-Delile
- Kungani ukwahlukana kunzima?
- Izimbangela Zokwehlukana
- Ingabe Ukuhlukana Kungabangela Ukucindezeleka?
- Izimpawu Zokucindezeleka Ngemuva Kokuhlukana
- Izigaba Ezi-7 Zokucindezeleka Emva Kokwehlukana
- 1. Ukufuna Izimpendulo
- 2. Ukuphika
- 3. Ukuxoxisana
- 4. Ukubuyela emuva
- 5. Intukuthelo
- 6. Ukwamukelwa kokuqala
- 7. Ithunyelwe kabusha iThemba
- Ungakunqoba Kanjani Ukudangala Emva Kokwehlukana
- Zigcine umatasa
- Qala iphephabhuku
- Finyelela
- Khumbula ukuzinakekela
- Yenza isikhathi sokuzivocavoca umzimba
- Lapho Ukuthola Usizo Lobungcweti
- Izindlela ezi-5 Zokugwema Ukucindezeleka Ngemuva Kokuhlukana
- 1. Hlala Uxhumene Nomphakathi
- 2. Zinakekele
- 3. Gxila Emandleni Akho
- 4. Yenza Isikhathi Sokuzivocavoca
- 5. Yazisa Imizwa Yakho Kodwa Ungahlali
- I-Takeaway: Amaphuzu Ayinhloko Ekucindezelekeni Kokwehlukana
Ukuphela kobudlelwano kungadala imizwa engakhululekile, kufaka phakathi ukudangala kokwehlukana. Kungokwemvelo ukuzizwa udabukile lapho ubudlelwano buphela, ikakhulukazi uma ubudlelwane bebubucayi futhi ukuhlukana bekungalindelekile.
Ukudabuka kokwehlukana kungaba mnene futhi kudlule ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kepha kwezinye izimo, kungaqhubekela ekucindezelekeni komtholampilo. Kunoma ikuphi, kunezindlela zokuthi ungakuthola kanjani ukudangala kokwehlukana.
Kungani ukwahlukana kunzima?
Njengoba ochwepheshe bachazile, ukwahlukana kunzima ngoba kudala izinguquko ezinkulu empilweni, njengezimali eziwohlokile noma isimo esisha sokuphila. Kubalulekile futhi ukukhumbula ukuthi ngokuhlukana, ulusizi ngokulahlekelwa ubuhlobo obubalulekile.
Noma ngabe bekunezinkinga ebudlelwaneni, ukwahlukana kuseyilahleko.
Ngemuva kokulahleka kobudlelwano, ungazizwa unesizungu. Ezinye zezizathu zokuhlukana kunzima ukuthi ungathola ukuzethemba okuphansi noma ube nomqondo oguqukile wokuthi ungubani.
Ubudlelwano yingxenye ebalulekile yobunikazi bakho, futhi ukulahlekelwa yilokho kungashintsha indlela ozibona ngayo. Kwezinye izimo, ukulahleka kobuhlobo kungakushiya uzizwe ungenalutho, kube sengathi awuzazi ukuthi ungubani.
Kwezinye izimo, ukuhlukana kungasho ukuthi kufanele ube nezingane ezikanye nomzali wakho wangaphambili. Lokhu kungasho ukunikela ngesikhathi nezingane zakho ukuze umlingani wakho wangaphambili akwazi ukuchitha isikhathi esisodwa nabo.
Ungase futhi uhlupheke ngokulahleka kobungane uma ngabe nobabili beninabangane bobabili abaxhasa uhlangothi lwakho ngemuva kokuhlukana. Ekugcineni, ukwahlukana kuyinselele ngoba kuholela kuzinguquko eziningi ngasikhathi sinye.
Izimbangela Zokwehlukana
Ukucindezeleka kwangemva kobudlelwano kungenye yemiphumela emibi yokubhekana nezinselelo zokuqeda ubudlelwano, noma ngabe kunesizathu esizwakalayo sokwahlukana. Ezinye izimbangela zokwehlukana zifaka ukwehluka ebuntwini, ukungasebenzisi isikhathi esanele ndawonye, noma ukungathokozi ngokuxhumana kocansi ebudlelwaneni.
