![Ochwepheshe Badalula: Ungabhekana Kanjani Nokungahambelani Kocansi - Incwadi Ehlukene Yengqondo Ochwepheshe Badalula: Ungabhekana Kanjani Nokungahambelani Kocansi - Incwadi Ehlukene Yengqondo](https://a.vvvvvv.kiev.ua/psychology/22-Experts-Reveal-How-to-Deal-with-Sexual-Incompatibility.webp)
-Delile
- IGLORIA BRAME, PHD, ACS
- IMIISHA BATTLE
- UCARLI BLAU, LMSW
- AMAZWE OMUSA, LMFT
- AVI KLEIN, LCSW
- UJAN WEINER, PH.D.
- U-IAN KERNER, PHD, LMFT
- UJANET ZINN, LCSW
- CONSTANTINE KIPNIS
- ZOE O. ENTIN, LCSW
- U-ADAM J. BIEC, uLMHC
- I-ANTONIETA CONTRERAS, i-LCSW
- LAUREN EAVARONE
- RACHEL HERCMAN, LCSW
- UCARRIE WHITTAKER, LMHC, LPC, PhD (abd)
- SOPHIE KAY, M.A., Ed.M.
- UDOUGLAS C. AMABHUKU, MS, LCSW-Rfe
- J. RYAN FULLER, PH.D.
- UJOR-EL CARABALLO, LMHC
- I-DULCINEA PITAGORA, MA, LMSW, MED, CST
- UJACQUELINE DONELLI, LMHC
Ukwaneliseka kwezocansi kwabo bobabili abalingani kubaluleke kakhulu ukuze babe nokuphila komshado okwanelisayo. Kepha kwenzekani lapho abalingani bengafani kahle nge-libidos? noma lapho ene-sex drive ephakeme kunawe? Ngabe abantu abane-drive ephakeme bayekethisa ngezidingo zabo zocansi noma kufanele bafune ukwaneliseka kwezocansi ngaphandle komshado wabo? Ngabe ophathina abanesifiso sokuya ocansini oluphansi kufanele banikeze izicelo zocansi zomunye umlingani bengathandi? futhi yiziphi izixazululo ezingafani neze ze-libido?
Noma ngabe kungaba yini, nakanjani kuzoba nentukuthelo nengxabano ebudlelwaneni, lokho kungaholela ekugcineni kobudlelwano. Ngabe lokho kusho ukuthi ubudlelwano buzophela uma ukungahambelani kwabo ngokocansi phakathi kwezinkomba zocansi zabo bobabili abalingani?
Ukungahambelani ngokocansi kuyinkinga enkulu, kepha kukhona izixazululo ezinhle zalokho. Ochwepheshe baveza ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nama-libidos angahambisani kahle noma ukungahambisani ngokocansi futhi ube nomshado ojabulisayo nojabulisayo-
1) Thatha indlela yeqembu ukuthuthukisa injabulo yezocansi Tweet lokhu
IGLORIA BRAME, PHD, ACS
I-Sexologist eqinisekisiwe
Ukungahambisani ngokocansi kuvame kakhulu emibhangqwaneni. Akufanele kube okwephula isivumelwano NGAPHANDLE kokuthi ukungahambelani kubangela ubuhlungu benhliziyo ebudlelwaneni. Lapho ngisebenza nabashadikazi abathanda ukonga noma ukwenza ngcono umshado wabo, ngithatha ukungahambelani njengomsebenzi wokwahlukahluka kwemvelo kwemvelo okungalinganiselwa ukwakha ubudlelwano obunempilo. Okuwukuphela kokuhlukile lapho ukushayela okungahambelani kobulili kubangela ukungqubuzana okuyisisekelo kangangokuba oyedwa noma bobabili abalingani abakwazi noma abakwazi ukwenza umsebenzi.
Manje wenzani uma unganelisekile ngokocansi? futhi yisiphi isisombululo esingaqondakali sokushayela ubulili?
