-Delile
- Sisho ukuthini ngokuthi "Ukuzindla?"
- 1. Ukuzindla kungathuthukisa ukuzethemba kwakho
- 2. Ukuzindla kungakwenza uzizwe ujabulile
- 3. Ukuzindla kunganciphisa ukucindezeleka nokukhathazeka
- Ukuzindla kungasiza kanjani
- Ukuzindla kungakhulisa umusa nozwela
- Ukuqala umkhuba wokuzindla
Lapho ubudlelwano bakho nalabo osondelene nabo kungebona bonke obungathanda babe yibo, thatha lokhu njengesimemo sokuma bese ubheka kahle imicabango yakho nesimo sakho sengqondo.
Ngabe uvame ukuzizwa ucindezelekile, ukhathazekile noma unezinto ezimbi? Ingabe ulwa nemizwa yokuzenyeza? Uyashesha ukugxeka abanye? Zonke lezi zimpendulo ezizenzakalelayo zingaba nomthelela omkhulu ekhonweni lethu lokujabulela ubudlelwano obuqinile, nothando.
Yize kungabonakala njengokuphikisana, ukuchitha isikhathi uwedwa uzindla ngomshado kungaba yisihluthulelo esilahlekile sobuhlobo obuhle kakhulu nomunye wakho obalulekile. Ucwaningo lukhombisa ukuthi ukuzindla kunganikeza izinzuzo ezisukela ekunciphiseni ukukhathazeka kanye nengcindezi kuya ekwandeni kwenjabulo nomusa — konke lokho kungasiza ekuguquleni ubudlelwane bakho noshade naye.
Sisho ukuthini ngokuthi "Ukuzindla?"
Uma sikhuluma "ngokuzindla", sikhuluma ngemikhuba namasiko amaningi akusiza ukuthi ulawule ingqondo yakho — hhayi nje leyo evela eMpumalanga noma izinkolo ezithile. Ngokuyinhloko, ukuzindla kuhilela ukubeka eceleni isikhathi esizinikezele (lokhu kungaba yimizuzu embalwa ngosuku) ukugxilisa imicabango yakho nokunaka kwakho kumagama athile, amabinzana, imibono, noma izithombe.
Njengoba iziphazamiso zingena ekuqondweni kwakho futhi ingqondo yakho iqala ukuzulazula, buyisa imicabango yakho ngobumnene kusihloko sakho sokuzindla kuze kuphele isikhathi.
Kungaba umsebenzi onzima ekuqaleni, kepha ukufunda ukuphatha nokuyala imicabango yakho kunezinzuzo ezedlula isikhathi sakho sokuzindla ukuthinta indlela ozizwa futhi uphendule ngayo usuku lonke. Ukuzindla kwansuku zonke kwemibhangqwana kungasiza kakhulu ebudlelwaneni.
Ake sibheke izinzuzo eziyinhloko zokulamula imishado nezindlela ukuzindla kubuthuthukisa ngayo ubudlelwano-
1. Ukuzindla kungathuthukisa ukuzethemba kwakho
Ukuba nokuzethemba okunempilo kungaba nomthelela omkhulu ebudlelwaneni bethu. Abantu abazisayo, abazithandayo, nabazithandayo banamathuba amaningi okuthi bakhethe umlingani ofanayo futhi ophilile ngokomoya, okungenzeka bagweme izingibe eziningi zokuxhomekeka.
Ebudlelwaneni bokuzimela, omunye umlingani ufuna ukuqinisekiswa okuqhubekayo komunye, othembele kakhulu kubo ukuhlangabezana nezidingo zabo zansuku zonke ngenxa yokugula, ukukhubazeka, noma ukulutha. Ngokuzethemba okunempilo, awudingi ukuqinisekiswa njalo okuvela kwabanye futhi uyakwazi ukungena ebudlelwaneni obunempilo, obuthembele esikhundleni salokho.