Eminye imibhangqwana ingahle ihlukane ngoba oyedwa noma bobabili bebengathembeki, noma kungenzeka kube nokuxhumana okuningi okungalungile noma ukungeneliseki nje jikelele ngobudlelwano.
Ingabe Ukuhlukana Kungabangela Ukucindezeleka?
Njengoba kuchaziwe ngaphambili, ukwahlukana kunzima. Bangayishintsha ngokuphelele impilo yakho futhi bakwenze uzizwe unesizungu. Ngenkathi ukudabuka ngemuva kokwehlukana kuyinto ejwayelekile futhi kungadlula ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ukwahlukana kungadala ukucindezeleka kwabanye abantu.
Ucwaningo lwango-2018 luthole ukuthi ukwehlukana nomlingani kuhlotshaniswa nokudangala. Kwabesifazane, ukudangala kokwehlukana kwakuhlotshaniswa nezinkinga zezezimali ezitholwa ngemuva kokwehlukana. Kwabesilisa, ukucindezeleka ngemuva kokwehlukana kwakuwumphumela wokulahlekelwa ukwesekwa emphakathini.
Ngokuya ngokutholwe yilolu cwaningo, kunengqondo ukuphetha ngokuthi ingcindezi nezinguquko zempilo eza nokwehlukana kungadala isiqephu sokudangala. Kulokhu, ukudabuka ngemuva kokwehlukana kungaphenduka ukucindezeleka kwangemva kobudlelwano.
Izimpawu Zokucindezeleka Ngemuva Kokuhlukana
Ukudangala kwangemva kokuhlukana kungahle kube buhlungu kusuka ezikhathini ezimfushane zokudabuka kuye ekucindezelekeni okugcwele komtholampilo.
Kuyinto evamile ukuzwa imizwa efana nosizi, intukuthelo, nokukhathazeka ngemuva kokwehlukana. Noma kunjalo, uma le mizwa iphikelela futhi iholela ekudabukeni okwedlulele, ungahle ukhombise izimpawu zokudangala ngemuva kokwehlukana.
Ngokusho kochwepheshe, ucwaningo lukhombisile ukuthi imizwa ngemuva kokwehlukana ifana nezimpawu zokucindezeleka komtholampilo. Kwezinye izimo, umelaphi noma isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo singahlola isifo sokulungisa, kwesinye isikhathi esibizwa ngokuthi ukucindezeleka kwesimo, lapho umuntu ehlushwa ukucindezeleka kwangemva kobudlelwano.
Isibonelo, umuntu obhekana nokudangala ngemuva kokwehlukana angahlangabezana nenqubo yesifo sokulungisa ngesimo sokucindezeleka. Ezinye izimpawu zalesi simo zimi kanje:
- Ukubhekana nokushintsha kwemizwelo nokuziphatha kungakapheli izinyanga ezintathu ukwehlukana
- Ukuhlushwa yimizwa ngemuva kokwehlukana okuthikameza impilo yansuku zonke
- Ukuzizwa udabukile
- Izinyembezi
- Ukwehluleka ukujabulela izinto ezake zakuthokozisa
Ngenkathi izimpawu ezingenhla zokucindezeleka ngemuva kokwehlukana zihlotshaniswa nenkinga yokulungisa, abanye abantu abazizwa becindezelekile ngemuva kokwehlukana bangaba nokudangala komtholampilo. Izimpawu zokucindezeleka komtholampilo zifaka:
- Ngizizwa ngingenathemba noma ngingenakuzisiza
- Izinguquko kokudla, kanye nokuzuza kwesisindo noma ukwehla
- Ukulala ngaphezulu noma ngaphansi kunokujwayelekile
- Ukungabi nenjabulo emisebenzini ejwayelekile
- Ukuzizwa udabukile noma ungelutho
- Ukuba namandla amancane
- Ukucabanga ngokuzibulala
Ukuhlangabezana nenqubo yokudangala komtholampilo, kufanele ubonise okungenani izimpawu ezinhlanu zokucindezeleka ngemuva kokwehlukana. Izimpawu nazo kufanele zivele isikhathi okungenani amasonto amabili.