Uma ihlukumezeka yaze yasuswa eMexico, isehlukaniso kufanele sibe setafuleni. Kepha, ngokuya ngokuzibophezela kwakho emshadweni (nokuthatha inhlalakahle yanoma iziphi izingane onazo), ungakwamukela ukwahlukahlukana okuningi kocansi ngokwakha amakhono amasha nokwakha imithetho emisha nemingcele enigcina nobabili senelisekile. Lokhu kungafaka ukuxoxisana nesikhathi esithe xaxa sokulandela izinkanuko zezocansi ngezindlela eziphephile, ezamukelekayo, njengokubuka i-porn noma ukushaya indlwabu uma ungumuntu oyedwa. Noma, uma uncika ekuzijabuliseni, kungasho ukuxoxa ngokuhlelwa kwe-poly noma isitolo semicabango yekink / fetish, ngaleyo ndlela kuthuthukiswe ubulili emshadweni.
2) Ukususa ingcindezi kumlingani nge-drive yocansi ephansi Tweet lokhu
IMIISHA BATTLE
Umqeqeshi Oqinisekisiwe Wezocansi Nokujola
Ukungahambisani ngokocansi, noma i-sex drive engahambelani, noma isifiso esingahambisani, inkinga evame kakhulu engiyibona emsebenzini wami nabashadikazi. Lokhu akumangazi kangako ngoba akuvamile ukuthi abantu ababili bafune ucansi ngemvamisa efanayo ngezikhathi ezifanayo phakathi nobudlelwano babo. Imvamisa kuvela iphethini yomlingani oyedwa ecela ukuya ocansini bese ezizwa elahliwe okungadala ukwahlukana okunye. Isincomo sami ngomshado ongahambelani ngokocansi, ngukuthi umlingani onomdlandla ophakeme wobulili ahlakulele umkhuba oqinile wokushaya indlwabu ukuze asuse ingcindezi kozakwethu ophansi. Ngingummeli omkhulu wokuhlela ucansi kusengaphambili. Lokhu kususa ukuqagela kokuthi "sizolwenza nini ucansi?" futhi kwakha ukulindela, okuyinto enhle kakhulu.
3) Ukuthola indawo ephakathi nendawo Tweet lokhu
UCARLI BLAU, LMSW
Ochwepheshe bezocansi nobudlelwano
“Ucansi alugcini nje ngokuya ocansini lwesitho sangasese sowesifazane, lungahlanganisa izingqimba eziningi ezehlukene zezenzo zocansi ezifana nokushaya indlwabu wedwa, ukuqabulana, ukudlala umdlalo wangaphambili ndawonye, noma ukushaya indlwabu. Uma abalingani beshayela ngokuya ocansini okwehlukile, noma uma umlingani oyedwa efisa ukuya ocansini kaningi, kwenziwa ucansi kangaki, kuqhathaniswa nezinye izenzo zocansi? Imayelana nokuthola indawo ephakathi nendawo ukuze bobabili abalingani bazizwe bezwakala futhi behlonishwa ngezifiso zabo. Uma abalingani bengaxoxa ngezidingo zabo ngokukhululekile nangokwethembeka, futhi bazibophezele ekutholeni ukuvumelana, bangagxila kancane ekungafanelaneni kwabo ngokocansi, futhi bagxile ekutholeni imisebenzi yezocansi ezenelisa bobabili. ”
4) Ukuzivumelanisa nezimo, inhlonipho nokwamukela Tweet lokhu
AMAZWE OMUSA, LMFT
Ohlinzeka Ngocansi Oqinisekisiwe
Izithandani zivame ukubhekana nenkinga yokuthi kumele zenzeni uma zingahambisani ngokocansi? Eminye imibhangqwana ihlanganisa uhlu olulodwa (olubizwa ngamamenyu wezocansi) lwalokho engathanda ukukwenza nokuthi kukangaki, bese iqhathanisa amanothi komunye nomunye. Umuntu ngamunye angalinganisa izinto ezisohlwini lwabo zibomvu, ziphuzi, ziluhlaza ngokwesifiso sabo nokuzimisela kwabo ukuzenza. Bangakala futhi imvamisa nesikhathi sosuku ngendlela efanayo, bese benza uhlu lwezinto umuntu ngamunye anikeze ukukhanya okuluhlaza.
