola ubudlelwano bakho nabo, bheka ngokuhlolisisa izinto bese unquma ngokunembile ukuthi ubudlelwane bakho buhambe kahle kanjani manje.
Eminye imibuzo odinga ukuyiphendula ifaka phakathi ukuthola ukuthi ngabe umlingani wakho ukubeke phambili noma cha njengoba ubabeke phambili. Ngabe benze ukuyekethisa ezindaweni ezithile zobudlelwano bakho ukuqhubeka nokukhula (noma ngabe nguwe wedwa owenza konke ukuthambisa)?
Uma, ngemuva kwalesi seshini, uthola ukuthi ubudlelwane bube ngohlangothi olulodwa, ungahle uthande ukucabanga ngokuqhubekela phambili ngokushesha.
3.Nquma ukuthi okulindele kumlingani wakho kunengqondo yini
Kungadingeka ukuthi ubeke eceleni okunye kokuchema kwakho nezinkolelo osuzitholile ukuze wenze lokhu ngempumelelo.
Zibeke ezicathulweni zabo okwemizuzu embalwa bese uphendula umbuzo ofanelekile; "Ukube bekunguwena osezicathulweni zabo, ngabe uzokwazi ukufeza lokho okulindele ukuthi bakwenze?"
Uma impendulo yakho ethembekile inguye 'cha,' ungahle uthande ukucabangisisa ngencazelo yakho yokuthi 'ukungacabangeli / ukuzicabangela wena wedwa.' Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma impendulo yakho inguyebo, usendleleni efanele.
4.Chaza izidingo zakho ezingokomzwelo futhi uzibophezele ekwaneliseni wena
Yiziphi izinto ezikuthokozisayo? Labo obukade ulindele ukuthi umlingani wakho akwenzele kona? Yilapho okufanele wenze khona uhlu lwazo futhi uzibophezele ekuzaneliseni wedwa, ngokwamandla akho onke.
Inzuzo enkulu yokwenza lokhu ukuthi lesi sinqumo sithatha amandla okwenza ujabule / udabuke ezandleni zikazakwethu bese sikubuyisela kuwe.
Le yindlela yokuvumela umuntu ahambe ngokomoya.
Futhi Zama: Ziyini Izidingo Zami Ezingokomzwelo?
5.Dala uhlelo lokuphuma
Ngabe uhlose ukuqala kanjani ukudlula usuke kubo? Ungathanda ukujoyina iqembu lomphakathi, iklabhu, noma inhlangano yabantu abacabanga njengaye? Ungathanda ukufunda ikhono elisha noma umdlalo wokuzilibazisa? Okwamanje, ukudala uhlelo lokusekela kuyisihluthulelo.
Inhloso yakho kulesi sigaba kufanele kube ukugcwalisa imisebenzi ekhiqizayo oyithandayo ukuze kungadingeki uhlale phansi uyilinde.
Ngicela unake ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi uhlelo lwakho lokuphuma alubafaki kukho? Ngasikhathi sinye, qala ukwenza abangane abasha futhi.
Ufuna ukuzimela ngaphandle kwabo.Akufanele zibe yingxenye yemisebenzi oyithandayo nezikhathi zokuzijabulisa kuleli qophelo.
Futhi Buka: izindlela ezi-5 eziqinisekisiwe zokuzihlukanisa ngokomoya
6.Funa usizo lochwepheshe
Uma ucabanga ukuthi kuyadingeka, ungahle ufune ukuthola usizo lochwepheshe.
Ngokuya ngohlobo lobudlelwano obuzama ukuphuma kubo, uchwepheshe angakusiza ngamaseshini aqala ngezikhathi zokuvuselelwa kwezempilo yengqondo, noma angakufundisa okuningi ngamasosha nokuthi ungayikhulisa kanjani inqubo.
Uma ukholwa ukuthi udinga ukubanjwa ngesandla njengoba ufunda ukukhipha umuntu omthandayo, ukuthola usizo lochwepheshe kuzoba usizo.