Lokhu kusho ukuthi ukudabuka okufushane okuhlala izinsuku ezimbalwa ngemuva kokuhlukana akuyona inkinga yokudangala yokwelashwa. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, qeda izimpawu zokucindezeleka ezihlala amasonto noma ngisho nezinyanga zingahlangabezana nenqubo yokudangala komtholampilo.
Uma usanda kuhlangabezana nokwehlukana futhi ubona ezinye zezimpawu ezibalulwe ngaphambili, ungahle ube nenkinga yokulungiswa noma ukucindezeleka komtholampilo ngemuva kokwehlukana. Lezi zimpawu zokudangala ngemuva kokwehlukana kungenzeka ngezigaba.
Izigaba Ezi-7 Zokucindezeleka Emva Kokwehlukana
Ngaphezu kokuthi ukucindezeleka ngemuva kokwehlukana kungafinyelela ezingeni lesimo sempilo yengqondo yengqondo, kunezigaba ezahlukahlukene zokudangala ngemuva kokwehlukana. Ngokusho kochwepheshe be-psychology yezobudlelwano, lezi zigaba zimi kanje:
1. Ukufuna Izimpendulo
Lesi sigaba sifaka phakathi ukuzama ukuthola ukuthi konakele kuphi ebudlelwaneni. Ungaphendukela kubangani nomndeni ubathethelele kubo ukuthi kungani ubudlelwano kungafanele buphele.
2. Ukuphika
Ngalesi sigaba sokudangala kokwehlukana, ubeka usizi lwakho eceleni futhi uvikele imizwa ebuhlungu esikhundleni sokubeka wonke amandla akho enkolelweni yokuthi ubudlelwane bungasindiswa. Awukwazi ukwamukela ukuthi ubudlelwano sebuphelile.
3. Ukuxoxisana
Isigaba sokuxoxisana senzeka lapho unquma ukuthi uzokwenza noma yini edingekayo ukuze ugcine ubuhlobo futhi ubuyise umlingani wakho. Ngakho-ke, uthembisa ukuba nguzakwethu ongcono futhi ulungise okungahambanga kahle.
Ukuxoxisana kuyisiphazamiso ebuhlungwini bokudangala kokwehlukana.
4. Ukubuyela emuva
Ngenxa yokudangala kokwehlukana, ungabuyela isikhashana ebudlelwaneni nomlingani wakho, uthole ukuthi ubuhlobo buqhubeka nokuhluleka.
5. Intukuthelo
Intukuthelo ngesikhathi sokudangala kokuhlukana ingahle ibhekiswe kuwe noma kumlingani wakho wangaphambili. Ungahle uzithukuthelele ngenxa yezinto ozenze kabi ebudlelwaneni, noma ungaba nentukuthelo kumlingani wakho ngendima yakhe ekuhlulekeni kobudlelwano.
Ngokusho kochwepheshe, intukuthelo ingakunika amandla ngoba ingakugqugquzela ukuthi uqale ukudlulela phambili futhi ufune ubudlelwano obungcono ngokuzayo.
6. Ukwamukelwa kokuqala
Kulesi sigaba sokudangala ngemuva kokwehlukana, uqala ukwamukela iqiniso lokuthi ubudlelwano sebuphelile, kepha lokhu kwamukelwa kwenzeka kuphela ngoba kudingekile hhayi ngoba empeleni ufuna ukukwamukela.
Kukulesi sigaba sokucindezeleka kwangemva kobudlelwano lapho uzoyeka khona ukuzama ukuhlenga ubuhlobo.
7. Ithunyelwe kabusha iThemba
Kulesi sigaba sokugcina sokubhekana nokudangala kokwehlukana, ithemba lakho lisuka enkolelweni yokuthi ubudlelwano bungasindiswa ukwamukela ukuthi likhona ikusasa ngaphandle komlingani wakho wangaphambili.