5) Bobabili abalingani kufanele bazimisele ukwenza imizamo Tweet lokhu
AVI KLEIN, LCSW
Usonhlalakahle Wezempilo
Imibhangqwana kufanele icabange ngomehluko phakathi kokuvulwa kakade vs ukuzimisela kokuvulwa. Umshado ohlukile we-libidos, noma umlingani ophansi we-libido ongakakulungeli ukusondelana kepha ezimisele ukufika kuleyo ndawo kudala ukuguquguquka okwengeziwe ebudlelwaneni. Ngokufanayo, ngikhuthaza abalingani abaphezulu be-libido ukuthi bandise imibono yabo mayelana nokuthi kusho ukuthini ukuba “obuseduze” - ingabe kufanele kube isenzo socansi? Kuthiwani ngokugona, ukubambana ngezandla embhedeni nokukhuluma, ukuba sengozini ngokomoya. Ukuthola izindlela zokuzizwa uxhumekile ezingezona ezocansi kuphela kunciphisa ukungezwani okuqubuka emibhangqwaneni lapho lokhu kube ngumthombo wokukhungatheka.
I-6) Indlela yezinyathelo ezi-3 yokuvumelanisa izinkomba zocansi ezingahambelani Tweet lokhu
UJAN WEINER, PH.D.
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo yomtholampilo esinelayisense
Ukuze ugcine isici sobulili ebudlelwaneni bakho siphilile futhi uvimbele ukwakheka kwemizwa engemihle, (okungukuthi ukukhungatheka, intukuthelo, ukuzizwa unecala, ukwedelelwa) uma ninokungezwani kokushayela ucansi, nazi ezinye izinto ongazenza kokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nobulili ukukhungatheka:
- Vumelana nomlingani wakho mayelana nobuningi bobulili. Lapho imibhangqwana ibhekene nezinkomba ezahlukahlukene zocansi emshadweni, ngokwesibonelo, uma omunye othandana naye ethanda ukuya ocansini kanye ngenyanga, kanti omunye efuna ukuya ocansini amahlandla ambalwa ngesonto, xoxani ngemvamisa emaphakathi (isb. 1x / ngesonto noma amahlandla ama-4 ngenyanga).
- Hlela ucansi. Noma ukuhlela ucansi kungabonakala kungaphikisi; uhlelo lwezocansi luqinisekisa umlingani oshayela kakhulu ukuthi ucansi luzokwenzeka. Iphinde inikeze isiqiniseko sozakwethu ophansi ukuthi ucansi luzokwenzeka kuphela ngezikhathi ezibekiwe. Lokhu kuvama ukudambisa ukucindezeleka / ukungezwani kwabo bobabili abalingani.
- Yenza isikhathi sokuhlangana kwabesilisa nabesifazane- ukugonwa, ukuqabulana, ukubambana ngezandla kuzokhulisa ukusondelana kwezithandani ngokuphelele. Imibhangqwana ijwayele ukujabula ngokwengeziwe lapho yenza isikhathi sokuchitha ndawonye futhi yenze lezi zenzo zomzimba.
7) Vala igebe phakathi kwe-libidos ngokuzimisela Tweet lokhu
U-IAN KERNER, PHD, LMFT
Umuthi Wezokwelapha Nomshado
Akuyona indaba yokushayela, kodwa ngokuzimisela. Kunezinhlobo ezimbili zesifiso: okuzenzakalelayo nokuphendula. Isifiso esizenzekelayo luhlobo esizizwayo lapho sithandana futhi sithandwa othile; isifiso esizenzekelayo yilokho esikubona kumabhayisikobho: abantu ababili bashintshana ngokubheka okushisayo ngaphesheya kwegumbi bese ngokulandelayo bawela ezingalweni zomunye nomunye, bengakwazi ngisho nokwenza igumbi lokulala. Kepha ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside, isifiso esizenzekelayo sivamise ukushintshela esifisweni sokuphendula somunye noma bobabili abalingani. Isifiso sokuphendula sisho lokho nje: isifiso siphendula okuthile okuza ngaphambi kwaso. Lo ngumbono oqinile, ngoba iningi lethu uma singazizwa sinesifiso lapho-ke ngeke siye ocansini. Kepha uma isifiso singafiki kuqala kumodeli yesifiso esiphendulayo, ungahle ungalokothi wenze