-Delile
Umbhangqwana engiweluleke muva nje, uTonia noJack, bobabili asebeneminyaka engamashumi amane, babuye bashada iminyaka eyishumi futhi bekhulisa izingane ezimbili, banezipoki ebudlelwaneni babo bangaphambilini ezinomthelela ekukhulumisaneni kwabo.
Eqinisweni, uTonia unomuzwa wokuthi izingqinamba ayenazo emshadweni wakhe wokuqala kwesinye isikhathi zazisithibeza umbono wakhe ngoJack kangangoba waze wacabanga ukuqeda umshado wabo.
UTonia uyakhumbula: “UJack unothando futhi uqotho kakhulu kodwa kwesinye isikhathi ngiyakhathazeka ukuthi uzokhathala yizo zonke izinkinga zami bese evele ahambe. Sengathi ngilinde esinye isicathulo ukuthi sehle ngoba i-ex yami ingishiyile futhi nginokukhathazeka okuningi ngokuthi ngabe sizohlala yini. Siphikisana ngezinto ezingenangqondo futhi bobabili bazama ukufakazela ukuthi siqinisile. Lokhu kuholela emjikelezweni omubi wokuxabana nokuzama ukubukisana. ”
Ukulwa ngamandla
Ibhizinisi elingaqediwe elichazwa nguTonia lingaholela kalula ekulimaleni nasekulweleni amandla phakathi kwakhe noJack.
Bobabili bagxile kakhulu ekukholweni ukuthi baqinisile futhi bazama ukufakazela iphuzu. Ngenxa yalokhu, kubalulekile ukuqinisekisa ukuthi bazizwa bezwana omunye nomunye nokuthi baphendula ngendlela ebonakala “yamukelekile” kubo bobabili.
Ngokusho kukaDkt. UJohn noJulie Gottman, babhala iScience of Couples and Family Therapy “Bobabili abalingani kumele basebenzele ukuzuza komunye ukuze bakhe imethrikhi yokwethembana. Impendulo ayinikiwe ukuthola, kunikezwa nje ukunikeza. ” Ukuze uTonia noJack bazizwe bephephe ngokwanele ukuthi bangathembana, babambe iqhaza kubambiswano lwangempela lapho bobabili bethola khona izidingo zabo (kodwa hhayi zonke), kufanele bayeke ukuzama ukufakazela ukuthi balungile futhi baqede imizabalazo yamandla.
UTonia ukubeka kanjena: “Uma ngingaba sengozini kuJack futhi ngingakhathazeki ngokuba ngedwa noma ukwaliwa, izinto ziba ngcono kakhulu. Uyazi ukuthi nginezinkinga zokulahla ezingivimba ukuthi ngikwazi ukumtshela engikudinga kuye. Njengoba unkosikazi wakhe wokuqala emshiye eya kwenye indoda, unezinkinga zakhe ngokuthemba. Sobabili siyakwesaba ukusondelana ngezizathu ezahlukene. ”
Ekwenzeni Umshado Olula, UDkt. Harville Hendrix, noDkt. Helen LaKelly Hunt basikisela ukuthi ukungezwani kwezinto eziphikisanayo kuyisici esibalulekile semibhangqwana epholisa amanxeba obuntwana. Kungabanika amandla okwelapha "amabala aluhlaza" ebudlelwaneni bangaphambilini.
Kepha uma kuqondwa futhi kusingathwa ngendlela enempilo, izimpi zamandla zinganikeza imibhangqwana amandla okusebenza ezinkingeni futhi zingaba yisisekelo sokwakha ukuxhumana okuqinile nokuqina ngokomzwelo njengombhangqwana.
UDkt. Harville Hendrix noHelen LaKelly Hunt bayachaza, "Umzabalazo wamandla uhlala ubonakala ngemuva kokuphela" kothando lwamaRoma ". Futhi njengo "Uthando Lwezothando", "Amandla Omshikashika" unenhloso. Ukuhambisana kwenu ekugcineni yikho okuzokwenza umshado wenu ujabulise (uma nje seninqobe isidingo sobunye obunjalo). ”
Umshado wokubambisana
Uma umshado wakho ungubambiswano lweqiniso olunisizayo ukuthi nikhulisane njengabantu abathandanayo futhi nangabodwana, lungakusiza ukuqeda izingxabano zamandla. Lolu hlobo lomshado lunokwenzeka kuphela uma unokuhambisana nomuntu, zinikeleni ekwamukeleni ukungafani komunye nomunye futhi nikhule ndawonye.