Lokhu kungadala imizwa yokudabuka njengoba ungena endaweni entsha ngaphandle kwethemba lokubusindisa ubudlelwano, kepha futhi kungakha nethemba lekusasa elisha.
Kule vidiyo engezansi, u-Alan Robarge, uchwepheshe we-Attachment trauma Therapy, uxoxa ngokuthi ukwehlukana kubuthinta kanjani ubuchopho. Uthi umthetho ohamba phambili ngukuthi kufanele uziphoqe ukuze usebenze futhi ugcine inqubo yakho ejwayelekile. Funda kabanzi ngezansi:
Ungakunqoba Kanjani Ukudangala Emva Kokwehlukana
Uma uzithola ulwa nokudangala kokwehlukana, mhlawumbe uyazibuza ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nokucindezeleka ngemuva kokwehlukana. Yize eminye imizwa engemihle ngemuva kokwehlukana kuyinto ejwayelekile, kukhona amathiphu wokuthi ungayeka kanjani ukudabuka ngemuva kokwehlukana.
Ochwepheshe bancoma amasu alandelayo okubhekana nokucindezeleka kwangemva kobudlelwano:
Ekuqaleni ungahle uzizwe udabuke kakhulu ukuthi ungakhiqiza, kepha ukwenza imisebenzi yasendlini noma ukwenza umsebenzi omusha kungakuvimbela ekugxileni emizweni yakho ngemuva kokwehlukana.
Ngokusho kochwepheshe, ucwaningo lukhombisa ukuthi ukubhala ngalokho ozizwayo kuyindlela esebenzayo yokubhekana nokudangala kokwehlukana.
Ukuchitha isikhathi nabangane noma ukuthuthukisa amanethiwekhi wokuxhasa umphakathi, njengamaqembu okusekela online, kungakusiza ukunqoba ukucindezeleka ngemuva kokwehlukana.
Ukusungula ukuxhumana okuqinile nabangane noma nabanye ababhekene nezimo ezifanayo kungakusiza ukuthi uhlale uzibandakanya nomphakathi njengoba ulahlekelwa ubuhlobo obubalulekile. Lokhu kungenza kube lula ukubhekana nesikhathi sokudangala kokwehlukana.
Ukuzinakekela ngokulala okuningi nokudla okufanele kungakwenza kube lula ukubhekana nokudangala kokwehlukana. Lapho unakekela impilo yakho, uzozizwa ungcono, okunyusa imizwa yakho.
Ngokuya ngocwaningo, ukuzivocavoca umzimba kukhulisa imizwa kanye nemithi ethile elwa nokudangala, futhi kungakhuphula umuzwa wakho wokuphila kahle. Ukuvuka nokunyakaza, ngakho-ke, kungaba isu elihle kakhulu lokubhekana nokubuyiselwa ekucindezelekeni kokwehlukana.
Ngokuvamile, ukunakekela impilo yakho nokuthola amathuba okuzama imisebenzi emisha nokuxhumana nabanye abantu izindlela ezibalulekile zendlela yokubhekana nokudangala ngemuva kokwehlukana.
Lapho Ukuthola Usizo Lobungcweti
Ngenkathi kunezindlela zokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nokudangala ngemuva kokwehlukana uwedwa, kwezinye izimo, ukudangala kungaba nzima futhi kuqhubeke, kudinga usizo lochwepheshe.
Kuyinto ejwayelekile ukuzwa ukudabuka okuthile ngemuva kokuhlukana, kepha imizwa yokudangala izokwehla ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ikakhulukazi uma uzinakekela.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, sekuyisikhathi sokuthola usizo lochwepheshe lapho ukucindezelwa kokuhlukana kuqhubeka, kungabi ngcono ngesikhathi, futhi kuholele ezinkingeni ezinkulu ngokusebenza kwansuku zonke.