ucansi. Ungagcina usuhlobo lomuntu othi, “Ngifuna ucansi, kodwa angilufuni.” Yingakho kungeyona indaba yokushayela, kodwa ngokuzimisela. Uma abantu ababili ebudlelwaneni benama-libidos angaguquki, ngakho-ke akuyona indaba yokuvela ngesifiso, kepha kunalokho ukwamukela leso sifiso akuyona into ezenzekelayo kepha iyaphendula. Kumodeli yesifiso esiphendulayo, okuza ngaphambi kwesifiso ukuvusa inkanuko (ngendlela yokuthinta ngokomzimba, ukugqugquzela ngokwengqondo, nokuxhumana okungokomzwelo) futhi okudingwa kakhulu imibhangqwana ukuzimisela ukuveza futhi kukhiqize ukuvusa ndawonye, ethembeni nasekuqondeni lokho kuzoholela ekuveleni kwesifiso. Sifundiswa ukuthi siqale sizizwe sifisa bese sizivusa, kepha empeleni, sidinga ukukuhlehlisa lokhu bese kuqala sikhiqize ukuvusa okuzoholela esifiso. Uma wena nomlingani wakho nibhekene negebe le-libido, ngakho-ke vala lelo gebe ngokuzimisela kwakho ”
I-8) Hlanganisa uphinde uqondise izifiso zakho zokuphila impilo yocansiTweet lokhu
UJANET ZINN, LCSW
Udokotela wezifo zengqondo
Lapho imibhangqwana ibhekene nokungahambisani ngokocansi, bobabili kufanele babhale imenyu yezocansi. Lolu uhlu lwazo zonke izinto ezithinta ezocansi abangathanda ukuhlanganyela nabalingani babo noma abangazijabulela bebodwa. Isibonelo, kozakwethu oyedwa kungaba:
- Hlola izikhundla ezintsha embhedeni nocansi
- Ukubuka i-movie yokufundisa ngocansi ndawonye
- Ukuthenga esitolo samathoyizi wezocansi ndawonye
- Ukulingisa indima
- Komunye umlingani kungaba:
- Ukuhamba ngesandla nasesandleni lapho siphuma
- Ukukitazana
- Bephunga ndawonye embhedeni
Izifiso zibukeka zehluke kakhulu, kepha izithandani ziyakwazi ukubona ukuthi zingahlangana yini phakathi nezinye. Isibonelo, qala ngokufaka isipuni embhedeni bese kancane uye kwenye indawo. Bona ukuthi lokho kuzwakala kanjani. Noma lapho bephuma bangahamba bebambene ngezandla, hhayi ukulungiselela noma yini enye, kepha ngolwazi lwayo uqobo. Mhlawumbe bangaya online ndawonye ukuyothenga ithoyizi locansi elizwakala lidlala. Imibhangqwana ivame ukucabanga ukuthi ubulili bumayelana nokusebenza hhayi ukusondelana. Njengoba zikwazi ukuthola izindlela zokunxenxa umlingani ngamunye, lezi zithandani zakha ukusondelana kwazo ngokuhlonipha umehluko, kuyilapho zibonga izikhathi lapho nihlanganyela khona ubulili. Mhlawumbe lokhu kuzohluka kunalokho obekulindelekile, kepha kuzoba wusizo, noma kunjalo.
9) Ukuzibophezela okugcwele ukubanika konke onakho ukubanika Tweet lokhu
CONSTANTINE KIPNIS
Udokotela wezifo zengqondo
Akuhambisani kufana nokungahambelani. Kunzima ukukholelwa ukuthi abantu ababili abathola benyanyeka ngokomzimba bangazinaka zonke izimpawu abazithunyelelwa ngama-pheromones abo futhi bahlale ndawonye isikhathi eside ngokwanele ukuzibuza ukuthi bangabugcina kanjani ubudlelwane babo bunempilo.
Ukusondelana nobulili kuvame ukuhlanganiswa ndawonye bese sihamba ngendlela evamile yokuthi, "Ngifuna ukuya ocansini nsuku zonke futhi uyifuna kanye ngesonto"
Sikulinganisa kanjani impumelelo? Ama-Orgasms ngesikhathi ngasinye? Amaphesenti wesikhathi asichitha enjabulweni ye-postcoital? Amaphesenti wesikhathi esichithwe kuhlobo oluthile lokuxhumana ngocansi?
Kungenzeka ukuthi kunokulinganisa impumelelo, sikala ukukhungatheka. Njengokungenayo, ngiyamfinyelela bese ebuyela emuva. Ngiyambheka futhi akezi lapha.
