-Delile
- Ake siqale ngobufakazi bempumelelo
- Ngabe ukwelashwa kwezithandani ezigxile ngokomzwelo kusebenza kanjani?
- Umbono wokunamathiselwe
- Indlela esixoxa ngayo ivela esidingweni sokuzizwa siphephile
- Ukuhlakulela umuzwa wemvelo wokuphepha owakhiwe ngothando
I-Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) iyindlela yokwelapha imibhangqwana elaphe ngempumelelo imibhangqwana eminingi.
Ibeka indlela yayo kumfundiso yokunamathisela futhi igxile ekuletheni ukuqwashisa ngamaphethini abo okuxhumana angalungile futhi ibasize bathole isibopho sokunamathisela esiphephile phakathi kwabo esisungulwe ngothando.
Kuyisu elithakazelisayo elinengqondo impela, futhi enye yezinto ezinhle kakhulu ngokwelashwa kwemibhangqwana egxile ngokomzwelo ukuthi kuthatha igxathu elihlelekile ngesinyathelo ngesinyathelo esingafaki ukuba nezikhathi zokwelulekwa eminyakeni eyishumi ezayo - imvamisa kuthatha phakathi kuka 8- Izikhathi ezingama-20 kuya ngemibhangqwana ethintekayo.
Ngakho-ke yini ukwelashwa kwemibhangqwana egxile ngokomoya?
Ake siqale ngobufakazi bempumelelo
Ngokuya ngocwaningo kutholakale ukuthi imibhangqwana engama-70 kuya kwengama-75% edlula ekwelashweni kwezithandani ezigxile ngokomzwelo izuze imiphumela eyimpumelelo - lapho iqale khona ekuhluphekeni futhi manje isiya enqubweni yokululama.
Futhi akupheleli lapho - ucwaningo luye lwabonisa nokuthi lokhu kutakula esikhuluma ngakho kuzinzile ngokwengqondo futhi kuhlala isikhathi eside. Akububanga bufakazi obuningi nakancane bokubuyela emuva. Futhi uma lokho kungakwenelisanga ngokuphelele, ama-90% ale mibhangqwana ebambe iqhaza ocwaningweni akhombise ukuthuthuka okukhulu.
Uma ucabanga ngazo zonke izinto nokuhlukahluka okubandakanyeka ebudlelwaneni, kulula ukubona ukuthi ubunzima bokwelulekwa kwezithandani bukhulu. Ngakho-ke lapho ungathola imiphumela enamandla kangako ekwelashweni kwezithandani ezigxile ngokomoya, kuyamangalisa impela.
Ngabe ukwelashwa kwezithandani ezigxile ngokomzwelo kusebenza kanjani?
Ukwelashwa kwezithandani ezigxile ngokomzwelo kusekelwe kumqondo wokunamathisela kaJohn Bowlby.
Umbono wokunamathiselwe
Umbono wokunamathiselwe ugxila ekutheni sakha kanjani okunamathiselwe njengezingane lokho kuxhomeke ezingeni lokunakekelwa nokunakwa esikuthole kumnakekeli wethu oyinhloko.
Uma sathola ukunakekelwa okwanele nokunakwa, sithambekele ekwakheni okunamathiselwe okuhle futhi okulinganiselayo ebudlelwaneni bethu babantu abadala.
Uma singakutholanga ukunakekelwa 'okwenele' nokunakwa kusuka kumnakekeli wethu oyinhloko, lapho-ke sakha izitayela zokunamathisela ezingezinhle. Noma nokuphazamiseka kokunamathiselwe, kuya ngobukhulu bokunganakekelwa esikutholayo.
Cishe isigamu sabantu abadala base-US kuthiwa banesitayela sokunamathisela esingesihle noma ukuphazamiseka kokunamathiselwe. Okusho ukuthi kunethuba eliphezulu lokuthi wena noma umlingani wakho noma oshade naye nibe nenkinga enjalo.
Ngokuyinhloko okwenzekayo lapho singakhi okunamathiselwe okunempilo siqala ukungavikeleki emhlabeni, asinayo ipulatifomu ephephile yokuma, futhi njengezingane, sizobe sesifunde indlela yokuziphatha ngendlela ethile yokuhlangabezana nezidingo zethu futhi usinde.
Kepha indlela esikwenza ngayo lokhu kungenzeka ukuthi iphumelele ekusisizeni ukuthi sihambe futhi sisinde emanzini ayaluzayo siseyinsana, kepha akusisizi ukwakha ubudlelwano obuhle njengabantu abadala.