Isibonelo, uma ukhathazekile ngokwehlukana ukuthi awukwazi ukufeza imisebenzi emsebenzini noma ukuhambisana nezikweletu noma umsebenzi wasendlini, usizo lochwepheshe luyafuneka.
Uma ukudangala kokwehlukana kuqhubeka futhi kungathuthukisi isikhathi esithe xaxa ngamasu okubhekana nokuphila okunempilo, ungahle ube nesifo sokudangala ngokomtholampilo noma isifo sokulungisa. Uma kunjalo, ukudabuka ngemuva kokwehlukana kungadinga ukwelashwa.
Ngokusho kochwepheshe, uma ngabe usazizwa udabukile izinyanga ezimbalwa ngemuva kokwehlukana, kufanele ubonane nodokotela wezengqondo noma owelapha ukuze uthole ukwelashwa. Izinhlobo ezimbili zokwelashwa ezibizwa ngokuthi yi-cognitive-behavioral therapy kanye nokwelashwa okusebenzisanayo kuyasebenza ekwelapheni ukudangala kokwehlukana.
Isibonelo, ukwelashwa kokuziphatha kwengqondo kungakusiza ukuthi ushintshe imicabango engalawuleki ngokuthi yini engahambanga kahle ebudlelwaneni ukuze wakhe izindlela zokucabanga ezinempilo.
Ngenkathi ukwelashwa kukodwa kungasebenza, kwesinye isikhathi, kungadingeka ukuthi uthathe imishanguzo ukubhekana nokudangala kokwehlukana.
Umelaphi wakho noma isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo singakudlulisela kudokotela, ongakunika imishanguzo yokulwa nokucindezeleka ukukhulisa imizwa yakho nokwenza izimpawu ezinjengokudabuka, ukungabi nentshisekelo emisebenzini, kanye nemizwa yokungabi nalusizo ibe yimbi kakhulu.
Uma ungaqiniseki ukuthi ngabe udinga usizo lokudangala kokwehlukana, kungasiza ukuthatha imibuzo ukuze ufunde ukuthi ngabe unenkinga yokudana noma awuneme neze ngokuhlukana.
Izindlela ezi-5 Zokugwema Ukucindezeleka Ngemuva Kokuhlukana
Ngenkathi ukwelashwa kwengcindezi kungadingeka kwezinye izimo, kunamasu okugwema ukudangala kokwehlukana okudinga ukwelashwa. Nawa amathiphu ayisihlanu wokuvimbela izimpawu zokudangala:
1. Hlala Uxhumene Nomphakathi
Ungahle ulingeke ukuhlala ekhaya futhi uthukuthele lapho ulwa nosizi ngemuva kokwehlukana, kepha kubalulekile ukuhlala uxhumene nabanye abantu.
Ukuzihlukanisa nomphakathi kuzokukhathaza kakhulu. Yenza izinsuku zekhofi nabangane, hamba imisebenzi yakho ejwayelekile nemicimbi, noma finyelela kwabanye online ukuze uthole ukusekelwa.
Ukwakha nokugcina ukuxhumana nabantu kungakusiza ukuthi uqondane nabanye abantu futhi ugcwalise ezinye zezikhala ezithuthukayo ekugcineni kobudlelwano bothando.
2. Zinakekele
Ingqondo nomzimba kuxhunyiwe, ngakho-ke uma ungazinakekeli, impilo yakho yengqondo kungenzeka ihlupheke futhi. Ukugwema ukungena ekucindezelekeni ngemuva kokwehlukana, khumbula ukulandela ukudla okunomsoco, ukulala ngokwanele, nokwenza imikhuba enempilo.
Kungabonakala kukuhle ukuzitika ngophuzo oludakayo noma ukudla okunomsoco noma ungayinaki impilo yakho lapho uzizwa unesifiso sokuhlukana, kepha imikhuba emibi izokukwenza uzizwe ubi kakhulu esikhathini esizayo.