Mhlawumbe inkinga isekuthini kukhona ukukala okuqhubekayo. Uma emnaka futhi emthinta futhi, noma ngabe kunamuphi umphumela kuye, yena ngokwakhe ulandela nje ukuthi ubuyisela kangakanani, khona-ke angahle azizwe kancane ukuthi uthando lwentengiselwano.
Umbuzo oyisisekelo awukho mayelana nokuqhutshwa kobulili okuhambisanayo kepha kumayelana neziphetho ezihambisanayo: kungani uzibophezela kothile uma ungazinikele ngokuphelele ekubanikeni konke okufanele unikele ngakho, ungami kuze kube yilapho umamukeli ekhombisa ukuthi baphile kahle futhi banelisekile ngokweqiniso?
10) Ukuxhumana okuvulekile Tweet lokhu
ZOE O. ENTIN, LCSW
Udokotela wezifo zengqondo
Ukukhulumisana okuvulelekile nokwethembeka kuyisihluthulelo. Kubalulekile ukuqonda izidingo zomunye nomunye kanye nemikhawulo ukuze kuxoxiswane ngenhlonipho maqondana nempilo yezocansi esebenzela bobabili abalingani. Ukwenza imenyu yezocansi kungasiza ukuvula amathuba amasha. Ngokwengeziwe, ukubona umelaphi wezocansi oqinisekisiwe kungasiza.
11) Ukushayela ucansi kungashintshwa Tweet lokhu
U-ADAM J. BIEC, uLMHC
Umeluleki nodokotela bezengqondo
Lokhu kuncike kakhulu kwabashadikazi futhi kunzima ukunikeza isisombululo esithi "ubukhulu obulodwa kufanelana nakho konke". Kubangela kanjani lokhu inkinga kulabo abashadayo? Lokhu kuyinkinga kubani? Ingabe abesifazane abakhungathekile ngokobulili ebudlelwaneni? Bangakanani abalingani? Ngabe sikhuluma ngesimo esikhohlakali lapho omunye umlingani ekhungatheka ngokocansi? Ngabe umlingani ophansi wokushayela ucansi uzimisele ukuhlanganyela kwezinye izinto zocansi? Ngabe umlingani ophakeme wokushayela ucansi uvulekile kulezi ezinye izindlela? Ucansi lumelelani kubo bobabili abalingani? Ingabe zikhona ezinye izindlela lapho izinto ubulili obumele bona zinganeliswa? Okokugcina, ukushayela ucansi ngezinga elithile kuyashintsha. Into eyodwa esobala ukufuna izindlela zokuletha i-libido ephansi. Noma kunjalo, singathola futhi izindlela zokwehlisa i-libido ephezulu. Isibonelo, kwezinye izimo, umuntu ophakeme kakhulu we-libido uveza okuthile kumlingani wakhe ngocansi. Uma singathola ukuthi lokho kuyini, bese sithola ezinye izindlela zokukuveza, khona-ke singanciphisa ukuphuthuma / ingcindezi ngemuva kocansi. Ukushayela ucansi nakho kungaba yinto "yokuyisebenzisa noma yokuyilahlekisela". Ukuya ocansini oluphakeme kushayela izifiso zomuntu ngamunye kungahle kwehle ngemuva kokwenza umgomo wabo ukunciphisa imisebenzi yabo yezocansi isiyonke (kepha kungenzeka ihlale ithambekele ekubuyiseleni emuva). Lokhu futhi akulula ukukwenza ngoba imisebenzi yezocansi ivame ukwelukwa ibe yimikhuba yomuntu oqhuba ucansi. Kungasiza, noma kunjalo.