Ukuba ne-chemistry nokuhambisana nomuntu oyedwa kungenzeka. I-Chemistry ukuxhumana okuyinkimbinkimbi ngokomzwelo noma ngokwengqondo phakathi kwabantu ababili futhi kungadala ukuthi umbhangqwana uzizwe unothando futhi uheha omunye komunye.
Ukuhambisana kungachazwa njengokuxhumana okuyiqiniso nomlingani omthandayo. Uyabathanda futhi uyabahlonipha ukuthi bangobani nokuthi baziphatha kanjani emhlabeni.
Ekuqaleni kobudlelwano, sithambekele ekuziboniseni okuhle kakhulu futhi sibona okuhle kuphela kozakwethu. Kepha leso sigaba se-honeymoon sihlala siphela, futhi kungadumazeka. Umlingani osekelwayo akusize uzulazule ezingalindelweni, nezimo zempilo eziguqukayo njengoba ubungozi bakho buvezwa futhi kuvela ukungaboni ngaso linye.
I-Chemistry ingakusiza ukumelana neziphepho zempilo, kepha ukuhambisana kukuvumela ukuthi uzibekele imigomo futhi uthole nencazelo eyabiwe ebudlelwaneni bakho. Namuhla, imibhangqwana eminingi ilwela ukuba ne- "Partnerhip Marriage" - umshado omkhulu ukwedlula umuntu ngamunye - obonakala ngemibhangqwana esizana ikhule futhi ikhule phakathi nobudala.
Ngokusho kukaHendrix noLaKelly Hunt, ukuphola kwamanxeba omunye nomunye wobuntwana kusenhliziyweni “Yomshado Wokubambisana.” Imibhangqwana engabalingani iyakwazi ukuxazulula izimpi zamandla futhi igweme ukusolana lapho ingaboni ngaso linye.
Eqinisweni, lapho abalingani bengavumelani, kungenzeka bafune ukuxhumana okujulile nokusekelwa komunye nomunye. Ngale ndlela, umbhangqwana uzothatha uhlangothi lomunye ngezikhathi zobunzima kunokukhombana ngeminwe noma ukuzama ukuthola amandla noma ukulawula.
Isibonelo, uJack angathanda ukuthola iziqu zebhizinisi futhi uyazi ukuthi uTonia ekugcineni angathanda ukuvula isikole esizimele esizimele esigxile ekusekeleni izingane ezine-autism nezinye izinkinga zobuntwana.
Ukufeza lezi zinhloso kuzodinga ukuthi basebenze ngokubambisana njengeqembu ukulekelelana nezingane zabo ezimbili ekuzifinyeleleni.
UJack ukubeka kanjena: “Ngenze amaphutha amaningi emshadweni wami futhi ngifuna ukuyeka ukugxila kokungalungile ngoTonia bese sisebenza ezinhlelweni zethu zokuphila impilo enhle ndawonye. Imvamisa lapho siqala ukuxabana, kungenxa yokuthi sobabili sinezinkinga ezivela esikhathini esidlule ezithinta indlela esiphatha ngayo omunye nomunye. ”
Ukugxila ekubeni nozwelo ikakhulukazi lapho udlula endaweni enzima emshadweni wakho noma ukuphinde ushade kungahamba kakhulu ekwakheni indawo ephephile engokomzwelo lapho nobabili ningaphumelela khona. Le netha yezokuphepha ingasiza ukukhuthaza ukusondelana nokuqonda ngaphandle kwabaphumelele nabaphumeleli (akekho onqobayo). Ubudlelwano buyaphumelela lapho nobabili nikhiqiza isisombululo ngaphakathi komongo wobudlelwano bothando.
Masiphethe ngamazwi amangalisayo ombhali uTerrence Real: “Umthetho: Ubudlelwano obuhle akuyona leyo lapho kugwenywa khona izingxenye zethu ezingavuthiwe. Ubudlelwano obuhle yibo lapho bephathwa khona. Futhi ubuhlobo obukhulu yibo lapho belashwa khona. ”