-Delile
"Asisakhulumi futhi" noma "sinenkinga yokuxhumana" yizimpendulo ezivame kakhulu engizizwa kubo bobabili abesilisa nabesifazane uma ngibuza "yini ekuletha ekwelashweni?" Impela kunezizathu eziningi eziyimbangela yalokhu futhi womabili amaqembu anenguqulo yawo yokuthi kungani lokhu kunjalo. Imibono nemizwa yabo ifanelwe ukucutshungulwa ngasikhathi sinye, kokubili ukuthola ukuqonda ngamandla ebudlelwaneni balo mbhangqwana nokuthi omunye akwazi "ukuzwa" futhi afunde ngomunye. Uprofesa wami oziphethe kahle ezinyangeni eziningi ezedlule wasebenzisa ibinzana elithi, "Yazi umgxeki wakho", engiwenzile.
Kepha, ungamazi kanjani umgxeki wakho, uma ungeke umuzwe engakwazi ukuhlanganyela ngokukhululekile, ngokuthembeka noma ngokuphepha? “Ukuzwa” kuyisici esiyinhloko sokuxhumana futhi, imvamisa, okushodayo ngenkathi umuntu ngamunye ezwa sengathi ukhuluma nodonga lwesaga.
Ukuba nendawo ephephile yokuxhumana
Esikhathini sami sokweluleka kuqala, ngibeka imithetho eyisisekelo okufanele icatshangwe ohambweni lokwazi nokuxhumana "nomgxeki wakho". Ngimema imibhangqwana ukuthi ibheke ukuthi kulula kanjani “ukuxhumana” nokuthi bazizwa beqiniswe kangakanani, lapho benendawo ephephile (ikhaya) lapho bengabelana khona ngamaphupho abo, izikhalazo, ukwesaba, ukwazisa nazo zonke ezinye izithako lokho kungena ebudlelwaneni nokuba ngumuntu.
Khumbula, "imizwa ayikaze ilunge noma ingalungile, kunjalo nje" futhi lapho benekhaya eliphephile abahlala kulo, imithetho ecacile, nengxabano iyancibilika.
Kuzwakala kulula! Kodwa-ke okokuqala, BONKE abantu kumele babe nobuciko bokususa ukusabela okuvamile okuhlanu emizweni yabalingani babo, okuvame ukubonwa ngezihlungi ezizimele (aka: "imithwalo" kanye "nezimbangela").
Indlela esemqoka yokwakha isikhala sokukhula, ukuqonda, uzwela kanye nozwela, kuvumela umlingani ngamunye ukuthi andise okwedlule ukwesaba kwabo, ukuzivikela kanye nokuphambuka. . . bonke abahlukanisi bemidlalo ukusondelana, ubudlelwane obuvikelekile ngokomzwelo futhi obufezayo.
Ikhaya eliphephile lezokuxhumana ALikwazi ukufaka:
- Isibonelo sokugxeka: “Anigculiseki neze. Awusoze wenza lutho kahle. ”
- Isibonelo esisolayo: “Yiphutha lakho ngoba awugcini isikhathi. ”
- Isibonelo sokuzivikela: “Angifuni ukukhuluma ngakho.” Angishongo lokho! ”
- Isibonelo se-Ego: “Ngiyazi ukuthi yini engcono kakhulu. Engikushoyo kuyenzeka ”
- Isibonelo sokwahlulela: “Wenza kanjalo ngoba uyidemokhrasi (i-republican).”
Yikes!
Yize kulula ukubona ukuthi sonke siya kanjani kunoma yiziphi noma zonke lezi zindawo zokucasha lapho umlingani wethu ezama ukuxhumana nezidingo zakhe, akufunayo noma akufisayo. Sizizwa sisongelwa. Kodwa-ke, amaklayenti abike umuzwa omkhulu wenkululeko, ubuqiniso kanye nelukuluku lokufunda kabanzi ngabo nangabalingani babo lapho izimpendulo ezizenzekelayo ze-knee-jerk (& primal) ze: ukugxeka, ukusola, ukuzivikela, ukuzazisa, nokwahlulela kususwa ekuhlanganyeleni okuhlosiwe ukubopha kunokuphula uthando.
Akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi ukwephula ukusabela okuzenzekelayo lapho "sizwa" sihlaselwa, kepha-ke uma sisebenzisa ukucabanga (ukuzazisa), kuba lula ukukhipha lezi zimpendulo ezilimazayo ekusebenzeleni injongo ephakeme ... Ubudlelwano obunothando obuningi, hhayi ukusho, umuzwa ophakeme wokuthula ngaphakathi.