7.Yenza umkhuba ukucabanga
Kwesinye isikhathi, ukucindezela kwengqondo okudingayo kumane nje kukukhumbuza ukuthi umuhle kangakanani nokuthi ufanelwe kanjani lonke uthando nokunakwa umlingani wakho angakunikeza.
Ukucabangela kukusiza ukuba ube khona okwamanje futhi kuqiniseke ukuthi uhlala uhambelana nobuntu bakho bangaphakathi.
Ukuzindla okuqondiswayo, isikhathi sokushicilela, kanye nezikhathi zokuvuma kuzokusiza ukuthi uzazi kangcono (kanye nokubaluleka kwempilo yakho yengqondo) futhi kuzokusiza uzazise kangcono.
Lapho konke lokhu sekukhona, kuba lula ukuyeka ukunamathela kumuntu ongakuphathi ngokungathi ubalulekile.
8.Vumela okulindele phezulu
Okwamanje, wenze inqubekela phambili eningi ohambweni lwakho lokuzijwayeza ukuhlukaniswa ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni obunobuthi. Ngasikhathi sinye, manje wazi kangcono kunokubeka amandla amaningi ezandleni zomlingani wakho.
Yikuphi okulindelwe okuphezulu oke waba nakho ngaphambili manje? Lesi yisikhathi esihle kakhulu sokwenza uhlu lwazo zonke bese uziyeka.
Njengamanje, kucishe kubonakale ukuthi ubudlelwano buhlangothini olulodwa nokuthi abwenele kahle kuwe. Into yokugcina ofuna ukuyenza ukubeka ithemba elikhulu kubo.
Ukwenza lolu shintsho lungabi buhlungu kangako, phuma ogibeni lokulindela.
9.Chaza imingcele emisha eya phambili
Konke okwenzile kuze kube manje kungahle kube yincithakalo uma ungathathi isikhathi esithile ukubeka imingcele ecacile nemisha.
Ngokwazi ukuxhumana kwakho nabo, yiziphi izinto ongeke usakwazi ukuzibhekela kuzo? Ingabe zikhona izimo olindele ukuthi nabo benze umzamo ngazo? Chaza le mingcele ngokucacile.
Uma ukwenzile lokhu, kufanele ube nenhliziyo-nhliziyo nabo, ikakhulukazi uma ungafuni ukubunqamula ubudlelwano ngokuzumayo. Ukuxhumana, kulesi sigaba, kubalulekile.
10.Beka ebangeni elithile lomzimba
Njengoba usebenzela ukufunda ukuthi ungahlukanisa kanjani nomuntu obukade unemizwa ngaye (futhi empeleni usebenzise iqembu lomzwelo), ukubeka ibanga elithile ngokomzimba kuyadingeka.
Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu uma ubudlelwano bungebusha ngasese futhi uma usuthuthukise imizwa ejulile ngabo.
Ukubeka ibanga elithile ngokomzimba kungabandakanya ukuphuma endlini (uma nihlala ndawonye).
Ukuhambela idolobha elihlukile nganoma yisiphi isizathu, ushintsha izingidi zeminyango yakho futhi ubacele ngomusa ukuthi bahambe, noma nje uthathe izinto zokuzilibazisa / imikhuba emisha eqinisekisa ukuthi awusebenzisi wonke amahora akho okuvuka ngokuqonda kwabo.
Qaphela, noma kunjalo, ukuthi okokuqala lapho wenza lokhu ungazizwa kabi (ikakhulukazi uma ujwayele ukusondelana nokuchitha isikhathi nabo). Kungaze kube nomuzwa wokuthi othile udabula i-band-aid kuwe. Kepha konke kungokwenzuzo engcono kakhulu.
Niyasikhumbula isisho esithi, “kungabonakali, ngaphandle kwengqondo,” akunjalo?
11.Bavimbe ezinkundleni zokuxhumana noma uthathe ikhefu uma kunesidingo salokho
Cishe wonke umuntu une-akhawunti ye-Instagram kulezi zinsuku. Uma lokhu kuyinkomba ethile, imithombo yezokuxhumana ingasebenza njengokucindezela kuleli phuzu, ikakhulukazi uma udale inkumbulo yezinkumbulo nabo; izinkumbulo owabelane ngazo nabaxhumanisi bakho / nabangane ezinkundleni zokuxhumana.