Ukuzindla kukhulisa kanjani ukuzethemba? Ukuzindla okuqondisiwe kwemibhangqwana kuyabasiza ekuboneni izindlela zokucabanga eziyingozi noma zokuzihlula, ukuzindla kungazisiza ukuthi zifunde izindlela zokucabanga ezinamandla nezingaguquguquki, ukuxazulula izinkinga zokudala, futhi zizizwe zinesizungu.
Umuntu ozizwa ephelele ngokuphelele ngabakwa-themseleves kungenzeka ahlale ebudlelwaneni ngoba efuna, hhayi ngoba ebona kufanele.
Leso yisisekelo esiqine kakhulu sokukhulumisana ngokukhululekile nangokwethembeka!
2. Ukuzindla kungakwenza uzizwe ujabulile
Ukuzizwa udangele, udangele, noma ucindezelekile kungaba nomthelela omubi emshadweni wakho. Noma ngabe ukungqubuzana emshadweni kubangela ukudana noma ukudana kubanga ingxabano, ukuzizwa uphansi, ngokuvamile, kungadala ukuthi ubheke ukuxhumana kwakho noshade naye ngendlela engeyiyo. Kungadala nokuthi niphendule umlingani wakho ngokungathembeki ngokusekelwe kule mibono, kuqhubeke kube nomthelela esimeni esibuhlungu phakathi kwenu nobabili nokunciphisa ukwaneliseka emshadweni.
Ukuzindla kungasiza ukuguqula lo mjikelezo ngokuphakamisa imizwa yakho futhi kukusize ukuthi ubheke ezintweni ezinhle zobudlelwano bakho.
Ucwaningo lokuzindla kwengqondo oluqhutshwe esikhathini esingamasonto ayisishiyagalombili lubonise ukuthi abantu abazindla babenomsebenzi omkhulu wobuchopho kagesi endaweni ehlotshaniswa nomoya omuhle uma kuqhathaniswa nabangewona ozindla. Ngokufanayo, ukubuyekezwa okuhlelekile kwezifundo ze-Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy kubonise "ukunciphisa okulinganiselwe kuya okukhulu ezimpawu zokucindezeleka [...] ngokuhlobene namaqembu okulawula."
Ngokuhlakulela umbono wethemba lokuphila kanye nobudlelwano bakho, ukuzindla kunamandla amakhulu okuthuthukisa ithoni lokuxhumana kwakho nomunye wakho obalulekile. Kungenye yezindlela ubuchopho bokuzindla obakha ubudlelwano obungcono.
3. Ukuzindla kunganciphisa ukucindezeleka nokukhathazeka
Ukucindezeleka kungenye into engehlisa izinga lobudlelwano. Ozakwethu abacindezelekile bavame ukuphazamiseka futhi bahoxe, bangabi nothando oluncane, futhi babe nesineke esincane ngabalingani babo namaphutha abo. Okuxakayo ukuthi ingcindezi ingakhipha okubi kakhulu kumlingani wakho, ngoba inani elikhulu lokucindezeleka okuboniswayo lingadala ukuthi omunye umuntu naye ahoxe ebudlelwaneni.
Ucwaningo lwango-2004 lwathola ukuthi ingcindezi yayinomthelela omubi emibonweni yabashadikazi ngempilo yabo yomshado kanye nokuthinta ukutolika kwabo nokucubungula leyo mibono.
Ngokufana namandla abonwa ngokucindezeleka emshadweni, ukucindezeleka kulokhu (kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho okuhlobene nokukhathazeka) kubonwe njengokufaka isandla emibonweni emibi yabalingani bekhwalithi yabo yomshado.
Ukuzindla kungasiza kanjani
Ingabe ukuzindla kungasiza ukunciphisa ukucindezeleka nokukhathazeka? Ucwaningo oluningi lukhombisa ukuthi lungakwazi. Ukuhlaziywa kwe-meta kwamaphepha wokucwaninga we-600 ekuzindleni okungaphendukiyo kukhombisile ukuthi izifundo ebezinamazinga aphezulu okukhathazeka lapho ziqala umkhuba wokuzindla zithole ukwehla okukhulu kokukhathazeka kamuva.