12) Ubudlelwano obunempilo kwezocansi budinga intshisekelo, ukuzimisela, nokuxhumana Tweet lokhu
I-ANTONIETA CONTRERAS, i-LCSW
Usonhlalakahle Wezempilo
Ingabe ikhona into enjengokuthi "akuhambisani" sex drive? Umbhangqwana ungaba nokwehluka ezingeni lawo le-libido, okulindelwe, nokuncamelayo, kepha ngombono wami, lokho akusho ukuthi banokungavumelani kwezocansi. Njengomphathi wezocansi, ngithole ukuthi uma kukhona intshisekelo, ukuzimisela, nokuxhumana phakathi kwabantu ababili, ubudlelwane obunempilo kwezocansi phakathi kwabo kuyindaba yokufunda ngomunye, ukuxhumana ngezidingo, ukusebenza ngokubambisana ekutholeni okushodayo, ukudala ukuklama "ukuhambisana" kwabo. Ukusebenza ngokubambisana ekwakheni amamenyu avusa inkanuko (avulekele ukuguquguquka ngendlela adinga ngayo) cishe ngaso sonke isikhathi asishise isifiso sabo sezocansi futhi athuthukise impilo yabo yezocansi.
13) Yiba nokulindela okungokoqobo futhi uhlale uvulekile ukuzama izinto ezintsha Tweet lokhu
LAUREN EAVARONE
Izithandani Therapist
Isinyathelo sokuqala ukukhumbula ukuthi akekho umlingani onephutha lokuthi balufisa kangakanani ucansi noma luvame kangakanani. Ukubeka okulindelwe ebudlelwaneni ukuthi ngenxa yokuthi abantu ababili bayashukumisana ngokwengqondo nangokomzwelo ukuthi nabo 'kufanele' bafune izinto ezifanayo ngokocansi kungathinta kabi ubudlelwano bobudlelwano. Funa umeluleki wezithandani ogxile kwezocansi ukuze asize ekuhlonzeni nasekubuyekezeni ukuhlanekezelwa kwengqondo okubandakanya - “Umlingani wami 'kumele' afune ukuya ocansini njalo lapho ngenza noma ngingathandeki ngokwanele.” Uchwepheshe uyinsiza enkulu yokusiza imibhangqwana ifinyelele esivumelwaneni ngokuthi impilo yezocansi ejabulisayo nenempilo ibukeka kanjani ebudlelwaneni bayo be-UNIQUE. Ungesabi ukuhlola ubulili bakho ndawonye ukuze nizakhele ulimi lwenu lothando. Ukuqondiswa okuncane kuhamba ibanga elide, ngakho-ke khumbula izinzuzo zokuqiniswa okuhle lapho umlingani wakho ekujabulisa ngendlela ofuna ukuyikhuthaza ngekusasa. Impilo yocansi eyenelisayo iqala kakhulu futhi iphele ngokuyekethisa. Lokhu kungafaka phakathi umlingani oyedwa ocansini noma ngabe bengekho esimeni somqondo noma omunye esebenzisa ukushaya indlwabu njengendlela yokwandisa indlala yabo yezocansi. Ukuhlanganyela ocansini okusha ndawonye kungahle kudale ukuthi kudlule okwenziwe ngaphambili, noma ibanga elithile elilula nalo lingase lenze iqhinga.
14) Thola usizo Tweet lokhu
RACHEL HERCMAN, LCSW
Usonhlalakahle Wezempilo
I-'Thando linqoba konke 'kuzwakala kumnandi futhi kulula, kepha iqiniso ukuthi ngisho nemibhangqwana ethandana kakhulu ingalwela ukuba nokuphila kocansi okunempilo. Ekuqaleni, kusha futhi kuyintsha, kepha ucansi ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside yi-ballgame ehlukile. I-sex drive ithonywe yizici zezokwelapha, ezengqondo, ezemizwa nezokusebenzelana nabantu, ngakho-ke kuyasiza ukuthola ukuhlolwa okuphelele ukukhipha izimbangela ezingabakhona nokuhlola izindlela zokwelashwa.
15) Vulelani ukungazethembi futhi nakhane Tweet lokhu
UCARRIE WHITTAKER, LMHC, LPC, PhD (abd)
Umeluleki
Ukuxhumana kuyikho konke. Ucansi luyinkinga enzima imibhangqwana eminingi ukukhuluma ngayo. Ukuzizwa unganele ocansini kungakha umuzwa ojulile wokungazethembi nehlazo, uqobo kanye nasebudlelwaneni. Imibhangqwana kufanele ixoxe ngokukhululekile mayelana nokuthi ucansi lusho ukuthini kumlingani ngamunye futhi ixazulule ukwesaba kwayo ukuthi kusho ukuthini ukuba nocansi ngaphandle kokuvumelanisa. Yazi ukuthi ubuhlobo obunye buphethe izidingo ezahlukahlukene zokusondelana futhi akukho “okujwayelekile.” Vulekeni ngokungavikeleki futhi nakhane esikhundleni sokugxila kokungasebenzi.