Inkinga, ngokusho kombono wokunamathiselwe, ukuthi ngesikhathi lapho sasihlangabezana nesidingo salezi zici zokuziphatha futhi sasisesikhathini lapho ubuchopho bethu busakhula.
Futhi-ke, amaphethini esiwakhile ukuze sisinde angagxila ngokujulile kithi. Okugxilile eqinisweni ukuthi kungenzeka singaqapheli nokuthi kunenkinga ngaphandle kokuthi asikwazi ukubonakala siheha ubudlelwano obunempilo noma sibusekele lapho sinethuba.
Indlela esixoxa ngayo ivela esidingweni sokuzizwa siphephile
Zonke lezi zinkinga zokuthi sihlobana kanjani zivela esidingweni sokuzizwa siphephile emhlabeni, ngakho-ke singahle singavikeleki ebudlelwaneni ukugwema ukulahlekelwa okuthile okuyigugu, ukuziqhenya ukugwema ukulinyazwa, noma ukungahleleki ngenxa yokuthi sesihlelekile, konke indlela yokuvikela ukuba sengozini kwethu okuntekenteke.
Ngakho-ke, abelaphi bezithandani ezigxile ngokomoya bangakusiza uqonde la maphethini futhi bakusekele ekuzulazuleni ndawonye njengombhangqwana. Nobabili ningaqala ukuzwana ngokujulile futhi nifunde ukwethembana nokuzwana.
Ukuhlakulela umuzwa wemvelo wokuphepha owakhiwe ngothando
Uma lokhu kwenzeka nobabili niqala ukukhulisa umuzwa wokuzalwa wokuphepha owakhiwe ngothando okweqa ukuntuleka kokuphepha kwangaphambili eningake nikuzwe ngokungazi ngaphambili.
Njengomuntu owake waba nesitayela sokunamathisela esingesihle, ngingafakazela iqiniso lokuthi kungenzeka ukunqoba nokulungisa.
Ngakho-ke lapho noma uma ubheka ukwelashwa kwemibhangqwana egxile ngokomzwelo njengenketho yesimo sakho yazi lokhu nje; umsebenzi owenzayo kungenzeka ukuthi usize umshado wakho noma ubuhlobo ukuthola indlela yokuphuma osizini.
Futhi uma wenza lo msebenzi, kuzoqinisekisa ukuthi uthathe izinyathelo ezingokwengqondo ukulungisa umonakalo okungenzeka ukuthi isipiliyoni sakho sobuntwana sangaphambilini sibe nawo ekhonweni lakho lokuheha kanye nokugcina ubudlelwane obunempilo. Ukuze ngokuzayo, nempilo yakho yonke, awudingi ukubhekana naleyo nkinga futhi.
Kukhona isisho esithi 'uma uqedela okwedlule awukuphindi okwedlule,' futhi ukwelashwa kwezithandani ezigxile ngokomzwelo kuyindlela eyodwa yokwenza lokho. Ukwelashwa kwezithandani ezigxile ngokomzwelo kukusiza ukuba wenze lokho kanye.
Ukwelashwa kwemibhangqwana egxile ngokomzwelo kuyasetshenziswa nemibhangqwana eminingi ehlukene, kumasiko, nasemikhubeni eminingi.
I-EFT yaziwa ngokusiza imibhangqwana lapho oyedwa noma bobabili abalingani behlushwa ukulutha, ukudangala, ukugula okungalapheki noma ukuphazamiseka kwe-PTSD.
Kuze kwavela ukuthi inamandla amakhulu ezimeni lapho imibhangqwana kuye kwadingeka ibhekane nokungathembeki noma ezinye izehlakalo ezihlukumeze kakhulu.
Kungasiza ukubuyisela emuva uhlelo lwethu lwangaphambilini, noma izinkolelo nokuvumelanisa noma imuphi umuzwa ocindezelwe noma ovezayo, ovunyelwe noma ongaqinisekisiwe kanye nokutholisa nokuphulukisa noma yiziphi izingxabano esingahle sibhekane nazo.
Ekugcineni kukhuthaza ukuthembela okunempilo kanye nemizwa yokuzalwa yokuphepha kubo bobabili abalingani.
Manje cabanga lokho, ubudlelwano obususelwe ekuvikelekeni, ekuzethembeni, nasemphefumulweni ngokomzwelo nangokomqondo. Leyo yindlela ekahle yokuqala isahluko esisha kunoma yibuphi ubuhlobo. Awucabangi?