3. Gxila Emandleni Akho
Ukulahleka kobudlelwano kusho izinguquko ezinkulu empilweni, njengokuhambisa noma ukubhebhethekisa isimo sakho sezezimali. Ukwehlukana kusho nokulahleka kobuwena ngoba iningi lesiboshelwe ebudlelwaneni bethu nomunye ophawulekayo.
Lokhu kungaholela ekulahlekelweni ukuzethemba kanye nokuziphatha okungekuhle. Ukugwema ukuwela ekucindezelekeni kokuhlukana, khumbula ukugxila emandleni akho. Isibonelo, faka amandla akho kumaphrojekthi noma imigomo emisha emsebenzini.
Noma, uma unamandla emculweni noma ukuqina komzimba, ungahle ugxile emncintiswaneni noma emicimbini lapho ungaphumelela khona. Lokhu kuzokuvumela ukuthi uthuthukise ubunikazi nomuzwa wokuzethemba ngaphandle kobuhlobo bangaphambili.
4. Yenza Isikhathi Sokuzivocavoca
Ukuvivinya umzimba akuvumeli nje kuphela ukuthi uzinakekele, futhi kungakhuphula imizwa yakho futhi kuvimbele ukucindezeleka ngemuva kokwehlukana.
Eqinisweni, umbiko wocwaningo kumagazini wesayensi Ubuchopho beplastiki kukhombisa ukuthi ukuzivocavoca umzimba kuyindlela ephumelelayo yokulawula izimo zomoya. Ayinciphisi kuphela imizwa engemihle kepha futhi inyusa nezimo ezinhle, futhi umphumela ucishe usheshe ngemuva kokuvivinya umzimba.
Ukuya njalo ejimini noma ukuphuma ujime kungakhuphula imizwa yakho futhi kukuvikele ekuweleni ekucindezelekeni ngemuva kokwehlukana.
5. Yazisa Imizwa Yakho Kodwa Ungahlali
Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi okunye ukudabuka ngemuva kokwehlukana kuyinto ejwayelekile. Ubhekene noshintsho olukhulu empilweni, futhi ukwamukela ukuthi ukudabuka kuyinto ejwayelekile kungasiza.
Lokho kushiwo, kubalulekile ukuthi ungahlali ekudabukeni kwakho noma ukuvumele kukuqede. Thatha isikhathi ukucubungula imizwa yakho nomngani osondelene naye, noma ubhale ngayo encwadini, kodwa-ke zivumele ukuthi nawe ube nezikhathi ezijabulisayo.
I-Takeaway: Amaphuzu Ayinhloko Ekucindezelekeni Kokwehlukana
Ukudabuka ngemuva kokwehlukana kuvamile, kepha kwezinye izimo, kungaba ukucindezeleka kokwehlukana. Kunamasu okubhekana nokudabuka ngemuva kokwehlukana, njengokuziqeqesha, ukuthatha isikhathi sokuzivocavoca umzimba, nokuthola usizo lwabanye.
Ukusebenzisa lawa masu, ukubeka izinhloso, nokwenza imisebenzi emisha kungavimbela ukuqhuma okukhulu kokudangala kokwehlukana. Kwesinye isikhathi, noma ngabe usebenzisa lezi zindlela zokubhekana nokudangala ngemuva kokwehlukana, ukudabuka kwakho kungaqhubeka.
Lapho ukudangala kokwehlukana kungabi ngcono ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kuphazamisa amandla akho okusebenza empilweni yansuku zonke, futhi kuza nezimpawu ezinjengokukhathala ngokweqile, ukuphelelwa yintshisekelo emisebenzini, nemicabango yokungabi nathemba noma ukuzibulala, mhlawumbe isikhathi sokufuna usizo Ochwepheshe.
Uchwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo angakunikeza ukwelashwa ukukusiza ufunde ukuthi ungakunqoba kanjani ukucindezeleka ngemuva kokwehlukana. Udokotela angakwazi ukukuhlinzeka ngemithi yokwandisa imizwa yakho. Uma ucabanga ukuthi ungaba nokudangala komtholampilo ngemuva kokwehlukana, kubalulekile ukuthi uthinte usizo lochwepheshe.