"Lapho impande ijulile, asikho isizathu sokwesaba umoya."
- Isaga samaShayina
Umbuzo: Ngabe indlela yokucabanga yeminyaka eyinkulungwane ihlobene kanjani nomshado onothando, ozuzayo nojabulisayo?
Impendulo: Ingqikithi yomphefumulo weminyaka eyinkulungwane empeleni imayelana noguquko, umuzwa wokufuna ukugxila ekuboneni okujulile nokwazisa okwenzeka empilweni, ikakhulukazi ubudlelwano. Labo abanayo ababoni nje kuphela isithombe esikhulu, bafuna ukwenza umnikelo, benze inani futhi baziswe ngokubuyiselwa. Indlela yokuphila, inkululeko nokuzibophezela ekukhuleni kuqhuba ngale ndlela yokuba khona futhi kunokulingana okunamandla phakathi kwempilo yomuntu siqu neyomsebenzi. Lokhu ingqondo yeminyaka eyinkulungwane can akhona kunoma yisiphi isizukulwane futhi kunoma yisiphi isikhathi. Kuyindlela yokucabanga, ukubona nokuhlobana nesiqu sakho nabanye okunothisa ngokujulile, ukufeza ubudlelwano nokusebenza ngempumelelo enkulu. Ngikubiza ngokuthi "umphefumulo" njengoba ukhona ngaphandle kwenhlangano yokukhiqiza esiyibiza ngokuthi yinkulungwane yeminyaka. Isibonelo, kukhona abanye abantu abangaphezu kwamashumi ayisishiyagalombili abanalo “mphefumulo weminyaka eyizinkulungwane”, le ndlela yokuba semhlabeni, kanti kukhona nabaneminyaka engamashumi amabili abangenayo, futhi empeleni baqinile futhi abavulekile indlela yokuphila.
Umbuzo: Ngabe uhlobene ngani nomshado othuthukile nocebile?
Impendulo: Kusuka kokuhlangenwe nakho kwami njengomelaphi womshado nowomndeni onelayisense kanye namashumi amathathu eminyaka yokuqeqeshwa kwenhlangano kanye nokuqeqeshwa kobuholi - cishe ingxenye eyodwa kwezintathu yezinkampani zamakhasimende ami ezingamabhizinisi aphethwe ngumndeni - inakho konke ukukwenza. Kunemibono emihlanu yemicabango yeminyaka eyinkulungwane enokuthintana nokuba nomshado onenjongo futhi onempilo.
Ukuzibophezela kokuphila impilo enenjongo
Ukugxila kumnyombo KUNGANI wokuphila, ohlobene nokusebenza ongena kuzo zonke izici zempilo ngenkathi usebenza ukuvuselela nokondla ubudlelwano obubalulekile.
Ukubonga okwenzeka empilweni
“Ukusebenza ukuze uphile ”uma kuqhathaniswa“ nokuphila ngokusebenzela ”kusho ukwazisa ukudlala / isikhathi samahhala nokwenqaba ukukuyeka ngenxa yemali eningi noma ukuthuthuka. Lokhu kudala umuzwa wobubanzi obukhulu empilweni nabo bonke ubudlelwano obuyisisekelo.
Ukwazisa ubudlelwane obukhiye ngaphezu kwesimo nemali
Umndeni, abalingani kanye nobungane yizindawo eziphambili zokugxila, ngaleyo ndlela zingenise umshado ngokunika isikhathi sokwenza izinkumbulo ezikhethekile ndawonye. Lokhu kusiza ekuvuseleleni ama-bond ngenkathi kwenza ophathina bazizwe bebaluleke kakhulu.
Ukufuna ukuphatha komuntu siqu
Ukukhula, ukuthuthuka, kanye "nokuba ngaphezulu", ngokuchema okusebenzayo ekufundeni.
Ukuveza izwi lomuntu
Inkolelo yokuthi yonke imibono ibalulekile futhi wonke umuntu unokuthile okuyigugu angabelana ngakho, ngakho-ke abalingani kulindeleke ukuthi bakhulume futhi banikeze ukuqonda, ukukhathazeka nemibono.
Umbuzo: Ungasho okuningi ngokubaluleka kokuzibophezela "enjongweni"?