Uma kuqhathaniswa namaqembu alawulayo, izifundo ezihlushwe yingcindezi nokukhathazeka zathola ukwehla okuphawulekayo emazingeni azo okukhathazeka ngemuva kwamasonto amabili futhi zajabulela imiphumela eqinile ngemuva kweminyaka emithathu.
Ngokunciphisa amazinga akho oxinzelelo nokukhathazeka, kungaba lula ukubhekelela izidingo zomlingani wakho kanye nezakho, ukuthanda kakhulu owakwakho, futhi ukhombise isimo sengqondo sokubekezela. Lezi zonke izindlela ezinhle zokuthuthukisa ubuhlobo bakho!
Ukuzindla kungakhulisa umusa nozwela
Njengoba iminyaka idlula nezithombe zakho zomshado zifiphela enkumbulweni encane, kulula ukulahlekelwa yinhlansi obukade unayo futhi ucasuke nomuntu oshade naye ngezinto ezincane ebezingakaze zikukhathaze ngaphambili.
Njengoba kuvela, ukuzindla kungakusiza ukuthi ube ngumlingani onomusa nozwela ngokwengeziwe.
Uhlobo lokuzindla olwaziwa njengeMetta (noma ukuzindla ngomusa wothando) likufundisa ukuhlakulela imicabango nemizwa enomusa nothando — kuqala kuwe.
Le micabango yomusa nokuthethelela bese idluliselwa kwabathandekayo futhi ekugcineni ibajwayele ngisho nezitha.
Kwenziwe izifundo ezingamashumi amabili nambili ukuhlola ukusebenza kokuzindla ngomusa wothando ngempilo nenhlalakahle yezifundo, kwaba nemiphumela ethokozisayo. Ngokubuyekezwa okuhlelekile, kubonwe ukuthi isikhathi esiningi ebesisetshenzisiwe kulo mkhuba, kukhula imizwa emihle etholwe ababambiqhaza kubona nakwabanye uma kuqhathaniswa neqembu elilawulayo. Ukuzizwa uzwela ngokwengeziwe koshade naye kungasiza kakhulu ekuvuseleleni uthando nokusondelana obukuzwe ekuqaleni!
Ukuqala umkhuba wokuzindla
Njengoba kunezinzuzo eziningi kakhulu zomshado wakho ngezindleko eziphansi kangaka kuwe, ukuzindla kufanelekile ukuzama. Kakade, ngubani ongathandi ukuba ngumlingani ojabule kakhudlwana, obekezelayo nothando?
Ngenkathi ukuzindla kwengqondo, ukuzindla okungaphezu kokunye, nokuzindla ngomusa wothando kukhulunyiwe ezifundweni lapha, kunezinhlobo eziningi zokuzindla ezitholakalayo. Ukuthola umkhuba okusebenzelayo kuyindaba yokuthola lowo ofanele ubuntu bakho, izinkolelo, nezinhloso zakho. Ungafunda kabanzi ngezinhlobo ezahlukahlukene zokuzindla ezincwadini naku-inthanethi, noma ucabangele ukusebenzisa uhlelo lokusebenza lokuzindla oluhlela uhlelo lokuzindla kuzidingo zakho kanye nezintshisekelo zakho.
Ungajabulela nezinzuzo zokuzindla njengomndeni ngokuhlakulela ukucabanga emisebenzini yakho yansuku zonke futhi ufundise izingane zakho ukuthi zizindle kanjani. Izingane, intsha, nabantu abadala abahlala okwamanje futhi abazi ukuphatha imizwa yabo benza ikhaya libe nokuthula okukhulu futhi lithele wonke umuntu!