Awudingi izimbangela ezinjengalezi. Zizokukwenza uzizwe ungathandeki futhi zihlehle isinqumo sakho sokuzihlukanisa nomuntu omthandayo (umlingani wakho).
12.Vumela ukudabuka
Ngawo wonke amaphuzu esixoxe ngawo ngenhla, mhlawumbe ucabanga ukuthi akufanele uzwe lutho njengoba ubeka leli banga phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho. Akuvamile lokhu kulula.
Kwesinye isikhathi, uzozizwa kabi futhi uzithole usubuza ukuthi ngabe wenze okulungile noma cha. Ngalesi sikhathi, kulungile ukuzwa usizi.
Vumela ukuthi uzizwe. Kuwubufakazi bokuthi ungaphinda uthande umuntu lapho uhlangana nomuntu ofanele. Kodwa-ke, qiniseka ukuthi usizi oluzwayo alukuvimbi ekuthatheni zonke izinyathelo okufanele uzenze kulolu hambo luphelele.
13.Thululela isifuba sakho kothandekayo
Kungaba nzima, futhi ngalesi sikhathi, kungadingeka ukuthi uvulele othile ongamethemba. Kungaba ngumngani, ingane yakini, umzali, noma ilunga lomndeni.
Vele uqaphele ukuthi ukhuluma nobani, futhi uqiniseke ukuthi bobabili banengqondo futhi ngeke basihlulele isinqumo sakho sokuzijwayeza ukuhlangana ngokomzwelo.
Uhambo lwakho lokufunda ukukhipha kumuntu omthandayo seluvele lucindezela ngokwanele. Awudingi umuntu owahlulelayo owengeziwe endaweni yesehlakalo, noma ukukhuluma nomuntu kungaba ukwelashwa.
14. Yinike isikhathi
Imizwa oyakhele umlingani wakho kungenzeka ukuthi ayigoqeki ibe yibhola elikhulu leqhwa bese iyaqhuma ekushiseni kwasemini. Kungathatha isikhashana ngaphambi kokuthi ungasho ukuthi ungaphezu kwakho ngokuphelele.
Thatha isikhathi esiningi njengoba udinga, futhi ungazami ukuziqhathanisa nomunye umuntu. Abantu abehlukene bangasabela ekuhlukaniseni ubudlelwano ngezindlela ezahlukahlukene.
Ngakho-ke, ngicela ungazishayi uma kubonakala sengathi okwakho kuthatha isikhathi esithe xaxa ukuqeda.
15.Zibophezele ekungabuyeli emuva
Ngokushesha, uzakwethu osanda kuzihlukanisa naye angafika ezokushayela ucingo.
Bangakuthola ngandlela thile ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, bashiye okungahleliwe lapha nalaphaya, ‘Ngingathanda ukuhlangana nalolu hlobo lomyalezo. Awufuni ukuwela kulawo maqhinga.
Ngokuya ngokuthi bangobani, lowo owawuthandana naye angavela ahlanzekile futhi akutshele ukuthi bangathanda ukubuyelana nawe. Bangase baqale ngisho nokukubonisa ukuthi bashintshe kangakanani.
Ngenkathi kungenzeka ukuthi zishintshile, awufuni ukubeka ukubheja kulokho. Kungcono ukuthi uhambe, ungalokothi ubheke emuva, futhi umashi ube namathuba angenamkhawulo ekusaseni lakho.
Isiphetho
Uhambo lokufunda ukuthi ungazihlukanisa kanjani ngokomzwelo nomuntu omthandayo futhi ufike lapho uyeka ukunamathela kubo lude, luyakhandla futhi ekugcineni lunomvuzo.
Landela izinyathelo esizibhalile kule ndatshana bese uzinika isikhathi.
Uzolunga ekugcineni uma ulandela konke esikhulume ngakho.