Impendulo: Ukugxila kunhloso noma umongo wokuthi "kungani" kubalulekile emshadweni onothando nothuthukisayo. Ngenkathi ngisebenza ngasese angikaze ngibe nombhangqwana oza kimi uthi, "Gee, Dusty, izinto zihle kakhulu phakathi kwethu, size kuwe ukuzokwenza zibe ngcono kakhulu!" Bonke abashadikazi beza ukuthola ukwelulekwa ngemishado lapho kunezinhlungu ezanele nokungajabuli obekuzoba yikho: ukululekwa, ukubulala noma ukwelulekwa ngemishado, ngokubona owelaphi eyindlela engeyinhle kakhulu eya phambili! Engikuthola njalo ukulahleka okukhulu kombono kubo bobabili abantu ebudlelwaneni. Babengene emaphethini wokuxhumana ngendlela engafanele, ukusola, ukulimala, intukuthelo nokukhungatheka.
Imizamo yabo yokwenza izinto zibe ngcono yayisibe yingxenye yesimo esiqhubekayo sokungeneliseki ngisho nokungasebenzi kahle okukhulu! Ngenkathi ngithola abalingani ukuba babuyele emuva futhi bakhumbule uhlaka olukhulu lomshado wabo - okwakubadonse ndawonye, izindinganiso okwabelwana ngazo, ukwazisa, ukuthi kungani KUNGAKHO okwenze ukuthi bangene emshadweni wabo - singahlala sikwenzela iphethini ethuthukisiwe yokuxhuma nokuxoxa.
Isibonelo, ngenkathi mina nomkami uChristine sithembisana, sazi ukubaluleka kwalolu hlaka olukhulu, sahlala phansi sabhala inhloso eyinhloko yomshado wethu: ukuthi wayefunani kuwo futhi wayekudinga kimi nokuthi yini engangiyifuna kuwo futhi ngidinga kuye. Sibeka isitatimende senhloso esihlanganyelwe kupiyano. Yabe isetshenziswa ezifungweni zethu zomshado futhi sasivame ukubhekisa kuyo phakathi neminyaka eyishumi yokuqala yomshado, yaze yaba yinto yesibili kithina. Ngiyazi ukuthi ezikhathini eziningi ezibucayi eminyakeni yethu engamashumi amathathu sishadile, kube umbono obalulekile osigcine simunye futhi wasisiza sabuyela emseni nomunye nomunye.
Umbuzo: KULUNGILE, lokho kunengqondo, kuthiwani nge- umbono wokwazisa okwenzeka empilweni?
Impendulo: UJoseph Campbell, isazi esikhulu sezinganekwane kanye nencazelo yomuntu, uthe, "Lokho abantu abakufunayo ngempela umuzwa ojulile wokuphila." Uma ukhumbula lo mbono uyaqiniseka ukuthi ubeka isikhathi kokuhlangenwe nakho nomlingani wakho, nabathandekayo bakho nabangane obathandayo. Ngokwenza njalo, uqinisekisa ukuthi unakekela umphefumulo wakho futhi uzivulela ezikhathini zokucebisa ngokujulile. Lokhu kukhulisa hhayi kuphela ingxenye yakho edinga ukuhlukahluka futhi uzizwe uphila ngokwengeziwe, futhi kuhlanganisa izimpilo zabathandekayo ndawonye kokuhlangenwe nakho okwabiwe kanye nezinkumbulo ezondla kokubili inhliziyo nomphefumulo.
Umbuzo: Yebo, ukwazisa ubuhlobo obuyisisekelo kungenzeka kubaluleke emshadweni onempilo. Ngabe kukhona okunye ongafuna ukukusho ngombono weminyaka eyinkulungwane yesithathu?
Impendulo: Lokhu kumayelana nokugcina okuyikho njalo okuguqukayo ngokugxila. Ngenguquko, ngiqonde lokho okuyigugu kakhulu, okunenjongo ngokujulile, nokuhlala njalo. Kulula kakhulu ukulahleka ku- okwenziwayo Umbuso we-tit for tat, wezinto zansuku zonke, zokuthola nokuba nazo, zesimo nokuthi yini okwesikhashana. Njengomeluleki wobuholi nowenhlangano, manje ngisebenze nezinkampani ezingamakhulu amaningana nezikhulu ezingaphezu kwezinkulungwane eziyishumi. Sekukaningi ngibona ukubhidlika kwemishado nemindeni lapho ubudlelwano bunikelwa “kuma-altare” okuthuthuka emsebenzini kanye nezinga eliphakeme lapho ukusebenza kuhlala kuza kuqala ngenkathi kudla umphefumulo womuntu nesikhathi sokutshala imali ebudlelwaneni obuyisisekelo sagcina.