16) Izindlela ezi-3 zokuzulazula ngamashayela wezocansi ahlukahlukene wokuhamba ngoseyili Tweet lokhu
SOPHIE KAY, M.A., Ed.M.
Udokotela
Ake sibhekane nakho. Wena nomlingani wakho kungenzeka ningahlali nifana emnyangweni wezocansi, noma kunjalo, kunezindlela zokubhekana nokungalingani ngaphandle kokucabanga ngokushiya umkhumbi. Nakhu ukuthi:
- Khuluma ngakho. Ukucela izidingo zocansi nezifiso zokuhlangabezana nakho kusebenza kakhulu kunokukhononda ngesici sobulili ebudlelwaneni bakho.
- Chitha isikhathi kuyo. Yenza isikhathi isonto ngalinye ukwenza umzamo ohlangene wokuchitha isikhathi sekhwalithi nomlingani wakho.
- Uma wena nama-libido womlingani wakho ningavumelanisi ngaso sonke isikhathi, khona-ke ungabhekana kanjani nama-libido ahlukile? Sebenza, sebenza, sebenza kukho. Ukuyekethisa kubalulekile ukuze kugcinwe ubuhlobo bunempilo. Kukhona izivivinyo zokusondelana ongazenza ezingeke zaholela ocansini kepha zinganelisa ukushayela okungafani kobulili.
17) Imibhangqwana kufanele ithembeke kulokho ekufunayo Tweet lokhu
UDOUGLAS C. AMABHUKU, MS, LCSW-Rfe
Udokotela
Ukuxhumana kuyisihluthulelo. Abashadile kufanele bazizwe bekhululekile ukukhuluma ngezinkomba zabo zocansi, abakuthandayo, abangakuthandi nokuthi bafuna ubuhlobo babo bukhule kanjani. Mayelana nokushayela kwabo ucansi, imibhangqwana kufanele ithembeke kulokho ekufunayo ngamunye (nokuthi kukangaki) nokuthi yini abayilindele komunye nomunye. Uma omunye ene-drive enye engakwazi noma engafuni ukuhlangabezana nayo ukushaya indlwabu kuyikhambi elihle. Kodwa-ke, ngivame ukusunduza amaklayenti ami ukuthi angakhohlwa ngokusondelana. Futhi lowo ngumbuzo wokwelashwa. Ukuba nokushayela ucansi okuningi noma okuncane kakhulu kuholela ekuziphatheni okungenampilo. Abantu kufanele bazizwe bebalulekile futhi benethezekile nomlingani wabo.
18) Zama ukufinyelela emsukeni wenkinga Tweet lokhu
J. RYAN FULLER, PH.D.
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo
Ngakho-ke, ungabhekana kanjani nezinkomba ezahlukahlukene zocansi ebudlelwaneni?
Lapho izithandani zibhekene nokungahambisani ngokocansi emshadweni, ngigcizelela ngokunikeza umlingani ngamunye amakhono wokukhombisa inkinga, kufaka phakathi indlela yokwenza: ukulawula imizwa yabo, ukuxhumana ngempumelelo, nokuxazulula inkinga ngokubambisana. Kokuhlangenwe nakho kwami, ukugwema le nkinga kuholela esimweni esingcono kakhulu, nasekuvukeleni okuvamile, ubutha obuvulekile, noma ibanga. Kepha abashadikazi abaningi abazi ukuthi bangazihambisa kanjani izinto phambili, ikakhulukazi uma kukhulunywa ngodaba olukhokhiswe kangaka.
Nginomlingani ngamunye onquma ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngempilo yabo yezocansi, okushoyo, nokuthi yini umuntu ngamunye angayifuna engathuthukisa indlela abazizwa ngayo ngokusondelana nangokwaneliseka ngokocansi, ngothando nangokomzwelo.
