-Delile
- 1. Ucansi yinto yesikhathi esedlule
- Kunconyiwe - Gcina Inkambo Yami Yomshado
- 2. Ingxoxo yafa nododo
- 3. Igama elithi 'ohlala nabo' lisebenza ebudlelwaneni bakho
- 4. Ithumbu lakho likukhalela ngoba kukhona okungahambi kahle
- 5. Ugxila kakhulu ezidingweni zabanye
- 6. Uyekile ukulwa
- 7. Impilo ngaphandle koshade naye iyiphupho ojabulela ukuhlangabezana nalo
Uma ushadile futhi uzizwa sengathi senziwe noma isikhathi sekhefu, ukwazi ukuthi uzoshiya nini umshado kuyinselele. Okuvame ukuhlanganiswa yimizwa edidekile nokwesaba okuyingxenye yakho ngokuthi impilo ingaba njani ngemuva kokudivosa.
Akumangazi ukuthi abantu abaningi abangazi ukuthi bazophuma nini emshadweni bavame ukuhlala bazinikele ngokunganeliseki esikhundleni sokubhekana nokuphila bodwa.
Kepha ngocwaningo olugunyazwe yiGottman Institute (ongoti kwezobudlelwano) okukhombisa ukuthi abantu abasemshadweni ompofu bakhombisa amazinga aphezulu okuhlonishwa, ukukhathazeka nokudangala imvamisa akuyona indlela enempilo kakhulu uma ukhetha ukuhlala kulolu hlobo lomshado.
Ngakho-ke wazi kanjani ukuthi ungashiya nini umshado noma ngabe kufanele ukonga?
Nazi ezinye izibonelo zezizathu zokuthi kungani omunye umuntu engakhetha ukushiya umshado, ukukusiza wenze isinqumo esiqinile mayelana nokuthi iyiphi inkambo oyidingayo ukuthatha impilo yakho.
1. Ucansi yinto yesikhathi esedlule
Umshado ongenakho ucansi ngokuphelele ngaphandle kokuxhumana ngokuthi kungani umshado wakho ungacansi ungaba yisixwayiso sokuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle emshadweni wakho.
Ngemuva kwakho konke, ukusondelana phakathi kwezithandani okuguqula ubudlelwano busuke ku-platonic buye ebudlelwaneni bothando.
Uma ungeke ufike ezansi isizathu esenza ukuthi umshado wakho ungabi nocansi, mhlawumbe kuzodingeka ucabangele ukuthi uzowushiya nini umshado noma ukuthi kufanele uhlale futhi wamukele ukuntuleka kokusondelana.
Yize sicabanga ukuthi ukuhlala kungahle kungagculisi kubantu abaningi.
Kunconyiwe - Gcina Inkambo Yami Yomshado
2. Ingxoxo yafa nododo
Uma ingxoxo yakho incishiselwe imiyalo emfushane noma ukuphawula ngempilo yakho yansuku zonke futhi akukho ukujula lapho, futhi awukhumbuli ukuthi isikhathi sokugcina besikuphi ukuthi ube nengxoxo ehloniphekile noshade naye ukuthathe lokho njengomkhondo ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle ebudlelwaneni bakho.
Uma lesi simo senzeka emshadweni wakho, isinyathelo sokuqala kufanele kube ukuzama ukukhuluma noshade naye mayelana nokuthi nihlukane kanjani nokuthi ungasilungisa kanjani.
Ungafuna ngisho nokwelulekwa ukukusiza ukuthola indlela yokubuyela komunye nomunye, kepha uma lokho kungakusizi futhi ikakhulukazi uma uhlala emshadweni ongenabulili futhi, umbuzo kungenzeka ukuthi awukho 'nini' ukushiya umshado noma kunjalo kusenokwenzeka ukuthi kube 'kanjani' esikhundleni salokho.
3. Igama elithi 'ohlala nabo' lisebenza ebudlelwaneni bakho
Ngabe usuphenduke abantu ohlala nabo esikhundleni sabathandi ebudlelwaneni bezothando? Ingabe nobabili niphila impilo yenu kepha nihlala ngaphansi kophahla olufanayo?
Uma kuyisikhathi sokuba nengxoxo ngalokhu bese uzama ukuxhuma kabusha.
Ngaphandle kwalokho, lokhu kuyinkomba ezokusiza wazi ukuthi ungashiya nini umshado - ikakhulukazi uma uvuma amanye amaphuzu akule ndatshana.
4. Ithumbu lakho likukhalela ngoba kukhona okungahambi kahle
Ithuku lethu lesisu ngokuvamile lihlala lilungile; kungenxa nje yokuthi asifuni ukuyilalela noma asihlanganisi izinsimbi zama-alamu ezikhalayo nesimo esizithola sikuso.
Uma unesibindi sokuthi umshado wakho awusebenzi, mhlawumbe kuze kufike ezingeni lokuthi udale ukuthi ucabange ukuthi kufanele uwushiye nini umshado, lapho-ke kungadingeka ukuthi wenze lokho kanye.
Ngaphambi kokwenza noma yiziphi izinqumo zokuxhamazela noma kunjalo, akulimazi ukuzihlola ngokwakho ukuthola ukuthi lesi simiso sesikhathi esingakanani sikuxwayise ngenkinga. Ingabe kwakamuva mhlawumbe selokhu nihlukane noma bekulokhu kukhona?
Uma bekulokhu kukhona, kungenzeka ukuthi yisikhathi sokulalela futhi ushiye umshado kepha uma kuvele kuphela selokhu ukhukhulekile mhlawumbe ungazama ukuphinde uxhume ngaphambi kokwenza izinto ziqede.
5. Ugxila kakhulu ezidingweni zabanye
Abesifazane abaningi bavame ukuhlala ebudlelwaneni isikhathi eside kunokuba kufanele ngoba banenkambiso yokubeka izidingo zabanye ngaphambi kwezabo.
Futhi njengoba abesifazane ngokuvamile ngokwemvelo bethatha indima yabanakekeli, bangalahlekelwa izingxenye zobuntu babo kanye nomuzwa wezidingo zabo ngabanye kule nqubo.
Uma uzithola ugxila ezimpilweni zabanye esikhundleni sokusebenzela impilo yakho, kungaba umkhondo wokuthi uyaphika, noma uziphazamisa kokuthize okubalulekile.
6. Uyekile ukulwa
Uma wena noshade naye ningaxhumani futhi anilwi noma kunjalo kungenzeka kakhulu ukuthi nilahlekelwe uthando lwenu futhi niyeke ukuzama ukwenza izinto zisebenze. Mhlawumbe sekuyisikhathi sokukhothama?
Siyazi ukuthi kunzima ukwazi ukuthi ungashiya nini emshadweni, kepha uma ungenasithakazelo kungenzeka ukuthi yisikhathi ikakhulukazi uma ungaziqonda iphuzu elilandelayo futhi!
7. Impilo ngaphandle koshade naye iyiphupho ojabulela ukuhlangabezana nalo
Uma ikusasa lakho lamaphupho ngaphandle koshade naye lijabulile futhi lingenankathazo, kunenkinga enkulu lapha. Cishe ususenqubeni yokuzivikela ngokomzwelo empilweni yomshado.
Kuyindlela yokuzilungiselela okungenakugwenywa ukuze kuthi lapho ushiya umshado, uzokwazi ukuwusingatha. Uma lokho kungesilo uphawu, sekuyisikhathi sokuhamba. Asazi ukuthi yini !!