Iminyaka eyinkulungwane eyiqiniso ayizimisele ukwenza ukuthengiselana okunjalo kukadeveli. Umshado, ngemuva kwakho konke, udinga isikhathi ndawonye, ukutshala imali kumanyano ngokuhlangenwe nakho okwabiwe. Futhi kudinga ukuncoma izikhathi eziningi lapho ubhekene nengcindezi, inselelo, izilingo namaphutha. Mina nomkami sesineminyaka engamashumi amathathu sishadile futhi ngaleso sikhathi sinemishado okungenani engamashumi amathathu: ukusebenza kabusha, ukuxhuma kabusha, ukuvuselela nokubuyekeza ngokuhambisana nombono wokuqala, umqondo wethu oyinhloko enhlanganweni.
Umbuzo: Ungasho okuningi mayelana nokuthi kungani ukuveza izwi lomuntu kuyintokubalulekile emshadweni onempilo?
Impendulo: Lo mbono wemicabango yeminyaka eyinkulungwane empeleni umayelana nomqondo, “ngifanelwe ukuzwakala. Ukuzwa omunye nomunye kubalulekile. ” Ukuveza imizwa yakho kubalulekile ukuze ube nomshado ophilile nozinzile. Lapho umuntu ethule, engakhulumi, lapho intukuthelo iyakhula, ukuxhumana kuyancipha nothando luyancipha. Ukwabelana ngokusemqondweni kusho ukuthi abalingani kuzofanele babhekane neminye imizwa enzima, imicabango kanye nemibono. Kodwa-ke kuphela lapho sabelana ngezwi lethu nokuzwa lokho komunye lapho singaxhuma ngempela futhi sisondelene.
Ngezikhathi eziyinselele zenguquko esheshayo esiphila kuyo, kungasiza ukukhumbula amazwi kaJames Baldwin, "Akuyona yonke into ebhekene nayo engaguqulwa, kodwa akukho okungashintshwa kuze kubhekwane nakho. ” Ukubhekana nezinkinga, izidingo, izifiso, ukukhathazeka nokwehluka kombono nomlingani wakho kungenye yezinto ezibalulekile ekwakheni nasekusimamiseni umshado obalulekile, okhiqizayo novuselelayo.
Umbuzo: Kulungile, lokhu kuyasiza. Ngabe unaso iseluleko sokugcina kubafundi bethu?
Impendulo: Ngiyazi ngokuzibonela mathupha emshadweni wami futhi ngisebenza nabanye abaningi, ukuthi imibono emihlanu yeminyaka eyizinkulungwane ngenhla ibaluleke kakhulu kubo bonke ubudlelwano obubalulekile, ikakhulukazi emshadweni. Ngithole ukuthi kuyasiza ukuzibuza ngezikhathi ezithile bese wenza ngokuvumelana nalezi zeluleko:
Iyini injongo yomshado wakho? Zinike isikhathi sokucabangisisa nomunye wakho obalulekile ukuthi yini ngamunye wenu ayifunayo emshadweni nesizathu sokuba kanye nokuhlala ndawonye. Chaza bese uzibophezela enjongweni enkulu yenhlangano yakho.
Ngabe nizinika isikhathi sokuhlanganisa amava anenjongo ndawonye? Hlela futhi nenze isikhathi ndawonye ukuze nondle futhi nondliwe ngobudlelwano benu.
Ngabe uzwakalisa izwi lakho futhi wenzele owakwakho indawo? Yenza isikhathi masonto onke sokuhlala phansi umane wabelane ngokuphila okuphambili, okuningi okukhona enhliziyweni yakho. Mema othandekayo wakho ukuthi azokhuluma ngokusuka enhliziyweni yakhe futhi aqinisekise ukuthi konke okubaluleke kakhulu futhi okubalulekile kwabelwana ngakho futhi kuyaxoxwa. Prakthiza ukulalela okusebenzayo nokuhlola ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi nizwile ngokunembile.
Kunemibuzo emi-3 enamandla engiyincomayo:
Iyiphi into eyodwa engiyenzayo ofuna ukuqiniseka ukuthi ngiqhubeka ngiyenza ekondla wena kulobu budlelwano? Yini into eyodwa engingayenza ngokuhlukile engenza umehluko omkhulu kakhulu, yini into eyodwa engingayenza ukukusiza uzizwe usekelwa kakhulu noma uthandwa?
Dala okuhlangenwe nakho okungenakucimeka ndawonye ngokutholana okuhlangene, ukuzijabulisa nokuzidlalela. Hlakulela umqondo weminyaka eyizinkulungwane ukucebisa umshado wakho.