-Delile
- 1. Yamukela ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle
- 2. Thola izimpawu bese ukhuluma nomlingani wakho ngakho
- 3. Yeka ukuthatha konke uqobo
- 4. Khuluma nesazi
- 5. Khombisa ukwesekwa nothando kumlingani wakho
- 6. Yenza ukuzivocavoca kanye nokudla okunempilo kube yingxenye yenjwayelo yakho
- 7. Zama ukuba khona ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo engxenyeni yakho engcono
- 8. Khuluma nomlingani wakho ngesimo sabo
Ukudangala akufani nokudabuka kwansuku zonke. Isimo esihlukile somqondo, lapho konke kubonakala kungenathemba. Lapho umuntu ebhekene nokucindezeleka, bazoba nezimpawu ezahlukahlukene:
- Bazofuna ukusala bodwa
- Bazodla ngokweqile noma bangadli nhlobo,
- Ukungalali,
- Ukungahlaliseki,
- Imizwa yokungabi nalutho noma okungenamsebenzi,
- Izinkinga zokugaya ukudla,
- Ukukhathala,
- Inkinga yokugxila ezintweni ezijwayelekile,
- Imizwa yokuqhubeka ulusizi futhi ucabanga ukuzibulala.
Abantu bafuna izixazululo ezahlukahlukene zokwelapha ukudangala kwabo; abaningi bakhetha utshwala kanti abanye baqala ukudla imikhiqizo efana nokhula noma ama-shrooms, kepha kuncane noma kucishe kungabi bikho ukuqonda ezingxenyeni eziningi zomhlaba. Ngenxa yalokhu, abantu ababhekana nokudangala abaphathwa ngendlela okufanele baphathwe ngayo. Ngakho-ke. Ngiqoqe izindlela eziyi-8 zokubhekana nokudangala, kanye neziqephu zokudangala, ikakhulukazi uma uthandana nomuntu onenkinga nokudangala. Ngiyethemba ukuthi le ndatshana ekhuluma ngokudangala nobudlelwano ikusiza kakhulu njengoba yangisiza.
1. Yamukela ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle
Esinye sezinyathelo ezibaluleke kakhulu ekutholeni isisombululo sokubhekana nokudangala ukuthi ukwamukelwa. Izimpawu eziningi ezahlukahlukene ziyabonakala, kepha sivame ukungazinaki isikhathi eside bese sicabanga ukuthi zizozihambela zodwa. Siyehluleka ukuqonda ukuthi inkinga ingathatha isikhathi esithe xaxa ukuthi idlule kunalokho obekuthathe ukuza. Ngakho-ke, kubalulekile ukwamukela ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle.
Udinga ukukhumbula ukuthi kulungile ukugula. Noma ngubani angathola ukucindezeleka. Ungazibuzi, 'Kungani kwenzeka kimi?' noma uzibeke icala uthi, 'Ukudangala kwami konakalisa ubuhlobo bami.' Esikhundleni salokho, udinga ukugxila eqinisweni lokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nokudangala ebudlelwaneni. Yamukela ukuthi inkinga ifikile futhi uzolulama kulokhu kungekudala.
Kubalulekile futhi ukuthi oshade naye noma umlingani asize umlingani wakhe ekucindezelekeni ngothando, ukunakekelwa nokwesekwa okwanele.
2. Thola izimpawu bese ukhuluma nomlingani wakho ngakho
Uma ubhekene nokucindezeleka, kunezimpawu eziningi ezahlukene zokucindezeleka njenge:
- Ukukhathala njalo
- imizwa yokuphelelwa ithemba
- ukungabi nalutho
- ukuzihlukanisa
- intukuthelo
- ukukhungatheka
- ukuqwasha, nokunye okuningi
Njengoba wonke umuntu ehlukile, izimpawu zawo wonke umuntu olwa nokudangala ziza ngendlela eyehlukile.
Abantu abaningi ababhekana nokudangala bahlangabezana nazo zonke lezi zinto eyodwa ngasikhathi kwezinye izinsuku, futhi kwezinye izinsuku, bangathola uphawu olulodwa noma ezimbili kuphela. Khomba futhi ubheke zonke izimpawu zakho bese uqinisekisa ukuthi wazisa umlingani wakho. Isizathu kungaba ukucindezeleka ebudlelwaneni futhi.
Kwehluke kanjani ukuphola nomuntu onenkinga nokudangala?
Lapha, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi ukucindezeleka kubuthinta kanjani ubudlelwano. Izinto zingaba nzima. Ukukhuluma nomlingani wakho kuzobenza baqonde ukuthi ubhekene nani.
Njengomuntu onomlingani ohluphekayo, ukuthanda umuntu onokudangala kubuhlungu. Njengoba umlingani ehlala esezinhlungwini, ukukhulisa ukuxhumana kunzima kakhulu. Ngakho-ke, nobabili nizokwazi ukuxoxa nganoma yini edinga ukwenziwa ngokuqhubekayo ukubhekana nokudangala.
3. Yeka ukuthatha konke uqobo
Ukubhekana nokucindezeleka akuyona indlela elula yokuhamba. Lapho umuntu esecindezelekile, angaba semoyeni omubi ezinsukwini zakhe eziningi. Abantu ababazungezile kufanele babe namandla ngokweqile futhi bangathathi noma yini abayishoyo uqobo ngoba bamane bakhipha ukukhungatheka kwabo, ukwesaba, nentukuthelo yabo emilonyeni yabo; isikhathi esiningi, kungukukhuluma ngokudangala.