Ngenkathi sisebenza kulezi zingqinamba, kungenzeka ukuthi siqale ukuqonda ukuthi yiziphi ezinye izici ezibalulekile zobudlelwano babo nezimpilo zabo ezingamandla, futhi ezingakhelwa phezu kwazo, nalapho ubuthakathaka nokushoda kukhona. Ngemuva kwalokho singasebenza ngokuqondisisa ebudlelwaneni, sithuthukise umkhiqizo ngobudlelwano bethu.
19) Ukuhlolwa kanye nezindawo ezintsha zokudlala kungasiza ekuvaleni igebe Tweet lokhu
UJOR-EL CARABALLO, LMHC
Umeluleki
Lapho abalingani bengahambelani ngokocansi, kungaba nzima ukugcina ubudlelwane bezocansi obuphilile buphila. Ukukhuluma ngokukhululekile omunye nomunye, ngokuzimela noma nodokotela onelayisense, kungasiza ekuboneni izixazululo ezingaba khona zokungavumelani ngokocansi. Kwesinye isikhathi ukuhlolwa kanye nezindawo ezintsha zokudlala kungasiza ekuvaleni igebe, ikakhulukazi uma kuhlanganiswe nozwela nokulalela okusebenzayo.
20) Ama-3 Cs: Ukuxhumana, ubuhlakani, nemvume Tweet lokhu
I-DULCINEA PITAGORA, MA, LMSW, MED, CST
I-Psychotherapist kanye nochwepheshe wezocansi
I-IQ yezwe lethu yezocansi iphansi ngokwesilinganiso ngoba sifundiswe ukuthi sigweme ukukhuluma ngezocansi, futhi ukungahambelani kwezocansi kuvame ngokungabi nolwazi kanye nemvume ecacile. Ukwelashwa: izingxoxo ezicacile, eziqhubekayo endaweni engathathi hlangothi mayelana namaphupho, izintandokazi, nokuthi yini enomthelela futhi inciphise ukuvuka.
21) Ukuyekethisa impendulo Tweet lokhu
UJACQUELINE DONELLI, LMHC
Udokotela wezifo zengqondo
Imvamisa ngithola imibhangqwana ekhungathekile ngokocansi ebudlelwaneni noma ebhekene nokungahambelani ngokocansi. Uzwa sengathi ibhere likudweba. Uzenza sengathi ulele, uphathwa yikhanda, “awuzwa kahle,”. Ngiyakuthola. Unguye angikaze wanelisekile ngokwanele. Wena nje ukwenzile ngeSonto kanti kunguLwesibili.
Ungu njalo ukhathele, akangithinti, ungenza ngilinde izinsuku ngaphambi kokuthi azolala nami. Ngicabanga ukuthi akasangithandi.
Ngikuzwile konke. Futhi uqinisile nobabili. Futhi lokhu kuyinkinga. Ngoba omunye uzizwa ingcindezi engapheli kanye ne-nag kanti omunye uzizwa enamahloni futhi enqatshiwe.
Kubukeka sengathi ukuvumelana kuyimpendulo enhle kakhulu, futhi ngaphezu kwalokho, ukuxhumana. Yize ugoqa ngencwadi enhle yomsindo, empeleni kufanele unikeze i-darn. Hhayi nsuku zonke, ngaphezu kwesisodwa ngenyanga. Ngokufanayo, i-hornier yalaba ababili idinga lalela kuzidingo zomunye umlingani, ngokocansi. Thola ukuthi yini eyenza injini yakhe igeleze (uthanda amathoyizi, ukukhuluma, ukugcoba okulula, izithombe ezingcolile ...). Futhi kancane kancane usebenzele ukujabulisa lowo muntu kuqala. Ngoba bazizwa abazizwayo futhi banxiba akuyona impendulo.
22) Thola ezinye izindlela ezingokwemvelo zokuxhumana nomlingani wakho Tweet lokhu
ZELIK MINTZ, LCSW, LP
Udokotela wezifo zengqondo
Ukungahambisani ngokocansi kuvame ukudala ukuqhuma okungashiwo ebudlelwaneni. Ukuthuthukisa nokuvula lokho okubhekwa njengokuya ocansini kwabantu ababili kungaletha ukunwebeka ngokomzimba futhi kuchaze kabusha okungokomzimba, okwezinkanuko nezocansi. Indawo yokuqala ukuzama izindlela ezingezona ezemvelo zokuxhuma ngaphandle kwengcindezi yokuya ocansini noma i-orgasm.