Ungamsiza kanjani oshade naye ocindezelekile?
Noma yini abayishoyo, yilalele ngomoya ophansi, wenze ngokuthula. Zama ukungaphenduli ngoba lokho kungaqala ingxabano. Batshele ukuthi uyaqonda, bese uyakudedela.
4. Khuluma nesazi
Kubalulekile ukuqinisekisa ukuthi wena nomlingani wakho niya kuchwepheshe ukuthola indlela yokunqoba ukucindezeleka. Umbono wochwepheshe uzohlinzeka ngombono omusha kunoma yini ebakhathazayo. Ukukhuluma nochwepheshe mayelana nenye ingxenye yakho ohlangabezana nokudangala kungakusiza uqonde ukuthi badlula kuphi futhi mhlawumbe ngandlela thile kusize ekuqiniseni ubudlelwano bakho nabo.
Kwesinye isikhathi kunzima ukwethemba uchwepheshe wabantu. Kepha qiniseka ukuthi usiza umlingani wakho ukuthi abathembe ukuze noma yini eyenzekayo kubo iphume ohlelweni lwabo, futhi bazizwe bengcono. Isazi singakuqondisa nokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nokudangala ebudlelwaneni ukuze ugcine ubuhlobo bunempilo futhi buhle.
5. Khombisa ukwesekwa nothando kumlingani wakho
Uma uhlala nomlingani ocindezelekile, qiniseka ukusekela yonke imibono ehlukene abakujikijela yona. Ukucindezeleka kungaba lapha ngenxa yezizathu eziningi ezahlukahlukene, okungenzeka ukuthi bakugcinela imfihlo.Ngakho-ke, into enkulu ongabenzela yona ukuthi ube nobungane futhi ubonise ukwesekwa.
Ungabenza bajoyine iqembu lokusekelwa lapho abantu abahlukene bexoxa izindaba ezahlukahlukene ngokuthi baphume kanjani ekucindezelekeni kwabo ukuze babakhuthaze futhi babe nethemba lokuthi bazokwazi ukuphuma kulolu suku olulodwa.
6. Yenza ukuzivocavoca kanye nokudla okunempilo kube yingxenye yenjwayelo yakho
Ukudangala kuyisifo sengqondo, kepha izici eziningi zomzimba zempilo yakho nazo zingakuthinta. Isibonelo, ukudla kwakho kudlala indima ebaluleke kakhulu empilweni yakho yengqondo. Ukulandela i- ukudla okunempilo nokulinganisela kahle kungasiza ekulweni nokudangala. Kungaba ngcono uma nawe uzama ukwengeza ukuzivocavoca umzimba enkambisweni yakho.
Ungayiboleka kanjani imali ngenkathi uhlala nomlingani ocindezelekile?
Ukuthola isisusa sokuzivocavoca kungaba yinselele ngokwanele kumuntu ophilile, futhi kothile obhekana nokudangala, kungaba yinto engenakwenzeka. Qiniseka ukuthi ukuzivocavoca nomlingani wakho njengoba leso kungaba yisikhathi esihle sokuphumula futhi ukhulume nganoma yini ekukhathazayo noma eyabo.
7. Zama ukuba khona ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo engxenyeni yakho engcono
Uma umlingani wakho kufanele abhekane neziqephu zokudangala, akufanele bahlale bodwa. Lapho becindezelekile, kungazizwa kabi ukuthembela komunye umuntu. Bangazizwa sengathi uyabalimaza futhi bayeke ukuthembela kuwe.
Hhayi-ke, amalungu omndeni nabangane bakho bangempela bazoba khona lapho noma nini lapho wena noma umlingani wakho ocindezelekile ubadinga. Ngeke neze bazizwe kabi uma ubacela usizo. Lapho umlingani wakho eyedwa, bangaqala ukucabanga ngezinto ezincane ngisho bese bejula bajule emgodini wokudangala. Ngenkathi, uma benomuntu obazungezile, bangahlala bekhuluma ngezinto ezenzeka emakhanda abo futhi bathole nezixazululo indlela yokunqoba ukucindezeleka. Ngakho-ke, kubalulekile ukuba khona kwengxenye yakho engcono ngokwengqondo nangokomzimba.
8. Khuluma nomlingani wakho ngesimo sabo
Uma umlingani wakho enezimpawu zokudangala, lapho-ke khuluma nomlingani wakho nganoma yini ababhekene nayo. Khumbula ukuthi ukucindezeleka kungaba yinto efanayo kubo njengoba kwenzeka nakuwe. Ungahle ungaqondi ukuthi babhekene nani noma ukuthi imizwa yabo izoba kanjani. Ngakho-ke, qiniseka ukuthi uzifundisa wena kuqala nangesimo sabo, izimpawu, nanoma yini abazobe bebhekene nayo.
Uzakwethu udlala indima enkulu ekuphakamiseni umlingani abhekane nokudangala. Kule vidiyo engezansi, u-Esther Perel uthi kubalulekile ukuthi umlingani abekhona kumlingani wakhe futhi abaqinisekise ukuthi bebengenjalo njalo.
Ukukuhlanganisa konke, ukucindezeleka kunganqotshwa ngokusekelwa, uthando nokunakekelwa. Ngakho-ke, qiniseka ukuba khona kunoma ngubani ophethwe yingcindezi ngoba kungabasiza babuyele empilweni abayifanele.